Yay for another update. Thanks for the follows and reviews. I have been working ahead in the story and then jumping back to make sure everything connects how I want it too. I'm starting to wish I lengthened the chapters about stage 1 but I am going to leave it as is for now. Later in italics will be Aria's fear sim. I wanted to make sure it stood out as being the sim to you all. I tried my best to make them something to fear. Let me know what you think. Since they are dream like I tried to keep with that theme. Let me know what you think. I really want to make this flow well as it changes from the divergent storyline. We're getting close to where it is going to shift directions.
CHAPTER 7:
All of us initiates including the Dauntless-born were told to wait outside what they call the simulation room. Now that we were in stage 2 all our training and testing would be done with the Dauntless-born initiates. It had been almost a half hour since Molly entered as the first one to be tested. No one really knows what the test will entail though. My only guess is that the process is something like the simulation for our aptitude tests only harder. Different tasks than the ones that helped us define what faction we belonged too. I stifle a yawn as waiting has been boring. Plus I snuck back to Erics last night after having to sneak back to the dorms the prior morning to pretend I had come in late. So then I had to be up early again to sneak back to the dorms in time to seem like I was there when we got up for training. It really was exhausting.
I watch alongside the others when the door opens and Molly is half carried out looking shaken by 2 Dauntless. She looks traumatized.
"What did they do to her?" Christina practically gasps.
Four then steps into the waiting area from the room and looks at a clipboard. "Tris" he says simply and goes back in.
Tris slowly gets up giving us one last look before entering behind Four and shutting the door. We wait about 5 minutes before Four is opening the door again and Tris leaves. Well that was fast I think to myself and can tell the others agree.
Four calls the next name of one of the Dauntless-born and the process continues. We're down to the last half of us when Eric comes strutting down the hallway. I roll my eyes at Christina and she mouths great back at me. He enters the room without knocking and shuts it behind him. A while later the door opens and a Dauntless-born is escorted out just slightly dazed and unsteady. Four calls my name and I give Christina one last look before I enter the room. I can immediately tell Four is annoyed and tense from Eric's presence where he casually leans next to a computer. Four tells me to sit in the chair that is actually like the one from the aptitude tests. I sit and he turns to me with a giant needle. That is not like what they made us drink though.
I stop him as he goes to use it on me. "Whoa there your going to have to do some more explaining before I let you stick me with that big ass needle"
I see Eric smirk behind Fours back and wish I could make a remark or expression back but don't because of Four.
"I'm gonna inject you with a serum that simulates the part of your brain that processes fear. It induces hallucinations and then transmitters in the serum allow me to see the images in your mind" Four tells me.
"Well I guess since I don't have a choice." I say laying back and trying to ignore the stick of the needle piercing me. It doesn't last long as Four sticks a couple monitors on me and starts the simulation.
I am standing in a dark hallway with dimly lit torches. I cannot tell if it's Candor or Dauntless or somewhere else but it screams creepy danger. Behind me is solid wall so I have no choice but to trek forward. I start to hear a funny sound that I cannot place with any existing sound I have heard before. Only that it sounds like feet shuffling across the floor but different. It's coming from everywhere. I begin to walk faster as it gets louder. The torches play tricks on my eyes making shadows and I try to stay calm but can feel my heart race. I hear the loudest shuffle sound of all behind me and turn and bite down a scream as a giant spider the size of a dog is following me. It is sideways on the wall but quickly darts down to the floor. I hear more scuffling and shuffling and realize they had been with me all along when I look all around to see half a dozen giant spiders. I can feel the goose bumps as I stare in horror. They start to charge and I do the only thing I can think of. I grab the nearest torch and lash out with it. The closest spider leaps back fearing the hot flames. I keep moving the torch clearing a path until I can safely run past them all. I shiver as I lean against a wall catching my breath and slowing my heart rate, that is when I notice a door. I cautiously approach it and set the torch in the empty holder as I enter the bright room.
As I do I see a Candor elder sitting at their desk. I recognize her instantly.
"Sit down Miss Summers" She tells me and I do so.
"Can I ask why I am here?" I question hesitantly.
"On choosing day we all hoped that your aptitude test would help you find a place to fit your… personality. You instead though chose to stay with Candor with some idea of following after your parent's footsteps. Due to your recent actions we've decided that if you truly want to stay in Candor and follow this dream of yours you will need help learning how to properly behave and follow Candor law"
"What on earth does that mean?" I question angrily. How could I have possibly decided it was worth staying in Candor for this?
"We think that by conditioning you to be truthful we can curb your less appealing decisions," she says and Jack Kang enters with another Candor.
"What the hell are you talking about?"
"Now, now Miss Summers you asked for this when you chose Candor"
Suddenly I am being restrained as they try to inject me with a serum. I struggle and get free from the Candor man knocking him out. I punch Jack Kang in the face breaking his nose.
