AN: For those who are upset with me,

I'm sorry but no where in my summary did I ever claim this was going to be a "finchel" fic. I added Finn to the character's list because he has a role in this story, as Rachel's boyfriend. I'm sorry if you were expecting me to follow the show somehow where we make everyone a perfect character but I take a more realistic approach in my writing and know from experience that while people could be good people...they also have flaws, especially in hard situations. I don't know where you were misled about this being a happy fluffy finchel fic because it certainly isn't advertised as such, so if for some reason I have misled you along the way then for that I will apologize. But I certainly will not apologize for making my characters who I want them to be. Everyone handles trauma differently, it's not making them a "bad guy" or a "good guy", it just is what it is... and that is the message I am trying to get off.

And that is all I have to say about that. If you want happy go lucky fluffy finchel then you might want to stop reading. While I don't see him as a bad guy at all, he isn't going to "save the day" either, because no one can "save the day" after someone has been through a trauma like this. Like I said earlier, Finn (in my story) isn't evil or bad...I haven't written him that way... he is flawed, just like everyone else in this world. His flaws might not be glamorous, but that's life.

End of rant! For the rest of you who want to continue reading, please enjoy (sorry for any typos) :) And thank you, as always.

Chapter 6

"So uh... so..." Finn trailed off as he failed to come up with words. Silence encompassed the room again.

"Say something, Finn," Rachel urged desperately. Her heart was in her throat.

"I'm trying Rachel!" The boy snapped. He pushed himself off of the couch harshly and started pacing the apartment as he ran his hands through his short hair. Quinn had said that she would be waiting right outside, in the outdoor hallway of the apartment complex that she lived in... he had known something was weird about that, but this? This was NOT what he was expecting. This was...this was beyond comprehension.

Finn shook his head as he talked his thoughts out loud. "I mean some guy... he... and then to top it off... I mean... you always told me 'no' when I asked if we could try...you never would let me do that-"

"Finn... I...I didn't l-l-let him do anything..." Rachel shook her head fiercely back and forth. "I didn't want... I didn't let him..."

Finn shook his head as he ran his hands over his face. "Sorry, I know... I know, I didn't mean- I just... ugh! I don't know Rachel! I know you didn't..." Finn dropped his hands as he continued pacing, "well I mean I would hope that you didn't...but I mean... now...now what...?"

Rachel felt the tears nearly spilling over her eyes again. "I didn't let him. You have to believe me when I tell you that I tried...I tried, Finn." Rachel shook her head again. "I didn't want this..."

"I mean...like...why would he have kept going?" Finn asked as he quickly looked at Rachel before looking away once more.

Rachel frowned as she wiped tears from her cheeks. "What do you mean?"

Finn shrugged his shoulders as he paced again. He looked at the carpet as he spoke. "If you weren't liking it...then why would he keep going?"

Rachel felt her jaw drop. "I..." She opened and then closed her mouth again as she tried to wrap her brain around what Finn was insinuating. She didn't have an answer to his question. She didn't know how it was possible for a man to do what he did to her, without her permission, while she laid there screaming into his hand and crying.

"I mean... did he...did he cum?" Finn turned to pace back in the other direction, leaving the question hanging in the air.

Rachel couldn't find any words. She couldn't move. She couldn't even breathe.

Finn stopped and immediately turned to face his girlfriend in the long silent pause. "Did he Rachel? Did he...go until... completion?"

"Finn-"

"Answer my question."

Rachel didn't bother wiping the heavy tears that flooded her eyes and quickly raced down her cheeks. "Y-Yes," her voice somehow managed to crack out.

Finn threw his hands up in the air with a frenzied sigh before he picked back up his pacing. He ran his fingers through his hair again. "So clearly there must have been SOME sign that you were enjoying it. Why else would he be able to get his happy ending? I mean...he came!" Finn was talking more to himself then Rachel at this point as he paced across the floor, but then suddenly he stopped. He stopped dead in his tracks and he turned to look at his crying girlfriend one more time. His face contorted in disgust. "Did...did he cum in you or on you?"

Rachel couldn't control it any longer. She couldn't hold herself together, not even in the slightest. Finn's last question nearly killed her. She was suddenly sucked back into the previous night.

"Nice and tight." Rachel heard him say as the sound of a zipper made its way to her ear. "That's why it's my favorite, no matter how loose the girl is...that one is always tight."

His hand caressed her bare cheek once more, sending shivers down Rachel's spine as she let out a whimper with her face resting on the cement beneath her.

