Role playing

He was finishing his morning ritual, already washed up and shaved. Secretly he was glad his hair was a bit longer now so it could cover at least some of the ruin on the side of his head. Even a wreck like him had moments of vanity. He had burnt alive under that Sun, he concluded, reaching for some balm, that thing he got for the cut, anything. There was no more.
Who would have guessed, from so many foolish accusations that used to be attributed to the Opera Ghost, stealing little Meg's powder box turned out to be true. Too bad he hadn't had the brains to take it with him. God knows if the mob had found it down in his lair, he reproached himself, staring into the old pocket mirror, pressing a shaving cut. You can't stand your own reflection.

Then he looked down on the yard. She was outside already. So, the girl wouldn't back out. You have to give her credit for that. At least someone has the nerve. The long braid of her hair falling down her back flipped across one of her shoulders as she bent. She was wearing... trousers?!

His eyes opened wide in disbelief. The last time he'd seen a female wearing breeches was that night. He concentrated on eavesdropping as Josephine came into the picture and started cackling about.

"You intend to go in that?"

"Naturally." A reply sounded as if it was the most common thing in the world.

"I knew there was no chance that I'll see you wear a nice bonnet but... This? Are you out of your mind?"

"I can put a skirt over any time. I'll carry only what I need. It's faster this way." Judging from the sound, no one could make her change her mind. And she was apparently having fun. "Don't you think it is unfair that men have it the easier way?"

"And you think he'll tolerate that?" She put an accent on «he» that couldn't be missed.

"That is between him and me."

He was amused. Even though silent and modest for most of her time, the lady seemed to have her moments of effrontery and mischief. She had a wild chord which he, a child of wilderness, began to discern somewhere within her, live and pulsating, not in spite her lady manners but rather a peculiar addition to her personality.

He liked that wild trait.

This might be a big mistake but at least it will be something to remember. For the time being, he switched from the leading role of a tragedy to a side role in what appeared to be a farce. He went outside, all serious. It seemed that Josephine was not happy, even though the very situation just might be the result of all the encouragement and the strength she was trying to spark in that girl.
The women looked at him saying good morning but nothing more, anticipating his reaction. At least the older one was, because Isabelle was acting like there is nothing strange at all.

Josephine couldn't hold her tongue. "So what do you have to say about that unhewn girl?"

Isabelle stood upright with one arm against her waist, looked at the woman all determined, then concentrated on him, trying not to reveal whether she is truly serious about this.

How she reminded him of Madame at that very moment... Not because of her features or that long braid. It was all in her pose and the little things like staying calm or taking a moment to think before she would speak out. All she needed was a cane to wave around with.

He shrugged his shoulders. Personally, he didn't care. Passengers on the roads might think differently. Besides, it was an interesting sight. He may have been heartbroken, empty and numb, but he wasn't blind. And far from a dead man, as she had said once.

"Well, if you were in Paris you would be breaking the law... But I don't see gendarmerie around here."

"Thank you." She tilted her head pleased with her little victory.

He was pleased because the prying woman was displeased.

"City boy and a tomboy... Ha! The two of you couldn't have possibly found more suitable company than each other!" Josephine realized that her «children» are actually quite insolent brats. As she left inside repeating «unhewn» and «impertinent» along the way, the girl finally spoke: "I am only teasing her, let's say I owed her that one. If it doesn't bother you, of course?"

The smirk on his face could hardly stay hidden, and he simply had to say something. Anything. "You could say I'm quite used to the sight."

"You just said it was against the law." Judging from her inquisitive look, she had no idea what he was saying.

He explained: "It were usually costumes for the stage."

"So you are familiar with theatre world?"

"I ... used to be." All he was thinking at the moment was to change the subject.

It went with the side of him that liked literature. Not with the part of him that led him into Josephine's little play. "Interesting...", she remarked as she went inside. She may have been cheeky enough to tease Josephine in return for all the little things. She wasn't ready to challenge Fate with cross-dressing. Not yet, at least.


They stayed a while longer. But Josephine knew she mustn't keep them from leaving, after all, she had spent a lot of time trying to make this work. She couldn't afford to make a mistake with these children.

"Let me hear from you once in a while." Josephine hugged her friend closely to the chest. Then she looked at the man beside her but didn't speak to him directly. She smiled gingerly, patting him on the shoulder once or twice. She knew his reaction in advance, it would probably seem like he was about to jump out of his own skin. She did it anyway.
"Even that ghost rumbling in the attic has grown to my liking."

The word «ghost» felt like a fist into his stomach. He cleared his throat. "There are no ghosts, madam, I should know."

"I'll be lonely without you, girl." Josephine wiped the tears that escaped her eyes.

They headed off towards a long road. He knew there was no turning back this time. She felt that she was stepping into a new chapter of her life and still she didn't know the kind of the story she was living through.


