Zilo: Devil-Speaker, Half Human Homunculi, thank you very much!

Risty May: You're so right, Wandering Hitokiri! Many things about this, er, problem are quite embarrassing! I simply can't stand up when I-
Zilo: Uh, NO YOU WILL NOT DISCUSS THAT? But hey, at least Annora and Risty May can swap tips...or something...

Zilo: COOKIE! (devours) Thanks, Maire blaze!
Ed: Eh, you'll get over it.
Zoe: Yes, it was incredibly forward of me, wasn't it? But I cared about Risty May's hygiene, and I wasn't going to let Eddie off the hook.
Ed: STOP CALLING ME THAT!

Risty: Actually, Koinu-chan, I was hoping it WOULDN'T happen. I hope your heebie jeebies go away!
Zilo: (removes hat in honor of Maes Hughes) Hey, that line sounds familiar! It's in a story I like, isn't it?

Zilo: Arktos, thank you thank you thank you! Again! I trust you got my long-winded response! And Onna-san, don't give them ideas! They're mine now!
Arakawa-san: I have a few copyright disputes with that, Zilo...
Zilo: Heh, sorry. I meant, I'm borrowing them!
Envy: OW! STOP KICKING ME! I DON'T CARE WHAT YOU ARE! (turns hand into spike and gives chase)


Zilo: Welcome back, all! The A/N's getting a little crowded, so we'll introduce just one more-
Lust: We're not going to let you.
Zilo: (sweatdrop) Whah?
Ed: GET HER!
(Ed, Roy, and Envy tackle Zilo and tie her to a chair)
Zilo: HEY! YOU CAN'T DO THIS! (thrashes around while the boys try to control her)
Winry/Havoc/Risty/Zoe: (sweatdrop while wisely edging away)
Riza: And now for the next chapter. Please enjoy.
Lust: Or I'll be forced to take action.


SEVEN: Ups And Downs
AKA "Don't Let Paranoia Get You Killed Or Complain When You Get Bathed"


Risty May's P.O.V.


"Feel better?" Alphonse asked.

I nodded, closing the restroom door behind me. "I even did a pretty good job, considering I had my eyes squeezed shut."

Alphonse sweatdropped. "Uh...all right..." He obviously didn't know what to say to that.

"When will we get to Central?" I asked, changing the subject.

"Another hour or so," Alphonse said, turning to go back to our booth. I followed, thinking things over. Mainly, about being able to transmute without a circle. I knew what the criteria for that was, and I had thought that I didn't meet standards. So how had I busted up the lab back at Biexilde?

I was still pondering it when we sat down in our booth. Roy and Riza had gone back to their own seats. Absently I shrugged off the red coat and, after a moments, thought, the white gloves. "Hey Al," I said, "I think I wanna try something."

Alphonse tilted his head slightly as I dropped one of the gloves in my lap. Praying I didn't somehow blow up the train, I clapped my hands together, wincing at the sting from my chimera bites. I touched the glove, and it glowed blue. I felt a hint of satisfaction, until the glove expanded abruptly, like a balloon in fast-forward. Then, with a quiet toof, it burst. Little strips of white glove sailed into the air and dropped around us as we stared at each other.

"Uh...whoops," I offered lamely.

Al stared at me as I sheepishly picked up all the pieces of glove and piled them in my lap. "Um, not to sound mean," he said, "but what were you trying to do?"

"Ummm, I'm not sure. Change it's shape, I guess."

Alphonse sweatdropped. "Okay, first lesson in alchemy: have a specific idea of what you want to do before you start a transmutation."

I decided that made a good first lesson as I looked down at the poor busted glove.

"Okay, so why don't you try again? This time, try to focus on putting it back together," Al suggested.

I nodded and clapped my hands, touching the pile of glove pieces. They started to glow blue again, and I watched in amazement as the pieces pulled themselves together underneath my fingers. The light faded, and I lifted my hands, expecting to see a perfectly fixed glove.

Instead I saw a mass of white cloth with weird peaky and tucked parts. It was like someone had taken all the pieces, put them in a pile, and randomly sewed like a madman, leaving a big mess. I tried to put my hand in it and managed to jam in about half a finger.

