Shoutouts need to be at the beginning instead of the end:
ichipup: glad I could instill that mental image into your head!
Tiara d'Cullen: Feanor shall now be an official judge! To make up for Glorfindel not being on panel as much as he use to; he will have more screen time!
TheseAngelWings: He'll be in the next episode, I promise!
Luna GURLZ: Thank you for the photo shoot idea (laughs manically)
Also, I have finally settled on an exotic location for the soon to be top 6. I'll give you guys a hint: it begins with an N and the guy who created it was a chummy mate of Tolkien.
Clips are shown of last week: the models are running around trying to get guys for their mini challenges, Aredhel is walking around after the models, Elrond and Gimli are having a heart to heart. Next are Fingolfin and Finarfin throwing stuff at one another (picture the episode of Spongebob where said sponge and Patrick are having a snowball fight and Patrick swallows a hole load of snowballs then has to pee really bad, that's what it looked like, only with elves) Rumil having a hissy fit, Glorfindel being fabulous, Pippin jumping out of a box and finally, Sam being voted out.
Galadriel steps out in front of the camera, "You want to be on top?"
-Opening credits time!-
We are now shown (via Galadriel's mirror) Frodo laying on what was Sam's bed, crying.
"I miss him!" Frodo cried.
"He's not dead." Gimli said.
Frodo glared at him. Gimli shrugged. "Considering we weren't together during the quest, I can't really say I miss him. I mean, we didn't meet you until halfway through the first book then you guys left at the end and didn't meet up again until the end of the third book. So no, I haven't had a chance really."
Frodo kicks Gimli out of the room.
Aragorn and Gandalf are out on the patio sunbathing. There's another horrible mental image for you. Gimli sat down next to them.
"Is it bad that I don't care much for Sam?"
Aragorn shrugged. "I didn't care for him very much."
"We hardly knew him!" Gandalf said as he applied more tanning lotion. "I always reffered to him as
"the gardener" or "the fat one."
"Didn't he want to take over the world and plant a garden or something in mordor?" Aragorn asked.
At that point, Glorfindel pranced through the house wearing: fairy wings. "Ready for a challenge?" He yelled through a megaphone.
Once all the models were assembled in the living room Glorfindel smiled. "Does everyone have a nice comfy spot?" The models nodded. "Good." Suddenly Glorfindel has juice boxes and lembas. He passes them around.
"Does everyone know why we're here?" Glorfindel asked.
"Yes this is a council of Elrond." Aragorn nodded.
"No it's-" Glorfindel tried to say.
"We're here to debate which is better: poptarts or toaster strudel." Gandalf said.
"Poptarts are better!" Pippin said.
"No, Pillsbury toaster strudel!" Merry said with absolute joy in his voice and whilst you are imagining that, there's supposed to be a flashing rainbow spiral in the background and Merry is all chibi style, holding aloft a Pillsbury toaster strudel.
Everyone stares incredulously at him.
"No the reason we're here is that you're going to be dressed up as mythological creatures." Glorfindel said slowly. "Merry was supposed to be a gorgon, Gandalf was going to be a dragon, Pippin was supposed to be a brownie, Frodo was going to be a mermaid-"
"Part of your world!" Frodo blurted out.
"Ok…Aragorn was supposed to be a phoenix, Faramir was supposed to be a siren." (yes mermaids and sirens are two different things, mermaids have fish tails while sirens have the body of a bird) "Gimli was supposed to be a Cyclops Boromir was going to be a centaur and Elrond was supposed to be a dryad."
"But? There's usually a but after this." Gandalf said.
"Instead," Glorfindel pinched his brow, "We're just going to order pizza."
-One trip to the phone later-
"Yes we want a large pizza with pepperoni, cheese, death and DESTRUCITON." Boromir said.
"Er, we don't carry destruction." A guy with a nasally nerdy voice answered.
"Do you carry death?" Faramir asked.
"No."
"Aw."
The pizza guy hanged up the phone.
-Meanwhile at Orthanc Saruman laughs evily-
We now rejoin the models who are now playing Grand Theft auto, "5 minutes!" Glorfindel yelled. He was holding a stopwatch as the models are trying to see wo can go the longest playing grand theft auto before killing someone or stealing a car. Frodo was in the lead with a half hour. Boromir was half a minute in before he killed someone.
"Ha, Boromir can't go a day without killing someone," Aragorn threw a fistful of coco crispies at Boromir.
