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Chapter O7: I'm A Little Scare To Hold You Close


"I can't do it." I merely whispered. Alice sighed in the blue seat of Tanya's assigned room.

"Bella, Tanya just gave you a grand speech of why she wants you to be with Edward. Why can't you accept it and move on? You and I both know you want to be with him. Am I right?"

"I'm not sure." I told her honestly.

"What do you mean you're not sure?"

"I don't know if I want to be with him. Alice I just met the guy." Like I said, I wasn't ready to trust my feelings yet. I wasn't sure if my mind was playing tricks on me.

"Ever heard of love at first sight?"

"I have."

"So then what's the hold up?" she shook my shoulders. I rolled my eyes at her.

"Being a mediator is the hold up! I don't want him to get hurt."

"We've had this talk before Bella." she looked at me with an annoyed expression. Clearly tired of this subject. After all, we have been discussing it for the past twenty minutes.

"It's too dangerous. I don't want to risk anything."

"So stubborn." I heard her mutter under her breath. "He's coming." she told me. And then, he walked through the door.

His head was hung a bit low. His bronze hair was messier than ever- if that were possible- and the sparkling emerald orbs were no longer bright and dancing around. They became dull as if they were fading each second. He was so hurt. Yet, he tried to cover it up behind that mask of perfection.

"I brought you both something to eat." he smiled slightly. I could tell he was forcing it. He handed us the brown paper bag and cup holders with two hot cups of hot chocolate.

"Thanks." I looked up at him. He wasn't looking at me. His eyes were to Tanya.

"We should give him some privacy." Alice whispered in my ear. I agreed to it.

Edward sat down on the blue arm chair next to Tanya's bed. His head hung low in stress as he let out a sharp breath.

"We'll be going now," Alice said quickly. "See you later Edward." He didn't look at Alice but he looked at me. Evident traces of sadness looked back at me.

I didn't say one thing but followed behind Alice. "Bella?" I turned around to the sound of my name. Even when his voice was so dull, the way he said my name was magical.

"Yeah?"

"Will you stay?" he looked up at me under his long eyelashes.

"Uh-huh." I nodded then looked at Alice who nodded at me. She left without another word and carefully closed the door.

I didn't know what to do. Silence took over us as he continued staring at the ground. I sighed silently and took a seat on the other chair, looking up at the ceiling.

"So how are you holding up?" I began conversation. The brilliant emerald eyes were still hidden behind his cascade of bronze locks.

"I've been better." there was no colour behind his tone. I didn't know how to respond. I felt a cold hand on my shoulder. When I looked up it was the hazel eyes staring back at me.

"He's not looking to good." she frowned. "I wish there were something I could do." I just looked at her since I couldn't say anything. "Bella?" she asked me. My attention was towards her. "Will you give him a hug for me?" there was hope behind her tone.

I shook my head.

"Please?" she wasn't just about to quit. How was I suppose to tell him his best friend- that I can see- wanted me to give him a good ol' hug because she couldn't?

I wasn't planning on telling him about this just yet.

"Please Bella? I want him to know he's not alone." I pursed my lips before letting a small sigh indicating she had won. She smiled and gave me a hug. I didn't wrap my arms around her. That would look weird if Edward saw.

I stood up and slowly made my way over to the arm chair, sitting on the arm. Edward's focus was still on the ground. I wrapped my arms around his shoulder.

Then his eyes met mine.

"What's this for?" I knew he didn't mean it in the rude way.

"I just wanted to let you know, you're not alone." I shot him a small smile. He did the same in return. I noticed Tanya smiling as well but moisture filled her hazel eyes.

"Thank you." he whispered. I noticed my arms were still wrapped around him. Apparently he did too when he called my name.

"Bella?"

"Yeah?" I asked a bit awkwardly.

"Don't let go, please."

My heart skipped a beat and my cheeks were already burning up. Tanya, I heard, sniffled.

"I won't." I promised. "I'm here."

"Thank you so much Bella. I don't know how I could ever repay you." Tanya's cold hand came in contact with my shoulder again.