"...Here, give it to me." Alphonse held out a hand, and I dropped the cloth monstrosity into it. He sighed. "I'll fix it once we get to Central."

"Okay," I agreed meekly, pulling the other glove on over my automail. "Sorry, Al."

"It's okay." We sat in silence for a few moments. I watched the scenery whiz by, absently drumming my fingers on my knee.

"So...what's it like?"

"Eh?" I looked up at Alphonse. "What's what like?"

"You know, being a girl in a boy's body. Is it strange?" Alphonse seemed genuinely curious.

I shrugged. "Hearing my own words in a guy's voice is kinda odd, but if I don't think about it too much, I guess it's not so weird."

"Really?" Alphonse sounded surprised.

I nodded. "Yeah. If I don't dwell on it too much, I'm good. But now I'll be thinking about it all day!"

Al laughed. "Sorry. I couldn't help but wonder."

I laughed too.


When we arrived at Central, I followed Al off the train. Before I knew it, Roy and Riza were with us. "We're going straight to Headquarters," Roy told us.

"Okay." Al and I nodded. Roy led us outside, where Jean Havoc was waiting with a car. We all squeezed in (having to squeeze because of poor Al) and Havoc drove us to Headquarters.

"So," I said once the four of us "on the inside" had convened in Roy's office, "What do we do next? Do I need to keep going on missions to not raise suspicion?"

"I'll take care of that," Roy said, intertwining his fingers. "You know what happened in Biexilde, and the chances of that happening again are pretty high."

"Oh yeah." I smiled sheepishly.

"Until we can solve this problem, you'll stay right here in Central, where I can keep an eye on you," Roy said.

Riza and Al nodded, but I bit my lip. "Are you sure?" I asked. "I won't get you or Ed in trouble with the higher-ups, will I?"

Roy smiled, and my face turned red. (What? Roy's a cute character) "Don't worry, I'll take care of that," he said. "You just make sure you keep a low profile. We don't need anyone else finding out about this."

"Well, not to sound condescending or anything, but if Ed acts a little off, I don't think anyone's mind is going to jump to 'OMG, he must have had his body taken over by a teenage girl named Risty May'," I pointed out.

Roy shrugged. "Maybe, maybe not."

"The point is to be careful," Riza said.

I nodded. "Okay."

"While I'm covering for you, I expect you to be searching for a solution," Roy went on.

"Well, yeah, of course," I said, "but, um, you've probably figured out I'm not as smart as Ed. If the answer we're looking for is something alchemy-related, then, you better get someone else to do it." I was thinking of the poor glove.

Al stepped up next to me. "I'll be helping you, remember?" he told me.

"And I don't make it a habit to abandon 14-year-old girls," Roy said. (The nerve! I'm not just 14, I'm almost 15!) "I'll have Lieutenant Hawkeye help you, and if you keep me updated, I'll do what I can on my end. Are we clear?"

We all saluted and shouted out, "Yes sir!" Then Alphonse bent down a bit. "Tilt your hand a little higher," he whispered to me.

"Oh. Sorry. Thanks." I tweaked my hand up a couple of notches.


That night...

"How's your arm?" Alphonse asked.

"Hmm?" I looked up from the alchemy book I was attempting to read. We were in the Elric dorm thing in Headquarters. "Which one? They both got hurt a bit."

Alphonse came over. "Well, I meant the left one, but let me see the automail."

I pushed up my right sleeve. I hadn't actually taken a good look at it, but now I did as Alphonse examined it. There were several tooth-shaped dents in the forearm plate (the one Ed makes his blade from). None of them seemed too deep, but there were enough to make it look bad.

"Do we need to get it fixed?" I asked.

"We can just transmute the dents out," Alphonse said. Seeing my face, he quickly added, "I'll do it, of course."

We silently turned to look at my gloves, lying on top of the red coat on the table. Al had fixed the one I had destroyed, and it looked good as new.

Al sketched a circle on a piece of paper and laid my automail over it. He put his hands to the circle, and it and my arm began to glow. When the light faded, the dents were gone.

