A/N:
Hey, guys. No, I'm not actually dead haha. It just seems like it because it's taken me forever to update this story. I really am sorry for the wait. The truth is, I lost interest for a long time. I didn't know where to go with it and it's only recently that I've gotten back into it. It will be finished, but it will just take a while.
This isn't my best chapter at all. I'm not happy with it, but I wanted to post at least something. It's more of a filler than anything else. The next chapter will be much longer, better, and filled with drama.
Disclaimer:
I'll make it simple: I don't own iCarly.
When I arrived at his house, the door was already open with Brad leaning against the frame. His lips curved into a frown as he took in the sight of me. He held his hand out wordlessly, and I placed mine in his. Together, we made our way inside. He quickly kicked the door shut behind us, locking it with a click.
"Where do you want to talk?" he asked quietly, stopping before we got to the living room.
"The kitchen is fine," I replied, tugging on his hand to continue moving.
As soon as I was close enough to one of the bar stools at the island, I collapsed. My knees felt weak and my whole body trembled. I took shallow breaths, hunching my shoulders forward, while I rested my arms on my thighs.
"Do you need some time to think about it before you tell me?"
I nodded, breathing a silent sigh of relief. I honestly had no idea how he was able to read me so well. By simply look at me, he could figure out exactly what I was thinking.
"I'll go get you a glass of water and something to eat. You look like you could use a little pick-me-up."
While he was rummaging around the kitchen to prepare food for me, I stared off into space, pondering my thoughts. More than anything, I wanted to lie down, close my eyes, and pretend like today hadn't happened. How in the world was I going to explain this to Brad without completely flipping out?
Suddenly, a tall glass of ice water and plate full of freshly fried bacon appeared in front of me. My mouth couldn't help but water as my eyes scanned over the food. Had I zoned out that much that I missed him cook up one of my favorite meals?
He dropped into the seat next to me. "Please eat, Sam."
I nodded, reaching for a strip of the meat. Chewing slowly, I tried to savor the taste, but it was no use. The flavor was bitter on my tongue, and after a few bites, I reluctantly pushed the plate away.
"Carly and Freddie are together," I said flatly, without any emotion in my voice.
"What?" A look of confusion and surprise flitted across Brad's face.
"You heard me. Carly and Freddie are together," I repeated, gritting my teeth.
"No, that's not possible. They can't be together. How do you even know about this?" His eyes were guarded, displaying the fact that he didn't believe me.
"I'm not lying, Brad. I'll tell you exactly what happened, okay?"
He bobbed his head in agreement, hopping off of the stool to grab onto my hand. "C'mon. Let's go to my room. You look exhausted, so a bed might do you some good while you explain things."
I followed him silently up the stairs and to his room. Once we reached our destination, I flopped down on the comfortable bed, on top of the covers. Brad got in on the other side, settling in beside me. He leaned against the headboard, with his right arm wrapped around my body, pulling me closer to him.
"So much better," I sighed, laying my head on his shoulder.
"Good. Now tell me what happened," he murmured.
I gave him a play-by-play of today's events. It was hard to keep my voice from shaking during the time that I talked. Every few minutes I had to stop in order to breathe normally. When I finished, I lifted my head to gaze at Brad. He had been quiet through the whole thing, which made me a bit concerned.
He stared back at me with the wildest look I had ever seen in his green eyes. He almost looked like he wanted to…kill someone. His whole jaw was tense, as he took a slow, unsteady breath.
"How could they?" he spat out in a dangerously low voice.
"I don't know. I can't say I really blame them, though. I saw it coming."
"How?" His jaw remained rigid, but his eyes shifted back into focus.
I shrugged. "You didn't know Freddie when he was young. He chased after Carly for most of his life, and then one day, he didn't. I always thought it was weird how he dropped her like that. I figured maybe he just got tired of being rejected. Of course, it was all an act. The boy didn't stop chasing. He got sneakier in his ways of pursuing her. And using me to get to her became his way."
There was a small pause before Brad sighed, dropping his shoulders from their uptight state. "Sam, I don't know what to say. I mean, I actually do. I could say that I want to rip out Freddie's throat at the moment. But I'm not going to do that because it would upset you. Anyway, I guess I'm at a loss. I don't know what to do to make this better. How do I fix this?"