"And you don't even have to worry about the morning after pill. What a beautiful thing." His wicked laugh filled the air.

Just as quickly as it had started it was over. The sound of his quiet foot steps faded away into the darkness leaving Rachel exposed, used, soiled, crying and grasping onto the sidewalk.

"You know what? I don't even want to know the answer to that question. I don't know which would be worse, honestly." Finn shook his head as he waved his hands, bringing Rachel back from her trance.

"I'm so sorry." This was the only thing Rachel was able to choke out.

Finn paused long enough to notice how broken Rachel really looked. Her tear stained face, and puffy eyes wasn't something he ever liked seeing, but right now he was so confused. He didn't know what all of this meant. How could things be so... He shook his head. The tall boy brought his hands to his face and let out a frustrated groan into them before looking back at Rachel. "I'm sorry Rachel." he shook his head. "I just... I don't know. I...I need time to process this. You were just fine last night before our fight...and then now you are sitting here telling me you were...raped? Some guy...had sex with my girlfriend..." he shook his head again. "You're telling me some guy has...he's done something to you that we haven't even done together...I mean you've got to know how hard this is to hear. What...what am I supposed to feel right now? What do you want me to say? Or to do?"

Rachel looked at her boyfriend as tears fell from her eyes. "I don't know Finn. Something? Anything?" The brunette buried her face into her hands and started to cry harder. She knew exactly what she wanted. She wanted him to sit next to her, she wanted her boyfriend of three years to not insinuate that she caused or liked what happened even a little. She wanted Finn to be less stressed and see how much she was hurting, but she knew that wasn't fair to ask of him. She couldn't force him to do or say or feel a certain way, especially when it came to this. So she would have to settle for him to do something. She would have to settle for him to say anything. Anything or something other than what he was currently doing: pacing the room and treating what happened to her last night as if she had admitted to willingly cheating on him.

Finn shook his head. He was so conflicted, he looked at the girlfriend he loved but wasn't feeling anything right now, and it scared him. He ran his hands over his face and then cleared his voice. "I'm gonna go home. I need... I need to go home. I need to process this. I just..." he shook his head again as Rachel met his eyes. "I can't right now. I gotta go, okay?"

"Finn-"

Finn started retreating from the room but then looked back and paused at Rachel's wide eyes. He sighed. "You've had an entire night and day to process this, I just need the same. I'm so sorry Rachel. I...I'm so sorry." His eyes started to water before the voice in his head told him that men don't cry. The tears vanished as he stood taller and looked at his battered girlfriend. "I just don't know what to say right now...and I don't want to say or do anything that hurts you. I-I know I'm already hurting you...and I don't want to. I'm not meaning to...I need to be alone for a little and just...just let this sink in. I'll...I'll call you okay? Or, I mean, I'll see you at home... eventually?" He was asking, because he didn't know if Rachel had even planned on coming home.

Rachel shook her head. "I don't think I can go back there yet..." her voice was extremely quiet.

Finn nodded his head. "I'll call you. I'm...I'm sorry."

With that Finn turned on his heel and rushed as quickly as he could to the front door. He swung it open and nearly bulldozed Quinn in the hallway as he walked away. The blonde tried to get in his path but he brushed right by her. He didn't even look over his shoulder as he climbed into his car and drove away, leaving a confused Quinn in his wake.

Quinn watched as Finn sped off without so much as a single word. His quick exit from the apartment along with his fast silent retreat to his car as he managed to avoid eye contact at all costs made Quinn's heart clench in her chest. She looked back at her wide opened front door, where she knew Rachel was waiting alone. "Shit," the blonde murmured to herself as she sighed. Finn basically running away couldn't have been good.

...

Quinn pushed the mug of warm tea across the coffee table closer toward Rachel. The brunette finally snapped out of her daze of silent crying and slowly pulled the warm mug into her hands and onto her lap. "Thanks," she whispered softly at the blonde who sat pressed up next to her on the couch.

The blonde let out a sigh, thankful that Rachel had finally spoken. The past fifteen minutes had been silent torture. As soon as the tall boy's car had peeled away, Quinn had ran into the apartment to see a stoich Rachel sitting on the couch, crying heavily. She refused to speak or move, she didn't respond to Quinn's questions or even acknowledge that she was there, but as the tea was being made Rachel had calmed and the eerie silence grew stronger, until now.

"Where...where was Finn going?" Quinn asked nervously.

"Home."

Quinn was surprised that Rachel finally answered, it took her a few beats to comprehend the younger girl's answer before she furrowed her brows and pushed further. "Was he... was he planning on coming back?"