"Your right I am no Candor and I never will be" I say before I break the window with a chair and leap out in a free fall.
I open my eyes and sit up in my bed. I look to see it is 4am and wonder what could have woken me. I tentatively step out of my bed. I feel… funny. Something just isn't right and I cannot figure out what it is. I decide I need to find my mom and dad. Or my big brother and figure out what is going on. I quickly move to my bedroom door and open it. I feel nauseous and dizzy. I enter the hall heading for the main room. Upon entering the common area I see my dad lying by the windows. I move as fast as I can to his side. His fingers are bloody and I see he was trying to open the window. I shake him but he doesn't move. His lips are blue and there is blood coming out his ears and nose. His eyes… I can't even describe his eyes. It's horrifying. Biting back a cry I quickly turn to go find my mom for help. I rush past the kitchen and find my mom. She lies in the hallway like she had been heading for the front door and fell asleep. Only I feel deep in my gut she isn't asleep. Shaking my head in disbelief I whimper. Without going any closer I rush back down the hall and find my brother Tony's bedroom door open. He is in his bed still. I rush to him and go to shake him when I see his lips are blue. It is then that I cry out.
I come out of the simulation screaming and thrashing. I feel hands holding me down. I distinctly hear Eric yelling at Four to end it. "What the hell Four?" Eric demands.
"I don't know. That didn't look like a fear it looked like a memory. Her brain function changed suddenly. Whatever fear the serum was going to use got... taken over by the part of her brain that recalls memories. It shouldn't have happened but the memory was too strong. The serum is only supposed to use memory to help fabricate the illusion of the war to seem real not actually turn real," he snaps back at Eric.
As I become more aware of myself and my surroundings through my trembling and crying I realize Eric is the one holding me to the chair. He has his hands on my shoulders pinning me to the chair to keep me in place. I am hyperventilating and as everything I just saw flashes back into my memory I lose the ability to make sense of what they are saying. I don't hear Eric or Four trying to get my attention and pass out in the chair.
When I wake next I am restrained by my wrists to a bed in the infirmary. I shake my head to clear it and try to remember what happened. I look up to see Max, Four and Eric standing a few feet away. Four sees me awake first and tells the other two quietly causing them both to look my way. The trio swiftly approaches and call over the nurse.
"Hey sweetheart, I am going to take these off now okay," she tells me.
I stare confused as to why I am even here and restrained in the first place.
"You were thrashing while unconscious it was a safety precaution" Four tells me seeing the look on my face.
As I go to ask what happened it all comes back and I almost start hyperventilating again.
"I thought you were drugging her to keep her calm" Eric snaps at the nurse.
"Not while she was unconscious. We said we would give her something when she woke if she needed it," the nurse tells him as she hands me a pill and a cup of water.
"This will help you calm down and stay calm," she tells me.
Reluctantly I take the pill not wanting to feel this way any longer than necessary. It was too much right now after what the simulation had done to me.
"Miss Summers. I have been in contact with Jack Kang from your old faction. Your file stated your family was deceased in an accident but didn't shed light on what exactly happened. He said it wasn't his story to tell but he would if you weren't comfortable," he begins and waits for me to process what he was saying.
With a sigh I cringe through a brief summary, "I was 9. Gas leak. My bedroom door was closed so it wasn't as strong in my room. Only reason I'm alive. I used the fire escape outside my bedroom to go to the apartment below us and woke them to alert what happened. 9 other families had deaths on our floor" I said back before he continued.
"We're not sure why this trauma has leaked into your fear simulation. Unfortunately the only way to pass stage 2 is to go through your full fear cycle successfully. The final test is the same simulation. You cannot join Dauntless without going through it" he informs me.
I sit there staring at my feet. Could I do it? Would I be better off going factionless now rather than having to see my dead family over and over again? If the point of the fear sim is to beat our fear how was I supposed to get through a real life event to beat it?
"We have talked and decided it would be best for you to get extra training to cope since this isn't a simple fear and an actual event from your life taking over the sim. Now this extra training isn't a gift. It's not meant to give you a one up. We believe that with such a simulation you will need extra time to come to terms with it in order to move past it so you can successfully go through your other fears. This is about moving past your grief so you can succeed in getting past your fears" Max tells me.
More time in that simulation definitely was not a one up on the competition for stage 2. It would be torture. I had never talked about that night to anyone. Not even Dante knew any more than anyone else. Apparently my unwillingness to talk about what happened was finally coming back to bite me in the ass.
"What will you tell the others?" I ask quietly; finally looking up and making eye contact with him.
"Nothing. You will discreetly meet with Eric or Four in the simulation room at assigned times during freetime until you can get past it then if there is still time before the final test we will drop the extra sessions" he states.