Shaking my head, I frowned. "You can't fix this. Some things can't be fixed, and this is one of them. It honestly hurts like hell, but there's nothing I can do about it. They've decided to date, despite everything that went on between Freddie and me. It is what it is."
"But it's not right! Don't they know the pain they're putting you through?" He sounded strained, while threw his hands in the air in exasperation.
"No. They think I'm okay with this. I told them it wasn't a big deal because what else am I supposed to say? Don't date each other because if you do, it will shatter my heart? Yeah, right. Like that's going to work," I scoffed.
"It might have," he answered quietly.
I shook my head again. "It wouldn't have. You didn't see their faces. They are totally in love. Freddie never looked at me the way that he was staring at Carly tonight. He never talked to me in the soft manner that he talked to her. It's just different with them. He desperately adores her, and she feels the same way. I think she always has."
"How? I thought she was supportive of your entire relationship with Freddie? Is she that much of a two-faced person?"
Sighing, I wound my arms around my knees, glancing away from his face. "No, she's not. Carly is really complicated, that's all."
"Mind explaining that one to me? She doesn't seem too complex to me. The girl likes shopping, doing her nails, performing for iCarly, and being a goody-two-shoes."
"She's an actress, Brad. She hides everything behind closed doors. Just because she appears to be one way, doesn't mean she's like that day in and day out. She's not two-faced. She's a human being, who makes mistakes. Everyone thinks she's Miss Perfect, but she's not."
Brad seemed like he was lost from my explanation, so I pressed on with my argument.
"Carly has always liked Freddie. She pretended to be all right with my relationship with him because she was obligated to. That didn't stop her from secretly wishing that it was her instead. When they dated, everything was great for them. They didn't get into fights, they both smiled all of the time, and they genuinely were happy. When Freddie broke up with Carly, she was upset for days because her "prince charming" left her. She actually got pissed at since she thought it was my fault. There were a couple days of silence between us, which wasn't pretty. She finally snapped out of it, but she never forgave me for that. Still, there have always been tiny moments they've shared since then. Lingering looks, hands brushing, the works. And when Freddie and I broke up, she seemed sad at first, but then she was completely fine with it. Content even. It was predictable that they'd get back together."
He gazed at me with a blank expression on his face for quite some time. Reaching out, he brushed a piece of hair away from my face. He rested his hand on my knee, raising one of his eye brows questioningly.
"Are you telling me you saw this coming from the very beginning?"
I nodded, as my lips twitched into a sad smile. "Yeah. This is what happens when you come in second in everything. Carly will always be first."
The next thing he did surprised me. He took a hold of my face between both of his hands. His warm breath blew in my face as he scrutinized me.
"You are not second best to Carly, do you understand? Please don't think like that. She could never measure up to half of what you are. She may be beautiful and perfect to some guys, but that doesn't mean she's real. You're real, Sam. You've got cuts and bruises, you've got issues, and you have one hundred times more heart than she does. Don't ever compare yourself to her because she has nothing on you. She's not first at all; you are. And Freddie is a bastard for not realizing or understanding this."
With each word he said, he inched closer to me. Now there was only a centimeter between our lips, and as I looked into his mesmerizing green eyes, I wanted desperately to kiss him. How could I not after what he just said? But…I couldn't. I couldn't fall. Not now, not ever again.
"Brad," I sighed, removing his hands from my face. I scooted back, so there was some distance between us.
"What is it?"
"Thank you," I mumbled.
"For?"
"Being amazing."
He chuckled. "What did I do?"
"You said all of those incredible things. How can you be so nice to me?"
I was curious, after all. How was he able to do it? No one, and I mean no one, had ever said something so heartwarming to me before.
"Because you're my Sammy," he answered simply.
My heart fluttered at his statement. "I'm your Sammy?" I teased.
"Yes. I'm sorry, but no one else can have you. You're mine," he growled playfully, tackling me in a bear hug. He then proceeded to use his nimble fingers to tickle the life out of me.
I gasped for breath, trying to wiggle out of grip. "Let me go!" I begged, laughing loudly. "I'm serious, Brad!"
"Not a chance. You're finally smiling."
He continued to tickle me, causing me to lose all of my strength to make him stop. He didn't quit until a couple of minutes later, when he saw how worn out I was from attempting to fight him off.
"I think you needed that," he pointed out, wrapping his arms around my body from behind.