"I don't think so."

The twenty six year old sighed at Rachel's answer. "Were you planning on going back home...to him?"

"I can't."

Quinn sat up straight, her jaw dropped. "He told you that you can't?!" Her voice was louder with this question. She instantly was flooded with the feeling of wanting to hunt down Finn Hudson and pummel his face.

Rachel finally snapped from her zombie-like trance and looked over at Quinn. She quickly shook her head once she saw her friend's face and heard the tone in the girl's voice. "No. No...nothing like that... I just...I can't go back there..."

Quinn nodded her head, understanding. She took a few deep breaths to steady her now racing heartbeat, relieved that Finn hadn't banished Rachel from their apartment. "What um... what did he say?"

The room was met with silence. Rachel didn't answer this time.

The blonde tried again, in a different way. "Were...were you able to tell him?" Quinn knew this was a dumb question. Finn wouldn't have ran away without even bothering to take the two seconds to close the door behind him if Rachel hadn't told him.

There was a long silent pause again. Quinn was about to open her mouth again when Rachel finally spoke. "The look of disgust on his face... when I said it..." Rachel shook her head numbly as she slowly looked at Quinn. "He was disgusted by me."

"Rachel-"

"No, Quinn. I know Finn, we've been dating three years, living together for nearly one... and I mean.. I've known him a hell of a lot longer than that. I know what I saw." Rachel was speaking eerily calm.

"Are you sure you aren't projecting your own thoughts onto him?" Quinn asked carefully.

Rachel let out a sarcastic laugh, which shocked Quinn. The brunette rolled her eyes as she tightened her hands over the warm mug in her lap. "Are you asking me if I feel disgusting, Quinn?"

"Rach-"

The younger brunette shook her head as she put her hand up, stopping Quinn before she could even start. She licked her lips before looking into the blonde's eyes. "What do you see when you look at me now?"

Quinn frowned at the girl's question. She looked at her like she must have just spoken a foreign language.

"Well?" Rachel pushed.

Quinn shook her head as her frown remained. "I see you...I see Rachel Berry..." she spoke slowly as she shrugged.

"I can handle the truth, Quinn." the brunette challenged her with her eyes.

The hostile look that ignited within Rachel's eyes was unlike anything she had ever seen in the younger girl before. It scared her. It made her want to look away, but she knew that she couldn't. She knew that if she broke Rachel's gaze than any of the crazy thoughts that Rachel had about how Quinn thought of her now would be confirmed. And she couldn't have that. Quinn straightened her posture as she countered Rachel's response. "I have no reason to lie to you, Rach."

"You're disgusted by me too, I can see it."

Quinn's jaw dropped. Within seconds she forced herself to pick it back up. She straightened her posture before addressing her friend's accusatory statement. "Let's get this straight Rachel Barbara. I have never been, am not, nor will I ever be disgusted by you-"

"Don't lie-"

"It's my turn to talk now." Quinn said strongly. "Am I disgusted? Hell yes. I am. You are absolutely correct; but by you? No. Never. The animal who attacked you is the one I am disgusted by. The animal who for some reason thought it was okay to do this to you, to make you feel this way, to put you through so much and cause so much pain... HE is the one I am disgusted with. The thought of him existing makes me angry. It makes me sick. It makes me want to hunt him down and do a lot of things that I am not legally allowed to do. HE disgusts me. Not you."

The tears resurfaced in Rachel's eyes, her fire died down. "But-"

Quinn shook her head and cut the brunette off again. She reached down and pulled the mug from Rachel's hands and placed it on the coffee table in front of them before she reached and grasped onto both of Rachel's hands firmly in her own. "No." Her voice was strong and steady even though deep down she wanted nothing more than to cry for Rachel. She sighed. "Rachel, I can't speak for Finn just like you can't speak for me. But, I am looking at you right now and all I can see is a strong woman, one I love beyond what words can express."

Rachel hung her head. "I don't feel strong."

Quinn sighed as she wrapped her arm around Rachel's shoulder and brought the girl into a side hug. "You were put in a situation where you had to choose between staying on the ground or getting up. You chose to get up. You chose to call me. This morning you chose to get up again. And tomorrow, you'll have to choose again, same with the day after that and the day after that. It's going to feel like a choice for a while, I watched Santana choose to get up instead of letting it keep her down every day since-"

"I'm n-n-not as strong as S-Santana..." Rachel's cracked voice interrupted Quinn.

