Chapter 7

Sara was just finishing getting dressed when she suddenly saw her first-born child sticking her head in the door frame of her bedroom.

'Mom?' said Hope tentatively, unsure how her mom would react

'Hi Hope' Sara responded, her voice neutral

The child took a few hesitant steps into the room and her mom patted the bed, inviting her to sit next to her for a little heart to heart. Sara and Hope had a good, strong relationship mostly due to the fact that they could both give as good as they got – they were both strong and determined and Sara had never felt the need to coddle her daughter. Liam was a gentle, sensitive soul and Sara had to tread lightly around him in order to keep his self esteem intact but Hope... well Hope could take it. In Hope's case, her determination and strength were rounded out by some beautiful traits she'd inherited from her dad: his sensitivity and distinctive people skills.

But somehow, Hope and Sara would always find a middle ground – it might take a little while to get there but there was a mutual respect between mom and daughter and after 'having it out' they usually found a solution, even if it was to agree to disagree.

Hope sat down and looked up, obviously embarrassed, at her mom.

'I'm sorry Mom' she blurted out as she began to cry

Hope had never been much of a 'cryer'. Like her mom, she didn't like to show her feelings and she subscribed to the 'stiff upper lip' doctrine, most of the time.

'Hey, what's going on?' asked Sara as she pulled her daughter in, cradling her

'I don't know. My emotions are... all over the map' Hope admitted

'That's not like you, sweetheart' answered Sara as Hope pulled away to look into her mom's eyes

'Mom... I got my period this morning' Hope finally admitted

'Oh honey, why didn't you tell me!' exclaimed Sara as she ran her hand through her daughter's dark curls

'I think your news trumped my news' said Hope, embarrassed

'Of course not. That's a big day in a girl's life' said Sara, a proud smile on her face

Hope smiled through the tears, her eyes appearing even more blue than usual.

'Do you need me to get you anything right now?' asked Sara, preparing to stand up to get any item her daughter might need

'No, Olivia had ... something' answered Hope

Hope'd had a package of sanitary napkins and tampons safely tucked away in her sock drawer for the past year waiting for just this moment.

'I have something for you' said Sara as she stood momentarily and made her way to her bedroom closet coming away with a wicker basket, brimming with various items. Hope looked up at her mom questioningly and Sara sat, setting the item carefully between them.

'I prepared a special basket for you, just for today' said Sara, a warm smile on her face

Hope's eyes surveyed the contents as her mom began to take them out one by one.

'Well of course, there's an assortment of feminine products. These tampons are made for young girls like you and if you want to try those, I'll show you how they work. These you could wear overnight; they're more absorbent' she said as she placed the various items on the bed

'These pills are made just for girls your age for cramps... Are you having cramps?' Sara asked

'No' answered Hope as her eyes returned to the contents of the basket

'This is a hot water bottle. I used that a lot when I was a teenager. It helps to curl up in bed with it snug against your stomach. And here's some special bubble bath – it's soothing and it smells so good.' She stopped momentarily and glanced at her daughter who was taking it all in.

'And I got you some of your favorite magazines. Some days, you may just want to lie in bed and read and not do much else. Here's some candy. I used to get cravings...' Sara added as she placed a variety of Hope's favorite junk food on the bed

Suddenly, Sara was overcome with emotion and she began to tear up. It might have been her present state of hormonal fluctuation or just the realization that her little girl had now crossed over into womanhood – whatever the case, the tears began to flow as Sara continued pointing to the items she had lovingly collected to give to her daughter on this momentous occasion.

'Mom! I can't believe you did all this' said Hope, smiling

'Well, it's been sitting up in the closet for the past year' admitted Sara 'I kept eating the candy and replacing it...'

Hope laughed at the thought of her mom, usually so disciplined and regimented, ingesting copious amounts of Jolly Ranchers and Junior Mints when she got her period, then running out to the store to replace the eaten items.

'Thanks Mom! I love it!' Hope said, hugging her mom

'Oh and this' said Sara as she handed Hope a small box 'is a locket that my mom gave to me when I was your age'

Hope opened the box carefully, peeking in. She remembered seeing her mom wear it on occasion and her eyes met Sara's as her mouth lay agape.

'But mom, that's yours' said Hope, holding the sterling silver heart shaped pendant

'Well, it's yours now. You're a young woman and I want you to have it' Sara said proudly

'But what if you have another...' Hope began as Sara put a finger to her lips to silence her

'Whether this baby is a boy or a girl, you are my first born daughter and I want you to have it'

Suddenly, Hope realized that no matter what the future held, she would always have that special bond with her mom and she reached up to give Sara a warm hug.

WCWCWC

Sunday night dinner was often shared by the Burkes and the Caffreys and on this day, Sara had invited Peter and Elizabeth over to White Plains. Peter was meeting with his doctor early in the week and she knew that both of them would be anxious to get the results of Peter's test and that they were having trouble coping with the wait. She thought a nice meal and some light conversation might do the trick. Neal and Sara had agreed this was not the right time to share their news – El and Peter had enough on their plate – and the group assembled in the dining room as Neal paraded in carrying a huge roast.

'Wow, that sure smells good' said Peter as he took in the aromas. Neal's roast was a million times better than Peter's oh-so-ordinary pot roast and he wasn't afraid to admit it.