"Later." I mouthed to her. She understood I couldn't talk since I would look crazy in front of Edward.

"Sure thing."

I looked down at Edward who's head was angled so that he could have a clear view of Tanya. He ran his hand against her arm until he reached her hand. He took it into his own and let out a deep breath.

My hands squeezed around him and I felt the urge to just hold his soft, warm hand. So I did. I entwined mine with his and gave it a little squeeze, smiling at him when he looked at our tangled hands and then to me.

After all that has happened, I was still twenty-five percent unsure about the feelings I had for Edward.

This act, holding his hand and comforting him with hugs, was what friends did for one another. Right?

The atmosphere around us suddenly faded and it felt like a spotlight was being shone on only Edward and I, sucking in the moment.

Despite what was going on, everything just felt right. Like the chips finally fell into place. But just because I was here with him now and all the stress seemed to disappear, I still didn't forget about the risk I was taking.

Just because Tanya had been dealt with, how do I know it was safe to be around him now? Dan was still out there and who knows if Belinda was too.

If Edward became a major part of my existence- which I'm almost sure it's already happened- the first person these spirits would go to would be Edward if I were to get into any arguments with them.

When you were born gifted, there's no way you could turn back. Or return the gift and say, 'no thanks, I'd rather be normal'. You have to live with it.

"Bella will you please talk to him for me?" I was brought out of my thoughts by the depressed voice coming from beside me.

"I'll be back." I told Edward and gave his hand a little squeeze before letting go. He nodded at me as I left the room.


"I can't do it." We were brought back to the single stalled washroom of the hospital.

"Why not?"

"Because. I can't just go up to him and tell him I'm a mediator."

"I need you to talk to him for me. Your my only hope." My heart sank. I couldn't talk to Edward. I couldn't tell him. And I knew if I was Tanya, I would want someone to speak with Edward, to let him know everything was okay.

"I'm not ready." I spoke the truth. Tanya sat down beside me.

"I'm not asking you to tell him about your power. I just want you to let him know everything's going to be okay."

"Don't you think he would be curious to know where all of this was coming from?"

Her eyes were pleading. "Just give it a shot. Bella, my parents are planning on pulling the plug tonight," her voice shattered as tears streamed down her face. "Who knows what will happen after that. I need him to stay strong. Just please Bella, will you talk to him for me?"

"I didn't think it'd be that soon." I didn't think Tanya's parents were willing to let her go just like that. That was horrible.

"I didn't think so either. I'm not angry and I'm not upset at them. This decision is very difficult for them too. My mom is broken and my dad... he's not the same. No one is. I want them to stay strong. I don't want them to weep over me. They want the best for me."

I buried my face into my hands. I have never felt so hurt in my life and I wasn't the one who's heart was falling into pieces.

"Okay," I breathed. "I'll talk to him."

"Really?" her eyes lit up like a Christmas tree. I smiled at her.

"Really, really."

"Oh thank you Bella!" I have never felt so sincere to a spirit. Usually they would be a pain and demand for things but Tanya was different. She needed my help more than anything in the world to help someone else recover. And I would do it for her.

Because I cared.


When I opened the door halfway to Tanya's room I could hear Edward speaking to her in a low tone. I stopped when I heard the sound of his voice and listened. I knew it was bad but I couldn't help it. Tanya was beside me too.

"... I'm incredibly sorry Tanya. I didn't mean for any of this to happen. When you told me you had these strong feelings towards me, I had the slightest clue how to react."

"Oh my goodness," Tanya's voice was still shattered. It was heartbreaking to hear. "He's so hurt. Because of me."

"It's not your fault." I whispered.

"He's beating himself up. I hate seeing him like this." I felt the same as well.

"Tanya you have to wake up!" he sounded a little more demanding. I peaked in seeing him squeezing her hand and his other hand ran through her hair. "Please Tanya? For me?"

But Tanya didn't wake up.

"Please?" he begged again.

"The doctors said I wasn't responding to anything." Tanya told me. "Sometimes a part of me would start fading away like my hand. But I would never wake up. It feels very hopeless. I think I can agree with my parents."