"Hey, that's better," I said lightly, flexing my automail.

Al chuckled. "So, how's the other arm?"

"Oh, it's okay. Stings if I touch it, but it's not so bad." I smiled up at him. "Now that I think about it, I probably must've scared you a lot when the chimera bit me, with all the screaming and crying and stuff."

Alphonse nodded. "I was a little worried. Brother's never sounded that frantic before."

"I'm sorry," I said. "I let my emotions mow me over, and I was scared and upset, and I wanted my mom." I ducked my head, feeling tears stinging.

I felt a hand on my shoulder, and looked up to see Al. "It's okay," he said comfortingly. "At least you weren't hurt any worse. And now you're not keeping the truth all to yourself. It's gonna be okay."

I sniffled up my tears and nodded. "Yeah, you're right. I say tomorrow we go to that national library thing. You guys are always finding answers there, right?"

Alphonse laughed. "I guess you're right about that. I'm not sure if we'll find any answer for this particular problem, but it's worth a look, right?"

"Right!" I agreed, turning to grab the alchemy book. At that moment I saw something flash past the window. It was so quick, I wasn't sure I had really seen anything.

But I had.


Over the next few days, Alphonse and I spent our time discussing theories and solutions, and reading alchemy books the size of large-print Bibles. Roy, true to his word, didn't send us on any missions, and sometimes he sent Riza to join us for updates and further theory discussion and giant-alchemy-book-reading.

Unfortunately, the end of the week came and went without any headway. Since as far as we knew, this was the first case of bodysnatching ever, we had no one else's experience to draw on. Alchemy didn't seem to be the answer, so what was?

In the meantime, I had gotten used to ducking Ed's usual acquaintances. Since I didn't want to have anyone else accidentally finding out, I figured it was best to keep my distance from others. Doing this involved pretending I didn't see Havoc one time in the hall, hiding in a broom closet when Kain Fuery and Heymans Breda walked by, and flat out running from Alex Louis Armstrong (though in my defense, he was trying to hug me).

Along with ducking Ed's pals, I was also trying to get a grip on alchemy. Alphonse was nice enough to try and teach me the basics, but I just had a hard time grasping proper transmutations. More often than not I merely blew up whatever I was attempting to transmute, or transmuted it into its dust form. Alphonse was nice and patient, even though I really didn't make any headway. But at least we had good laugh over the stuff I blew up or disintegrated.

I even got accustomed to the "shower without looking" and the "potty break without looking" routine. I had become very efficient, though I also hummed and sang quite loudly to distract myself. Edward actually has a good singing voice. He should use it more often. Or use it period.

However, the passage of time slipped my notice a bit. I suddenly realized how long it had been when us four "on the inside" were convened in Roy's office, and I caught a glimpse of the calendar.

"Holy schnikey!" I cried, accidentally cutting Roy off as he talked about...something. "It's been two weeks!"

That prompted the others to stare at me.

"Uh...I meant it's been two weeks since I woke up as Ed," I clarified, my face red.

"Hmm. Has it?" Roy commented, like we had been talking about the weather and I mentioned it had been cloudy lately.

"I wonder if Brother's okay," Al said aloud.

There was a moment's silence as we considered Ed's fate. Was he okay? Did he know what was going on? Was he trying to fix it on his end?

Speaking of which...

"Did I tell you guys about my dream?" I asked.

They shook their heads. "It was last night, and it was freaky," I said. "I was, like, flying through this dark tunnely thing, and I felt weird, like I was missing something. Then I looked up, and I was, like, watching this image of a transparent Ed fall into me, I mean, an image of me asleep. It was like..." I trailed off, about to say, "Like Episode 50," but I realized that would mean nothing to them. "...Weird," I finally finished, rather lamely.

I was still being stared at. "Um," I floundered, "and anyway, then I looked down and I realized I was transparent too, and I was suddenly, like, dive-bombing into Ed's body in the hospital."

Silence. "Like I said...it was reeeally freaky," I finished nervously, about ready to crawl under a rock.

"...Really?" Al said, sounding amazed.

Roy and Riza exchanged glances before Roy spoke. "Is it possible that that wasn't really a dream? That you were in fact recalling?"

