Disclaimer: I don't own Star Trek or any of its associated content.


Unlike the last time that they had been on Earth as a family, the time that Spock and Nyota spent in San Francisco was relaxed and pleasant. There was no frenzy to get everything in order for the return to the ship. There was no constant questioning of how things would be when Ama joined them in their quarters permanently. Spock considered his father's earlier advice and decided that they probably could have used more time away from the ship. Spock still found his work satisfying and understood that Nyota did as well; however, Spock was now certain that there were far too many things that they had needed time to adjust to before returning to full and active duty. Now, at the house of his father in law, Spock realized that he felt no need to be critical and he wondered if it was because he was able to divorce his position as Nyota's superior officer from his position as Nyota's bond mate.

Nyota and her brother Basim sat in the back garden and Ama ran freely between them and back to Spock who stood on the steps. Spock could not help but be struck by the near perfection of his daughter. She occasionally returned to her mother with a flower in her hand, a gift Spock guessed, and offered triumphantly. Nyota would, on each occasion, bend to lift her and exclaim her gratitude for the offering. Ama's smile grew and she would laugh the sun shining on her face, before she set off again in search of another prize, her tight black curls bouncing as she ran. Spock was still fascinated that Ama looked to be the perfect blend of Nyota and himself, although he was somewhat concerned as to what would happen as Ama grew. He considered that Ama would resemble him in more ways than would be best.

Spock could admit to himself that he enjoyed seeing Ama smile. It was not surprising as he enjoyed seeing her mother smile; however, he wondered what he would do when it became time to teach her about Surak. She was presently too young to understand such concepts but within the next year, it would be time to prevent her from expressing herself in this manner. Spock was unsure that he could stand to give up on the sound of his daughter's laughter. Spock and Nyota had agreed that they would allow Ama to develop in whatever manner suited her best but every day there were more signs that Ama was carrying Vulcan emotions in her tiny body and Spock knew that there was no way to preserve the expression of the favorable emotions while weeding out those that were more damaging.

Ama's temper tantrums were extreme. Spock had no idea that such an amount of violence could come from something so small. Her increased strength made things more complicated. Thankfully, for the most part, Ama was an extremely content and happy child. Ama had her first major meltdown when Nyota was late returning from a shift and was unable to complete her bed time ritual. Spock generally took care of Ama in the morning and Nyota was the person in charge of her feeding and night time bathing. When Nyota had not appeared to offer Ama her dinner, she had cried in the manner that Spock assumed a normal Human child might. He soothed her successfully and then proceeded to bathe her. Even though the bath went fairly well, he could tell from the brief contact with her fingers that something more severe was coming.

When Spock tried to put Ama to bed she fought him. In hindsight it was clear that Spock should have been prepared for this behavior, however, at the time he was not. Ama had torn several of the bars out of her crib and hurled them across the room, smashing a mirror. It had happened far faster than Spock could have anticipated. She wailed for her mother, kicking out at random and striking Spock several times before he was able to transmit calm through her temples. Ama was finally asleep when Nyota returned to Spock cleaning up shards of glass and large splinters of wood.

Despite the current state of things, his daughter happily running to him in the warm afternoon sun, he knew that this would end soon. Spock would not take the risk of what might happen should Ama have such a tantrum while surrounded by other children. He was grateful that Ama had simply reacted the way any other eighteen month old would have to the child that had pushed her. It was quite possible that Ama could have done real damage if she had opted to react more aggressively.

Spock sat on the step, pulled Ama into his arms and held her quietly for some time. He inhaled the scent of grass and sunshine that mingled with the scent of vanilla that always clung to her. He let her go when she began to struggle and wondered how his own parents had been able to do go through with it, the repression of his own emotions. Surely his mother Amanda had protested? They could not have been sure that he would have grown to display his Human and Vulcan traits in the way that he did ultimately. What had Sarek said that convinced her to let go of the possibility of ever seeing her son smile again. And what of Sarek? Had he not been similarly moved by his son's displays of affection and delight?

"Spock? What's wrong?" Nyota sat next to him on the step and took his arm in hers.

"I do not know what you mean." Spock said, trying to chase away his serious thoughts.

"Right." Nyota leaned against him. "You look so serious. More serious than usual. Are you still thinking about that guy from earlier?"

"No." Spock said quietly. Nyota had her head on his shoulder and he wondered what had changed in the last few hours that had restored the affection in their relationship. Was it the encounter in the park? Was it really just being free of the ship?

"I liked how you handled that you know." Nyota whispered into Spock's ear. "It felt like you were my bond mate again, not just my supervisor."

"If I recall I am your alien. That is what you indicated earlier." Spock said, somewhat relieved to understand that he was on the right track as to the difficulties between them.

"Yes." Nyota laughed. "I don't think it really matters what I call you as long as you know, as long as we both know, that you're mine."

"That is never in doubt is it ashayam?" Spock took her hand and touched her fingertips.

"Sometimes I wonder." Nyota smiled lightly. "You're thinking about your mother?" She asked after receiving Spock's light touch.

"A bit." Spock said quietly. "I do believe that she would have quite enjoyed Ama. I find again that I could use her input and advice."

Nyota suggested that they go to the park that had a erected a memorial sculpture to Lady Amanda Grayson. She thought Spock might feel better if Ama started learning about her grandmother now. The park had been one of her favorites when she lived in San Francisco and she had constantly gone, in her free time, to assist in beautification efforts. The park had been in a low income area that she had taught in and she had, apparently, found it a source of relief for her students. Through the years the area and the park had grown safer. Amanda's former students, all adults now, upon hearing of her death had contributed to a memorial at this park, a place that she seemed to love so dearly before moving to Vulcan. Spock knew the park because Amanda had brought him to it during their trips to Earth.

