Chapter 7: Brilliant Dance

On the day that Jesse returned home, Sam found herself immensely distracted. She slept in like she did everyday, not bothering to turn off the alarm that was ringing in the room. For some reason, she didn't feel bothered by it. She didn't feel bothered by anything at all. On the contrary she felt indifferent, everything around her seemed so out of place. Either that or she was the one that was not in place to her surroundings. She felt as though she was not living, as though this life ended on this day. At least that's what she hoped would happen. She didn't want to get up and make the decision that she needed to. She wanted to just lie there all day and never get up to face reality. She enjoyed the happiness and peacefulness that was going on these past two weeks. Just her and Freddie, and no one else to complicate things, much like Jesse was now doing because he was back in town.

At last she felt as though it was time to start the day, to begin going down the road that she needed to travel. She turned off the alarm, and went straight to the shower, hoping the water was hot enough to burn away the thoughts and secrets that were plaguing her mind.

She distanced herself from everything that could bring contact with others; the phone was across her room, and for once she didn't want to stand anywhere near it. She still wanted to feel as though this day that she had been worried about was still too far to face. So when she was looking for clothes to wear she did not glide across the room like she did when it rang, knowing it was Jesse calling her. As she was preparing to go to Carly's, she kept it on silent as she walked over, even though she saw the screen that blinked notifying her that she had received messages and missed a few calls. When she entered the Bushwell Plaza, her finger twitched as she roamed it across the power button, holding it down until the screen blacked out. She didn't know why but she was holding her breath as she did so, and released it as she saw there was nothing on the black screen. She approached Carly and Spencer's apartment and walked in like she always did, plopping herself down on the couch she loved lying down on. Carly came down the stairs, not at all surprised to see her best friend hogging up her couch that could fit three normal people.

"Hey" she said getting up to join Carly in the kitchen.

"Hi." Carly said, opening the fridge for a peppy cola and another one for her friend. Sam took it and popped off the cap, drinking it slowly.

"Where's Spencer?" Sam asked.

"Still not looking forward to me moving. When I told him that I was gonna begin packing he said he was going over to Socko's"

"When was that?"

"When I got back from New York. Don't worry he'll come around soon." She reassured herself as she told Sam not to worry.

"So when are you going to start packing Carls?" Sam asked, with melancholy tone. She was happy for her, but was saddened to know that her best friend is actually going to be leaving to the other side of the United States. How was she going to come and talk about the usual things one needs to a best friend? Carly turned around with a big bowl of potato salad and a fork for her and Sam.

"I started as soon as I got home, remember? I asked you if you wanted to help me and said you had to go somewhere. Oddly enough when I asked Freddie to come over and help me he said he was meeting up with a few of his friends from the AV Club, so I was on my own." She answered. "But since you're here now you wanna help?"

"I would rather just watch you." Sam smiled. Carly knew she would say something like that but shrugged it off and had her follow her to her almost empty room. Sam watched her step and took a long look at the room she would spend the night almost every other evening. She loved sleeping over Carly's not only because the mattress was softer than her own. If anything the one thing she loved and would miss in this room would be those times when she would sleep here, and as soon as she knew Carly was fast asleep she would run over outside to see Freddie waiting for her outside the door.

She would silently close the door behind her and run up into his arms, holding her tightly as if he would never let her go. She would wrap her arms around his neck and just stay like that for the longest time, breathing him in and then pull away slowly as she kissed his lips right outside in the hallway. They would try being quiet but in the end they would cover each other's mouths with their own as they felt caresses from one another, and slowly pull away and return to their beds, their touches still throbbing on each other's skin as if they had just run through fire.

She hadn't talked to Freddie all day, she noticed. Neither one of them she could bring herself to talking to. Carly was the only outlet that was not filling her world with complications, even though she was leaving. But in truth, she found herself missing him more than Jesse. She hoped for him to come through Carly's bedroom door in his blue-collar shirt that she loved so much on him, even if it was striped.

Carly noticed her friend daydreaming as she was standing there in the doorway and flung some old pajamas at her face that she would always wear when she was younger and stayed the night. Sam snapped out of her nostalgia and pushed the pajamas out of her face, a sour look in her face.

"What the Chizz?" she said.

"Come on Sam I could use even a little help packing." She said. Sam gave a long sigh in annoyance but found herself walking over to a box and began placing some of her best friends clothes in it. Nothing was keeping her mind in track, not even Carly's attempt at a conversation. All she could think about was Jesse, and Freddie, and who she would end up staying with, and whose heart she would have to break after she made that decision.

"So how's Jesse?" Carly asked for what seemed like the tenth time. When Sam didn't answer again she waved her hands like a child asking for candy. "Sam what's wrong with you today?"

"Huh?"

"You keep zoning out like when you did in high school history." She said.

"Sorry, what were you asking?" Sam said, trying her hardest to listen to the question that Carly was asking.