"You mean you think Ed's in my body right now?" I said. "And, like, in my worl...uh oh."

"What?"

"Hah, pancakes!" I said cheerfully, using my ultimate subject-changer.

The other occupants of the room sweatdropped at my random remark.

What I was thinking was, could it be possible, if Ed really had taken over my body like I had his, that my mom and dad and Zoe might think he was still me? What if he was wrecking my life? It had been two weeks, enough time for spring break to end. Was he in school as me, getting in fights because people called me short, flunking history quizzes, causing a general ruckus? I fervently prayed to whoever they had over here that he had been found out.

"Okay, so let's say me and Ed did switch bodies," I said, suddenly swerving back on topic. "What now? How do we switch back?"

Roy looked deep in thought. "It looks like we'll have to do some more research with that theory in mind," Alphonse pointed out.

"Yeah. Maybe we'll actually find something."

"Actually," Roy spoke up, talking to me, "would you mind waiting outside for a moment? I'd like to speak to Alphonse privately."

"Uh, sure. I mean, no. I mean, yeah, I'll go." I hated all those "do you mind" questions. They always tripped me up. I left Roy's office, and then left the outer office thing.

So I waited. And waited. And waited. I started to get fidgety, then I started thinking that they still didn't trust me, which was why they sent me out. Then I started thinking of all the reasons they wouldn't trust me, like, oh, I don't know, hijacking Ed's body or something.

I sighed heavily, realizing I was getting paranoid. My solution for that is take a walk. (Except in school; I can't just get up and walk out) So I patted myself down for paper and something to write with.

Just then, Kain Fuery walked by. "Hey!" I greeted. "You wouldn't happen to have a pencil, paper, and something adhesive, would you?"

Fuery seemed surprised that I was talking to him (Maybe because of the broom closet thing). "Well, sure, Major," he said, producing everything except the adhesive. "I'm afraid I don't have the, er, adhesive."

"Oh, that's okay," I said, scribbling a note.

Roy and others:

I was getting paranoid, so I went 4 a walk. If I'm not back in 20 mins, please come and get me, as I am likely having a nervous breakdown.

-RM aka EE aka FMA

"Give that to the colonel as soon as he gets out, okay?" I said. "And don't peek at it."

"Well, sure, but-"

"Bye!" I took off down the hall, needing fresh air, as I was beginning to suspect Fuery knew who I was.

What? I already said I was getting paranoid.


It was a nice day outside, and I reveled in the fresh air that calmed my paranoia and made me unreasonably happy. I walked a straight line from Headquarters so I wouldn't get lost, enjoying the sunshine and the outdoors and generally getting in a good mood. In the spirit of the moment, my own spirits soared, and my optimism was high. I could hear the birds chirping, and at any second Snow White could've started singing soprano, and I'd have nodded my head to the music and smiled.

In other words, I was in a really good mood. I actually skipped a couple of times, before reminding myself I was Edward and stopping. When I had been walking about thirty minutes, I finally decided to turn around and go back, figuring that the others were done talking by now, and possibly wondering if they needed to come get me (because of the whole nervous breakdown thing). So I spun around a couple of times, eventually pointing myself in the right direction, and started back. "Why can't it be sunny every day?" I asked of the sky.

Sad to say, the sky didn't answer. But that was okay.

"Full Metal Alchemist Edward Elric."

I froze, my breath catching. A chill rattled down my back like dozens of ice cubes. No, I thought fearfully. It can't be. No. Oh no ohnonononononono!

With fear and dread, I turned slowly, only to have my worst fears confirmed.

Scar stood a few feet away, sunglasses on, mouth set in a determined scowl. My eyes were wide with fear, and I could feel both my arms trembling against my sides. "Scar," I said, my voice barely able to keep steady.

"You have evaded judgment long enough," Scar said, his right hand raising as he advanced.

I gasped, and my breath caught in my throat. "No!" I burst out. I whirled and ran, intent on getting back to Headquarters and safety.