"No you can't!" I whispered in a desperate tone. "There's still hope. You can't leave him now."

"I love him Bella."

"Then why do you want to leave him?"

"There's no hope for me." she denied every positive feeling towards this garbage dump of a situation.

"You need to stay positive. You can't keep thinking about all the wrongs. There's always hope. There's always a way."

"You're my hope." she spoke honestly. I looked at her in disbelief.

"I can't do anything."

"Yes you can. Just let him know I'm here and everything's going to be fine. That's all I ask for."

"Why do things have to be like this?" he hung his head low once again and that's when I walked in. His eyes met mine, this time having a bit of moisture in them. I made my way over to him placing me hand on his shoulder and giving it a little rub.

"Go on, tell him." Tanya encouraged me when I gave her a look.

"Every thing's going to be okay Edward." I repeated the words Tanya wanted me to express.

"It's all my fault."

"Edward, things happen for a reason. Things we can't control." Just like being born with a gift.

"I shouldn't have responded to her the way I did." he shook his head in disappointment but I stopped him.

"Whatever happened, it wasn't your fault and it wasn't hers. You have to understand Edward."

"Bella she's lying here unconscious. She practically lives on tubes connected to almost every part of her body. I can't live with this guilt."

"Bella?" I looked back at Tanya. "Will you repeat after me?"

It was the only way I could help the two. I nodded in agreement.

"Edward do you remember that day in the park when we were seven years old?" she began. I repeated the exact words. Edward looked up at me but I placed a finger to his lips.

"We were on that pathway testing out my new bike. You came with me to help me ride it since I didn't know how to at the time. When I sat on the pink comfy pad, my hands gripped on the handle bars as I squeezed my eyes shut. You placed your little pale hands over mine and you were at my side saying, 'no matter what happens, I'll always be there for you' and with your words, I knew I had the courage to do it. And so I did, I started peddling and I was going fast before I knew it. You were far behind when I looked back, cheering me on. And when I looked ahead of me, I crashed into a tree and flew off my bike,"

Edward was still looking at me with amazed yet questioning eyes. I took a gulp waiting for Tanya to continue.

"You stitched back all the pain by being by my side twenty four seven. I remember my mom and your mom would always be on the phone complaining how we're never separated. You made a promise to me and you stuck to it. When I cried because of my 'boo-boo'," she giggled at the word, "you kissed away the pain and made more promises. You told me to stay strong and that you'd make all the hurt go away. Bottom line is, you were always there for me. You always helped me off the ground in the worse situations and now it's my turn. Edward, it's not your fault. Every thing's going to be okay. I promise."

I took a deep breath after saying all of that, catching up with Tanya.

"I don't understand," Edward's tone sounded a bit horrified. "How?"

"Tanya's here." I told him. I never regretted I did either. "She's right here Edward, beside you."

He was still looking confused.

"She doesn't want you to be worried. She wants you to stop weeping over her and stay strong."

"She's beside me?" he asked and I nodded. "Can I speak to her?"

"Of course. She can hear everything you're saying." I looked at Tanya who was looking at Edward with dancing eyes and the biggest grin on her face.

"Tanya?" he whispered. "I'm so sorry."

"I'm sorry too." I repeated her words to Edward.

"I never meant for any of this to happen."

"I've heard," she said and I repeated again. "Edward please don't worry about this."

"How can I? When your strapped onto this," he pointed to the bed. "It's been a year Tanya."

"There's nothing I can do."

"Wake up please," he begged. "I need you Tanya. I need my best friend again."

"I miss you Edward, believe me. I do. So much."

"Then wake up. For me, for your family, your friends. We all need you."

"Edward there's nothing I can do. I'm sorry." And then Tanya gasped. I looked back at the door and saw two beautiful people- a couple I guess- looking at Edward, then me, then Tanya. Followed by Carlisle.

Judging by the look on their faces, this wasn't going to be good.

"Hello Edward." the woman greeted him with a hug. The man beside her gave Edward a little hand shake.

