A/N: I just want to apologize to tinkletimekelly. I know there have been some OC's and there will be a couple more. But you were lovely enough to give the story another chance and I appreciate that. Please hang in there- the story's not about them. It's about Yugi and Yami. :) Also, I read my own stuff and saw a lot of errors. I'll try to get those fixed this week.
Disclaimer: I own nothing but my plots and OC's (unfortunately for tinkletimekelly).
Chapter 7: I'm Fine -- Yugi
Six Years Ago
When he leaves me, leaves me there in the airport, I can't go. I wait until I no longer see him. Then I go into the bathroom and cry. I know people can hear me. A man asks if I'm alright. I whisper I'm fine over and over again. Until I believe it myself. Until I know that, when I walk out that bathroom door, I'll be fine enough to lie about how fine I'm really not. I can actually hear the sound of my own heart breaking and it's a pain like I've never felt. I rush out of that bathroom. God, the car is still there. It still feels like we made love in it. I may need to drive it off a cliff. I may need to stay in the car while I do so.
I drive home instead.
Throwing myself into my work, I ignore most of his letters for a good month and a half. Ignore calls from him. I can't talk to him right now. Can't look at his handwriting. I finish the book in a whirlwind, send it off, have it edited. It is published another mother later. I decide that will be my first contact with him. The book. I write a letter. A long letter. It doesn't explain why I haven't called or written or even thought about Yami, even though that last part is just a lie I tell myself to feel better. It just talks about grandpa and the book and how I've got a sequel going in my head. How I've been so busy and the shop is doing really well. I don't talk about how I don't sleep at night. How I have to pretend he's there with me. How I have to fight the urges to call him in the middle of the night. It doesn't say that my heart is still lying in the middle of the kitchen floor. That it broke the day I found his letter to the museum in Cairo.
He deserves this. This job he's landed. Deserves it more than anyone I know. He's worked so hard and now he's being rewarded for it. After the book, we begin to communicate more frequently. Letters and pictures and short stories. But I don't call him. I can't call him. I can't bring myself to hear his voice. It would be too much for me to take, I think. I start talking to him when I know he's not there.
"Are you enjoying yourself?"
"I am aibou. But I miss you." These are things I imagine he says.
One day I read a letter from him and there are photos inside of it. I tack these onto my wall and stare at them. Only one has Yami in it. He's not even looking at the camera, just staring off at this pyramid. His arms are at his side, almost in defeat. Like he waited his whole life to see this pyramid and, in the end, it beat him. I laugh. Laugh and laugh for what seems like hours. I write him a letter and tell him I love the pictures. To send more. He does. Soon, I have an entire corner filled with them. Then they cover the wall. Spill over onto another. Cover my mirror. No one is sure what the think of them, so I don't mention them. Don't mention that these pictures are healing the heart no one can see is broken. That they've been bealing it for months.
After a year, I haven't spoken to him. He stopped calling, content with letters and photographs. I need to hear him though. My head needs this. My heart needs it. Even though it might break it again, it's a risk I'm willing to take. So I do. I pick up the phone and punch in my calling card number. Dial the number he gave me in one of his letters. The phone rings. And rings. And rings.
"Hello?" I can't speak. "Hello? Is anyone there? Hmph."
"Wait!" I yell into the phone.
"Yugi?" he asks, incredulously.
"Yeah," I say weakly. "How are you?"
"I'm, well, I'm...I'm fine. Yugi. I'm fine. How are you?"
"The same. I'm just, you know, working on my next book."
"That's excellent!" he says happily. I can tell he likes talking to me. I ask him about work. About the museum and the digs. He say they're working on a lot of big projects right now and he hopes that he'll get to take some good pictures of them for me. I agree. God, his voice is so happy. I try to sound the same.
"Listen, Yugi, there's something I need to tell you. I-" I hear a voice in the background. A man's voice. My heart sinks.
"Is that...someone else?" He doesn't speak. "Yami? It's okay. You can tell me."
"Yes, Yugi. It is." I don't ask his name. Don't care really. "Yugi, I-"
"Hey, it's not a big deal! I mean, we're friends, remember? Just friends."
"Just friends. Yes. I know. But you-"
"I'm fine. Really." And I actually believe it. I'm fine with him finding someone else. I did tell him we weren't going to do that long distance thing. He deserves this. We change the subject. Avoiding the other man at all costs. I don't really care what his name is truthfully. I don't. He feels transient in my mind. Like he'll fade away eventually.
Another hour goes by and I realize I needed this. I tell him that.
"Are you alright?" he asks, worried. I laugh.
"I'm fine, yeah. Yeah, actually. I'm really fine." And I know that I am.
