Hello guys! Sorry for the interminable wait, I hope this will make up for it. It's a bit angsty, I wonder where it came from...

Thanks to all the people who reviewed!

All right, all right, you were wrong.

There, happy now? You admit it (because, unlike someone else, you aren't a stubborn idiot). You were wrong and the rest of the world was right: don't trust demons. Ever. Not even if they seem to be decent enough. Not even if they seem friendly. Especially if they seem friendly, come to think of it. Not even if they take care of you in the worst time of your life. Be very suspicious if they are sympathetic and offer you a shoulder to cry on or if they try to cheer you up when you can't think of a good reason to stop crying. If they are also incredibly nice to you, if they help you any way they can, if they are more supportive than your own father (or brother...) could ever be, if they lead you to believe that they love you... well, you should really start considering to chop their head off because they are lying out of their teeth. Oh, they will appear sincere, but appearances can be deceiving.

Take angels, for example: you hear all the wonderful stories about them and you think they are wonderful people; then you meet them and start thinking they are almost as bad as demons (you don't feel guilty, they think the same thing of you). Then a couple of things happen and you come to the conclusion that they are not so bad: anybody else would have killed you after you made those couple of things happen.

Yes, you went to find Ruby after the disastrous meeting with Castiel, you needed to do something, anything to stop feeling so useless. You just wanted some commiseration (she was always so good with you, she always made you feel important and appreciated) but ended up finding the answer to all your problems. Or so you thought.

Lilith was there. Lilith was on Earth to perform some ritual in some church, you don't really care for the details at this point, and she would be defenceless for a little time. It's your perfect occasion for taking revenge, once and for all.

"Am I ready?" you ask her anyway, because you are the conscientious brother, you don't rush into things. The fact that you will go anyway, ready or not, is not important.

"Yes you are" she answers, and so everything's all right.

You go, you find Lilith and she taunts you, taunts you because you are useless and once again you couldn't save your brother from getting hurt. You smirk and proceed to shut her up forever. She screams, oh how she screams and it feels wonderful. You relish it for a second, preparing le coup de grâce...

And then Castiel is there, pulling you away kicking and screaming while Lilith disappears in a flash of white light, spirited away who knows where; only Ruby is still there, screaming and trying to fight off the angels who are restraining her. Castiel is talking to you but you don't want to listen, it was your occasion, your only occasion and they blew it, and they will die for this...

Then this guy (Zachariah) appears and start explaining everything to you. He tells you about the First Seal and how it was broken (and for a second you're almost grateful that Dean's unconscious because knowing this would kill him). He tells you about the Last Seal, the one that frees Lucifer, the one that is broken by killing Lilith. The bloody last seal is broken by the death of bloody Lilith and you almost... you almost... Finally, he tells you about Ruby, aka your abyssal stupidity because, seriously Sam, how could you believe that a demon could be able to love you? (And yes, seriously Sam, how could you? After all, you don't love her, you were just using her, weren't you? Why shouldn't she do the same?)

It's you who push the knife into her – non existent- heart before following the angels back to their compound. You never look back.

Castiel treats you coldly on the way to Dean's bedroom. "How could you?", he seems to say, "How could you?".

And you would like to scream to him "You don't understand!". Nobody does. They always criticize you, they are always so ready to judge you: they have no idea of what you've gone through. Of what you're still going through. It's not the fact that you are the one responsible for your mother death; it's not the fact that you were meant to be evil from the start (obviously); it's not the fact that you caused the death of every single woman you ever dared to love. They are part of the problem, but not the problem. Oh no, the problem is Dean. Dean, who's always taking care of you, who will take care of you forever no matter what you say or do because he loves you too much; Dean, who sacrificed his childhood in order to protect you and your poor excuse of a parent, who sacrificed his childhood to let you have a childhood; Dean, who is always so brave and selfless like every good hero should be (the good hero you know you will never be); Dean, who gave up his bloody life for you because you were killed by your own stupidity (Bobby said that t wasn't your fault, but you know better). How do you balance that? How. Do. You. Balance. That?

You can't. You will never be able to repay your brother for everything he did for you. Your debts will forever hunt you, you will never be free! You tried, God, you tried to repay at least a little part of that debt and you failed! What can you do? You thought (like your father...) that revenge would help but you just made things worse.

Now, Dean is in trouble again. You are all he has left, the only one who can help him (you still don't trust the angels, not completely). This time, you will not screw up. This time, you will be able to save him. This time, you will be the hero.

Well, I did say it was a bit angsty...

Tell me what you think of it!

Thanks for reading!