Within the library are fluorescent lights all lined along the ceiling in a conspiracy to make every student who is trying to read or finish their essays before the next period fall asleep.
One of the only few students who wasn't knocked out with drool dripping on the text in front of him was Edd. He had the school's Environmental Science textbook in front of him, flipped to the page starting the chapter about climate change, his eyes gazing over the printed words, subconsciously wishing that climate change would worsen by that one degree it warned about just so there would be floods and droughts that would stop this winter weather from happening.
Edd wasn't actually growing an irrational hate towards the winter. He was probably just tired after what happened while presenting his class project earlier that day. It was a power point he had created and was ready with note cards to be presented in at least two weeks in advance, but the night before, Eddy claimed that he needed to see the project himself and make a few minor adjustments that would sell the entire thing to the class. Edd wasn't sure what they needed to be selling to the class, but he was sure that the class didn't want to buy anything after seeing a presentation about why this upcoming Saturday would be the best night of their lives if they went to Winter Formal with Eddy (with some occasional additions from Ed about how he ran into the turkey from 'Thankskilling' over his Winter Break.) The presentation was suppose to be in relation to the themes that could be found in 'Wuthering Heights' and even though Edd was on a roll when he tried explaining that Edd would be a good date to Winter Formal because he had the combination of Heathcliff's "dangerously attractive free spirit" and Edgar Linton's "practical, enduring love", Edd knew it was best just to give up and stand behind his friends with his note cards in his hands when it was obvious that the rest of the class wasn't buying it when he explained that Ed's meetings with the 'Thankskilling' turkey were paralleled to the ghostly encounters with Catherine's spirit in the novel.
So maybe Edd wasn't actually growing an irrational hate towards the winter, but he would rather let himself develop one towards nature than to people who were important to him.
With only thirty-five minutes given for the students to eat and relax during lunch, Edd isolated himself in the library where the indoor heater kept him warm and the books gave him company. It was only two more classes until school ended and two more days until the weekend.
"Hey, boyfriend."
Edd looked up from the textbook and saw an alluring smile and half-lidded eyes that were smudged with trademark blue eye shadow. "Salutations, Marie."
He immediately returned his attention back to his book and continued scanning through the passages about greenhouse gases trapped in the atmosphere. Marie, although her bangs covered it, rose an eyebrow. The way Edd had calmly greeted her and just went back to his book was too calm. He was suppose to be frightened, jump up from his chair, start shaking in his socks, treat her as though she was the monster hiding under his bed the entire time. She liked the way he was afraid of her because it told her that he was alert when it came to her and was always on his toes when she was near and, even though it may be for all the wrong reasons, thought about her. After all, to survive from your fears you had to understand them and that was the exact reason why Marie liked Edd so much, because he understood her. But the Edd that she found sitting in the library alone reading was not the Edd she knew.
Marie sat down on the edge of the library table and then slowly fell backwards so she was laying on it. She slid across the table so her legs were no longer dangling off the side and she turned so she was on her side, posing so her curves were visible even under the awful library light. "So, I was just wondering if you still needed someone to go to Winter Formal with this Sat-"
When she looked up, Edd was gone.
Edd had closed his textbook and walked between the bookshelves, trying to find where he had found it so he can place it back. With a huff, Marie sat back up straight on the table, jumped off, and followed after him.
He separated two books from next to each other and slid the Environmental Science textbooks in between them. Marie's red painted nails reached for the spine of the book Edd just put back, taking it off the shelf, and throwing it down on the ground. Edd stared at the fallen book, then at Marie, and then when he bent his knees to reach down and pick up the book, Marie pushed the book down and out of his hands before he could stand back up.
"Marie," Edd was becoming annoyed. All he wanted to do was put the book back. "What are you-"
"Can you stop?" Her voice reached a squeak as she whined. She looked around, seeing that she and Edd were the only ones within that aisle of books, and then stared at Edd with a squinted eye. "Because it's getting me really jealous and you know bad things happen when I'm jealous."
Edd picked up the book off the ground and put it back in the shelf quickly before Marie can knock it from his hands again. "I'm afraid that I do not know what you ordain me to cease."