"It's nice to see you both Mr. and Mrs. Denali." Tanya's parents, I assumed.

"We could say the same for you."

"Who's this?" Mr. Denali asked.

"This is one of my good friends Bella." Edward told them. I smiled as they returned the same welcoming gesture.

"I'm Miranda and this is my husband Marc."

"Bella Swan." I held out my hand for the two to shake. Carlisle cleared his throat from the awkward greetings.

"Edward, Bella may we have some privacy please?" he asked us. I nodded silently as I looked at Edward who looked very tensed.

"Let's go Edward." I reached out for his hand and he gladly accepted it. We walked out of the room with Edward squeezing my hand in worries.

The Denali's voices became faint as we proceeded down the hallway to sit on the little sofa's they provided. From the looks of it, and the feeling in my stomach, I knew what was going to happen. Why they were here.

"It's going to be okay Edward." There was nothing I could do but comfort him with my own words and Tanya's. I sat down beside Edward who immediately let out a sharp breath. He was under so much stress and I felt bad. But there was nothing I could do. I had already spoke to him. I was just a mediator not a wizard.

"Bella, what happened back there..." he trailed off as I realized where this was going. He officially knew I was a freak.

"We'll talk about it later."

"They're pulling the plug." Tanya appeared by my side letting out a low cry.

I felt the moisture building up in my eyes at the yelp of Tanya's words. I felt my lip tremble as the tears began streaming down my face. If being even more shattered were ever possible, that's how I felt at the moment.

And I've only known Tanya for a couple of weeks. This was the saddest day of my entire life.

"Please don't cry." The sound of their voices pained me even more.

"Bella what's wrong?" It was Edward's calm yet struggling voice that whispered in my ear. His hand rested on my shoulder.

"Don't tell him." Tanya told me. I looked up at her in disbelief. She wanted to keep this a secret? "Please don't. It will only hurt him more."

"He has to know." I whispered at her.

"What do I need to know?"

"No! Don't! Bella please, I'm begging you. It's for the best." I was stuck between a rock and a hard place. There was no way out.

"Tanya he has to know." my voice rose. She immediately shook her head furiously. I did not understand why she wanted to keep this from him.

"Know what? Bella?" Edward shook my shoulders. "She's here? What do I need to know?"

"Don't!"

"Edward... Tanya's parents have decided to- no!" I screamed when Tanya let out a shriek. Her hand was slowly fading away, then her left hand. Her legs were disappearing as well.

It was happening.

"No!" I screamed again.

"Bella!" Tanya cried. "Tell him I'm sorry. Tell him I love him no matter what."

"Bella!" Edward shook my shoulders harder. "Bella, what's wrong? Are you alright?"

"Excuse me, is she okay?" a nurse asked.

"You can't leave!" I screamed out. Half of Tanya's body had already faded away.

"I can't do anything Bella. I'm so sorry. Thank you for everything." she was scared, I could tell. And so was I.

"You can't!" I shook my head.

"Miss I'm going to have to get you checked up." the nurse told me.

"I'm not crazy!" I cried.

"Bella, why are you saying that?" Edward looked at me with concerned eyes. "Of course you're not crazy."

The nurse called a doctor. The two of them wheeled in a wheelchair and began to pick me up when I kicked my legs out. "Stop!" I begged them but they wouldn't bulge. "Please!"

I looked back at Tanya who had tears rolling down her face rapidly. She looked back at me with the same pained expression as she mouthed, "thank you".

"Edward!" I called out. "Edward you can't let them do this!"

"Do what? Bella please talk to me." he begged. He knelled down beside me and grasped my hand but the doctors started pushing me away.

"Edward! Go to Tanya!" Was the last thing I said before a needle was injected in my arm. I felt drowsy as my eyelid's betrayed me and shut automatically.

I drifted to sleep when someone needed me. And now, there was nothing I could do.


So, it's a bad sad, we're sorry.
How do you feel about Tanya waking up and re-entering Edward's life?
Review please, we'd like to hear your thoughts.
Merry Christmas again everyone and a Happy New Year. :D