As they walked side by side, he realized that this young woman would be his constant company for the following days. No turning back on it. The silence was acceptable but with time it would inevitably get awkward. Besides, this would be a chance to get to know her a little better. As long as they would talk about her, they wouldn't have to talk about him.
And yet, there was not a single question forming in his head that wouldn't sound like sticking his nose where he shouldn't. There were a lot of questions for that matter. What he didn't know was that she was thinking something alike.

"So where in the world did you get those trousers?" At least he would try to get an answer to that mystery.

It surprised her, and yet the more surprising thing was that he hesitated this long only to blurt it out suddenly.
"I've sewn them. It seemed to be practical. You never know when you'll have to get around with what you've got."

For some reason, he expected a story of much more contrariness. But then, as far as he knew, this wasn't that much unlike her either. "So you planned something like this all along?"

"Let's say that I wanted to leave for a long time but I couldn't just walk away."

"You didn't plan to take a wow, then?"

Noticing his eyebrow, the good one, rise up as he spoke, she smiled a little as though the question couldn't possibly be serious. But she put herself together right away out of some secret respect to all those who could make such a choice. "No, I can't imagine spending my whole lifetime behind the walls."

But he could. He almost had, buried alive under the Opera. "Josephine told me you've spent quite some time there. Why not leave earlier?"

"I owed it to someone who had been taking care of me. The old mother prior had been ill. She held me dear, I took care of her until she passed away. She was a kind woman, very understanding. One of the rare people you could confide in."

"Aren't all the sisters supposed to be like that?"

"They are just human. And humankind doesn't lack of variability and surprises. It is the same behind those walls."

"I guess it is the same all around." If I could only tell you...how right you are.

She sighed unsure of how much she should tell him. "It was a very different way of life. Sometimes I didn't even think of it as a life, more like... hiding from reality. Those everyday rituals kept repeating, everything seemed to go around in circles. Even the girls that would come to find refuge there had the same repeating reasons to do so, same stories. I felt numb for all that steadiness but there was no real peace for me inside."

And still you said nothing. But we have plenty of time. More than enough.

"And now you are going to throw yourself into the harsh reality?" He really put an effort to make it sound like an unimportant innocent question. He even said it in an amusing overdramatic tone.

There really was something about it that reminded her of that remark about the theatre.

"What makes you think that?"

"Your friend said you have unresolved matters waiting at home. And you've said it yourself, the past never lets go."

How much did he actually know? Suddenly she turned serious and distant. "It is only family issues and a question..." Of honour, in a certain way. "It is easy to forget someone that stayed far away for a long time, don't you think?"

How strange for him to feel sorry for someone, instead of being the object of pity.

"So you've lived with Josephine ever since?"

"I wasn't going to stay for long at the beginning. But she knows how to lure someone to stay. Why, I needn't tell you. You've experienced it yourself."

"That I did. Although I have no idea why she would want a stranger around."

"She is observing, always seeing the good things about people. I suppose she condemned you to fixing that roof the very first evening she met you."

"So there really was no hope for me from the start?" It was a bit embarrassing to realize. The very reason he stayed there in the first place was because he evaluated that woman as one of harmless and simplest kind. He has misjudged her, such a serious mistake in other circumstances wouldn't have meant anything good.

After waiting a while he was asking again. "And how did she manage to keep you around for so long? Mind me say, you seem very aware of her wits."

She started remembering. "Well... The first time I came to her door it was bleak midwinter. She offered me to stay and gain my strength and health back. Later, she would not let me wander around this parts alone, be it the cold, the dangers of the roads, the tensions in the country, always something. And I liked it there. I started helping her around in the meanwhile, it gave me a further reason to stay around. I liked learning from her. More than once she did her best to «talk me back to my senses», as she would love to remark. Now I think that maybe I just wasn't ready to leave." Then she added: "Neither was she."

"I see..."

"Do you? She's patient and adamant when it comes to waiting. It seems to have directed a big part of her life."

If nothing else, he knew exactly how that feels.

"It is not easy for her to stay behind all by herself."

"Once she has told me that she can't leave."

"I know. It is a sad story. She had lost a son, her only child. He never came back from the army, not a word did she get about him. Whether he had been killed, captured, missing... She doesn't know what became of him. And she hadn't gone far from the village ever since then, still hoping, waiting for some sign."

Never having thought of that merry woman as someone who carries such a deep sadness, he was surprised to hear it. "How long has it been?"

"Since they went against the Habsburgs over Savoy."

His confused expression said it all, she could read it plain and clear. That must have been over a decade ago. "It has never even occurred to me..." Everyone had a story to tell... or to keep for oneself.

"That is the sad part. She knows he's gone but still... I guess a mother's heart always nourishes a hope."