"How's Jesse?" Carly asked again, this time slowly. Sam felt her body tense a bit at the sound of his name and found her heart skipped a beat. Jesse…

"He's fine." Sam quickly replied when honestly she didn't know how he was. The last time she talked to him was last night, when he told her he was dying to see her. He probably called and texted her like crazy by now but she kept it in the back of her mind. Her phone was turned off and shoved at the bottom of her bag, just so nothing could wake her, so she could still daydream and that this day was just like any other.

"Are you guys gonna hang out tonight?" Carly asked. "I mean you guys haven't seen each other in two weeks. I'm sure you have missed each other." She assumed, as she pulled papers that she found from high school, and delicately placing them in the box.

"Yeah I guess." Sam answered, showing no interest in the topic that Carly was prying. "Maybe."

"Maybe?" Carly was a little bit surprised at how Sam was answering, like she wasn't in the mood to hear about Jesse, which was weird considering that they haven't seen each other in a while. Normally she would have already called him by now and have him over, and well, do what couples do. "What's wrong Sam?" Carly asked her blonde friend. She saw the look that came and quickly faded off her face, as though she was not feeling well. "Did you guys have a fight or something?"

'Or someone.' She wanted to answer her brunette friend, but knew it was not the time. First she had to choose. "It's nothing really Carly." She shielded her secrets from her best friend as they were eating away at her.

"Then why don't you call him? Where is your phone anyways?"

"I lost it." Sam declared.

"You want to use mine?" she picked up her phone and handed it to Sam. "You can go to the living room if you don't want me to listen." She smiled, to which Sam returned it but in reality she just wanted to frown.

As Sam was prepared to dial Jesse's number on Carly's flip phone, there was a knock at the door and Carly asked if Sam would go get it. Sam left the phone on Carly's bed and proceeded to open the door, knowing who would be there.

"Freddork." She smiled only to see it wasn't Freddie but Jesse standing in the doorway, a disturbed look in his face. Sam felt her body go numb and her blood freeze. She felt the wind knocked out of her as she looked in Jesse's eyes, full of suspicion and worry at the same time. All of that dissolved and turned to a look of passion and comfort as he saw her.

"Sam" he sighed and grabbed her. Sam just stood there, realizing that she didn't have any more time to play pretend. That this was just another ordinary day. He was here, and the other was just behind the door across the hall. He pulled her away from him and looked all over her face, down her body and back up again, as if looking for something. "Are you okay? Why haven't you been answering your phone? I've been calling and texting and both went unanswered, so I went to your house and your mom said she didn't know where you went and so I thought of the only other place you could have-"

Sam cut him off as she pressed her lips against his, slightly chapped with a taste of water. She broke the kiss and returned his embrace, breathing him in. She didn't know why but she felt like crying. Maybe because she felt bad that she was avoiding him. Maybe because she was dreading this would happen, she would slowly be feeling those emotions that automatically shut off when she was around Freddie. She felt wave upon wave of happiness that he was here with her again.

"I've missed you." She whispered in his neck. Jesse pulled her closer and also told her how much he missed her as well.

Carly walked out of her room and saw Sam hugging Jesse, wondering what he was doing there. But at the same time she was not at all surprised, seeing him there with Sam in close range.

"Hey Jesse how was your trip?" she asked. Jesse pulled away softly kissing Sam on her forehead, as he walked over to greet Carly. As he did so, she noticed the door to Freddie's apartment was open, and Freddie was standing in the doorway. Neither anger, nor pain, nor satisfaction was in his eyes. In fact there was no trace of emotion in his eyes. He looked almost indifferent to her, like she was feeling inside. On Sam's face however, he could see how happy she looked when she was staring at Jesse, and how it changed to guilt the minute she locked eyes with him.

"Freddie…" she sighed. Freddie broke their eye contact and looked down towards the floor, as if he found something interesting in the pattern. Sam still kept her gaze on his face, hoping that he would look back at her, see how this was not easy, that she still loved him, even though she could never bring herself to say it.

"Jesse's back." He said. That's when she saw his eyes hold a swirl of emotions, but at the same time, he tried restraining those emotions, but he could never pull it off as good as Sam did. He would always be up front with his emotions, whereas Sam never dared to. The only thing she could do was just keep watching him after he closed the door, and restraining herself from running over the other side of the hallway and stop him from closing the door. The road was already dividing, and she felt her legs moving in Jesse's direction.

"Sam. You want another Peppy Cola?" Carly asked from inside the kitchen, where Jesse was telling her about his two-week vacation. Sam turned around and closed the door behind her as she put on a fake smile and answered yes.


Jesse wanted to go to the movies, so he told Sam to meet him there. She got ready at Carly's and as she was leaving, she turned around and knocked three times at the Benson's apartment. She waited patiently, not knowing that Freddie was waiting there just behind the door, ready to see her leave and willing to wait to see if she would come back. He took a deep breath and opened it slowly looking at her face to see if she were going to tell him something that would either want to make him grab her or slam the door in her face. He was hoping for her to say that it was done, and she was his. But when she didn't, he waited for what she had to say, knowing that it was something he was not going to like.

