Chapter Seven
Jacob
Run. Run faster, stronger, harder. Run until the questions stop.
I repeated this mantra as my bare feet pounded at the forest floor, creating a soothing rhythm of words and sound. Some where up above an owl shrieked and took off in flight. I could hear other forest animals too, scampering away as quickly as possible, trying to escape the clutches of the big, bad wolf.
Run. Run faster, stronger, harder. Run until the questions stop.
The sky was clear and the moonlight danced on the leaves above. Some of it reached to the forest floor; like little beacons in the night they lit my path to Olympia. A few cars zoomed down the highway close to the forest. I could hear the buzz as they zipped down the road, at what must have been ninety clicks. I pushed myself harder to keep up.
Run. Run faster, stronger, harder. Run until the questions stop.
I didn't want to think anymore. I had spent the last six hours or so re-constructing the last conversation I had had with Renesmee in my head. It had been hard enough trying to finish Jimmy's truck with the thoughts that were buzzing around, never mind the long drive home, plus the cliff diving I had stopped off the main road to do. At the time I had thought the adrenaline would clear my head, but if anything it just made me more determined to see her.
Run. Run faster, stronger, harder. Run until the questions stop.
Jake! Seth's voice suddenly entered into the atmosphere, innocent and worried. Are you alright? Where are you going, man? What are you running from?
I didn't want to answer, I just wanted to keep running, but his question brought back all the doubt. She says she's changed, what does that mean? Haven't seen her in days… Voice sounds different… What if she's different?
And then the image that I had been dreading floated up … the image of Bella with blood red eyes; looking more like his Bella than mine. And then Bella was no longer Bella but Renesmee… and her eyes were blood red, and her face was perfect, too perfect… and that bond that we share… the tie that we have… is…
NO!
I growled into the night, but only Seth could make out my cry. The unseen creatures in the forest leaped back further and I pushed harder into the night.
I need to see her. I need to see if it's still there.
Seth was silent, but I could feel him running to catch up with me. Any other day I'd tell him to bugger off, but I was too preoccupied.
I was a mile away when I caught their scent on the wind. It burned at my nostrils but eased my nerves. It would be much easier with them gone. I wouldn't have to worry about him reading my thoughts. I paused in the forest and picked out their scents one by one.
Edward and Bella, that was for certain. Was that Rosalie and Emmett with them? Could I really be that lucky?
Much relieved I pushed forward into the night. I approached the clearing slowly and phased as I walked. The last thing I needed was for Seth to see this private moment. He was still a good eight miles away and that would give me enough time to see Renesmee in peace.
I bent down and unfastened the jeans that were wrapped around my calf. I slipped them on and approached the house slowly. The living room window was brightly lit up and I could see Alice dancing around, twirling and spinning as Jasper sat and watched TV. She abruptly stopped, mid-spin, and peered outside the window, no doubt catching sight of me.
Before I knew it she was at my side, smiling widely up at me.
"Hi. How's it going Jacob?"
"Hey Alice… I'm alright," I lied and ran my fingers threw my hair, "Um… is Renesmee home?"
"Yes, she is. But she is still rather upset from that phone call you two had." she said plainly; her smile didn't fade.
"I see. And you're not… um… mad at me?"
"Why would I be?"
"Right. Um, look Alice… the truth is, well I've come to see Renesmee. But I don't really want her to know that I'm here. Do you think that's possible?"
"Sure, she's up in her room right now listening to music. There's a tree back there that you can climb up. You'll get a good view that way."
My mouth dropped a little at how helpful she was being.
"Um, thanks." I said and headed for the back of the house.
"Jacob!" she called and I paused. She was at my side again. "I know why you're here. You're worried that you won't feel connected to her anymore. You're worried that now that she's changed, the bond that you share won't be there anymore."
"How… how do you know what I'm thinking?" I whispered.
Her smile was gone and she looked thoughtful, "Well… I think that if I were in your shoes I would be worried too. I know how much you loved Bella, and I know how quickly things changed for you once she became a vampire. But Renesmee is different. You two are very alike. Try not to see what she went through as becoming "more vampire-like", but instead as her becoming her true self."
With those last words she spun around on one foot and headed back to the front door.