Marie laughed loudly at this. Edd turned his face away from her, wanting to leave, but she was blocking him from leaving the bookshelf aisle and then other way was blocked by a wall. "You so know what I'm talking about," Marie took a step closer to Edd, making him take a step back. "You woke up this morning. Alone. You walked to school today. Alone. You're spending your lunch in the library. Alone. You are alone, Double D, and this is the most alone you have ever felt in your life. Why? Because for some good portion of your life, you were actually spending your life with someone close to you. And even if you treated that someone like a luxury... Even though you were able to just live your life before, they made your life better while they were in it, but you knew that they were just a luxury and that you won't always have them and you prepared yourself for when you wouldn't have them anymore and when you'd get back to your basic life again- but even all that, once you have something and it's gone, it's gone and that something becomes nothing and nothing can remove that feeling of emptiness when it was once filled."
Edd gulped.
"And we all know, Double D," even though her words her hitting hard with Edd, Marie rolled her eyes as though this was all just normal conversation to her. "We all know that luxury and someone you can't stop thinking about was and is Kevin." She put a hand on his shoulder, at first cautious to see if he would immediately take it off, but he let her give her touch of consideration. "And it's okay. We all know people we consider a luxury and we're all afraid of losing them, but even when we lose them, or even if we know we'll never get to have that luxury, that can't stop us from trying to get something... Better."
At this point, Marie was beginning to wonder if Edd was getting the hints to her referring to herself. She gently put her other hand on his other shoulder and took another step closer to him. This time Edd didn't take a step back. He was looking away with his eyes casted down, lingering in his thoughts that were swirling in their own hurricane. Marie was now she close to him that she could feel his breath on top of her's. "Now, Double D," she looked at him, batting her eyelashes. "If you want to talk about it, perhaps with someone who is better and much closer to you-"
"Thank you, Marie, but actually, I would prefer not to." Edd slowly pried her fingers off his shoulders, but when he took a step to the side of Marie to walk past her and away, she took a step to her side and blocked him from walking away. "Excuse me, Marie, but may you kindly-"
"No." She stood planted from where she was standing. This was going to be just like the time when she went fishing with May and Lee and her line started moving, a sign of her bait working and getting a fish, but it only disappointed her by disappearing as soon as she began reeling in. She had been so close to getting the fish. But of course, knowing Marie, as soon as the fish let go of her line, Marie jumped out of the boat and tried to get the fish out with her bare hands instead. Now that Edd was trying to escape from Marie's grasps after failing to fall for her sentimental approach, Marie was going to do the same thing she did to the fish. "I am not going to let you get out of this one, Double D."
"But Marie, it would be most-"
"No."
"May you just-"
"I'm going to scream if you keep trying-"
"Marie, please consider that we are in a library-"
"I'm going to scream-"
"Please don't-"
"I'm screaming-"
"Marie-"
"NO, DOUBLE D," Marie was a girl who knew how to scream, and her screamed filled the entire library and echoed past the open doors and through the school hallways. "WE ARE IN A LIBRARY. NO, I WILL NOT TAKE MY PANTS OFF FOR YOU-"
Edd's eyes widened at the sound of her shrieks. He immediately covered her mouth with both hands, muffling the sound as much as he could. As soon as Marie felt Edd's hands on mouth, she smiled and playfully let her tongue escape her lips and lick his palm. The feeling of her saliva on his hands just made Edd cringe and yelp out loud, disgusted at the bacteria that was on his hands and on her tongue, and take his hands off of her. He grabbed Marie by her arms and moved her from where she was standing, pulling her further into the aisle and pushing her against the wall on the other side. Edd wiped his hands dry on the side of his pants, having to satisfy himself with that for now. He looked up at Marie and saw a sly smile on her face.
Seeing that smile automatically made Edd understand how his actions made everything seem even more inappropriate, so then he turned around and peeked his head out of the aisle. The students who were working and the students who were sleeping were now awake and staring directly at him. The sight of it made Edd's face turn pale. "M-my apologies!" He said out loud, but then remembering that he was in a library, dropped his voice into a whisper that was still loud enough for them to hear. "I-I'm not- sh-she's a-actually not- we aren't d-doing anything-"
He gave up. Edd turned back around at Marie, wanting to grip his hands around her throat but didn't because he knew that would probably give her more passage to cover him with her spit. "Why," He was so disgusted that he couldn't even think of the words to say. "Whyyyyyyyyyyyyy..."
