"I … I can't do this," Haley was currently flicking through brochures, her mind hurtling in all different directions. The pictures in front of her were all too happy and too colourful; the women were all smiling and laughing. Real life was nothing like that, not every situation was sunshine and rainbows and right now, all Haley wanted was rain. She wanted to relish in a storm. "I … I can't."
"Ms James, I know this is really hard but, we have to discuss this, calmly and rationally," The doctor's voice had lowered an octave in an attempt to soothe a panicked Haley. It wasn't helping. Nothing was going to help Haley today. "If we let you carry on with this pregnancy your fallopian tubes will rupture which will cause fatal internal bleeding. There are no guaranteed chances that you and the baby will survive-"
"Well, save the baby, I … I don't care what you do … to me or anything, just make sure she's safe." Haley rubbed at her head. It was weird, she had only discovered she was pregnant a few hours ago yet, her newly ignited motherly instinct had already surfaced; there was no way Haley was going to let anything happen to her daughter. What Haley wanted no longer mattered; her child came first, even if that meant sacrificing herself.
"There is no guarantee the child will make it through this either; in fact, the chances of the baby surviving are very slim. It's why you need to read these pamphlets carefully, miss. If you go into surgery today, we can save you. We can make you fit as a fiddle in no time and if you want, you can try for another baby but-" The doctor paused as if it were the norm to take an abnormally lengthy breathe, mid-sentence.
"But, nothing! I need you to save my daughter. Please." Haley chocked out a sob, her whole body trembling as a sudden iciness overcame her. Haley's eyes weren't looking at anything in particular but … she was staring. She was staring at nothing yet she seemed to be staring at everything. Her life seemed to blur into one big haze of confusion; a maze that she couldn't find her way out of. How had things come to this? The cold transcended down her spine and through her blood stream, making her shiver all over.
From the doctor's point of view, Haley James looked like a sufferer of Raynaud's … or a panic attack.
This was when Lucas knew it was time to intervene. He had been silently watching Haley's encounter with the doctor but, Lucas now knew it was his time to step in. Seeing Haley in such a state wasn't easy and he tried to hold himself together in order to keep Haley together. As her best friend, he owed her that.
"Doctor, can we have a minute, please?" The doctor looked at Lucas unsurely. When a patient experienced a panic attack it was usually traumatic for both the sufferer and their loved ones. Panic attacks resulted in anger, sadness, fear and, in the worst cases, a mix of all three. It was always a difficult sight to witness. "I'll be okay." Lucas consoled the doctor as he took his last glance at Haley. Once he was out of the room, Lucas turned to Haley, his hands resting against each shoulder blade steadily. "Breathe, Hales, everything is going to be all right. Just breathe." Lucas mumbled into Haley's hair, his hands gripping onto her tightly as if she were suddenly going to vanish into thin air.
"You have to save her," Haley's body rocked back and forth, Lucas' did too alongside her. "You have to save her, you have to save her," Haley was muttering the mantra over and over again, her voice changing its pitch and its speed every now and again. It was like she was in a trance, an unbreakable trance that she couldn't snap out of. "You have to save her, you have to save her-"
"We have to save you," Just like Haley, Lucas started repeating his own mantra. He needed Haley to understand that she and Nathan could have as many children as they wanted. Haley and Nathan were both fertile and healthy people with an income to support at least a dozen children comfortably. However, that couldn't happen without her in the equation. No matter what happened, Lucas knew Haley needed to go into surgery … tonight. It was the only way to keep her safe. "We have to save you, Haley James Scott and we're going to save you." Lucas picked up a brochure off of the bed. He flicked through the pages until he got to one in particular – risks. "Look at this," Lucas didn't mean to be assertive or demanding but he knew, in a situation like the current, he needed to be. He grabbed a hold of Haley's chin and tugged so that her eyes were focused upon the sheet of paper; he held her there. Haley was looking, but, in reality, she wasn't, her eyes were clouded with tears and no matter how long she stared at the image, it blurred together more and more. "Look at it, Haley, look at it." Lucas shook Haley's shoulders. "Internal bleeding," If Haley wasn't going to read the risks; Lucas was going to explain them to her. "Infertility," Lucas paused hyperbolically. "Death."