I was left standing there in the moonlight for about three minutes as I pondered what Alice had said. You two are very alike… her becoming her true self…
For some inexplicable reason, those words excited me very much. I jogged to the back of the house and found the tree closest to Renesmee's room. I looked up the side of the house to her window and saw that it was brightly lit. I grabbed a hold of the tree's trunk and climbed up, digging my toes into the rough bark and grabbing onto branches as I went.
Higher and higher I climbed until I was level with the window and just six feet away. I positioned myself on a rather sturdy branch and leaned forward to peer into the room.
I spotted her instantly. She was sitting cross legged on the bare floor, back turned to me, swaying side to side. The sight of her alive and well eased my heart a bit, but I silently begged for her to turn around. I needed to see her face. I needed to see her eyes.
And as if she heard me, she stood up in one graceful motion and began to dance around the room. The first time she faced me, it was only for a second, but it was long enough to take my breath away. The second time she spun and faced the window again I nearly shouted for her. And then when she finally came to a stop, facing in my direction as she searched for the next song on her iPod, I wondered how on earth I ever doubted there to be a connection still between us.
Alice's words came flooding back, and now it was easy for me to understand why those words had excited me. Renesmee was beautiful. Not that she hadn't been before, but before the only real pull I felt for her was that of a kid sister. I loved her then very much and wanted to protect her from every kind of harm, always keep her laughing and never wanting to see her cry.
But now that I saw her like this, I wanted more.
I couldn't stop my hungry eyes from tracing the shape of her long, pale legs up to her short pair of shorts. Past her exposed stomach to the red tank top that was stretched much too tightly across her suddenly large breasts.
I gulped as a million different images of her body wrapped around mine flooded my head. I grabbed a hold of the nearest branch to steady myself, and took one last look at Renesmee before I climbed down the tree. When I reached the ground I could smell Seth from across the yard. I took my time walking toward him, hoping that my erection would cease by the time I made it over there.
"Everything okay?" ask Seth when he finished phasing.
"Yeah, everything's cool."
"I thought you were going to talk to her. What were you doing up in that tree?"
"I just wanted to see her. It was enough. Besides, she was heading off to bed… I didn't want to disturb her."
Seth eyed me up in the dark. "Yeah, sure she was. So… how does she look?"
"Different." I said as I started walking deeper into the forest.
"Different good or different bad." He asked as he followed me into the shadows.
"Good different, Seth. Really good."
"Really?"
"Yeah."
"Wow… to be honest I was kind of worried there."
"Why?" I asked, truly interested.
"Same reason you were. I remember the way things changed for you after Bella changed. I mean I know that you had imprinted on Renesmee at the same time, but I know that Bella becoming a vampire changed your feelings towards her. And no one really knows how this imprinting stuff works. I was worried that Renesmee might have become too vampire-like for you, or something like that."
"It's not like that though," I began to explain, "It's more like she has become whole, like she has become the true Renesmee now."
"So in other words," began Seth with a smirk, "you're in love with her?"
"I've always been in love with her," I replied.
"No I don't think so. Yes you've always loved her, but I don't think you were in love. And who could blame you? Up until a few days ago she was only a child, but she's changed so much in appearance alone…" answered Seth.
I stopped mid-step and eyed him up in the shadows. He looked horribly guilty for some strange reason.
"Why do you look like that?"
"Like what?" he asked sounding worried, and then it finally clicked.
"You've seen her already, haven't you? You got to see her before I did!" I growled.
"What are you talking about, Jake?"
"Seth, have you or have you not seen Renesmee since her … her change?" There was no reason for my voice to sound as angry as it did, neither could I explain why I suddenly wanted to punch Seth in the stomach.
"Jake buddy, calm down okay? It's not like it was all planned out or anything. I just stopped by earlier to say good-bye to the Cullens since I'll be working tomorrow and won't be able to see them off. Renesmee was there, of course, and so yes I saw her. What's the big deal?"
"You could have told me. When we were running and all of those horrible images were going through my head… why didn't you say something? How were you even able to hold that from me?"
Seth opened his mouth and then closed it quickly. "I… I don't know, man. I'm sorry about that. But I guess I just totally forgot about it. I was preoccupied with you and your emotions, I just didn't think about it until now."
I let go of a deep breath and sat down on a tree stump.
"Shit, I'm really sorry about that Seth. I didn't mean to snap on you."
"Don't worry about it Jake. It's fine."