Marie looked at Edd and smiled. Now there was the Edd she knew. She pressed her back against the wall and then slid down. Once she was sitting on the floor, she patted on the floor space next to her.
Edd stared at the space next to her, at first reluctant to sit there. He supposed that, knowing Marie, there were probably worst things she would do to him if he didn't obey.
When he sat down on the floor, sitting as close to the other bookshelf as he could and away from Marie, Marie only scooted closer to him. "Okay," Marie sat with one knee up and the other leg stretched out in front of her. "Let's talk."
Edd brought his knees to his chest and wrapped his arms around his legs to form a sort of protective shield in case Marie tried doing anything to him. "W-what do you wish t-to converse about?"
"Oh, come on, Double D." She rolled her eyes. "I saw the way you looked down and had that look in your eyes when I said his name. It's obvious you still think about that guy. Heck, if you think about him even more, you might get gingivitis " Marie looked at Edd to see if he understood her ginger joke, but he was more just confused as to why that would make any sense. She looked down and softly nudged Edd with her elbow. "Kevin." She was trying not to let him see that she was wishing she was saying her own name. "You still think about Kevin."
Just the mention of Kevin's name made Edd bite down on his bottom lip. He looked down at the fabric of his cardigan sleeves, and then back at Marie. "I suppose."
"So why'd you guys call it a quits?"
"Because," Edd took a moment to form the words. "He was the one who gave the chance and I was the one who took it and... Well, it was great when it was just us, splendid and spontaneous, but whenever we mentioned Ed or Eddy or any of his friends... Then... Well, then it began to feel as though either he was holding me back from my friends, or I was holding him back from his friends. It felt terrible. It was as though it was either Kevin, or Ed and Eddy-"
"So then you chose yourself." Marie finished Edd's sentence. That wasn't what Edd was actually going to say, but hearing it made him realize that was what he was actually doing. Because it seemed like he wasn't going to say anything else, Marie continued, "Listen, I think it's great that you chose yourself, even though any idiot can tell that choosing between your friends and Kevin is a little drastic. I mean, it's possible to have both if you really wanted both, you just gotta work it out somehow or you're gonna end up being bad influences to each other like Sid and Nancy. But choosing yourself's a good option for now, I think, especially when you've basically spent a good portion of your life with the biggest fucker ever." She shrugged with a look in her eye apologizing for keeping the truth known. And then she tried to add, "Oh, but don't think you can stay with this choice forever cause, well, you know, you've got someone here who really, really likes you and doesn't want you to stay alone-"
Edd, still caught up in what she was saying earlier, cut her off. "Kevin is not as disrespectful as you say he is." He paused before continuing to see if Marie would be upset with him speaking in the middle of whatever she was saying, but she waited for him to continue. "Well, what I mean to say is that I would not consider him 'the biggest fucker ever.'" Hearing Edd say the word 'fucker' would forever be embedded in Marie's memory and what she would go to sleep hearing in her head. "Sure, what he wrote on my locker a few weeks ago was obscene, and the time we spent together was an awful trick, but-"
"Wait." Marie sat up straight and put a hand on Edd's knee to make him stop talking. "Kevin wasn't the one I was calling the biggest fucker in your life." She stared at Edd in both surprise and confusion. "And Kevin most definitely is not the one who tagged your locker."
Edd felt all air and thought inside of him completely disappear. "What?"
"No, no, no, no, no," She turned to face Edd and adjusted her legs so she was sitting directly in front of him with her legs crossed. "Kevin wasn't the one who sprayed 'fag' on your locker. It was Ed and Eddy."
And it was at that moment when it all started to make sense to Edd. He could hear Eddy's voice calling him a fag yelling, "You don't have nay standpoint because there's no point of having one!" Was Eddy trying to make Edd put aside the tagging at that very moment for a reason other than to focus on getting a date to Winter Formal? Edd could also could hear Kevin's voice repeating in his head. When Kevin had visited him after school the day his locker was vandalized: "If I could beat up the guys who did that to you, you know I would." And that night they were at the party, right before he and Kevin had their last conversation: "Ed and Eddy are even bigger assholes than the entire basketball team combined. You don't deserve to be associated with those douches for what they've done to you." Kevin knew this entire time. Kevin knew this entire time that it was Ed and Eddy. Kevin knew. Kevin knew. Kevin knew.