He knew nothing of that, his own mother had likely done her best trying to forget. But he did know what it was like to stick to one place for years.

They decided to rest a while and she used the opportunity to refresh a little by the river, too careful to leave his sight for a moment of privacy, she needed it. Coming back, it seemed there was a little feast waiting for her. He was already busy with slicing the cheese and the bread. A pot of jam still unopened. Also some pears that he has «confiscated» as he wouldn't admit that it was stealing along the way.
"So, for a person who had spent a long time living by Holy Commandments, you don't really mind stolen goods, do you?" He couldn't help but make that silly remark as he watched her cut the slice of her fruit.

"Earlier on you said the stolen ones are the sweetest. I decided to trust you this time." It was a poor excuse when all along she watched the sweet sticky juice drain down and couldn't wait to have a taste.

"And so I have lured a God's child into sin?" He wondered what the answer would be.

"You are forgiven." The decision has been brought after the first sweet bite. "But for penance you must hurry and find us a place to stay before the night reaches us."

He liked her verdict.


Soon they ventured towards the little place that was waiting further on.

There was no inn in such a small settlement and so they tried for a tavern. The solution which he used when travelling alone didn't seem like an option. In a female company he had no intention of robbing them of the little comfort they could get. A far as he was concerned, this would probably be the only time that he'll ever have the honor of escorting a woman. How odd - to have a woman by his side. Though she was nothing of his, he'd do this as it suits. Not that much could be done to make accommodation better in a place like this.

She noticed when he didn't take his hat off at the entrance. However, that didn't seem too unusual to the owner who would welcome all of his clientele with the same look. Never in her life had she been in a place like that. The few men seemed busy with their drinks and playing cards, the murmur never ceased and the smell of smoke and liquor filled the room. They did give a noticeable number of curious looks to the new guests. She felt exposed as men would turn their attention to her and she clutched her sack tighter to her body. Not that it would help. Avoiding their eyes, she didn't dare to look straight at any of them, it was one of those situations when one has to bow his head. But she noticed they were staring at her companion just as well, with severe seriousness and questioning eyes. A barn seemed a much more pleasant place at that moment.

As he was talking to the bartender, she seemed to become ever more aware of her situation. What made it even more uncomfortable was the fact that she couldn't hear them clearly because of all those voices outspeaking. Would he arrange them to stay in separate rooms, decently ? Would he dare not to? Her heart was pounding rapidly, she could feel it in her throat. She had to remind herself to keep on breathing as the moment of panic wouldn't cease. If there was a moment in which she should have run, it seemed to have just passed.

He took the keys and as the waitress showed them the way upstairs he took a chance to catch her alone for a moment. "I told them you are my sister."
He leaned closer, not wanting the conversation to be overheard. "If anyone asks, we have buried our poor old father last week and now we are going back to north where we work."
She nodded in understanding. "Then I will be to devastated to talk about it, I suppose."
He was glad to have a clever accomplice, only hoping that she was just as good in acting.

"The rooms are upstairs. I will be right next door if you need anything." As he gave her the key to her own room, she appraised him as trustworthy. There were no words to describe her sudden onrush of relief. Thank you, thank you, thank you...

He asked her if she would like to dine but neither one of them felt like going downstairs, so they retrieved, alone for the first time in a while.

After she washed herself and her garments in a bucket of hot water brought to her, she felt more than ready for a good night of sleep. She was drifting away really soon, wrapped in a linen sheet she'd brought with her on the way. It felt cozy to feel something familiar and undoubtly clean.

In the other room he splashed some water over him and tossed the shirt onto the chair. Surrounded by the walls that protected him from the strange looks but not from the noises that gave away that somebody was having fun, he spread himself over the simple bunk, heavy and tired. He didn't bother to take his trousers off after such a long day. Turning drowsy, he tried to ignore the hints that tonight's dreams would be restless.
After quite some time, he found himself separated from the rest of the world with a real lock. There had been times when he'd wished for a real house with real windows. But a real lock... that was what he needed.

With his last sane thoughts his fingers traces a little pouch that kept a ring inside but they didn't open it that evening.


For what seemed like hours later, there was knock on her door. She knew it would be him.
Could it be that she was wrong about him? It frightened her. He made no such intention so far. Why now?
The moonlight filled the room with blue tones. It wasn't cold but she felt the shivers down her spine. Afraid to open the door, she hesitated but her hand seemed to have a will of it's own. She reached for the key, not sure if she wants to open the lock. Either way, she was doing it. The moment lingered filled with tension and suspense. At the same instant, the warm light peeked into the darkness of her room. She woke from the dream with a start, still in her bed.

There was no one else in there. A strange warm current floating through went straight into her head.

A feeling of shame ran through her mind.