The topic of death scared some; actually, it scared most people. However, Haley was a good person and she was going to do what she considered to be right … She was going to save somebody else's life by giving up her own. She was going to do this for her daughter. Haley had lived her life, she had gotten everything she had ever hoped for and more; she had graduated, she had fallen in love, she had started a family, pursued her dream … most people didn't get that far in their lifetimes. Haley James had lived a full life and now, it was time to let somebody else do the same.
"Save her." Haley muttered with finality to her voice. Her tone was so abrupt, it even surprised Lucas. His hands dropped from Haley's shoulders and he stared down at his out-of it best friend. "Please, Lucas, just save her." And with that, Haley broke down into another round of tears. It was easy to tell that Haley was dehydrated, the elasticity in her skin proved that, however, no matter how little she drank, she cried and cried and cried. Lucas simply hugged her to his chest, his palms running up and down her bare arms.
"I can't lose you, Hales," Lucas pressed a ginger kiss to the crown of Haley's head, the comforting piny scent of her overwhelming Lucas' senses. There was something about her that always reminded him of home. After everybody from his childhood had disappeared, all that was left was Haley. "Mom and Lily have gone … Keith's gone," Sucking in a large breathe, he continued. "I can't lose you too. Nathan can't, Jamie can't." Lucas tried to imagine a world without Haley. His eyes fluttered shut and he tried to picture spending the majority of high school alone; he could see himself sitting at Karen's Café with nobody by his side, Nathan being the jerk-like jock who broke heart after heart, Jamie never existing … "You're the one that keeps us all together-"
"You're the glue, Haley James Scott." Nathan's voice rang throughout the room and Haley looked up to find Nathan moving towards her. His face looked dishevelled; his hair messy, his eyes puffy, his forehead frowned. That was when Haley knew she was being selfish; this was Nathan's child too, after all. Haley's breathing hitched in her throat as Nathan stood nervously before her and she urgently felt the need to comfort him, she urgently needed him to know that their daughter was going to be okay.
"And, Tree Hill isn't Tree Hill without you." Lucas gave Haley a light squeeze before getting up to allow Nathan to take his place. As Nathan and Lucas crossed paths, Lucas leaned over to mumble into his brother's ear. Grabbing Nathan by the collar of his shirt, Lucas desperately tried to get his message across – he needed Nathan to save the girl that had saved him. Haley had been the greatest part of Lucas' childhood and Lucas would forever be in debt for that. "Please don't make the wrong decision." Lucas' words were cryptic but Nathan understood what he meant and he gave a short nod in clarification. With an awkward pat-on-the-back hug, Lucas left his brother and his wife to their own defences.
It was up to them now.
"Nathan," Haley's arms stretched outwards like a child who wanted her parent to pick her up. She looked up at Nathan with a doe look in her eyes, her mochas swirling with a sweltering darkness. Immediately – purposefully – Nathan walked into Haley's arms, his body sinking down to her level on the bed. His buff arms encircled her tiny frame and he held her to his chest, her head resting on top of his erratically beating heart. The two settled against the hospital pillows, their bodies intertwining to conjoin into one. "I … I'm scared, Nathan." Haley closed her eyes and tried to concentrate on the humming melody of Nathan's heart. There was always something about his heartbeat that made Haley feel better. Knowing that he was there, that he would always be there was just so comforting. "I'm so, so scared."
"I know, baby, I know," Nathan placed an open-mouthed kiss against Haley's temple. The motion was soothing to both of them and Nathan slowly peppered kisses against Haley's face, kissing away her tears. "We'll be okay; you're going to be okay."
"No," Haley shook her head. "I'm not scared for me, I'm scared for her," Haley threaded her fingers through Nathan's and placed his palm against her stomach, their hands moving together in gentle circles. Being that she was only three months pregnant, there were no physical signs of her pregnancy but, the gesture was enough to make Nathan's heart swarm. Their child was in there, growing in there. "You've always wanted a girl, Nathan. Remember the night that we got married? You said-"
"I wanted a little girl, just like you, I wanted to feel my heartbreak every time I looked into her beautiful, beautiful eyes." Nathan grinned dimly; his eyes staring down at Haley's glimmering eyes … she always had beautiful eyes. There was something about the depth of them had Nathan shaking in his shoes. It shocked him how mesmerised he became whenever he looked into her widened eyes; he was always getting lost in them. He had always wanted to feel that same feeling with his daughter; a small part of him and a small part of Haley. "And, we will have a beautiful daughter one day, I promise you, but … we can only have a baby girl, together, if you get through this surgery."