Quinn could feel the brunette's tears dampening the shoulder of her shirt but she didn't care. She pulled her even closer as she spoke into Rachel's hair. "You are, Rachel. You absolutely are. You know how I know?" Rachel answered by shaking her head into Quinn's shoulder. "I know because you've already gotten up twice. You've made that decision two times already. And Rachel..." Quinn let out a breath and swallowed the lump that was in her throat before continuing. "On the days where you feel like you can't get up anymore, I'm going to be here to help you. Santana is going to be here to help you. Okay?"

Rachel's sniffles were her only response as she slowly nodded her head.

"Okay." Quinn confirmed as she planted a kiss on the brunette's head. They stayed in this half embrace for a few minutes in silence.

"Finn...he asked me if..." Rachel sighed as she tried to get the courage to continue to make her voice work while she wiped at the tears that fell down her face again before continuing. "Finn asked me if he... came..."

"Excuse me?" Quinn pulled back in shock. She forced the girl to sit up away from her shoulder so that she could look at Rachel's face. "After you told him, that was what he was concerned with?"

"Quinn, it's a fair question..." Rachel's chin quivered as she attempted to keep herself semi put together.

The blonde shook her head strongly. "No, Rachel. No it absolutely is not. Hunny, whether that animal did or did not... it doesn't make the least bit of a difference. It doesn't reflect anything on you, either way. You know that right?"

Rachel's breath shook as she tried to fill her lungs with air. "It...it makes me feel like...like I did something right..."

Quinn's face fell at how honest Rachel's answer was. Her face fell with how sad Rachel looked.

Rachel quickly retreated, "I'm sorry. This-this is making you upset, I'm sorry. I'm making this hard on Santana and now you..." she shook her head. "I didn't mean to make you sad."

Quinn put her hands up and waved quickly cutting off the brunette. She wanted to kick herself, she didn't mean to let her emotions get in the way, it was just so hard when the younger girl she was sitting on front of was like her little sister that she never had. "Stop." She shook her head as tears filled her own eyes. "You aren't making me sad, Rachel. I am just...so sad that you are going through this, Rach." She shook her head and redirected the conversation so that Rachel didn't shut down on her. "Nothing you did or didn't do resulted in what happened. What he did, how he did it...and how it ended...it was all a result of that guy's sick and twisted brain. You are not responsible for how he reacted, you are not responsible for any of it."

Rachel hung her head, she couldn't continue to look into Quinn's hazel eyes any longer, even if it was what she wanted to hear...she couldn't bring herself to believe it.

Quinn lifted Rachel's chin with her hand gently, looking deep into Rachel's watery eyes once again. "It was not your fault Rachel. And I hope Finn..." Quinn shook her head. "I hope that once Finn has had some time to process this that he will realize this as well. He's in shock...this...this is new to him...so give him some time... but Rachel, if for some reason he doesn't come around... that isn't your fault either."

Rachel couldn't take it anymore. She leaned forward and fell into Quinn's arms. As soon as the blonde's arms wrapped around her, pulling her in close, the floodgates seemed to open and tears and sobs were instantly released from her body once again.

...

"Penny for your thoughts?" Quinn asked as she sat down next to her best friend.

Santana had gotten home from work and Rachel had already showered and fallen into a fitful sleep on the couch. Quinn had filled her in on the Finn situation, and then the couple of hours that followed, Santana had spent sitting watching her younger cousin toss and turn and whimper and cry in her sleep.

Santana looked away from Rachel's sleeping form to her best friend before sighing and standing up. The two older girls walked away from the younger brunette so they could talk and allow her to sleep more. Quinn led Santana into her bedroom. The brunette looked over her shoulder one last time at Rachel before entering the room and plopping down on Quinn's bed. They sat in silence for a few minutes.

"I'm just tired." Santana finally breathed.

"Yea," Quinn agreed and then waited for her best friend to speak again.

"With Matt..." Santana started before licking her lips and urging herself to continue. She looked forward at the wall, instead of at her best friend as she spoke. "Matt served twenty one months in prison. He is now a classified sex offender. The injunction I have against him is permanent. I am certain that he won't ever come back to Lima again, but if..." she trailed off as she shook her head.

Quinn sat up taller. She knew where Santana was going with this. She shook her head fiercely as the thought even made her angry, "If he ever hurt you again-"

Santana looked over at the blonde with a frown, cutting her off. "If he ever hurt me again, I would just die, Quinn. I barely survived the first time... I... I couldn't..." she shook her head. "There is no way I would be able to pick my life back up again. I couldn't."