Then there was an electrical crackle behind me. I risked a look back and saw Scar touching the wall we had been beside. A current raced through the wall and made it explode in front of me. I screamed and shielded my face with my automail, not wanting to get pummeled by debris. I heard footsteps behind me and ran into the alley to my right.

Got to get away, I thought, running for all I was worth. Ed's speed helped, and I was fairly flying down the alley, looking for a left turn. Finally I came across one, and I swerved into it. I was about halfway down when I screeched to a halt, realizing it was a dead end.

"Oh no," I groaned aloud, my breath coming faster. I whirled, hoping to backtrack before Scar got there.

Too late. Scar blocked the only way out, half his face in shadow.

I swallowed hard, feeling my knees lock up. I wanted to beg him not to blow my brains out, literally, but I had a feeling he wasn't someone I could reason with. I felt tears stinging, and thought that maybe it was okay to cry over my impending death.

Scar must have seen the fear all over my face, because he said, "It is the will of God that you face judgment," as he approached. Like that was supposed to comfort me, or something!

I tried to take deep, calming breaths, but as Scar got closer my legs failed me and I went down on my butt, my legs making an M shape on either side of me. My breath was starting to hitch. "Please, before you nuke his brain, I mean my brain," I said haltingly, suddenly clinging to a new hope, "please listen. I'm not who you think I am."

"You are the Full Metal Alchemist," Scar stated, like "duh".

"No! No I'm not! Honest!" I cried, waving my hands frantically. "I know it sounds totally psycho, but I believe Ed and I switched bodies! I'm just a 14-year-old who can't do a lick of alchemy. If-if you bomb my brains, you'll be killing an innocent kid!"

Scar's scowl remained firmly in place, but his hand did stop its descent to my face. Maybe it was because I was trembling, or maybe because I had tears in my eyes, or such desperation in my voice, or the fact that I had used the words "totally" and "nuke".

"Explain yourself," Scar commanded.

And so, in a halting voice, I gave him a condensed version of The Story. During this time, Scar didn't drop his hand, but at least he didn't put it on my face.

"Now, all I'm trying to do is get back home," I said. "Once we switch back, you can try and blow up Ed all you want. Just, please, not now, please."

Scar was analyzing my face. I couldn't tell what he was thinking because of those conforking sunglasses. "Why should I believe this?" he said.

"Well, it's pretty darn elaborate to be a lie!" I said tearfully.

Scar seemed to consider, then finally, finally, let his hand drop, much to my relief. "Very well," he said gravely. "You manner does seem a bit unusual. But if you are lying, may God have mercy on your soul."

I let out a breath I didn't know I was holding and scrambled to my feet. "Thank you," I said breathlessly. "I don't know what'll happen if I die in Ed's body. We might both die. I don't wanna find out."

Scar didn't look like he cared too deeply as he turned to leave. Then, just when I thought I was in the clear, an all-too-familiar voice rang out.

"Going to let her go, then? Very well. I'll take her."

It was Envy. And now, like in my dream, he knew.


(Edward's P.O.V.)


After dinner, Zoe, now sulkily silent, went into the computer room, to check for the psycho girl's response, as she claimed. I helped Rose Fernandez clean up and wash the dishes.

"You make an excellent pasta, Edward," Rose said cheerfully.

"Uh, thank you," I said, a little humbled by the praise.

Rose smiled as she carefully folded up the dishtowel and hung it on a bar attached to the fridge. "Well, now I suppose we get ready for bed," she said. Catching my alarmed look, she went on, "don't worry; baths don't take too long. And if you've ever been in the hospital, sometimes they wash you there."

I remembered all right. It was one of the many reasons I hate hospitals. Still, it wouldn't be fair to Risty May to collect up stink so she had a hard job to do when she got back. I'd suffer through getting bathed, and I would make sure I didn't look.

"Okay," I sighed, "then let's get this over with."

Rose gave me an encouraging pat on the shoulder and guided me out of the kitchen and down the hall to Risty May's room. She hit the overhead light and pointed towards the bathroom. "Go on in there and get ready," she said, the underlying tone being go in there and take off your clothes. "Knock on the door when you're ready and I'll come in."