"We already have a beautiful daughter together." Haley glanced down at her stomach. "And you're going to be an amazing father to her, like you are to Jamie-"
"An amazing father?" Nathan pulled his hand out of Haley's, his head shaking in disbelief. "I'm not an amazing father, look at you … look at Jamie! I failed him as a father. I abandoned you both when you needed me the most and I will forever be in debt for breaking your hearts." Haley cradled Nathan's cheek with her hand, her thumb absentmindedly stroking the light stubble that was growing upon his lower face. "But, I can only do that if you fight this, Hales … I can't beg for your forgiveness if you don't let me save you, let the doctors save you."
"I … can't … we can't kill her," Haley couldn't look Nathan in the face as she said this. Her chin dropped so that it was touching her chest and Nathan watched as she fell apart, even more. The pain was so clearly evident in her posture and it pained Nathan even more to know that there was nothing he could do to make this better for Haley. This was actually a life or death situation. "She's going to grow up and … she's going to go to college and she's going to fall in love and walk down the aisle and have her own children and she'll sit there with her children's children-"
"She's going to grow up without a mother, she's going to have nobody to braid her hair or gossip with, she's going to have an empty childhood-" Nathan was rambling, just trying to imagine his daughter's life without Haley in it. "We're meant to grow old together, Haley James Scott. You promised and … I'm going to ensure that you keep that promise." Nathan's hands slipped into Haley's golden hair, his fingers gingerly pulling out the knots and tangles. It was odd, but, the notion had always relaxed Nathan. Haley's soft tresses were long and silky smooth; it was one of the most comforting things to do after a stressful day … just be there with her. "I'm not going to lose you or Jamie, ever."
Nathan grabbed Haley's face in both of his large hands, forcing her lips to his own. Their lips met halfway in a messy tangle of flesh, tongue and tears. Deep down, Nathan expected Haley to push him away but, she didn't. Her hands snaked upwards to wrap around his neck, her arms tugging him closer to her body. Haley's desperation and ache was laced into the kiss and Nathan's hands wondered her body in an animalistic manner. He couldn't lose her, he wouldn't. His hands clutched her like he had been deprived of her body for years; it surely felt that. And, Haley most definitely responded in that way. Haley's fingers clasped onto the thin strands of Nathan's hair, pulling relentlessly every time his tongue probed at Haley's lips. "I," Nathan pulled away to catch his breath, his lips descending down Haley's chin to her neck; her weak spot. A gasp transcended through Haley's throat and Nathan smirked lowly against her skin. He loved knowing that he was the only man that had ever done something like this to her. The thought of her only ever making love to Nathan filled him with so much pride; it made Haley all the more desirable to him. "Love," Nathan continued his torturously pleasurable act upon Haley's neck, her low breathing urging him to continue. "You."
"I love you too." Haley bit down upon her lower lip as she moaned. Her head fell backwards, her hair splaying out contrastingly against the stark white pillows. "Always and forever."
"Through sickness and in health." Nathan smiled as he quoted a segment from his vows that were perfectly fitting for his current situation.
"Till death do us part." Haley continued, only to have Nathan frown at her. His lips left her neck and he shuffled upwards on the bed, his nose brushing against hers lightly.
"We have years to think about death," Nathan was whispering now, his arms holding him up so that he didn't crush Haley's small body. She looked so vulnerable, lying there beneath him with swollen lips and hollow cheeks. It made Nathan want to stay like forever; he wanted to shield her from all the troubles in the world. He wanted to protect her. "You're not dying, not under my watch. You're going to go into surgery and I am going to take you home. We are both going to go home to our wonderfully gorgeous, intelligent son, okay?"
Jamie.
Haley had been so caught up with the ectopic pregnancy and her relationship with Nathan that her mind hadn't had time to think of Jamie. She had seen him earlier but it was approaching nine in the evening now, hours past her son's bed time. Was he okay? Did Nathan tell him about the baby? Was he upset? Confused? Who was he with? He obviously wasn't with Nathan or Lucas who were currently at the hospital … "Jamie needs you, Haley … don't leave him."
Haley looked down at the set of brochures once again; a guilty feeling settled within Haley's gut as a million questions flew through her mind.
After moments of silence, Haley spoke again.
"Never."