"You lasted 5 minutes!" Boromir yelled. Aragorn stuck his tongue out at Boromir, a cat fight ensued. Glorfindel sat back and enjoyed the carnage.
"Hey, Glorfindel you never gave us a challenge prize." Frodo turned around in his seat to look at Glorfindel.
"Oh you're right, I didn't. Frodo wins and your special prize is Sting!" Glorfindel snapped his fingers.
"I already have Sting-Oh my god! Sting!"
Sting aka Gorden Sumner walked into the room, wearing a yellow and black stripped cardigan. "What's up?" He said casually.
"And he glows blue whenever you turn off the lights," Glorfindel pointed out.
"Why because orcs are nearby?" Frodo asked.
"No, he's just that cool."
-Now for a commercial-
The camera eases up on the white tree at Gondor. Suddenly, show tune music begins to play. The white tree isn't actually a tree, it's an ENT! And it begins to dance. Pedestrians stop and stare with their jaws hanging open.
"I don't want to be king! I don't want to wear that crown!" Aragorn, who is being carried up to being crowned is suddenly dropped.
The white tree-ent of Gondor now has a top hat and cane and is tap dancing.
A voice over says "The siege of Gondor, from Broadway, now playing at a theatre near you!" Several other ents joined the white tree and are now doing a chorus line.
-End commercial-
The next day, the models climb off the bus, which for some reason is on a sound stage that is decorated like a medieval castle. The models are greeted by a tall guy with black hair. Glorfindel pops up over the man's shoulder.
"Dolls! Meet your photographer for the week: Beorn!"
Beorn waved happily.
"Hello Beorn." The models mumbled.
"Have you dolls been wondering what the photo shoot is about?" Glorfindel smiled.
The models nodded, not daring to break eye contact with Beorn.
"You're going to be the characters from: Harry Potter!" Glorfindel let go off Beorn and slid to the floor. He was wearing a Harry Potter t-shirt and was holding a wand in one hand.
"Someone's a fan." Aragorn whispered to Boromir.
"Why yes, I am a fan." Glorfindel put his hands on his hips. "Go get your makeup and hair done. You're all lucky Rumil has been fired."
Orophin dropped the hair product stuff he was carrying.
About a half hour later the first model to come out was Gandalf. He was, of course, Dumbledore.
"How do you feel Gandalf?" Glorfindel asked from behind the computers.
"Fantastic. I was born to play Dumbledore!" Gandalf did a hair-flip.
"Considering you're older than Dumbledore, that's not even possible." Glorfindel pointed out. "But whatever."
Gandalf stood in the part of the sound stage that was designed like Dumbledore's office, complete with a stuffed Phoenix beanie baby. He was wearing a pointed wizard hat, with red and blue spangled robes and the pointed boots. Gandalf immediately grabbed the elder wand that was lying on the table and began making it look like he was deciding which spell he would use.
"Gandalf can you sit behind the desk and look...wizardly-y?" Glorfindel asked. Beorn nodded. Gandalf did what they told him to do.
After Gandalf, Frodo was up. He was cast as Harry Potter, the other main protagonist who is whiny, sort of small, gets all the girls, and needs others to help get them to do stuff. In other words: totally awesome. Unfortunately, Frodo was forced to wear shoes, something hobbits hate doing. He was stationed in the Gryffindor common room, which is like way small and shabby for a house that wins the house cup like 6 times in a row. Surely Hufflepuff would be the one to have the smallest because they garden and "find" things.
Frodo looked slightly lost. "What do I do?"
"Look like the hero." Beorn said.
Something snapped in Frodo's tiny noggin and he began to model his heart out. He was very good as Harry once he figured out what Harry would be like.
Next up was Merry, who was George Weasley. He was a natural.
And then Pippin who was Fred. It wasn't much of a stretch.
Elrond was Minerva Mcgonagall, whose last name I hate spelling. The background was of the transfiguration class room. He looked very serious in in robes of emerald green and witches hat. Again, it wasn't much of a stretch.
Faramir was cast as Hermione because they're both rather studious. Faramir's dad called him a "wizards pupil" at one point in the trilogy. His hair had been teased until it was bushy and then extensions were added. The crew had given him several big old books to hold.
Aragorn was Sirius. Aragorn had some problems trying to get into character as Aragorn is a "good" character and Sirius is a "supposed bad but actually good but still a bit of a jerk" character.
Glorfindel sighed behind the computers. "Sweetie, I know you can do this."
"But I don't know what to do!" Aragorn looked like he was about to cry.