I walked into the bathroom and closed the door behind me. For only the second time today I looked into a mirror and saw a completely different face. The girl staring back at me looked pretty nervous, and her cheeks were flushed. I grabbed a hand towel and draped it over the mirror, not wanting to accidentally sneak a peek.

With a sigh, I kicked off the shoes and pulled the shirt over my head. I tried to think about other things and made sure I didn't look down as I took off the pants. I wonder what Al's doing right now, I thought, closing my eyes and trying to find the seam on the...ugh, I can't even say it.

...Um, okay? "Shoulder boulder holder"? What the hell kind of crude name is that?

Moving on. I tried to find the dumb seam, and it was in the back. I had to twist my arms into a very uncomfortable position to reach the little hooks, all while making sure I thought of other things. I hope he's okay. He can probably take care of himself. But I wonder if anyone actually knows what's going on. Is Risty May playing me? Or does Al know what's going on? If he does, are they trying to figure this out like I am? I realized they were probably at a disadvantage, since neither of them knew the things I had learned from Zoe and Rose.

That meant it was most likely up to me to sort this whole mess out. It wasn't anything new-I tackle problems by myself all the time-but this certain problem was in a league all its own. However, Rose herself had been able to switch back, with help from her older brother, so that meant there was a way out. But how?

By this time I had managed to take everything off, and now, with my eyes squeezed shut so hard it almost hurt, I felt my way to the door and knocked on it. Seconds later, the door opened.

"Ready?" Rose's voice asked me.

I nodded, and she took my hand and led me away. Then she helped me sit down on the edge of the tub and turned on the water.

"This brings back memories, you know," Rose said over the rush of the water. "I used to bathe Risty May all the time. She loved it. It was fun mom-and-daughter time for both of us."

I waited for relevant memories to surface, but none did. It must have been too early on in Risty May's life.

"In fact," Rose went on, draping a towel over me so I could look, "when I was in Sailor Moon's body that was one of the things I missed most." She had put a stopper in the tub, and it was now about halfway full.

"Did any of this sailor's friends find out what had happened?" I asked.

Rose sat on the edge of the tub next to me, keeping an eye on the water level. "Only two. Her friend Rei and her cat, Luna."

"Cat?" I repeated.

"Yes. She talks." Rose saw my skeptical look and smiled. "Talking animals are very popular in children's shows. Certainly there's something like that in your world?"

I sighed. "Unfortunately, yes, but they aren't as friendly-sounding." I proceeded to tell her a bit about chimeras, leaving out some of the more confusing parts.

"Hmm," Rose said, looking deep in thought. "That seems cruel to the animals being combined."

"It is," I agreed. "That's why it's supposed to be illegal, but people do it anyway."

Rose absently turned off the faucets. The tub was nearly full. "Do these...'chimeras' run wild?" she asked.

"If you're thinking about Risty May, then don't worry," I said. "There aren't any chimeras in Central. She'll be fine."

Rose nodded, then motioned to the tub. "Well, hop in," she said.

I looked down at the water and paled, realizing I was going to have to take off the towel.


"I am not scarred for life. I am not scarred for life. I am not scarred for life."

"Oh, stop being so dramatic!" Zoe snapped, looking a little irritable. She had changed into an oversized purple nightshirt and white pajama pants with vertical blue stripes. "It's just a bath, jeez!"

"Easy for you to say!" I snapped right back, now in clean underwear. I had an oversized nightshirt wrapped around me as I sat on Risty May's bed and Zoe looked for something for me to wear for the night; the scary thing about the nightshirt was that there was a giant headshot of my face on it. "I hate other people bathing me!"

Zoe made a "tch!" noise as she pulled open a dresser drawer filled with socks, underwear, and the BSH things. "Well, then, why didn't you do it yourself?" she said, slamming the drawer shut and opening another.

"You know why!" I said. "You made a big stink about it at dinner!"

Sitting behind me, Rose was combing my wet hair and talking on her phone at the same time. From what I gathered, it was Risty May's dad checking in, and Rose talked to him easily as Zoe and I argued. "Yes, dear...no, Risty May did not say the 'A' word, honey, you know her...that was Zoe...as far as I know, she's still just as 'evil'..."