Spock told Nyota that he thought it would be better for him to take Ama with him alone. He could not articulate why but Nyota seemed to understand and Spock was again grateful that he had her in his life. He could not imagine trying to explain his feelings and he was glad that he did not have to. Nyota kissed Spock on the cheek and Ama on the forehead before telling him that they would be having dinner with Sarek and T'Mana before returning to the ship. Spock agreed to meet them back at Sarek's house. Spock carried Ama by bus to the park and was somewhat surprised that it looked so pristine now.

The park was lush and contained by a small grove of trees that had just been saplings the last time he had been here with his mother. Within the park there were well placed paths and stone benches. There was a small sand area for children to play and a fountain for children to wade in. Both attractions were full on such a warm day and Spock was slightly disappointed. He had hoped that he would be able to reflect upon his mother in relative privacy, an unlikely event since the park was public, but it would have been preferable. Still, Spock set off in search of the sculpture.

In the shade of several thin, yet tall, pines Spock saw the sculpture, an enormous white obelisk with an extensive inscription. Spock put Ama on the ground and she ran toward it immediately. Fortunately for Spock there were few people in this relatively remote area of the park. As Spock approached he was able to make out that the inscription was not that at all. It was the word "teacher" in a number of Terran languages. Spock was puzzled. Spock approached the spot where Ama had decided to stop. It was just in front of the memorial plaque. Spock stooped to read it aloud to Ama.

"In memory of Lady Amanda Grayson: This sculpture is in honor of Amanda Grayson, maestra, uchitel, seonsaeng, guro and sensei to many, loved by more than that and remembered always for the lessons that she taught outside of the classroom." Spock felt a large twinge of grief as he sat before the sculpture. Spock pulled Ama close to him and pointed at the various languages, far more extensive than those that were included on the plaque. To his satisfaction, Ama seemed to rapt and took in every word that Spock said.

"The people who commissioned this sculpture knew my mother. This is all about her. This was your grandmother Ama. She is who you were named for. Her name was Amanda. Are you able to say that?" Spock asked quietly as memories of his mother's face came back to him.

"Aaaamaada." Ama mimicked her father as well as he thought she could. She climbed onto Spock's lap and leaned back against his chest.

"That will do." Spock nodded.

Spock sat before the sculpture for some time. The sun had been bright and warm when he had arrived and Ama had been wide awake; however, now, he sat in shadow and Ama was asleep in his arms, her eyelashes twitching every so often. Spock did not ask his questions aloud as there were still quite a few people in the park and they were too personal; however, Nyota had been right. He did feel better. Spock closed his eyes and meditated on his memories of his mother. He recalled her exceptional patience, especially in a house full of Vulcans. He recalled her incredible calm in the face of what must have been incredibly painful for her. Spock recalled his conversation to undertake the kolinahr and wondered what it must have been like for his mother to see that he had determined to remove, what surely appeared in everyone's eyes, his humanity.

Amanda had not said much then though. She had told him that she would be proud of him no matter what he did, no matter who he became and that was the extent of it. She had not been thinking of herself at all, but only of Spock. She only wanted him to follow the course that was most suitable for his contentment in life. It occurred to Spock as he felt Ama stir against him, that it had not been a matter of whether she would be content to lose her son's ability to express emotion, it was a matter of what would be best for him. She, and it was likely that Sarek had come to the same conclusion, had probably mourned some things when Spock truly embraced logic at the time that I-Chaya died, however they had accepted it out of their own love for Spock.

"Sa-mekh?" Ama said in a soft voice.

"Yes Ama." Spock emerged fully from his meditation and looked around. It was fully dark now and the park was empty.

"Sa-mekh?" Ama said again, smiling when she saw her father's eyes were open.

"We should go Ama." Spock said as he pushed to his feet with Ama in his arms. "Your mother will be concerned if we are late."

"Mama?" Ama said, recognizing, perhaps for the first time, that her mother was not with them.

"Yes. We will see her soon." Spock paused before turning to leave. "Ama, your grandmother was an exceptional woman. We should be thankful. These students were thankful because she was a a very good teacher. I am unsure that they realize that she continues to teach, even now."

"Amanda." Ama said while looked back at the sculpture.

"Yes. Amanda." Spock looked down at her daughter's face, plump and smooth, without any worry or fear. "She would have loved you very much. If she was here, she would pluck you up and kiss your face. She would comment on the amount of fat carried on the sides of your face. I am unsure, although I suspect, that she would take them between her thumb and forefinger.

"Amanda." Ama said again as though she were tasting the word in her mouth.

Spock looked around the park once to ensure that no one was watching. Spock was many things but impulsive was not one of them, still, he felt this sudden urge and could not seem to restrain it. He set Ama down and moved toward the sculpture and, with a small utility knife that he carried most places, Spock began carving. It was slow work but he completed his task and gathered Ama into his arms again.

"It says savensu." Spock told Ama, slightly appalled at his act of graffiti. "And also? It says ko-mekh." And suddenly, Spock felt another urge rising. Something he would have never thought to do before today. He pulled Ama close to him and pressed his lips against her cheek. "That was from your grandmother, I'm sure." Spock whispered as he walked out of the park.


Author's note: Just a note on the structure of the story. My goal is to stick with Ama from the time that she is able to walk to the time that she begins pre-school. It might seem that the scenes that each chapter discusses are randomly selected but they're not- if there is something that is not in the time line I've indicated above it will become relevant at another point in the story- and the issues that are dealt within them are ongoing issues in Spock's journey into parenthood/fatherhood.