"Okay. I'll do it," I tell him.
"Exactly what I hoped to hear. You are a fine initiate and I hope not to lose you to this. You have great things coming to you if you succeed. Also Erudite will need to evaluate your simulations so they can try to adjust the formula so this doesn't happen again," Max says before leaving.
"Um thanks" I call after him. Great now a bunch of scientists are going to watch my horror show as well.
I looked to Eric and Four next. I couldn't read Eric's expression though. "Tonight after dinner," he says and then leaves without another word.
Four had a look of disbelief on his face as Eric leaves before he could retort. "You don't have to go back in there tonight if you don't want to. You should rest more first," Four tells me.
"No it's fine the sooner the better or I might chicken out and just go factionless," I tell him.
He sighs and rubs his neck before turning to leave but pauses. He turns back to me seeking to debate telling me what he's thinking. "I've never seen Eric like that before."
"What are you talking about?" I ask him confused. Eric just now was as he always was cold and distant.
"Back when you were in the sim room and started freaking out. Once we realized you weren't in a normal sim. He panicked to get you out of it. He wouldn't let me near you either he carried you the whole way here and was telling off the nurses to help you" he told me looking me straight in the eye.
I couldn't believe what I was hearing. Why would Eric care? We were just hooking up secretly. Not like there was any feelings involved. Just sex. Not that I could tell Four that so I lied.
"He probably just thought if I died or turned into a vegetable on his watch he'd get demoted or something," I say with a straight face.
Four almost looked like he was going to disagree with me and then sighed again. "You are probably right. Sorry. Make sure you get some rest" He says and then heads out of the infirmary as well.
An hour later I was released. I head down to the dorms hoping to catch the others before dinner. As I walk the halls I hear whoops behind me and turned to find Dante with a couple of his friends he was with the other day.
"There's my little rebel. You still giving them hell?" Dante practically yells as he throws an arm around my shoulders.
"Yeah still kicking" I reply shortly.
Dante seems to notice and glances down the hall I turned from and looks back to me. "Wait the only thing that way is the infirmary. I thought your physical trials were over?" Dante questions turning concerned.
"They are. My fear simulation kind of wacked out during my session but I'm fine. They brought me down here as a precaution," I half-lie to him hating it but knowing it's better this way.
"Seriously? I remember my fear sim. I do not envy you right now" He tells me hugging me tighter to him as we continue walking the hall with his friends trailing a bit behind.
"I hear you're a favorite?" One of Dante's friends says.
"What do you mean?" I ask turning back to acknowledge him.
"Rumor mill has been churning that you're looking pretty good for the leadership route" he continues.
"Well isn't that what usually happens to the top 3 after the final test?" I question.
"Depends on the number of positions available but generally it goes to the number 1 rank and only if they decline does it filter down" he informs me.
"Yeah and so far you're still hanging in third place," The other guy says teasingly.
"Yeah well we'll see about that. Uriah and Peter have natural born male strength but everyone knows females are stronger-minded," I taunt back.
"Ooooooooo" the three of them, including Dante howl back laughing.
We enter the dining hall then and a few tables turn at the loud noise before going back to their meals. I roll my eyes and elbow Dante in the ribs making him jump and grab his side. "Damn girl. No wonder you're kicking ass" he laughs pretending to be in pain.
I laugh and look up to see Eric staring our way. Our eyes meet and he doesn't look pleased. He mouths something that I make out to be the words tonight before I am brought back into the moment when Dante nudges me back… hard. I give him another shove as I grab a tray and start picking food to eat. I suddenly realize how hungry I am since I slept through lunch. I fill my tray and Dante corrals me along with his friends to their table. I catch the eyes of my friends with the rest of the initiates and wave. I can tell they are concerned but they simply wave back seeing that I am fine now.
As I eat and joke with Dante's group I can't help but think about the look on Eric's face. I was trying to place it. My mind wanted to say jealous but that couldn't be right. I shake my head to clear the thoughts from my mind and go back into the moment. I can worry about Eric later. For now I am going to enjoy my time with Dante. Who knows if I'll be strong enough to make it through stage 2. I hoped I could be but it was asking so much of me. So much more than I had ever let my mind consider or process before. My families death had been recessed so far back in my mind becoming my fuel for my rebellious ways in order to keep from dwelling on what happened. Sadly I could see how it had taken over my fear sim. It wasn't just a memory taking over it was a fear. My fear of actually dealing with my families' death and moving past it. Of accepting the incident, grieving, and moving forward. Fear of moving on. Of moving forward with my life without them tethering me down to my failure to fit in at Candor. It was so intense because it wasn't just one fear. It was many fears shoved into one forcing me to face it not only in the sim but in real life as well. This would be my greatest challenge. I just hoped I was up for it.
