His heart sank on the third knock, no one was home and it felt like he'd wasted his time. 'Now you look like a fool don't you?'
"Oh fuck off!" he muttered walking back into his apartment and closing the door. He sat on the couch in front of the blank TV screen and contemplated what to do next.
Now there were two sides to his mental anguish, the side that told him to stop acting like a child and go and fix his life in L.A. and the side telling him the only way to fix things was to fix himself and thanks to last night, he knew exactly where that fixing would begin. It didn't really hit home that he'd stopped looking at his heart pills and thinking about how long it would take him to overdose on them. The third option was no longer viable.
After an hour he decided to clean up, mainly because he was sick of staring at the same pile of junk and feeling miserable and lonely. When everything was clean he went to throw out the mass of pizza boxes and other detritus of his month long binge. A young girl was sat on the stairwell smoking, he'd seen her before. She lived on the floor below and looked like Kim when she was about twelve years old. A stab of guilt hit him and he wanted to cry.
"Not now Jack, not here, come on you're stronger than this."
"Hey mister?" she said as he walked past her, "You got a quarter? I have to call my Mom." He looked at her stunned, seeing only Kim.
"Well do you or don't you?" she said with a stern glare. He reached in his pocket and handed her a few dimes without saying a word. She thanked him and walked quickly down the stairs.
Where was his daughter now, he wondered. He hoped she was with Aunt Carol or a friend or that someone was taking care of her, but in his heart he knew the likelihood of her being in jail was pretty high. 'Who are you trying to fool with this Bauer? You are still a bastard however much you clean yourself up.' He dumped the trash and went out the front of the building to smoke.
"Nana can we have McDonalds for dinner, Mom only made me sandwiches this morning and she had pizza last night I saw the box in the bin!" Jack looked round and saw a skinny little kid with wavy blond hair and big brown eyes, frowning at his grandmother while she told him he was going to have a proper meal and if Mommy was silly enough to eat the pizza from Costa's Pizzeria then that was her problem.
Jack laughed to himself and Janice turned round and gave him a wary look. He nodded in way of greeting and she smiled. Alfie kicked his shoes on the steps impatiently.
"Alfie stop it, your mother doesn't work 12 hours a day for you to ruin your shoes a week after getting them." He pulled a face.
"When is Mommy home?" he asked; Jack listened carefully and stubbed out his cigarette on the wall before throwing it down the drain at the bottom of the steps.
"Seven if she isn't stuck on the subway again, by which time you'll be in bed so no waiting up and whining to her for pizza either!"
Jack felt a little guilty knowing he'd been the cause of the tantrum but at least this guilt was minor. They went inside and he decided to go for a walk, at first it was for more cigarettes, then he decided to get some proper food as Janice had put it and then it turned into quite the spending spree as he needed some new clothes and a bath towel that wasn't made of sandpaper.
"Oh fuck off!" he muttered walking back into his apartment and closing the door. He sat on the couch in front of the blank TV screen and contemplated what to do next.
Now there were two sides to his mental anguish, the side that told him to stop acting like a child and go and fix his life in L.A. and the side telling him the only way to fix things was to fix himself and thanks to last night, he knew exactly where that fixing would begin. It didn't really hit home that he'd stopped looking at his heart pills and thinking about how long it would take him to overdose on them. The third option was no longer viable.
After an hour he decided to clean up, mainly because he was sick of staring at the same pile of junk and feeling miserable and lonely. When everything was clean he went to throw out the mass of pizza boxes and other detritus of his month long binge. A young girl was sat on the stairwell smoking, he'd seen her before. She lived on the floor below and looked like Kim when she was about twelve years old. A stab of guilt hit him and he wanted to cry.
"Not now Jack, not here, come on you're stronger than this."
"Hey mister?" she said as he walked past her, "You got a quarter? I have to call my Mom." He looked at her stunned, seeing only Kim.
"Well do you or don't you?" she said with a stern glare. He reached in his pocket and handed her a few dimes without saying a word. She thanked him and walked quickly down the stairs.
Where was his daughter now, he wondered. He hoped she was with Aunt Carol or a friend or that someone was taking care of her, but in his heart he knew the likelihood of her being in jail was pretty high. 'Who are you trying to fool with this Bauer? You are still a bastard however much you clean yourself up.' He dumped the trash and went out the front of the building to smoke.
"Nana can we have McDonalds for dinner, Mom only made me sandwiches this morning and she had pizza last night I saw the box in the bin!" Jack looked round and saw a skinny little kid with wavy blond hair and big brown eyes, frowning at his grandmother while she told him he was going to have a proper meal and if Mommy was silly enough to eat the pizza from Costa's Pizzeria then that was her problem.
Jack laughed to himself and Janice turned round and gave him a wary look. He nodded in way of greeting and she smiled. Alfie kicked his shoes on the steps impatiently.
"Alfie stop it, your mother doesn't work 12 hours a day for you to ruin your shoes a week after getting them." He pulled a face.
"When is Mommy home?" he asked; Jack listened carefully and stubbed out his cigarette on the wall before throwing it down the drain at the bottom of the steps.
"Seven if she isn't stuck on the subway again, by which time you'll be in bed so no waiting up and whining to her for pizza either!"
Jack felt a little guilty knowing he'd been the cause of the tantrum but at least this guilt was minor. They went inside and he decided to go for a walk, at first it was for more cigarettes, then he decided to get some proper food as Janice had put it and then it turned into quite the spending spree as he needed some new clothes and a bath towel that wasn't made of sandpaper.