Things got quiet again as the brunette went back to staring at the wall again. Quinn felt her shoulders sag. She knew exactly what Santana meant about her barely surviving. It wasn't that Matt nearly killed her, because although her injuries were extensive, her health was never in question... however her mental health? That was an entirely different story. The man she had loved had taken her mental sanity from her, and that is what Quinn will always hate him for the most. Forcing Santana to continue to choose to live was the hardest thing she had ever had to do in her own life... and now here they are...going to have to repeat the steps but with Rachel. Quinn sighed heavily at the thought. It broke her heart, along with her soul.

Santana licked her lips again, her voice was quiet. "That wasn't what I was getting at." She retreated the conversation again. "What I meant was... Matt..." she shook her head. "I got justice, or at least a little bit of it. I also have the peace of mind that my rapist lives across the country now. And while an injunction is technically just a piece of paper... you were right, it does make me feel more safe, because violating it has punishments, ones that will always deter Matt from even thinking about coming near me again." She sighed. "Rachel... she... she won't ever have that."

Quinn sighed again. "Yea..." she reluctantly agreed with Santana. Because it was all true.

The brunette shook her head at herself before looking over at her best friend. "It worries me that she didn't tell us about her and Finn and all their problems."

"Oh I know."

"That's...that's what happened with Matt... he changed when we moved in... he started being cold, and would get angry in a split second. We would start out arguing, but then I found myself losing my voice. I would quickly retreat whatever statements I had made in the argument because I quickly noticed how out of control mad he had suddenly become. I was scared...and...and I never told you...I never told Tia... I never told anyone."

Quinn nodded her head. She knew this now. Her and Santana had obviously talked about this multiple times since the incident five years ago. No matter how many times it was talked about, Quinn still felt guilty for never noticing the huge difference her best friend described in her boyfriend. When they were out all together he was nothing but nice and funny, a real jokester. How wrong was she. Quinn looked deeply into Santana's eyes. "I think... I think that is why Rachel didn't tell you, or me. I think...I think she knew that we would jump to the conclusion, because honestly, how could we not?"

Santana sighed and then looked forward again. "I know. That's what I've been thinking about." The brunette shook her head. "I'd like to say that we could have gotten past that and not compared Finn to Matt but...the reality is...I don't think I could have. It would have made me certain that Finn would one day lay a hand on Rachel, because...well...that's what Matt did."

"I know," Quinn nodded her head in agreeance.

"But that makes me so..." she trailed off and shook her head as she tried to think of a word to properly describe what she was feeling. Angry, mad, upset, annoyed, sad...the list goes on and on. "She would go running at night because after a fight with Finn she felt like she needed to 'get away' and so she would. Finn would go to his stupid bar...and she would go running around the neighborhood to clear her head...and THAT is why this happened. If she had came to us about this...if we had made her feel like we wouldn't jump the gun and compare him to Matt then she would have maybe come to us to vent about Finn...rather than going on a run when it was dark outside..." She sighed yet again. "I guess I'm just having a hard time wrapping my mind around that."

The blonde felt her eyes water once more, but she quickly blinked to ensure they wouldn't fall down her cheeks. She nodded her head at Santana's statements. Silence encompassed the room once more.

"She just feels...she feels like she's disgusting." Quinn said sadly as she quoted the younger brunette from their conversation hours prior. She leaned to peer around the corner, glancing as Rachel slept not-so peacefully on their living room couch.

Santana nodded her head. "Yup. She's going to feel disgusting and used and stupid and gross and dirty and worthless..."

Quinn looked back at her best friend who was sitting next to her, but her eyes showed that she was elsewhere. Santana's eyes showed that she was in her own past. "San..." Quinn reached her arm out towards the brunette but got it quickly shrugged away.

"Don't," she told her best friend. She didn't want this to be about her. It wasn't about her anymore. This was about Rachel. She continued, "She's going to feel all of these things and more... and there isn't a damn thing either of us can do about it." Santana refused to let her eyes water. She steeled her eyes instead as she met her best friend's gaze. "It's the main thing that keeps me awake at night now, knowing this. Knowing all of this. I don't know what to do. I know that there is nothing to do...but I don't want to accept that. Nothing isn't good enough." Santana sighed. "I've never been a big fan of Finn...but God, I hope that he proves me wrong. I really...I really hope he can find a way to be there for Rachel...because at this point...anything will help."

Quinn nodded her head slowly. "Yea, me too."

...

Thoughts? Opinions? Questions? Thanks for reading!