Neal did the honors, carving up the meat and placing it on a serving platter while everyone began to dig in. Mozzie had been invited on the condition that he come as himself and he had shown up with a cap and a jean jacket (admittedly not his usual style) but he'd removed said items and looked very Mozzie-like as he sat next to Liam, excitedly discussing their ongoing Yahtzee tournament.

'So, any new and exciting happenings at White Collar?' Neal asked, trying to get the conversation jump-started.

'Awww. You know – same old, same old' said Peter, lacklustre, not doing a very good job of hiding his anxiety

'Well, over at the office this week, we recovered a very rare Egyptian sculpture – one without an identified artist' said Neal.

He'd always been a skilled conversationalist and this party looked like it needed an injection of... something.

'Wow, must be old' said Elizabeth, digging into her food with enthusiasm. Lately, she hadn't felt much like cooking and she was enjoying the aromas floating around the room.

'Yeah, some of these artifacts were not even attributed to a particular artist – at the time, they were a dime a dozen. Of course now... this one is from the 1300s' added Neal

'Dad, could we talk about something from this century?' asked Liam, bored out of his mind

Liam liked sports and he liked to move and conversations about 700-year-old artifacts just weren't cutting it.

'Alright, buddy' agreed Neal 'What would you like to talk about?'

Between Mozzie's animated review of a book he was reading about the government's espionage of the American people through the use of microchips imbedded in toilet paper and Liam going on about his school's basketball team, the more touchy subjects were avoided and everyone dispersed after dinner with Neal and Peter settling in on the back porch of the Caffrey home.

The coffee was hot and fragrant, the garden warm and inviting and the crickets chirped as the sun came down on this late summer evening.

'How are you holding up?' Neal asked

'You know, give me a problem to resolve and I'm there but... not knowing, waiting... is the hardest part' answered Peter as he took a long sip of coffee

Neal nodded sympathetically.

'How did you and Sara ever get through that whole period when she was sick?' Peter asked. He and El had been on the periphery back then, feeling useless as they'd watched Neal's anguish and Sara's struggle and he had always admired their ability to get through that horrible year in their life.

'You're right. Not knowing is the hardest – well, second hardest, I guess. Not being able to do anything for the person you love, that's the hardest' Neal said, a faraway look in his eyes

He was reliving the long months of diagnosis and treatment and how Sara had shut him out, in the beginning, and his feeling of utter helplessness and ineptitude as he watched her suffer.

'But' he continued, throwing Peter a lifeline 'I think for both of us, knowing people were there to support us helped an awful lot'

Neal let out a sardonic laugh and continued: 'Do you remember that night you came and collected me at that awful bar – I was stinking drunk and you talked some sense into me and brought me home'

Peter laughed as he recalled the incident. It was anything but funny at the time, but ten years later, all he could remember was Neal's poor, hapless face as he realized how foolish he'd been in behaving in such an irresponsible way.

After a moment of awkward silence, Neal spoke up.

'You know, I'm here, right?' he said, raising his eyes to look straight into Peter's

'I do know' Peter said softly as he smiled at his friend

WCWCWC

Neal was deep in thought and never heard his wife sneak up behind him and he let out a small gasp when she leaned in to give him a quick hug. The guests had left over an hour before, Elizabeth thankful as she carried out a dozen or so meals that Neal had prepared to tide them over the next few weeks.

Neal looked up at his wife, his eyes a complex mixture of ... Sara wasn't quite sure what. She noticed the calculator nearby and the notes littering the kitchen table.

'What's all this?' she asked as she took a seat next to him and began reading over his notes

'Well, we have to find another room in this house for the new baby' said Neal

Sara had been so wrapped up in the emotions of telling the kids about the pregnancy and just coping with the physical changes to her body, that she hadn't given the matter much thought.

'The way I see it, we have a couple of options' Neal continued 'I could move my studio out of the house... rent a space somewhere'

'Oh, Neal, no!' said Sara 'That studio means so much to both you and Hope, you can't give it up'

Neal conceded that moving it to a rented location would be difficult and costly. He spent every extra minute down there and he loved the fact that, at a moment's notice, he and Hope could head down there to spend some quality time together.

'Well, that leaves the attic' he said with a sigh

'You mean make it into a fourth bedroom?' asked Sara

'Yeah, well, if we need to, we could have the baby in with us for the first year...' he began

Sara rolled her eyes. Having a baby five feet from your bed was less than restful at the best of times and it played havoc with one's love life.

'I was thinking maybe Hope would like to have more privacy and move up to the third floor to her own space. We'd probably have to put in another bathroom too...' Neal continued as he began moving papers around on the table.

Sara knew that what Neal was suggesting was an expensive proposition and suddenly she realized why she was picking up on that look of sadness in her husband's eyes. For the past five years, Neal and Sara had been steadfastly putting money away for Neal's pipe dream: his very own art gallery. They knew it was a long term proposition but they were making good headway and they'd already pulled together several thousand dollars. They thought their goal was in sight – another four or five years would do it. A major renovation such as this would totally wipe out their savings and she realized that Neal was just clueing in to what the implications were.

'Would it wipe out all of our savings?' Sara asked

'Maybe not all, but it would set us back a good three, four years' he conceded, reaching out for his wife and inviting her to sit on his lap

'Neal...' she began as she lovingly touched his cheek

'Sshh. Don't say it' he whispered as he pulled her in to kiss her

'This is just trading one dream for another dream' he said lovingly as he continued to run his hand up and down her cheek

Sara put her arms around Neal's neck and settled his face up against her chest, holding him firmly against her.

TBC