To the rabid Nasu-verse fans who are too chicken to post on their OWN accounts and resort to using the GUEST reviews: Congratulations, you've made my already bad week even worse and have forced me to moderate the guest reviews. If you don't have anything nice to say or constructive criticism that will help me IMPROVE and not constitute as Cyber Bullying, then it's not going to be put on the reviews. If you are brave enough to post nasty flames on the reviews page, I will NOT HESITATE TO BLOCK YOU. I HAVE DONE IT BEFORE AND I WILL NOT BE AFRAID TO DO SO AGAIN.
I write mostly out of fun and relaxation. If you don't like a story, here's a newsflash. NO ONE ASKED YOU TO READ IT.
To the loyal fans who have been leaving reviews that actually help me improve such as pointing out misspelled names, small facts that I've gotten wrong, thank you for your continued support. Reading your reviews are the highlight of my day and the reason I keep posting.
If this comes across as snippy to the other readers, there is a reason for it. During the past week one of my aunt's dogs died, right on my cousin's birthday and she was a sweet dog. Her death came as a real shock to everyone. I've also had to fight a constant migraine for the past three days. Hopefully some good luck will come my way, and I'm sorry if it feels like I'm taking it out on you, the readers. It's just been one of those weeks when nothing seems to go right.
Illyasviel had two goals upon reaching Japan. One was to find her 'brother' and possibly kill him, the other was to fill her role as the lesser Grail and win the war for the Einzbern family.
Instead she and Berserker had the most interesting meeting with the last person they expected.
Zelretch.
"I come to offer you two choices, little one. Either you can continue and fight the other Servants...or you can join us in watching a highly amusing love triangle play out and possibly live to see your twentieth birthday," said Zelretch.
Illya twitched.
"What sort of love triangle could possibly be worth more than killing everyone?" she asked.
"The kind that involves a very possessive King of Heroes, a relatively unknown King of Fakers, and the current Mistress of Death from England. An oblivious Mistress of Death," said Zelretch.
Illya blinked.
"How much, and why do I have the feeling there's more to it?"
"She's apparently as big a fan as magical girl shows as I am and willing to humor me, and so far she hasn't really cottoned on to the fact the current Archer of the war has been staring at her ass while she has a fox's tail."
Illya actually started to grin. That did sound somewhat funny.
"We'll also have snacks, enough to feed even the great Herakles," said Zelretch... before he brought out the carrot, "Shiro's currently holding bets on who will win."
That did it.
"Where are they?" asked Illya.
Zelretch smirked.
"Dammit you stupid bloodsucker, why'd you bring her here?" asked Rin, twitching.
"Because otherwise we'd have her trying to interrupt the show, and this way you have someone to help you blast Shiro," said Zelretch.
Rin took one look at Berserker, then at a rather irate Illya who was talking to Shiro. He had a point.
With Illyasviel and Shiro...
"So let me get this straight... Father used to leave for weeks at a time and leave you all alone?" said Illya.
"He never said he was going, just that he had left something behind that he was trying to get back, but someone kept chasing him off. He seemed really depressed whenever he came back empty-handed."
Illya twitched. She remembered a few times when several of the castle Homunculi would run out to deal with something, but they never said what. And every time she would be ushered into the library, within the center of the castle and there would be guards posted.
It had all stopped around the same time news of her father's death reached them.
Was it possible Kiritsugu had come to the castle trying to reclaim her like he promised?
"So what's the deal between Archer and the witch?"
Shiro grinned.
"Archer apparently has a thing for Phoebe-sensei, and according to Zelretch the same can be said of Gilgamesh. Since they're natural enemies it's going to be a toss up who she picks, and until then we get to watch the fireworks. Especially since from what they found before the thing started, the entire Grail has become a giant monkey's paw, and no one wants to deal with the fall out," said Shiro.
"What's a monkey's paw?" asked Illya.