"I did. Thank you."
"Anytime. But you already know that."
Suddenly, it dawned on me what time it was. Shifting my attention to Brad's alarm clock on his night stand, I saw the red numbers glow 7:00. Scrunching up my face, I knew I had to get home to finish my homework before school tomorrow.
"I think I have to get going. I still have homework to get done. Plus, I'd like to get some sleep, so I can actually stay awake in my classes," I joked.
"Do you really have to leave?" He sounded like he was pouting, which made me giggle.
"Yes. Sorry, but school work awaits me. Thanks for letting me vent, though. I appreciate it." I gently got out of Brad's embrace, standing up from his bed. I leaned in, placing a gentle kiss on his cheek.
"Are you sure you're going to be all right tonight? Do you need me to stay with you?"
"I'll be okay. It's a school night, and the last time I checked, you have class tomorrow, too. Don't you think you should stay here and get ready for that instead?"
He waved his hand dismissively. "I can always get up early and dash here before I go to the Academy."
"Brad, I'll be fine. Relax. I'm just going to go home, do homework, and head to bed. There's nothing too difficult or challenging about it. If I have a problem, I'll call you, all right?"
He nodded, smiling slightly. "If you're sure you'll be good, then I'll take your word for it. I'm only a phone call away, you know."
"I know. Jeez, you seem more freaked out than I am."
Chuckling, he agreed. "You're actually taking this better than I thought. Originally when you told me, I assumed you'd either be throwing stuff around the room, or crying. You're doing neither of those things. I know it's a sore spot for you, but you're not…" he trailed off.
"I'm not flipping out, I know. Sure, it fucking hurts, but I knew it was going to happen. I guess the best thing for me to do is to suck it up. I've kept everything inside this long, so it won't kill me to keep holding it in." I shrugged, making my way out of his room.
He trailed behind me, saying nothing. We both descended the stairs to the front door and once I got to it, I pulled it open, letting the cool, outside breeze envelop me.
"Let me know if you need anything, Sam. Don't hesitate to call or video chat me. I'll be here," he whispered.
Instead of answering him, I wrapped him in a tight hug, burying my face in his chest. No words past between us as we stood there, locked in one another's arms. Nothing needed to be said because sometimes words weren't enough.
I pulled back after a minute, giving him a smile that said, Thank you for everything. He returned my smile with one of his own which said, You're more than welcome. I'll talk to you later. We both waved at the same time, signaling our soundless goodbyes.
Stepping out of the doorway, I glanced at him once more before taking off. I walked quickly along the familiar path, hoping to get home soon because the wind had picked up, violently tossing my hair around and nipping at my thin jacket.
However, on the trip there, I couldn't help but wonder about what Brad had said. I was his? What did that mean? He had claimed that I was his and that no one else could be. Was he implying that he liked me, or maybe even loved me?
No, I thought. He doesn't have feelings for me. I'm imagining things. Brad is an extremely nice guy, so of course he would treat me like a princess. He would do it for anyone. That's just him. Seriously, I have nothing to worry about. I know I'm not in love with him, so it's ridiculous to think he'd look at me like that.
Still, the way Brad had announced the word, "mine" sent shivers down my spine. The good kind of shivers. It was like he was protecting me, so no one could get past him to harm me.
If only things had worked out differently. In another world, I would have been perfectly happy with Brad. But that world was destroyed when I fell for Freddie Benson. He fought his way into my heart, only to break and bruise it in the end. Had I chosen Brad from the beginning, this whole experience could have been avoided.
I had been foolish, selfish. I had thought I knew what love was. Those images from TV and movies gave me ideas about what love should have looked like. What I hadn't realized was love hurt. It broke me down into nothing. It made me fall for someone who didn't catch me. And it reared its ugly head by showing me that it could happen with the right people: Freddie and Carly.
Speaking of the adorable couple, I had to deal with them all day tomorrow. Inwardly groaning, I walked faster. The sooner I got home, the sooner I could get everything else done, so I could go to bed. I would need all the sleep I could get to endure the hellish day up ahead. It was probably going to be the worst Monday in the history of Mondays because I had to see my best friend walk in with my ex-boyfriend.
Looks like you're second again, Puckett. Always second and never first.
A/N:
Is Sam really in second place? That's up for you to decide. Perhaps in a review you can let me know...? :)
