James arrived in the common room, completely distraught. His eyes scanned the crowd, finally making out a head of black silky hair belonging to his best friend. He approached him and gently tapped his shoulder. ''Can we go somewhere and talk?" . Sirius looked surprised, but nodded when he noticed the look on James' face. "Let's go".
Together they left the common room and walked down the grand staircase towards the entrance hall. "Where do you want to go?" "Outside". Sirius looked at him skeptically. James knew why. It was freaking cold outside. April had arrived with a sudden draft of snow and rain, efficiently keeping all students inside and off the grounds -which was exactly why James wanted to go. He didn't want to see anyone, because he wasn't certain he'd be able to control himself once they started talking. Also, he didn't want to risk running into the last person he wanted to see right now. " Please, Padfoot." Sirius must have realized his desperation, as he didn't protest anymore but silently followed him through the huge door. They walked side by side for a while and James was struggling how to best start this conversation. He felt a burning ache in his chest when he was thinking about what had happened. He still couldn't quite believe it. Just yesterday everything had been perfectly alright and now he was standing here in the pouring rain that was disguising the tears daring to escape his eyes. How had it come to this?
James looked at his best friend. The other boy had taken shelter from the rain by standing under a huge oak tree and was now staring at him questionably. "Prongs?", Sirius sounded concerned. " What's wrong?". James swallowed. " It's Lily." " What happened? Is she alright?" , his best friend asked concerned. James shook his head slowly. " We..we broke up." , he stammered, his voice shaking with hardly suppressed agony. "What?", Sirius looked at him in utter disbelief. " But you were so happy." ยด"I know.", James could hardly force out the words. He ran his hand through his hair in despair. "I fucked up, Sirius. I ruined it and now I lost her. After all this time, she finally wants to be with me and I go and screw everything." He collapsed on the dirty ground, not caring as the water began to soak his clothes. Right now he wouldn't mind if the water just kept floating,washing away all the bitter thoughts and sweet memories, leaving him blank.
Sirius kneeled down beside him. " I don't get it. You had a fight, okay. That can be fixed. You'll talk about it and it will be fine." James laughed bitterly. For once he knew Sirius was completely wrong. The damage was done and couldn't be fixed that easily. He had hurt Lily, and she wouldn't forgive him just like that. " James?", his best friend was obviously worried now. " I'm really trying to understand here, but please tell me what went wrong and we can figure something out. Okay?" James looked up and seeing Sirius' dark eyes filled with so much concern was what finally did him in. Sobs started to shake his body as he started to explain.
" Everything was going just fine.", he began. " Lily and I were just hanging out and everything was okay. Then, suddenly, she got all serious. Talking about the future and what to do with our lifes after Hogwarts and everything. And she asked me what I'm thinking. And I, idiotically, said I haven't thought about it. And I didn't realize how she took that but suddenly she was crying and she said she wanted a future with me and she thought I wanted the same thing. But apparently she was wrong . So I tried to explain it to her , telling her I'm just not ready to make commitments like that now and that we still have time to figure things out, but it got out all wrong and then she said I didn't love her enough if I hadn't thought about the future with her and that she couldn't be with me because it would hurt her too much. And then..then she left."
He had rushed to get everything out, but now he felt empty, because telling Sirius made it real. It wasn't just some bad dream and Lily still had broken up with him and maybe he hadn't made plans for the future, but now he couldn't imagine one without her in it. Sirius had listened to him silently and was now stroking his back comfortingly. James leant into Sirius' touch, his warm hand the only thing he could feel through the numbness that had spread through his body and heart the moment Lily had turned her back on him.
After a while, Sirius spoke again. "You want a future with Lily, right?" " Of course", James replied without hesitating. "I love her, Sirius. You know I do." "Then, mate, you'll figure it out. Tell Lily you want the exact same thing she wants. And give her some time. She'll come around." James sighed. "I really hope you are right about this. She looked really, really hurt." " If you love someone, you'll come back to them no matter what.", Sirius said confidently, but James noticed a rather wistful look upon his best friend's face. However, he chose not to ask. If something was going on, Sirius would tell him. " So..do you want to go back inside?", Sirius asked. James nodded and took the hand Sirius offered to pull him up.
"Padfoot?" " Yeah?" " Thank you". " No problem. You know.." James noticed Sirius hesitating. " I'll always be there for you." James felt jolt of affection towards his best friend because he just had to look at him to see the truth of Sirius' words. Raindrops were running over his face, water was dripping off his hair and down his body, completely soaking him, but his lips were curved into a soft smile. His eyes, however were blazing fiercely with a fire only he possessed and James could feel the flames burning away the numbness. And so he held on to Sirius' hand longer than necessary as they made their way back to the castle. The sadness because of the break-up still was present, but it wasn't suffocating him anymore. Maybe he wouldn't be happy without Lily. But with Sirius, he at least was sure he would survive.