"It's an old legend. A man buy's a mummified monkey's paw, and for every wish one finger on the paw breaks. But they came with a heavy price. In the end the man died because of it," explained Phoebe. She held out her hand. "Phoebe Potter-Black."
"Illyasviel von Einzbern," she said with a curtsy.
Phoebe's mouth twitched upward.
"Your family is from the Black Forests of Germany, right?"
"It is. The Einzbern clan is one of the premiere magical clans in the world," said Illya proudly.
"I have a series that might interest you then," said Phoebe.
Illya looked surprised.
"You're not going to convert her to that Grimm series Zelretch introduced you to are you?" asked Rin. Phoebe grinned.
"So I take it the big guy is Herakles?" asked Phoebe.
Illya beamed proudly at her Servant.
"Nice. Not many idiots would be stupid enough to pick a fight with a girl ordering around a mountain of muscle...especially if he's your ride," said Phoebe appreciatively.
Illya looked at her hard, before she said "I like you Onee-san. You're interesting."
Phoebe grinned, before she affectionately ruffled Illya's hair.
"And I think you're an absolutely adorable snow fairy. One who's been alone for way too long."
Jack walked up to an amused Illya.
"Are you going to adopt her too?"
"Unfortunately not...but that doesn't mean she can't crash at our house and bring tall, muscled and grumpy with her."
Archer looked at Phoebe.
"You aren't crushing on him are you?" he asked suspiciously.
"Of course not. I'm impressed with his legend, but I prefer to deal with people with brains, which a Berserker simply doesn't have."
Phoebe went into the kitchens and brought out something. Whatever it was, it smelled heavenly. Illya was drooling once it hit her nose.
"Chocolate chip and no bake cookies anyone?"
Rin didn't hesitate, and neither did Shiro, Sakura, Jack, Zelretch Rider or Saber.
Illya carefully took a few from the bowl, and gave two to Berserker. She took one bite and immediately grabbed a few more. Phoebe laughed.
"Good thing I've gotten used to making quadruple batches."
She had to, since Saber and Rin could put away a double batch without letting anyone else have some.
"I wish you would give me the recipe," said Shiro.
"You're not going to get it until after you master first year potions."
"Why would he need to master potions?" asked Rin.
"I generally lace it with a cheering solution," came Phoebe's deadpan response. "It's hard to fight once you're hopped up on something that makes you happy...or in this case adds to the natural effects of chocolate. Did you know chocolate chip cookies were originally an accident?"
"Really?"
"One woman broke up a chocolate bar into some cookies she was making, thinking it would melt throughout and turn it into a chocolate cookie. Instead she made the first chocolate chip. It was supposed to be a reward for her workers. Know what her name was?"
"What?"
"Mrs. Tollhouse. Nestle bought her recipe and eventually started making chocolate chips so people didn't have to chop up chocolate bars," said Phoebe.
(A/N: that story is true by the way. I watch a lot of Food Network.)
"Interesting," said Shiro. For him and Sakura, it was.
"American Eats does specials all the time on stuff like pizza, soda, ice cream, barbeque and cookies. It's either than or watch some boring soap opera," shrugged Phoebe.
She paid extra for shows from around the world. It wasn't like Ron was going to watch TV since she kept him in a state of perpetual sleep whenever he wasn't eating.
Illya watched how Archer looked at her, and realized that it would be interesting to watch this play out.
Bazett groaned. After she went to the church to summon her Servant, the priest had cut off her arm the first chance he had and taken her Servant. She had barely escaped with her life.
She was so out of it that she almost missed the thundering steps of something big walking towards the forest.
Perhaps it was luck, but she groaned at the worst possible time. Immediately the thundering sound stopped.
"I heard something. Berserker, turn left and head towards the abandoned groundskeepers shed," instructed a voice.
The steps grew closer...and louder. Then they stopped, right outside the door.
More steps, though these were much lighter in sound. Light came from the shed, hitting her square in the eyes.
What she saw, before she blacked out, was the surprised expression of what looked like some form of snow fairy...and the hulking form of her Servant, who was more muscle than anything else.
