September 21st

Dear Diary,

It is the first day of autumn. I noticed an orange tinge to the leaves of the grounds, and a chill developing in the wind that tosses my hair about my face on my way to the vegetable patches for Herbology, or past the glistening lake towards the care for magical creatures lessons. And it seems with this change of the season, great things are in the making. The Dark Lord is developing more followers, his campaign is coming together quite nicely, Lucius tells me his father has reported only good news about the Dark Lord's quest. I wonder about the day I finally meet this amazing wizard. I wonder what I shall say, how I shall act... what he shall say to me. I fantasize about it day and night, through history of magic, on the way to the Great Hall for dinner, as a lay awake in my bed, my eyes fixated upon the ceiling while my mid strays to that day, that day when we finally meet. I've seen his picture in the daily prophet, and though I must admit it sounds rather trivial compared to his accomplishments, but ontop of everything else he happens to be very handsome... I hope I don't sound like a foolish girl, but he really is. I wonder, when we meet, how he shall look at me... if the looks he blesses me with will carry any interest?

However, before that fateful day arrives, and arrive it surely shall, I have the Death Eater Youth. Our first big meeting of the year is to be held Saturday night, for tomorrow Lucius, Dolohov, Sev, and I have our weekly Friday night detention, and if last Friday was any sample of how the next few will pan out, I'm most certainly dreading the experience.

One day, Fabian will not be able to say he does not take me seriously, for he will be at my mercy. All his taunts, all his screams through rainy Friday nights, and all his hexes will mean NOTHING and I will destroy him. He will never make me feel so... small... again. never, I swear on Merlin's grave.

Now, I must be off to sleep, for it is in dreams I can find solace in my restless state.

Love,

Bella

September 24th

Dear Diary,

Sometimes when I have a lot to say, I find myself unsure of where to start, for the beginning is so tedious, but I will force myself to commence at the commencement and detail my account of the weekend. Here it is, diary, unabridged and uncensored, the life I lead...

Friday night was our newly imposed weekly detention, the second of the series. This week's activities involved cleaning one of the oldest dungeon classrooms that had been out of use for 45 years. Filch had suggested the idea brightly to McGonagall who thought it would be a great exercise in team work, we would all have to pitch in to undo the decades of decay the room had suffered through. We were forbidden to use magic, Filch even took our wands to ensure that we would be rendered to the inescapable fate of muggle cleaning.

Filch watched us scrub, dust, and swear under our breath for a mere 30 minutes before departing, instructing us to pick our wands up at his office after the room was suitably cleansed of the 45 years of filth it had accumulated. I compared cleaning the filth from this room to purifying the filth from the wizarding race, and i found myself smirking as the door shut behind Filch. With his departure, the atmosphere in the room shifted, it was us alone again, us together, us against one another and forcibly united into a muggle cleaning spree. It was almost comical, I thought to myself, almost.

"This is disgusting" Sirius grumbled moodily as he found a dead rats body and threw it into the trash can behind him.

"What is?" Severus sneered, "Your reflection in the mirror? Didn't know you could see yourself so clearly."

"Funny, Snivellus," Potter rolled his eyes, "You must be mistaking his appearence with yours. Have you seen your nose? Your hair? The color of your skin? Its enough to make anyone sick. Its more revoluting than this awful old classroom."

"Does anyone know what they used to teach in here?" Ted asked curiously, in a blatant effort to avoid open hostilities, his eyes combing the dimly lit dungeon and its heaps of rubbish and dust for some sort of clue.

"Yes, it used to be used for defense against the Dark Arts," James said brightly, "I found an old textbook over here in this corner for Defenses, so that must be it. I bet McGonagall sent us here to try and unite us over more than cleaning. She thinks we're all going to find a classroom about fighting evil a great inspiration to uniting together against dark magic everywhere. She forgets, you see, that we're among future Death Eaters."

"I take that as a compliment, Potter, that you call us Death Eaters." Lucius said coldly, "And if that was McGonagall's plan you are indeed correct about her errors in judgement, she is a fool."

"A fool for not thinking you're an evil son-of-a-bitch?" Fabian laughed cruelly, "I agree with you there, Malfoy. If she cannot see you and your little cronies are nothing more than slimy evil specks of dirt, she is a bit of a fool."

"I heard about your father, Prewett," Lucius said cooly, and I looked up, curiously at the two boys. Fabian's smile fell from his face and his eyes narrowed into little more than slits, "I heard he was killed last year... by a Death Eater. That's why you're so angry, isn't it? I have to say, I'm rather happy he was killed... any relative of yours couldn't have been anything other than trash."