"Well then, stop whining about it!" Zoe said, pulling out a set of red pajamas. She tossed them at me, and I caught them, scowling at her. "Whatever happened to 'I can't get mad at my Risty May' huh?" I challenged.

Zoe glared at me. "Now that I've gotten used to such a sweet girl being replaced by a foul-mouthed prick, I don't mind," she said.

"Who're you calling foulmouthed?" I demanded.

"YES, DEAR, WE'RE ALL GETTING ALONG SWIMMINGLY," Rose said loudly into the phone.

Zoe and I fell silent, Zoe not looking at me as she picked out something for me to wear tomorrow. I pulled the red pajama top over my head. When I had it on, I looked down and was surprised to see the Flamel symbol on the front. Huh. But that wasn't nearly as surprising as when I put on the pants and found an Ouroborus mark on the left ankle.

These pajamas kind of creeped me out.

"Okay...all right...I love you too...don't kill your boss...bye-bye." Rose hung up and put all her effort into combing my hair. "Seriously, you two, you couldn't stop fighting for a minute?' she scolded.

Zoe sighed. "Short Stuff's the one causing the ruckus," she said.

"?" I yelled.

"Zoe," Rose said warningly, "stop that. You've done that three times."

"I can't help it. He's getting on my nerves. And he's so goadable," Zoe replied.

"Oh, shut up!" I snapped, crossing my arms. "You're really immature!"

"Me?" Zoe exclaimed. "Oh, yeah right, Mr. Napoleon Complex!"

"Who or what the hell is a napoleon!" I yelled.

Rose picked up her spray bottle and squirted us both in the face before we could blink. "Stop it now!" she ordered. "I might not be either of your parents, but you will not disrupt the peace of this household a second longer!"

Zoe and I both stopped talking and looked down guiltily at our hands.

"Now if we're going to get through this and bring Risty May back home, we have to work together," Rose said. "Nothing is going to be solved by the two of you yelling at each other at ten o'clock at night. Now, from this point on, let's make an effort not to fight, all right?"

"All right," I agreed.

"Okay," Zoe sighed, pulling out a muted orange v-neck. She draped it over the denim shorts already over her arm and held them out to me. "Here. Wear this tomorrow."

I took the clothes and looked down at them as Rose parted my hair and started to braid it. "Thanks," I said.

"Yeah, yeah." Zoe started picking up the clothes she had been flinging around. Her eyes fell on the picture, Me and Zoe at the Two Thirds Concert, May '06, wedged in the full-length mirror's frame, and her eyes saddened for a second before she went back to picking up clothes.


Zilo: (still struggling to get free) Guys! This is so unfair!
Al: Did you know that line Envy used was something Zilo said while playing Envy in something called a "role-play"?
Ed: Nope. Didn't really care either.
Envy: I'm telling you, if we just killed this Zilo person-
Zoe: That's kind of out of the question.
Winry: Hmm, what's this? (hovering over Zilo's laptop)
Zilo: (thrashes) DON'T TAKE THAT APART!
Roy: (waves smugly) Bye, everyone.
Risty: (on his left) Read the omake, please!
Lust: (on his right) Or I'll get ugly.


OMAKE THEATER

(This stems from my way of shorthand writing whenever I can't get to a computer. I pretty much write like in an IM. It's quicker and takes up less space.)

"Plz, b4 u nuke his brain, I mean my brain," I said haltingly, suddenly clinging 2 new hope, "plz listen. I'm not who u think I am."

"U R the FMA," Scar stated.

"OMG RLY?" I replied.

Scar nodded. "YARLY!" He winked.

I stuck out my tongue.

He tilted his mouth in a lopsided frown.

I grinned.

He grinned and winked.

I squeezed my eyes shut and stuck out my tongue.

He cried.

I sweatdropped.

He made a devil face at me.

I opened my eyes wide and sweatdropped.

"DRAMA LLAMA!" Scar cried, running towards me, hand outstretched.

"CHEESE WITH WINE!" I screamed, trying to scale the wall.

Nothing happened. I peered over my shoulder and saw Scar ROFL. So, I LMAO.

It fell to the ground with a thud.