It all made sense to Edd now. "But..." Edd's mind was still in the middle of trying to process what was going on, but he was still finding it difficult with missing pieces of information. "Why?" If Kevin knew, why didn't he just tell him?
"I don't know. I thought you knew already." Marie licked her lips as she began to think, too. "I had to hunt around the school to find out, and it wasn't until I stuffed Eddy into a locker when he confessed. He said something about how it was something that his older brother would do (Oh, wait. Never mind. That is who we should all consider the biggest fucker ever), you know, the whole see a fag, call them out for being a fag so all the school can see and you can embarrass the shit out of him-"
"No, I mean," Edd scratched the top of his hat trying to think. "Ed was most likely just following along, but Eddy... Eddy would never do anything unless he is motivated, or inspired to do it... He must have saw or heard something that would have made him assume I was a 'fag'... But what could have happened? I don't believe I ever did anything... Unless I don't remember..."
That was when Edd realized that there was something he didn't remember: the night he and Kevin were stuck in his garage. Kevin remembered that. That was the night before Edd went to school and found his locker tagged. It was all making sense, but Edd just still didn't understand.
Marie looked at the book shelves around them as she thought. "I wish I could tell you more, but Eddy was just screeching to get out of the locker. He wouldn't go into further detail-"
Edd hugged Marie. He leaned forward and wrapped his arms around her, taking her into a deep embrace that was long enough for Marie to feel his breath sink into his chest and out through a relieving sigh. She closed her eyes and, for those few seconds, the raging whirlwind known as Marie felt for the first time a genuine sense of serenity.
He pulled back from the hug and looked at her, green eyes smiling directly at grey eyes. "Thanks, Marie." And then he left.
Marie stayed for the longest moment just sitting there, absorbing what had just happened. When she stood up, she felt weak at the knees and needed the wall as support. She finally got herself to stand up on her own and then gave a deep breath, knowing that what just happened was the best thing that ever happened. But when she exhaled, Marie realized that what just happened was also the worst thing that ever happened. At the same moment she thought she won Edd, she just allowed Kevin to win this war.
In an angry fit, Marie turned to the bookshelf and shoved the structure as hard as she could. The shelf tilted forward until it fell to its side, crashing and collapsing on the book shelf next to it, and that one falling onto the next, like a game of dominoes The students who were in the library all turned to see the mess with shocked eyes. Marie only stared back at them wildly.
"I DON'T CARE." She knew her life was over. "JUST SUSPEND ME ALREADY FROM SCHOOL ALREADY SO I DON'T HAVE TO DEAL WITH THIS."
Basketball practice was over. The past after school practices and games had been a drag to Kevin, but he still played. He couldn't bring his team down for his own personal problems.
He walked home because his motorcycle, sad to say, was still being repaired in the shop. He should have expected it after that appearance of Marie in his garage, but he still couldn't believe at how badly a motorcycle could be ruined. Never ever would he ever underestimate the power of the Kankers again.
Kevin walked up his driveway and, even though he didn't have his motorcycle, opened his garage door to enter his home from there. But instead of finding the empty space where his motorcycle should have been, Kevin found boxes. And boxes. And boxes. And boxes.
He knew what was in those boxes and he groaned at the thought of them. Kevin always thought it was cool, and made him cooler, knowing that his father worked in the jawbreaker factory and would bring the surplus home, but things changed as Kevin got older. As he started joining sports teams that made him start caring about his fitness and having a row of perfect teeth to show off in all of his championship portraits, having something like jawbreakers would just ruin everything for him. So whenever Kevin's father left the boxes of leftover jawbreakers in their garage, Kevin did what he now always did: he looked through the work table for a roll of duct tape and a permanent marker. He ripped off pieces of tape and put them on the top of every box. Then with the marker, he took off the cap and wrote different things for each box: "To: The starving kids in Africa" and "To: The homeless people of Peach Creek" and "To: The underpaid kids in Malaysia who make my shirts" and "To: Rolf's people in The Old Country" and more. Sure they weren't exact addresses, but it was something and Kevin knew that the mailman was smart enough to know what he meant.