"Watch your bloody mouth, Malfoy, or I'll curse you into oblivion." He said darkly, abadoning the desk he had been polishing clean of dust, and standing as tall as he possibly could.

"I'd like to see you try when Filch has our wands," Lucius sneered, "Maybe you would like to resort to muggle duelling? We're muggle-cleaning after all, it is only fitting. Besides, I'm sure your mudblood friend there could give you some pointers, he knows all about muggle fighting, don't you mudblood?"

"Sure I do," Ted replied casually as he swept the back of the room quietly, though he paused he did not look up at Lucius as he replied, "And my name is Ted Tonks, feel free to call me that instead of 'mudblood'. I mean, I know you're a Slytherin, but thats no excuse for such terrible manners, really."

"You'd be hard pressed to find a Slytherin with any manners at all" James chimed in with a heavy sigh, "The lot of them, they're sickening wastes of wands."

"Cheers to that!" Fabian beamed at Potter. and Pettigrew greeted his words with applause.

"Oh shut up, as if Gryffindors can offer anything to the wizarding world?" I snapped, my patience finally breaking, "You're all pathetic, arrogent, obnoxious, hiding behind some pretense of nobility and bravery, but you're cowards and you're going to die very, very young."

"She speaks at last!" Fabian cried out, laughing, "I thought you'd forgotten to be an annoying cow, I guess you remembered in the end."

"Watch yourself or your mummy is next to die," Lucius smirked and in an instant Fabian lunged towards him, but missed and began coughing in the dust as he lay on the floor.

"We have a room to clean." Ted sighed, helping Fabian to his feet, "Come on, lets just get this done."

We worked for two more hours without arguements, but when the room seemed reasonably free of dust, the bickering erupted again. It wasn't even a particularly offensive insult, Sirius remarked on Severus' bad breath, and next thing you know they're rolling on the floor, trying to strangle each other. And with that, Potter and Fabian attacked Lucius to more applause from Pettigrew as Dolohov, Ted, and I rush to break up the fight Fabian pulls my hair.

"Don't hit a lady!" Ted reprimanded him, shocked as Fabian pushed me to the newly swept dungeon floor. I fell, startled at his feet, looking up at him with pure loathing etched into every inch of my face. I was shaking too much to stand as I glared up at him, and he smirked down at me.

"A lady?" Fabian looked over his shoulder as he kicked me in the stomach, "She's far from a 'lady'."

I rolled over, doubling-up in shock and pain, my eyes closed for a moment before they shot open, fresh hatred shining from their depths.

"Whatever, she's a girl, don't attack her." Ted said tentatively, but his words when unnoticed as I grabbed Fabian's leg and tripped him so he hit his head with a resounding slam on the hard stone floor.

"You bitch!" He shouted, and grabbed me by the throat. His eyes met mine for the first time. His eyes were blue and they peirced me a little, bearing into mine with shocking intensity, "You nasty cow, I hate you."

"I reciprocate that sentiment," I choked as his grip tightened, the room grew quiet as the boys watched us, eyeing us with shock and horror as his hand slowly slackened and strengthened his hold on my neck.

"When you die, Bellatrix Black, I hope the last thing you see is my smile."

"Funny," I whispered, my voice constricted by his grasp, "I hope my smile is the last thing you see, before I kill you."

"You're going to kill me, are you?" He sniggered, his spit splattering my face as he laughed, "Little Bellatrix is going to kill me?"

"Yes," I hissed, inbetween gasps for air, "And before you die, you'll look in my eyes and know its coming, and you'll know I'm the one taking life away from you."

"You're not a killer," He laughed coldly, "You're a little girl who has serious anger and insanity issues. Its probably from all that pureblood inbreeding."

He let me go and I fell to the floor, trying desperatly to catch my breath, grabbing my neck where his hands had just nearly crushed my wind pipe. I looked up at him, relieved as the oxygen began to flow once more through my veins and saw he was smiling at me, though it was more akin to a sneer.

"I'll prove you wrong." I said simply.

Without replying to me, he left the room flanked by the other Gryffindors who echanged slightly horrified looks. Lucius helped me to my feet and kissed me, passioantly, practically bruising my lips, "You're so brave." He whispered, then kissing my cheeks. I clung to him, slightly frightened from the incident.

It is the first and only time I will ever be at someone else's mercy.

