Hello there! Hope nobody thought that I've abandoned this baby! I'm finally back from my vacation, and here I present you chapter 7 of "The Window".
Warnings: Angst and possible frustration at a certain redhead.
When the man with the scarred face finally pulled up directly in front of them, Ichigo was surprised to find himself looking into a pair of warm slate-grey eyes. He felt slightly ashamed, because he had expected the guy to look tougher and meaner, given his bad-boy looks and all. Up close, the man didn't look that much older after all; in fact, Ichigo suspected that they could very well be of the same age.
Shuuhei's eyes lingered only briefly on Ichigo's face, during which he actually gave the orange-haired boy a small smile, before they settled on Renji.
"Hi," Shuuhei said. His voice was low, and Ichigo thought he detected a hint of nervousness in it.
Renji continued to glare. "What are you doing here?"
Ichigo felt the tension thicken around the three of them, and he was painfully aware that he was the outsider.
"I just want to —" Shuuhei began, but he was cut off before he could finish his sentence.
"I don't give a fuck about what you want," Renji spat, his tone sharper than Ichigo had ever heard. "Get the fuck out of my sight."
Shuuhei looked stricken, and Ichigo cringed unconsciously. "Renji, please," Shuuhei pleaded, blushing slightly. "You have no idea how hard I've been looking for you, after you left so suddenly, I —"
Ichigo heard a sharp intake of breath before Renji said, through gritted teeth from the sound of it, "Don't you dare —"
Time to get his ass out of there.
Ichigo cleared his throat, and the other two teenagers whipped around to stare at him. "I'm gonna…uh…go," he said, feeling awkward as hell. He had no part in this, and definitely did not want to hear any more than he already had.
Renji's piercing glare softened just a tiny bit, which, Ichigo supposed, was the closest to an apology for the situation as he was going to get from the redhead. Giving Shuuhei a hasty glance, Ichigo walked away, feeling so curious that he thought his head would explode, and not to mention annoyed at Shuuhei's impeccable timing.
Now, his conversation with Renji would have to wait, and to be honest, Ichigo didn't know how long long he could last under all that suspense.
Shuuhei watched the orange-haired teen leave, his chest tightening with a mixture of relief and guilt for practically chasing Renji's friend away. He was glad that the boy had the tact to give them their much-needed privacy; it was difficult enough for him to bring up the courage to see his ex, and this stranger's presence only made it worse.
He wasn't the least surprised by Renji's reaction; he'd deserved it, after all. In fact, he should be thankful that Renji even spoke to him at all. Once the other boy was out of earshot, he turned back to Renji and pressed on, his words gushing out in a determined effort to finish speaking before Renji could cut him off again. "I'm really sorry, Renji, I've been meaning to say this…." He balled his fists as he forced himself to look into the slitted eyes in front of him. "I know I have no right to come here after what I did, but…when Yamada-kun said he found you, I couldn't resist…"
So that's how he knew to come here, Renji thought as he eyed his former lover. This was the first time he saw Shuuhei after he walked in on the man. The bastard hadn't changed one bit aside from the ridiculous, obviously-new tattoo on his cheek. Shuuhei was right when he said that he had no right to come here, but here he was, looking every bit as gorgeous as Renji remembered.
Renji swallowed around a lump that had formed in his throat. He was furious — at Shuuhei for showing up like this, but most of all, at himself. The sudden gush of warmth that flooded his insides was unmistakable; he had failed, thoroughly and completely failed. Even after all the pain that he'd gone through, and despite his efforts to erase those memories and feelings within himself, the mere sight of Hisagi Shuuhei stung like salt water on a freshly re-opened wound and made him melt in a way he didn't want to. He couldn't believe it; he thought he'd managed to convert all of that into hatred for the man— and he had, to a certain extent — but now that Shuuhei was standing in front of him in the flesh, he knew he'd failed. He had not healed one bit.
He was so angry, so frustrated that he wanted to scream, but he didn't. Instead, he just stood there, his body shaking slightly from his effort to keep himself still and on his feet.