As Kevin began to stack the boxes on top of each other off to the side of the garage, he could feel judgmental eyes digging into his back. He turned around, only to find the sight of a light haired boy with just as pale skin and soft eyes and an even softer colored sweater. Kevin stared at the visitor for a moment, at first trying to think of why he was there, but decided it would be better for both of him if he just said: "Go home, Jimmy."
Jimmy, disobeying what Kevin said, walked into his garage, the sound of his boots' heels clicked on the cold ground. He began to circle around Kevin, trying to appear like a shark around a boat filled with bleeding people, but just because it's Jimmy, it appeared more like people when they were going around the Maypole. "I just needed some advice..." Even though he was older now, Jimmy's voice was still pretty light for his age. "And I saw online that when people needed some advice, they go to their gay best friend."
Kevin guffawed at that statement. It wasn't that Kevin didn't like Jimmy, he always found the younger boy to be harmless since they were younger, but there was just a quality in Jimmy that made it so easy to bully. And the fact that Jimmy, for some odd reason, was trying to turn the tables on Kevin, was making Kevin even more annoyed with his presence. "Jimmy, seriously," Kevin put down one of the boxes of jawbreakers and turned to face the other boy. "If you need advice from a gay best friend, go home and talk to a mirror."
"I am not gay!" Jimmy protested as he stepped a foot down. Since he was younger, Jimmy never liked Kevin just because he was so masculine and teased him for playing with 'baby' toys. He pouted and explained, "I'm not gay! That's why I went to you for advice! Because..." He twiddled his fingers together for a moment before continuing in an even smaller voice than he already has, "Because I think I have a crush on Sarah."
"Look, kid, I know I'm cool and all and I can get anyone I want, but I'm not gonna help you hook up with Sarah." Kevin put a hand on Jimmy's shoulder as he broke it down to him. He tried not to laugh, he really did, but he couldn't hold it back. "Besides, I know Sarah and you know Sarah. The girl can be pretty masculine. She can be boy enough for you to be gay for."
"But I'm not gay!" Jimmy's eyes were beginning to tear up and usually that was a sign for people to stop, but it just encourage Kevin to keep teasing him.
"It's okay, dude. We all already know."
"No you don't!"
"You can come out of the closet anytime. We'll be waiting outside for you like in that one movie where they sing all those Beatles songs and that Asian girl comes out."
"I am not in the closet, though!"
"Jimmy, think about it: you can be our Asian girl."
"But I'm not Asian! I'm not gay!"
"Okay. Fine. You're not gay."
"Fine. Okay! So what if I am gay?" Jimmy suddenly said, making Kevin stare at him, wondering what was the point of their banter in the first place. The younger boy continued, "But if I am gay, that doesn't explain me liking Sarah!"
"Dude, Jimmy." Kevin sat down on one of the boxes filled with jawbreakers. He never considered himself smart enough to give advice, but for the first time ever, there was somebody standing in front of him asking for advice, and of all people, it was Jimmy. Kevin didn't want to screw this up. He explained slowly, not just for Jimmy's sake, but for his. "That doesn't matter. You could be straight, but still fall for the same gender. You could be gay, but still fall for the opposite gender. It doesn't matter." Kevin looked up at the hanging light bulb in his garage, remembering. He looked back at Jimmy. "This really smart guy once told me that whatever you or other people label you as, if you fall for someone, then you fall for someone, and because that person you fall for is someone so special to you, you shouldn't let anything or anyone convince you that you can't love them..." As he said each word, Kevin's eyes began to cast down on the floor. "... Even them."
"Was it Michael Jackson?"
Kevin looked up and stared blankly at Jimmy. "What?"
"Who taught you that? You know," Jimmy began to glide his feet across the garage floor as he quoted, "It doesn't matter if my baby is black or-"
"No, dude, Jimmy, just shut up." Kevin stood up and had to stop Jimmy from continuing by putting both hands on his shoulder and physically preventing him from trying to dance more.
Jimmy obliged.