So then we left the dungeon as well. So much for defense against the dark arts, more like defending ourselves from the so called "Noble wizards". I did not sleep well that night, I was in shock, I think, from the events of the evening.

He could have killed me, crushed me, and I was powerless to stop him. But it is the last time. I think I hate this Fabian Prewett more than I hate Potter, or Pettigrew, or that mudblood Tonks. I hate him more than I hate those traitors Andy and Sirius. And there is only one reason for such acute hatred- Fabian is the only person who has ever made me feel helpless or weak. For this, he will pay. Oh, he will pay. I intend to kill him, I really do.

I remember those days, those days of innocence when I was not sure if I could kill anyone, even if they did deserve it. Now I know, I can. Not only can I kill someone, but i WANT to. I want to kill him.

Needless to say I was more than pleased to have a Death Eater's youth meeting yesterday to give me the sense of purpose and accomplishment and an outlet for the rage that is nearly overwhelming me.

We met in the dungeon we had cleaned out, it was a spacious room with walls, and floors of stone. The desks were all pushes against the wall, and though we cleaned our best, dust was still a present feature of our new head quarters. Lucius and I perched ourselves atop the desk that stood before the classroom and our fellow Death Eater Youth members gathered on the floor, sitting before us anxious for the meeting to commence.

I was bored through most of the precedings, for Lucius was explaining the plans developed by the Dark Lord over the summer, that I had long since been aware of. I yawned openly as Lucius droned on until the portion of the meeting arrived where we began to make our own plans.

"So, next meeting we will be practicing curses, but what else?" Lucius paused as he addressed the group as a whole, scanning each eager face, searching for ideas behind their eyes that looked hollow in the dim candle lighting, "We must do whatever we can to make our presence and power known to all, as well as preparing ourselves for our lives beyond Hogwarts."

"First of all, what is Bellatrix Black doing here?" Evan Rosier demanded suddenly, "There's no such thing as a female death eater!"

"Crucio!" I shouted suddenly, without pausing, without thinking, without even breathing. He fell over, and let out a few short squeals of pain.

The room looked at me, shocked. It was, I assumed, the first time they had ever seen an unforgivable curse. Evan sat back up, shakily, staring at me with shock and horror in his dark eyes.

"I will be his most loyal servant yet." I said calmly, pocketing my wand, "And you will regret saying that. You think he wont accept me into his ranks because I'm a woman? Since when does having breasts disqualify me from servicing my lord?"

"It qualifies you for serving Lucius and not much else." Evan snapped back, and added quickly, "And if you crucio me again, I swear I don't care if Malfoy kills me I will crucio you back."

"I think I made my point the first time," I sneered, "Does anyone else question the validity of my presence here?"

No one moved or made a sound.

"Good," Lucius spoke again to the crowd, "Now, I was thinking we could play some pranks...On some Gryffindors... If you're all brave enough, pardon the pun."

and so we discussed our options for mild mayhem. and be certain dear diary, than mayhem shall ensue. and you shall hear every detail of it.

Now, time has made a fool of me. It is 2:35am, and I am still so far from sleep.

I must try to sleep though, I must embrace my pillow and lay down my quill.

sweet dreams, diary. I don't dream much anymore, for I don;t sleep enough to dream.

love,

Bella

October 9th

Dear Diary,

Remember how I mentioned pranks on Gryffindors?

We have began putting the carefully drawn plans we have concocted at our DEY (Death Eater Youth) meetings the past couple weeks into action. It is an astonishing thing, to see plans transform into actions, to see words become deeds, to see goals become reality. They are minor pranks, simply scare tactic to create an ambiance of instability around the castle, to let them know we're here and we're powerful and we're stronger than they could ever dream.

The first prank was detailed by Severus, though Dolohov was the one that took the action. It involved bewitching Potter's broomstick before the first match of the season. To our delight, it bucked him off its slender tail as soon as he soared past 10 feet, as the jinx intended. To our dismay, he was caught clumsily by Madam Hooch who happened to be standing close to where he fell, and Gryffindor still managed to win. It did not turn out exactly as we had hoped, but it certainly riled Potter up.

He confronted us about the incident in detention this past Friday. Both of the previous Fridays I had not had time to describe here were spent cooped up in McGonagall's transfiguration room writing lines that read "Four houses are united, four founders were friends, Slytherin and Gryffindor fall when divided"

"Could she have come up with a lengthier, more tedious, message?" Sirius grumbled two Friday's ago, our first night of line-writting.

"Doubt it, Padfoot," Potter sighed, and resigned to retrieving his quill from the depths of his school bag.

