CHAPTER 7
"I don't know if I'm ready…" Rachel panicked.
"You'll do great." Marley replied. "Have faith."
Holding her assistants shoulders, Rachel nodded and pulled her into a hug. "Thank you so much… For everything."
"Don't mention it, Ms. Berry."
"I told you, call me Rachel." she winked and left her dressing room. Just before she went on stage, Rachel peeked out into the audience. Scanning the crowd, she spotted the empty seat that belonged to Quinn. Her heart sank into her stomach and her eyes began to fill with tears. The set change snapped her out of her trance and she quickly took her spot.
While singing On My Own, Rachel couldn't help staring at Quinn's empty seat. The power behind her voice was fueled by her pain and confusion as to how Quinn could blow her off so easily. Suddenly, as the last note of the song was played, Rachel's heart pounded with a realization that Rachel's mind couldn't yet comprehend.
Leaving the stage, she felt like she was going to throw up. However, out of the corner of her eye, she saw Kurt and a few of the other cast members eyeing her. Straightening up, she took a moment before going to the quick costume change. She thought about how she hated having to perform her last big number alongside Kurt.
Laying in his arms, Rachel looked up at Kurt and tried to imagine anyone else, but the only person who came to mind was Quinn. She replaced everything around her with that night Quinn helped her in her dressing room. She thought about the other woman's voice, her embrace, and her leaning down when-
The last chorus number received a demanding applause, one that was louder than Rachel had ever heard before. She smiled and took her bow, enjoying the moment briefly until her eyes found Quinn's empty seat again. The entire building went quiet and everyone's actions were slowed down. The only thing that had Rachel's attention was that damn empty chair.
After the show, the cast and crew were busy celebrating, but Rachel wasn't in the mood. Before she was able to leave, Cassandra stopped her. "Brilliant performance, Rachel Berry." the older woman smiled. "Do it again tomorrow night."
Rachel watched as Cassandra went back to the party. She knew she should have felt overjoyed with knowing her career wasn't over, but she felt nothing, even after seeing Cassandra smile for the first time.
"Well well…" Kurt muttered from behind Rachel. "Looks like you live to see another performance."
Rachel rolled her eyes, turning to face him.
"I don't know how you pulled it off." he continued. "It's almost as if you were singing to someone you genuinely loved, but they don't love you back." Kurt saw that his words had struck a cord with Rachel. "Oh my god!" he laughed. "What is with you lesbians?"
"I'm not a lesbian!" Rachel fired back.
"Good." Kurt said seriously, walking toward her. "Then you'll have no problem letting Quinn go."
Rachel furrowed her eyebrows and looked down at her feet.
"Quinn could have come tonight, but she chose not to."
"She probably just didn't get my ticket…" Rachel thought aloud.
"Honey, if Quinn wanted to be here tonight, she would have even without your ticket."
"The show was sold out-"
"She decided two months ago that she wasn't going to come." Kurt crossed his arms.
"You don't know that."
"Yeah, I do." he replied. "You don't think it's odd that the first opening night she misses just happens to be the one before her wedding day?"
"What are you talking about?" Rachel asked, clearly confused. "She said she's never seen me-"
"Oh, she has."
"Stop it!" Rachel yelled, tired of hearing Kurt talk. "Quinn would never lie to me."
"I'd say you could ask her yourself, but she's probably back in Lima right now, shacked up with Santana, nice and cozy in bed, definitely not sleep-"
*SMACK*
Kurt covered his face with his hands and widened his eyes. "You'll regret this, you little…" he began to say, stepping closer to Rachel.
"What's going on here?" Cassandra asked, approaching Kurt and Rachel.
"With all due respect, Ms July, I quit." Rachel stated, eyes fixed on Kurt.
"You can't just quit!" the older woman yelled. "This is BROADWAY."
"I just did." Rachel turned her back to the growing crowd and showed them all how a true diva stormed out.
In her dressing room, Rachel had begun clearing all her things out and into her bag.
"What are you doing?" she heard from the doorway.
"What I should have done a while ago." Rachel said, throwing the bag over her shoulder.
"You can't leave…" Marley pleaded. "I'm not ready."
Rachel wrapped the younger girls face in her hands. "You were born ready." she smiled. "Have faith."
"Thank you…" Marley let out a sigh as she hugged Rachel goodbye.
x
Rachel didn't stop until she reached Quinn's doorstep. "Quinn!" she yelled over and over with each pound, but no one replied. Kurt was right again, Quinn had already left with Santana for Lima.
Back at her own apartment, Rachel leaned against the closed door and looked around. She had wanted to be 30 so bad, but she had no idea her life would turn out like this. Three months ago, she thought she had everything she ever wanted. Now, all she has is an empty apartment and Tony's that can't keep her warm at night.
She didn't want this life. She wanted to be 13 again, in her basement, celebrating her birthday with her best friend. She didn't want to be alone in a room full of people anymore.
Tears started rolling off her cheeks as she slid down to the floor. Rachel buried her face in her hands and mumbled I wanna be 13 again over and over. Stopping suddenly, she lowered her hands away from her face and looked up.
She was still in her apartment.
Rachel threw her head against the door and laughed softly at herself. She didn't know what she was expecting that to do. After all, she had no idea how she became 30 in the first place.
An hour passed, or two, or three for all Rachel knew. The only thing she was sure of was that she couldn't feel her butt anymore. Standing up, Rachel walked over to the kitchen and checked the time.
3:16 a.m.
Bringing her hand to her forehead, she tried to rub out the headache she was getting. Caffeine she thought to herself. That's what I need… but she couldn't figure out her coffee maker. Frustrated, she slammed her fists on the counter. What was she doing?
x