How had it come to this? Not for the first time since that painful moment more than six months ago, Renji found himself wondering. They'd been the perfect couple — or so he'd thought, along with everyone else around them — the brain and the brawn of their high school. Shuuhei was smart, his IQ score high enough to qualify for a school for the gifted, yet he remained humble and down-to-earth, and chose to stay at a regular school. Renji, on the other hand, was athletic, excelling in every sport he got his hands on, bringing in award after award for the school. They were as different as the moon and the sun, yet they were drawn to each other like two sides of a magnet. It wasn't love at first sight or anything particularly romantic; they just bonded as they grew up together as classmates all the way since elementary school. By the time they recognized their feelings for what it was, they were already well into their mid-teens.
Yet, Shuuhei had ended up doing the unthinkable.
"Leave me alone, Shuuhei," Renji finally said, suddenly feeling tired under the weight of unwanted memories and emotions.
Shuuhei reached out to grab his ex's hand, but managed to catch himself at the last minute. "I just...wanted to say I'm sorry."
Renji chuckled humorlessly. The idea of a verbal apology for such an act was laughable; he couldn't imagine Shuuhei actually believing that it would make any difference besides being an insult.
"I know," Shuuhei murmured, his voice thick with regret. "I know it's useless."
Something in Shuuhei's tone twisted Renji's gut, and the redhead felt a fresh wave of anger ripple through his veins. "You're right," he snapped, deciding that it was time to end this pointless conversation. "It's useless, so do me a favor and leave."
There was a long moment of silence before Shuuhei finally slumped his shoulders in defeat. But still he remained rooted on the spot, unable to tear his eyes away from the friend whom he'd been searching for over the past few months.
In the end, it was Renji who moved first. Pulling himself up to his full height, he rolled his eyes at Shuuhei and walked away while Shuuhei stared at his back helplessly.
When Renji got home that day, he did something that he never expected he would do. After tossing his bag carelessly on the floor, he went into his father's room and carried the full length mirror that was propped against one wall into his own room.
It had been more than six months since Renji last looked at his own body properly in a mirror. It was weird, looking at it again after so long. The tattoos were jagged and arranged symmetrically over his chest and arms, the lines sharp and neat.
Renji traced the patch on his left chest right where his heart was. That had been for their first kiss. It had been a clumsy, rather awkward affair, since they were both inexperienced and young at the time. They'd been studying, he remembered, studying together in Shuuhei's living room. His parents were both working, and the boys had the entire house to themselves.
They were pouring over the chemistry periodic table, their heads so close that their hair brushed against each other. And then, somehow, they happened to look up at the same time. It was nothing spectacular; they'd simply leaned closer and closer, and then, almost experimentally, their lips met. Renji remembered laughing into Shuuhei's mouth, and then suddenly he was crawling over the coffee table over to Shuuhei's side and they'd ended up on the carpeted floor. There was plenty of tongue and even more saliva — rather gross in retrospect — but it had been memorable. Two weeks after that, they strolled into a tattoo parlor near their school, and the rest was history.
His mouth curled up unconsciously at the memory, and his palm moved over to his right chest to a patch that mirrored the one on his left. That was for their first time in bed, where they'd given each other their virginity. It was — again, in retrospect — quite messy, because all they knew was what they read in magazines and what they saw in porn, and seriously, watching was much easier than actually doing it in real life. Shuuhei had bought lube and condoms — that was a funny story in itself, and had been very, very careful, but it still hurt like hell at first. After fumbling around for a good half hour trying to find a more comfortable position — not to mention throwing in a lot of kissing and groping to serve as distraction, Shuuhei had managed to find Renji's sweet spot by sheer luck and neither of them lasted very long after that.
Renji closed his eyes and exhaled, his head throbbing in time to his rapid heartbeat. It was times like this when he almost wished that he hadn't stopped by Shuuhei's apartment that fateful afternoon. At the thought, his blood immediately began to boil again, and then, with a growl of frustration, he sat up abruptly and pulled on a fresh turtleneck shirt, covering his body once more.