"No talking, today." McGonagall snapped, seated at her desk correcting essays from her OWL students, "Now get started, I want at least 200 lines from each of you tonight."

The most recent Friday, however, she simply took all our wands to her office, and informed us, as Filch had, that after we had written 300 lines of the same run on sentence, we may collect them from her. We settled in the desks in an uncomfortable silence. I seated myself between Severus and Lucius, with Dolohov to the right of Lucius. Two rows ahead of the desks we had chosen sat Pettigrew, Sirius, Potter, Ted, and Fabian, all muttering murderously under their breaths.

"Got something to say?" Dolohov demanded of them, his voice harsh and brusque.

"Yeah, we do," Potter turned around, furiously. His hazel eyes were narrowed in clear disdain for the four of us behind him, "Which one of you foul creatures hoodwinked my broom?"

"Now Potter," Lucius sneered quietly, "Why would we tell you that?"

"Because if you don't, I'm going to retaliate." He answered darkly, "And you don't want to envoke my wrath, even if you are planning on becoming best mates with Voldie-kins after Hogwa-"

"How DARE you!" I stood up, knocking my quill, the parchment, and the ink to the floor. The ink bottle cracked, leaking dark blue liquid on the stone floor, and certainly staining, but my mind was far from spilled ink, "Do not- I mean, how can you be so flippant? About the Dark Lord? The most powerful wizard-"

"Dumbledore is the most powerful wizard." Fabian snapped

"You are very much mistaken, Prewett." Lucius rolled his gray eyes and shook his head, shaking his light blond hair so that it fell about his face, framing his sharp features in a most flattering manner, "You see the Dark Lord is gaining strength and power every day, and your fool of a hero Dumbledore is merely gaining age spots."

"Dumbledore could CRUSH You-Know-You!" Fabian cried defiantly

"Then, by all means explain to me why hasn't he?" Severus inquired, his smile snide and his eyes glittering with a strange coldness.

"Shut up, Snivellus," Sirius barked, "He WILL, your mate moldy voldy's time is coming."

"Moldy voldy?" Potter lasped into laughter, while Dolohov, Sev, Lucius and I merely stared at them, disgusted.

"You're doing to be murdered in your bloody beds!" I exclaimed, torn between delight at their self destructive arrogance, and furious by their lack of respect for the Dark Lord, "You're so foolish, so moronic, its a wonder you're even in your 6th year! You're signing your own death sentences!"

"No, Bella," Sirius corrected me pointedly, "Thats you."

"Oh we'll see!" I retorted immediatly, my fury rising, I still remained the only one standing, bearing down upon the Gryffindors, "When the Dark Lord kills you all, we'll see!"

"Actually, if he kills us we won't infact be able to see." Potter smirked, earning appreciative chuckles from the others beside him.

"No Padfoot, Bella will bring us back to life just so we can see... and then she'll kill us again," Sirius grinned, the rest of the boys laughing a bit more.

"No Bella-!" Lucius tried to grab my robes before I ran forward, punching Sirius as hard as I could in his smirking face, and before I waited to see the damage, I punched him again, and again until I felt hands throwing me backwards. I bumped into Lucius who held me up by my shoulders to keep me from falling to the floor. I regained my balance and found pleasure in Sirius clutching his bleeding nose while Pettigrew practically sobbed and Potter tried to fuss over his wounded friend. Fabian sent me a look of pure loathing which I returned with a sweet smile playing about my lips which would have gladly cursed every hex I knew at the group of them, had I been in possession of my wand.

"For Merlin's sake, Bella, can you go five seconds without going completely mental?" Sirius growled, the blood still steadily flowing from his left nostril, "Really, is it that hard to not be insane?"

"I have to agree with Sirius here, Bellatrix, can't we go one detention without resorting to violence?" Tonks asked miserably, "This is not necessary, we're all coming of age soon, we should be more refined than this, not so reckless..."

"Oh shove it, mudblood," I said dismissively, "And as for YOU, dearest cousin, I dare say insanity is a genetic trait, it runs in the blood you see, and we share our blood."

"But nothing else." He shook his head, his voice surprisingly icy, "Go write your bloody lines, everyone, I'm bloody well sick of these stupid arguements, we go in circles."