"I'm meeting Jesse at the movies tonight." She told Freddie. "He says that he wants to talk to me about something important." Yup, he didn't like where this was going.

"Okay, what do you want me to say?" he asked her, crossing his arms across his chest. Sam sighed, defeated.

"Tell me you don't want me to go through with it." She said, as she got closer to him. "Tell me that you don't want me to leave again to him. That you want me here" she kissed his lips, "with you." Freddie sighed, as if he was annoyed. Why was she acting like such a child? She pulled away from him, seeing that he wasn't in the mood for her kisses. She scoffed at that and asked, "…unless you want me to go to him." She felt her throat close as soon as she said that. Why didn't he want to stop her from having her heart broken? She wanted to be his, and he was not doing what she wanted. He was not telling her to stay. She turned around only to have Freddie grab her and look at her dead in her blue and confused eyes.

"The only reason I want you to go to him is to break it off. That's the only reason I feel as though I shouldn't stop you. I don't want to share you Sam." By now he was shaking her. "I love you. I told you this when I saw you again and these past two weeks I have tried showing it to you. But I'm tired of this shit you are putting me through. Just like he would if he knew about us. I hated that you didn't tell me about Jesse. I did. And I can only imagine how he would react if he knew you weren't telling him something, just like you kept him in the dark about me."

Sam tried to not cry. She hated it. But she knew he had a reason. She knew that what she did in keeping Freddie from knowing she met someone was the biggest and dumbest move she could have ever made. She knew that now, because she felt as though she was going through that process all over again. But the roles were switched. Jesse was in Freddie's position now, and vice versa. But the only difference was Freddie was encouraging her to be open, whereas Jesse wanted to keep her from doing anything to stop her from trying to talk to him.

"You can't have us both Sam, you never could. I know that you don't like to show your feelings, but you have to understand your feelings now." He let her go and turned away from her.

"What if I don't Freddie? What then? Why can't I have you and him in my life?" she angrily asked. "If I pick you I won't have someone who knows what I went through, who understands why I am the way I am. And if I pick him I lose a best friend, a person that I care so much for. I can't win and that's why I can't choose one over the other. Because two thirds of us lose with the decision I make." She admitted.

"I can't be with you Sam, if you are with someone else. It has to be done. If you do leave me for him, that's fine. It'll hurt like hell Sam, but it's possible to survive a broken heart. And you can go on living a happy and comfortable life with a guy that gets you in his own way, and I'll leave to wherever. We won't talk anymore, we wont see each other anymore, nothing between us will ever be how we could wish it was before." He stopped and looked at her very seriously, "It isn't possible to continue this charade we are doing, Sam. I won't be able to hold myself from going over and kicking the shit out of him if he touches you, because I want to. I can't look at you without wanting to touch you, as I know you do too." He reached out to touch her but pulled his hand away, much to Sam's disappointment. "You have to choose Sam. I won't do it. Because I don't know who or what you want."

She got closer to him, diminishing any space between them. She grabbed his hand and pressed his palm against her cheek and close to her mouth, kissing it. It was true, she couldn't go a day without seeing him and just wanting to reach over and kiss his lips, stroke his hair, or have him touch her hips, pull her hair. "We can try Freddie, we can try for just a while longer." She grabbed his collar and kissed him firmly on the lips.

Freddie, resisting her, ultimately gave up and began returning her kiss, opening his mouth to taste her. Sam touched his tongue with hers, ready to strip every piece of clothing right there in the hallway. She tugged at his shirt to take it off as she began unbuttoning her pants. Freddie pushed her against the wall, biting her neck with such animalistic lust that she gasped loudly. She wanted him, even though Jesse was at the movies waiting for her patiently. She didn't care about that. She just wanted him. She couldn't find the road anymore. It was fading away fast. She found herself back at the crossroads; one path leading to Freddie while the other was slowly disappearing. Freddie touched her calmly, knowing that she had to leave before they could continue this madness that she wanted. Whatever self-control he had pushed harder on his head, so that he pulled away from her. She was going to be the death of him; he knew it. But he didn't mind it at all, so long as she was his before she did.

"You need to go Sam. Please." He said, leaving her there in the hallway as he closed the door behind him. Sam, lost at what just happened, slowly let herself slide down to the floor. She didn't want him to stop, but she knew that he had to. He didn't want her if someone else was still touching her. The road made a final appearance in her mind, and she saw which one made the most sense, which one she wanted to take. She regained her composure and headed towards the elevator door. She went inside it and turned around, staring at Freddie's apartment door longingly, hoping that he would let her inside when she would come back home to him.


A/N: Hope you guys liked it. If you did or didn't, I always love seeing your reviews. I am not sure about the next chapter whether to make it a POV of Sam only or continue with the story, any ideas? If you guys like the POV idea let me know so I can start brainstorming. Until next time! :)