He would not let his effort be for nought. The whole reason he had packed up and left his hometown so suddenly was to avoid the temptation to take Shuuhei back; it had always been a precarious battle between his desire for the man and his pride and principles, and he had no intention to let the scale tip in the favor of what he had been working so hard to stop.
"Which part of leave me the fuck alone don't you understand?" Renji hissed into Shuuhei's face when the teen approached him again the next day.
Ichigo stood a few feet away, torn between walking away and staying. Shuuhei had been waiting in the shade under the tree right outside the school compound, and Renji had gotten riled up the moment he set eyes on the dark-haired teen. Ichigo wanted to leave them alone like the day before, but his morbid sense of curiosity glued his body to the spot.
Shuuhei flicked a quick glance in Ichigo's direction before whispering, "Please, I'm begging you…just give me a few minutes..."
"It's. Not. Happening. Get that into your stubborn skull and get the fuck out of here!" Renji spat. Last night's "reminiscence" had put him in a very, very bad mood.
"Renji —" Shuuhei began, but the redhead simply pushed past him.
When Renji realized that Ichigo was still frozen in place, he turned around and glared at him. "You comin' or what?"
Ichigo snapped out of it and jogged to catch up with the redhead. He was still unsure of what was going on between Shuuhei and Renji, but he had noticed by now that the hostility was pretty much one-sided. He felt bad for the guy, although he suspected that Renji probably had a good reason to be so pissed at him. He wished he knew what the whole fiasco was about, but he had a feeling Renji wasn't going to tell him any time soon. He'd just have to figure it out on his own.
Shuuhei frowned as the two boys rounded the corner and disappeared from his sight. He had no problem facing his ex-boyfriend's fury, but he didn't appreciate having an audience. Looking around, he realized with dismay that the orange-haired kid wasn't the only one gawking at the scene; there were several girls standing by the gate, looking at him with openly-curious eyes, and there was an old man sitting on a bench a little further away. His face was turned away right now, but Shuuhei could've sworn that he was looking in his direction just a split second ago.
Obviously, trying to the catch the redhead outside his school was not such a great idea after all.
Renji was surprised when Shuuhei didn't show up the next day, and the day after next, and the day after that. He was mostly relieved, but he would be lying to himself if he said he didn't feel disappointed. Shuuhei had seemed so sincere, even frantic; Renji actually felt kind of insulted that his ex had apparently given up after just two tries. What a joke.
He had a shift at the ramen shop after school that day, so he walked home alone after work, smelling like a simmering pot of garlic and sesame.
He had been ready to tell Ichigo about Shuuhei and the story of his tattoos until Shuuhei showed up. Now, with his mind freshly scrambled, he wasn't up for the conversation anymore. He needed to settle this problem, to set his mind straightened out before he begin exploring this new thing with Ichigo; it didn't feel right to start anything under the current circumstances. But he couldn't exactly explain all this to Ichigo without giving too much away, so he could only watch and cringe inwardly whenever he caught the look of anticipation and disappointment in the boy's eyes. He knew Ichigo was waiting for him.
He had just entered his house and was about to go upstairs for a shower when the doorbell suddenly rang. Without thinking, he answered the door — and found himself staring into a pair of wide grey eyes.
"I thought I made it pretty clear that I don't want to see you," Renji growled as he eyed his former lover up and down.
The raven-haired teen sucked in a deep breath but didn't look surprised, obviously expecting a greeting like that. "Give me a second chance, just one more chance," Shuuhei said softly. "I promise I'll never hurt you again."
Renji snorted. "Do you realize how pathetic you sound?"
"Yes, but I don't care," Shuuhei replied at once, his voice broken yet determined at the same time. He stepped closer. "I love you, Ren, you know that."