"Try being someone who's been locked up in prison for about a decade, then breaks out, meets his godson, then dies." Glorfindel said.
Aragorn raised an eyebrow.
"Just look badass." Beorn said quietly.
Gimli was Ron. He stood there and looked stupid for a few frames before Beorn and Glorfindel intervened.
"Try using one of the props." Beorn suggested.
"Here." Glorfindel held out a box of Bertie Bott's every flavour beans.
Gimli took them eagerly and began eating them with a look of pure joy on his face.
Beorn jumped back behind the camera and began clicking away.
Boromir was Snape. The background was of course the potions class room. Boromir stood over a cauldron for one photo and poured some green stuff into it in the next shot. However no one told him that it was an actual potion that was brewing and it blew up in his face.
After the shoot being halted for 10 minutes, Boromir was back with freshly applied makeup. This time he decided to settle for looking glaring at someone (Potter) over a potions textbook.
"Great job today!" Glorfindel said proudly.
Beorn smiled. "My favorite shoots to date."
"That's nice honey."
-Another commercial-
And now for another voice over, "Next week on All my Elflings."
Eowyn sighs dramatically. "Oh! This is so confusing, who do I choose? The wonderful and sappy-ily romantic Faramir or the rugged and filthy Aragorn?" She sighs again. "I remember the first words Faramir ever said to me.
(Flashback) Eowyn is standing next to Faramir. "So what's the weather like?" She asks him.
"Cold, kinda windy." Faramir said.
"I love you." Eowyn yelled with a completely straight face, Faramir recoiled a little.
Eowyn sighs again. Faramir bursts into the room. "My love! Where all my happiness and joy comes from! You are my sun and moon. The light of my life! My Juliet, and I…don't really want to be Romeo, but my bread and water, you make my life worth living!" He grabs her hand.
Suddenly, Aragorn busts into the room. Eowyn quickly sprays Faramir in the face with mace before Aragorn sees them holding hands.
"Eowyn, I have suddenly realized, I do not want a stupid living statue that was banned to the appendix of Lord of the Rings for a reason! I want you, oh my beautiful shield maiden!"
Eowyn squeels like a fangirl.
"Wait, it is I who loves fair maiden!" Faramir stumbles around, still blinded.
Dramatic music is played. Eowyn looks at Faramir then Aragorn, then back to Faramir, "So," Aragorn says, "Whose it going to be?"
-At Panel-
Galadriel smiled at the models. "Today we have a special announcement. From this point on we have a new judge: Feanor!"
Feanor waved. 'Hello, I am the Feanor. One and only. No one else. Ever. I created the silmarils and allegedly caused my mother's soul to go to Lorien. Also, I was killed by a balrog. But enough of that."
Galadriel smiled at him. "So you all had a Harry Potter photo shoot-"
"That was FABULOUS!" Glorfindel suddenly popped up from behind Feanor, who was clutching his chest like he had just had a heart attack. Glorfindel gave Feanor smoldery eyes and winked at him before mysteriously vanishing.
Erestor glared at Feanor. "Glorfindel only gives me smoldery eyes."
"Oh, I'll give you something alright." Feanor muttered under his breath.
"A present?" Erestor said hopefully.
"More like a black eye."
"Ok, stop this please. We'd like to see Boromir first." Galadriel said.
Boromir waved at them. "Hi."
"Hello lovely, which character were you?" Galadriel asked.
"Snape." Boromir answered. His picture showed up on the mirror. It was a picture of him leering at someone over a potions book.
"Not bad, but you look a little dead in the eyes." Erestor pointed out.
"And your hand looks like a skeletons'." Feanor added.
'I retract my statement, Boromir you did fantastic." Erestor glared at Feanor.
Next up was Merry. He was told that he was perfect and in character. Or as Glorfindel, who suddenly popped up again, this time wearing Harry Potter robes, would say, supermegafoxyawesomehot.
Next was Pippin strutted up to them (like a G6).
Feanor raised an eyebrow. "Do they all do that?"
Erestor nodded. 'Pippin, you look so cute!"
Pippin had on a pink shirt and converse and denim Bermuda shorts. But he's Pippin, so he's adorable.
"Let's see your photo Pippin." The photo began to materialize in the mirror.
"Yay!" Pippin began splashing the water in the mirror.
"Stop that." Celeborn said.
Pippin looked at him for a second before he dunked his whole head in. "I have always wanted to do that!" He said as he resumed his spot in front of the judges.