"Because you refuse to concede your stupidity-" I began sharply before being rudely interupted,

"Sit down and shut the fuck up, Black." Fabian hissed, throwing himself down in his own chair, and writing his first lines with excessive pressure on his quill so that it snapped in half before it was fully written. Sirius passed him a spare one, and I shared ink with Lucius, seeing as mine was spilt on the ancient floor beneath us. We wrote quietly, but I noticed how hard the quills scratched agaisnt the paper, as though each of us was forcing the words on the parchment with the intent to case the parchment severe pain, pain we wished could be directed to a more logical source.

We each finished and left one-by-one, until it was Sirius and I left alone. Lucius had offered to wait, but I had bid him to go on, for we had business to settle and I was never one for putting off confrontation.

"Well, thats my 300 lines of utter bullshit." Sirius said at last, 20 minutes after my final line had been scrawled messily at the bottom of the sheet of parchment, "Now we can find out why in the name of Merlin's beard you waited for me seeing as I have NOTHING to say to the likes of you, Trix."

"DO NOT CALL ME TRIX!' I shouted, jumping once more from my seat.

"Yeah, whatever," He stretched as he stood, yawning widely as though my outburst had not happened, "'Dont call me Tix', 'Dont call the Dark Lord Moldy Voldy', you and your bloody names. What's in a name? Whats the big fuss with labels, Bella?"

"They define you." I said, taken aback at his question and his calm demeanor, "You are what you're called."

"No, cousin," He laughed darkly, "You are who you are, what you're called is merely who other people think you are."

"I don't want people thinking I'm 'trix'" I said irritably, "And anyway, who people think you are defines a huge portion of your life, and can modify or redefine who you truly are. Furthermore, what does it matter who you really are, if no one sees it? It is what other people percieve that matters, Sirius, you're such a fool."

"You're the fool, I can't even bother to argue that, its so insane." He was smiling with uneasy amusement, "You're crazy, Bella, bonkers, kooky, off your broomstick. I can't deal with you, I mean, its bad enough you have these nutty ideas, but you force them on everyone else and you just attack people if they don't agree, its positively insane. When did you lose all your enchanted marbles? Merlin, you belong in a close wing at St. Mungos."

"And you, Sirius, belong six feet under ground in an unmarked grave." I replied coldly, and turned to leave the room, my robes and long sleek hair swishing behind me as I headed purposefully towards the exit.

"Wait," He paused and I stopped, though did not turn to face him, "From now on, as far as I am concerned we are no longer related. You are no cousin of mine."

"You can't change your blood, Sirius, and you are such a waste of perfectly pure blood, you nasty traitor," I spat, still refusing to face him, and his accusing stare.

"Send me a post card from Azkaban, won't you?" He snickered to himself, "It'll give me a good laugh."

"Go to hell!" I stated cruelly as I began walking towards the door again. I pulled it open and had one foot into the desserted corridor, when the last words of the evening reached my ears,

"Go to hell?" He sounded openly amused, "I see your face everyday Bella, I'm sure I'm already there."

And with that, I left him alone in the transfirguration room with the dying candles and the spilled ink, and spilled blood, and harsh words. I fetched my wand from McGonagalls office and met Lucius, Dolohov, and Severus in the dungeon Slytherin common room where they had been huddled, waitinf for my arrival in a cold corner where the light of the many torches barely stretched. I detailed the arguement between Sirius and myself briefly and impatiently, demanding to know what they had been discussing before I entered.

"How to get to Fabian, thats the question we're debating." Dolohov explained, his voice in an urgent whisper, "Its what we'll be discussing at the next DEY meeting as well, so come prepared with ideas to fire away."

"Why Fabian now?" I asked, curiously, "Why not Potter, Sirius, Tonks, or Pettigrew, or whatever other trash they have in Gryffindor these days?"

"Because, he's tougher than they are." Severus shrugged, "We'll get to them all, undoubtably, but it will shake them all up if we can get to Fabian Prewett, it will show them we're not afriad of anyone."

"Didn't he get like 9 OWLs?" Dolohov asked curiously

"10, I think," Lucius said impatiently, "But thats why we need to get him. He wants to become an auror, can you believe anyon would want to fight the Death Eaters openly? He has a death wish, that one."

"Then we should grant his wish." I advised, smiling brightly in the shadows where we gathered.

"Thats the spirit, Bella, my belle." Lucius encouraged, "Now lets get a bit of sleep and we can continue this at the next meeting."

We stood up, yawning, and bleary eyed, heading for our seperate dorms. I fell onto my bed without even changing out of my day robes, and sleep embraced me swiftly.

The next meeting is this evening. I will update more as soon as possible, I have a feeling this year is just going to get better.

and by better for me, I mean worse for the Gryffindors.

Love,

Bella