"Wait, you found someone passed out in the shed without an arm? Are they even alive?" asked Phoebe. She had given her number to Illya earlier before she left for the castle.
She honestly didn't expect the girl to call her about another Master.
"No, I get why you don't want to deal with it...especially if she's hostile. I can take her in, and if nothing else Assassin can deal with her. No sign of her Servant? You think someone stole her Command Seals?"
From what she heard, this woman evidently lost her Seals to an unscrupulous Magus eager to get into the war.
"I'll bring Rider and Shiro and we'll come get her. Yes, I'll call your house to let you know when we're about to enter the forest so you know it's us," said Phoebe.
She would bring Archer, but bringing three servants was overkill. Jack and Rider would be sufficient.
Phoebe called the castle, letting Illya know she was coming in with two Servants. Rider would help her carry the woman out of the forest, since Illya didn't want her there and didn't feel like explaining to her maids why she was allowing a Master to live.
They might report to her grandfather, who definitely wouldn't like the fact she was in contact with Shiro and planned to forget about the entire war.
Most of the Masters had come to the agreement that since the Grail was broken, there wasn't any real need to fight for the thing until it was either fixed or replaced. No one wanted to be responsible for unleashing all the world's evils just for a silly wish.
After all, Rin's wish could easily be granted by Phoebe. Sakura's had already been granted. Shiro just wanted to avoid collateral damage. Phoebe's only wish was to turn back time with her allies beside her to undo most of death caused by Dumbledore's stupidity. Illya just wanted to live past the war...she was fully aware she wouldn't survive very long after it was over.
Rider wanted to see her sisters again. Jack wanted a mother. Archer wanted the cycle he was stuck on to end. Saber, while rethinking her wish, still had one. Who knew what Berserker, Lancer or Caster wanted.
Phoebe thought they might be just as happy living out their lives a second time.
Once they got to the decrepit building, Jack went in first. Her presence concealment made her useful getting information. She nodded to the others outside, and Rider went in next.
The woman had lost a lot of blood, but Illya had cast a simple healing spell she knew to stop the bleeding. However it wouldn't hold out for long. This woman needed attention, immediately.
Phoebe carefully maneuvered the woman onto her back. One arm dangled over her shoulder.
"Rider, can you summon anything that can carry three people? I can cast a notice-me-not, and we need to get to the house fast."
Rider nodded. She summoned Pegasus, and Phoebe held on tightly to the unconscious woman while Jack wrapped her arms around the horse's neck.
"Fascinating. You know I could probably get my hands on a modern Pegasus if you want."
Rider blinked behind her blindfold.
"They still exist?"
"Dragons, unicorns, centaurs, mermaids, naiads..." listed Phoebe.
"You are so letting me read one of your school books later," said Rider.
"My library is your library...even the spellbooks. No need to hide them from family after all," said Phoebe easily.
With that, the group left the forest and landed in Phoebe's hidden back yard.
Phoebe hit herself with an ennervate...she was going to need the extra boost, she just knew it.
The woman was laid out flat on a table, close to where the potions were kept.
"Milly, Dixie, Joy and Winky!" Phoebe called out with authority in her voice.
At once, four house elves appeared. Out of the four, only Winky had been with Phoebe the longest. She had bound herself to her shortly after Dobby had died.
"Yes Lady Potter/Black?" they asked.
"I'm going to need your help healing her. Now, what potions would you recommend to restore her arm?"
Phoebe realized a long time ago that house elves were likely to know more about potions than she was.
Especially the ones she bought that were trained in healing, like these three were. Winky merely learned by experience.
As they listed the potions she would need to heal the woman, she gave them permission to buy any they needed if they didn't have it in stock.
Fortunately, there were only three she didn't already have.
By the time she finished, the woman was still out cold and would stay that way until Phoebe was ready to deal with her. The sleeping potion was good for twelve hours, more than enough time for Phoebe to sleep, eat and then prepare for a minor interrogation.