"Really, is it? Lately I've been feeling so guilty about leaving you behind. First your sister goes and imprints on some adventure-seeking big shot lawyer and high tails it to New York, and now I'm leaving for Canada," I kept my eyes on the ground.
"Dude, I've already told you not to worry about it. You're not my father, bro. You don't need to hang around here to protect me," replied Seth.
"Yeah, I guess you're right. But I will miss you." I confessed.
He leaned forward and placed an arm on my shoulder. "I'll miss you too, Jake."
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"I'm really gonna miss you, son."
"I'm gonna miss you too, Dad."
I didn't want to turn around and look at my father. I knew the tears were there; I could hear them in his voice. I'm sure he could hear them in mine too.
I continued to pack the last of the items in the duffle bag while Billy sat in the hallway and watched. I knew that at some point I was going to have to turn around and face my father… so I started to pack slower.
"Alright then," he sighed, "I'll see ya downstairs."
I nodded slowly and then stopped all together when he left. I sat down on my bed and examined the tiny space which was my room. Six cardboard boxes were stacked near the door, ready to be taken outside and placed in the U-Haul trailer that Carlisle had rented out for me, and was now attached to the back of my Mustang. Four of those boxes contained the contents of my closet, another held my collection of CDs. The last box was full of miscellaneous items that held some sort of sentimental value. A dream catcher that had once belonged to my mother, a few soapstone carvings pasted down from my great-grandfather, the charm bracelet Renesmee had made me when she was four. I sighed at the thought of that bracelet.
I had barely slept a wink the night before as a combination of dreams and nightmares had me slipping in and out of consciousness. The dreams had been as wonderful as the nightmares had been frightening. All of them involved the newly changed Renesmee.
I shook my head and tried hard not to re-live the last pleasant dream I had had. It would not be good to have Edward see the image of his daughter's naked body wrapped around my own. It would only create more problems between us.
After stuffing a quilt into the duffle bag, I zipped it closed and swung it over my shoulder. It took me six trips to load the boxes into the trailer, six unnecessary trips that I dragged out in order to avoid saying good-bye to my father. I didn't know why it was so hard to say good-bye this time around. I had left a few times before, and never once found anything hard about it. But maybe that was because the other times that I left, I was leaving out of rage. It's easy to leave the ones you love behind when you're angry, but not so easy when you're on good terms.
I pulled the door on the trailer shut and locked it in place. I turned to head back for the house, and saw Billy sitting on the front porch.
"All set then?" he asked in his deep voice.
"Yup… I'm all ready to go." I dug my hands in my pockets and began to rock back and forth on my heels.
"What will you do up there, in Canada?" he grunted.
"Carlisle was able to get me a job fixing cars… much like what I'm doing now."
"Humph." Snorted Billy, "And where will you be staying?"
"Dr. Cullen got me a place to stay too."
"I see…"
"Dad, I … I'm sorry."
"Sorry? For what Jacob?"
"For leaving," I offered. I really didn't know why I was apologizing. All I knew was that it was really freaking uncomfortable having my father stare at me like I was about to make the biggest mistake of my life.
"You've left many times before, Son."
"Yeah, I know. But this time… this time I'm not coming back."
"Yeah… I figured this was a permanent thing." Sighed Billy.
"I know this is hard for you, but it's hard for me too. I really love Renesmee and she's worth the move."
"You love her, but does she love you back?" he questioned.
I bit my bottom lip, a total give away of my uncertainty, and tried to find the right words.
"I believe she does. And someday she'll tell me so." He looked unconvinced and I sighed, "What else can I do, Billy? She's all I think about. I didn't choose to imprint that day, it just happened."
He snorted, "Werewolf imprinting on a blood sucker…"
"Dad."
"Okay, okay. I know I shouldn't call them that. Old habits die hard, you know." He smiled softly.
We were silent for a few moments until my cell phone rang.
"Jacob, are you all ready to go?" Bella's voice sang in the phone.
"Yeah, I'll be there shortly. I'm just saying good-bye."
"Oh okay then. Jasper's got your papers all in order. We'll wait for you; there's no rush. Take your time."
"Sure, sure,"
I hung up the phone and walked over to Billy. I grabbed him into a bear hug, just as he started to tear.
"Gonna miss you, Pops."
"Gonna miss you too, Son."