"Well, from what I see, you were perfect." Erestor said, by this point he was ready to say the opposite of whatever Feanor was going to say just because he hated Feanor that much.
Galadriel nodded.
"What do you think Celeborn?" Galadriel asked.
Celeborn didn't answer.
"Celeborn?" Galadriel touched him on the arm and looked him directly in the eye.
Celeborn shuddered. "Stop looking at me, I know I'm not perfect. You want perfection, I can't give you that!" Celeborn grabs a mug and throws it. "I don't know you anymore!" And he runs out of the room, crying.
Galadriel blanched. "What was that all about?"
Feanor shrugged. "When you look at people it tends to…unsettle them."
After several minutes confusion Faramir was up next. He was told that he was perfectly in character, and no, he could not keep the books they had given him as props.
Aragorn was next.
"I was so confused!"
"I can't tell." Galadriel said honestly. "You look a lot like Gary-er I mean Sirius."
"I think it's the beard." Erestor commented. "And the filthiness."
"Do you ever bathe?" Feanor asked.
"In dirt." Aragorn replied.
Frodo's picture materialized. He was standing with his wand arm outstretched, looking like Harry did in the Goblet of Fire movie poster.
Glorfindel popped up again. "Amazing!"
Galadriel giggled. Actually giggled. "I love the photo. You look like Harry and you took charge."
Gandalf ran up the catwalk. "Me next! Me next!"
His photo popped up in the mirror. "I was good, wasn't I?"
The judges nodded. Even Feanor.
Gimli was told that he had done well in his shoot, all though he really shouldn't have had actually eaten the Bertie Bott's every flavour beans.
Elrond was last. He could have been Minvera's stand in.
After the judges had deliberated, Galadriel stepped out in front of the judges table, wearing a gauzy pale blue tunic style top, jeans for the first time in her life, and high heeled knee length boots. "Ok dolls, the winner is: Elrond!"
Elrond skipped, yes skipped up to Galadriel, grabbed his photo and stood in the corner of the room where the models go when they're still in.
"Frodo, Faramir, Merry." They ran up and grabbed their photos too.
"Aragorn, Elrond, Gandalf. Which leaves Gimli and Boromir in the bottom two."
Feanor got out of his seat, "I'll do the honors, if you don't mind."
Clearly Galadriel did mind, but she smiled and sat down next to Erestor.
Boromir and Gimli stepped up, hand in hand. Feanor stared at them. "Boromir, you're strong for a human and you're a good looking guy, you're a fierce competitor, but your photos are flat and dull. Which you are not in real life. In the modeling world, that is a very, very bad thing. Gimli, besides the fact that you're a dwarf, you let your hunger get in the way and you need direction, and this is your second week in the bottom two. So the model who goes home is-"
Feanor was cut off by a random black arrow piercing Boromir in the chest. "Huh, I don't remember that being there." Boromir said before he collapsed.
Feanor looks horrified. "And he was going home too."
-One last commercial-
Legolas is shown on the screen. He does a hair toss and struts. "Being a superstar can be fun, but it's definitely taxing. And when you're under as much stress as I" A random camera goes off in his face. "Your skin starts to take the toll. So when you next get a breakout, use Defensive."
Arwen is now shown. "Yes, I'm very beautiful. I was beautiful before, but now I am much more so."
The scene switches so now it is Luthien who is talking, "After about a day, I started seeing results. I mean, I can't have perfect skin all the time, especially when I was locked in that tree house, or when I had to put all those evil beings to sleep, or when Beren was cutting the silmarils out of that guy's crown."
Legolas smiles. "So why live with near perfect skin, when you can get actually perfect skin. Call today." A phone number appears on the screen.
-End of commercial.-
Galadriel steps forward. "We are sorry to announce that Boromir is dead. He was also going home, but now he really is going home. Please join us in a moment of silence." Despite the silence, you can still hear Faramir sobbing.
And a random fangirl is now ripping out her hair.
Defensive – parody of proactive
Feanor – yes, he is supposed to be mean, like Simon Cowell, but more awesome. 'Cause he's an elf.
Glorfindel - that elf is just popping up everywhere in this chapter. But he doesn't like Feanor. Becasue Feanor might steal his man. If you're familiar with this site or LOTR you know that Erestor and Glorfindel go together like peanut butter and jelly, or fish fingers and custard.
How many of you guys want All my Elflings to be a real series of TV? Cause I would definitely watch that.