Kevin took his hands off Jimmy and stared at him. They were both silent, but the look in Jimmy's eyes and the look in Kevin's eyes somehow understood that the silence made everything mutual. Jimmy understood that who was standing in front of him wasn't the same bully who would make fun of him, and Kevin understood that who was standing in front of him wasn't the same little boy he would always tease. "Sorry. Okay..." Wanting to end the impasse, Kevin suggested, "How about I get you ice-cream? I'll get you two scoops." But then he looked outside and just remembered that it was still winter and the type of weather you wear sweaters for. "I mean, never mind. We don't have to get ice-cream-"
"Five?" Jimmy stared up at Kevin with round eyes. "Five scoops?"
Okay. This kid was just ridiculous. Kevin bargained, "Three."
"Six?"
"Four."
"Nine?"
"Seven."
"Deal!" Jimmy said before Kevin could realized that he let the younger boy haggle him for an even more ridiculous amount of ice-cream scoops. He turned around and was practically bouncing out of the garage as he said, "Just wait here and let me get my new jacket. It was a present I got for Christmas this year; fresh off of the new Betsey Johnson Fall Winter collection!"
Kevin rolled his eyes. Was this the same kid that was trying to convince him that he wasn't gay?
Right before Jimmy completely left the garage, he stopped bouncing in his steps and turned back around at Kevin. With a small smile, "Umm... Thank you." Kevin looked up and watched the boy speak ever so genuinely. "I always thought you were such a bully, but, I mean, I always thought you were cool, too... But, you know, you have been pretty mean to me sometimes, and I really did think you'd keep being mean to me forever, but... I like what just happened right now and being friends with you."
Kevin could only shrug and say, as though it was the most obvious thing ever: "Things don't change unless the people do."
Jimmy smiled and then turned around to quickly grab his jacket. Kevin took his hat off, scratched his head, and then put his hat back on. He wasn't even entirely sure what happened, but all he knew that things between him and Jimmy are supposedly better now. Kevin turned around and continued to stack the boxes away towards the side.
As he was working, a shadow was casted upon him.
Kevin turned around and from the setting sunlight shining outside, the silhouette of a thin boy with dropping shoulders was seen. He squinted, now able to recognize a familiar outline that his own lips and fingertips still had memorized. Kevin asked, "Just you?"
Edd took a step inside of the garage, trying to prevent a smile on his face forming because he was glad that Kevin also noticed the parallelism in their actions. "Just me." He simply replied.
The air between them was thicker than the snow on the ground outside, but for some odd reason, the two were still able to navigate through it.
Kevin put down the last box in the corner and then stood there, staring at Edd from that spot as though he wasn't allowed to observe any closer. "You know," he said, trying to find the right words, not just for Edd, but for himself. "You live down the street. Do you need help going back home?"
"I came here because," Edd had a look of certainty in his eyes. Kevin didn't know why he was there, but he knew whatever it was, Edd was determined to get it. "I need to know, Kevin."
"Know what?"
"Marie told me already, that it was Ed and Eddy behind the vandalism on my locker."
Kevin shifted the weight in his feet.
Edd took a step closer to Kevin, cautious, trying to get a closer understanding to Kevin without actually touching. "Why didn't you just tell me?"
"I don't know," Kevin automatically said, even though he knew. He mumbled out the words as he remembered them, "They mean no harm..." Edd frowned. He could tell that he wasn't going to get much information out of Kevin, but it was something he should have expected. Kevin tried to push Edd away, "You know, Jimmy and I are gonna go leave really soon, so-"
"Kevin." The sound of seriousness in Edd's voice stopped Kevin in his own words. Edd stood up straight and stared at Kevin with a desperate but stern expression. "Kevin, I need to know what happened that would make my own friends do that to me. I need to know what happened when we were stuck in your garage. You are all I have."
"Double D... That's gonna take a while. Jimmy'll be back anytime soon."
Edd stared at Kevin with dark eyes. "Please."
Kevin rose an eyebrow at Edd, not able to tell if he should be afraid or amazed at how important this all was to Edd. He looked past Edd and out the garage to see if he can sense Jimmy coming back soon at all.
Then Kevin looked back at Edd. "Okay, I will admit," he smiled to himself at the thought of it. "It was a pretty fun night..."