Renji's chest constricted at the simple statement, and his fingers tightened their grip on the door frame; he hadn't heard that for a long time, and he wasn't prepared for how much it shook him to hear Shuuhei say that again.
The redhead's moment of hesitation didn't escape Shuuhei's attention, and he latched onto that immediately. "I really do love you, I never stopped loving you."
Renji blinked and said stiffly, "But I don't love you anymore." And then he stood there at the door frame and watched Shuuhei's face fall.
"I don't believe you," Shuuhei whispered, sounding genuinely hurt. "It's only been six months."
"You fucking cheated on me. I think that justifies my change of heart?" Renji said sarcastically, almost laughing in disbelief at Shuuhei's shock.
For a moment, Shuuhei looked like a deflated balloon, and then the next thing Renji knew, he was suddenly stumbling backwards into his living room, nearly knocked over by a strong shove.
"Hey!" he yelled indignantly as Shuuhei stepped across the threshold of the front door. The boy's chest was heaving, his breathing ragged, his face flushed.
"I don't believe you," Shuuhei repeated flatly.
Renji scowled and straightened up. "I don't remember inviting you inside," he said, stepping forward, his hands poised to push Shuuhei out the door if it came to that. "Get the fuck out of my house."
Shuuhei stopped in his tracks, but showed no sign of leaving. Renji let out an annoyed grunt and grabbed the front of his ex-boyfriend's shirt. "Get out," he said as calmly as he could, and pushed Shuuhei towards the door. His eyes widened when Shuuhei's hand shot up to wrap around his wrist.
"Prove it to me," was the last thing Renji heard before he was suddenly yanked forward. He felt a hand close around his waist and didn't even have time to react before his mouth was claimed roughly.
Un-fucking-believable. Even in his shocked state, somehow Renji's mind managed to process that this was the second time he was forcibly kissed within a week, and then he felt a brush of a wet tongue on his lips, and to his horror, his brain began to shut down under the assault of the unique, familiar taste of the man he had once loved so fiercely.
He felt his lower lip being tugged between Shuuhei's parted lips, and then there was another firm brush of tongue against lips and Shuuhei was suddenly inside his mouth, licking and sucking on his lips like he used to do. The sense of familiarity that washed over him hit him like a tidal wave, and he felt his defenses begin to crack. His shock gave way to ripple of arousal through his limbs, and he couldn't help but moan against Shuuhei's lips.
"I love you," Shuuhei murmured into the kiss, and then both of his hands went to Renji's hips. "I love you, Ren, I love you. Please come back."
Ichigo leaned his cheek on his knuckles as he stared blankly at the opened notebook laid out in front of him. He had read and re-read the questions for goodness-knows-how-many times, yet he still had no idea what the words meant, much less how to solve the problem. His head was filled with thoughts of Renji and the boy with the scarred face.
He didn't like the idea, but he thought he knew who Shuuhei was — the way the boy looked at Renji and the way Renji reacted were not hard to decipher; Ichigo just didn't want to think about it. Someone up there must not like him very much to send Renji's former lover here right now, right when Ichigo had a chance with the redhead.
Ever since Shuuhei showed up, Renji had shown no indication of wanting to continue their interrupted conversation, and Ichigo didn't feel like bringing it up during such an awkward time. It was beyond painful; Ichigo was so tempted to just say "fuck it" and plow forward, but he didn't want to ruin things before it even started. He had finally accepted that he had feelings for his red-haired neighbor, and the thought of someone else with the same feelings — with a history, no less — pursuing Renji at the same time unnerved him, especially someone as hot as Shuuhei.
Ichigo recognized attractiveness when he saw it, and to say that Shuuhei was attractive was an understatement. Even with the horrendous scars, the boy was handsome; he carried the rugged bad-boy look well, it wasn't forced and didn't look stupid. If Ichigo was completely honest with himself, he actually thought that Shuuhei and Renji looked perfect together.
The only thing that made him feel better was the fact that Renji was pushing the guy away.
To be continued...
Thank you for reading! :D
