(A/N)
Guest: I'm unlikely to ever write that oneshot because I don't like the idea of Apollo refusing immortality. I don't think it would be very useful for him to do so, since I think he can help mortals more as a god than as another mortal.
Crest will probably make an appearance though.
God!Apollo's POV
We arrived at the Empire State Building shortly before sunset. On the one hand, I was afraid that maybe the demigods (and satyr, and... me?) had already completed the quest, and my counterpart had fled. On the other hand, I was grateful I didn't have to wait long for them to show up. I have a tendency to get lost in my own head when given the opportunity to think while stressed, and right then, I had nothing BUT time. Well I suppose I COULD have practiced for my concert (which at this rate I'd probably have to cancel, I didn't think I could deal with performing at the moment) but there's no way I could concentrate on it.
So I paced.
I was grateful that Artemis believed me enough to come at least. My tale was absurd; I KNEW that. If I'D heard another god spouting about a time-traveling mortal version of themselves, I'd assumed they'd either been tricked or was crazy.
But I COULDN'T write off what I'd seen. I'd felt a vague sense of familiarity while looking at the boy, something that said 'Look closely and THINK.' But another, louder part of me had screamed 'DON'T LOOK. Don't listen. Not if you want to maintain your worldview. If you look too closely, even you won't be able to hide from the truth of what you'll see.'
So I tried to avoid looking. I invented a somewhat plausible-sounding reason for why they might have appeared out of thin air. I tried to maintain my careful facade.
Then my other self smashed it to pieces.
"Do not harm her. Don't you dare harm ANY of them. LOOK AT ME! REALLY LOOK AT ME, DON'T JUST STARE THROUGH ME LIKE WE ALWAYS DID, DON'T PRETEND PEOPLE FEEL THE WAY THAT'S CONVENIENT FOR US, FOR ONCE IN YOUR LIFE, TRY TO UNDERSTAND! "
I couldn't stop myself. I did as he asked and looked closer, into his essence, into his SOUL.
What I found shocked me. But I can't say I was truly surprised. Part of me had already known what I'd find.
It was my own essence. My own self. Only a bare sliver, but undeniably there, and undeniably ME.
I'd freaked. I couldn't help it. And I did what I always did when in emotional turmoil. I went to my family.
I glanced over at Artemis. She stood stock-still. To someone who didn't know her, it might have looked like she wasn't doing anything. I knew better. That was the look of a hunter waiting for their prey.
If my other self HAD been a trick, I would've felt sorry for them. Most gods knew better than to get on my sister's bad side, myself included. We might mess with each other a little, but it was very, VERY rare for us to do something that would truly, deeply upset the other person. The times that'd happened...
I shoved the thought away before it could fully manifest. I had enough going on with my current internal crisis. No sense picking at old wounds.
I heard the sound of rapid footsteps. I glanced up.
My mortal self charged towards my sister, a look of desperate NEED on his face.
How long had he - had I - gone without seeing Artemis?
Was Zeus truly that cruel, to deny me from seeing my twin?
Who was I kidding. Of course he was.
My mortal self SMASHED into Artemis, sending him sprawling to the ground. I winced. That HAD to hurt.
He scrambled back up, winded. My sister - HIS sister - helped him up.
I looked at Artemis's face. The look of concern and shock in her eyes... clearly she'd realized that I hadn't been tricked or mistaken. This boy was somehow, impossibly, ME.
He babbled brokenly into Artemis's shoulder, tears running down his face and soaking Sis's shirt. I watched silently. I was NOT about to get in the middle of this. For one thing, my other self NEEDED this. For another... well, who WOULD? Honestly if I could reasonably give them privacy I would, but we were in the middle of New York City right near the Empire State Building, and it didn't seem like either of them were thinking about the location at the moment. I also hoped to hear more about what my future self went through. Maybe if I knew I could prevent it, or at least make it less traumatic.
Then Artemis checked him for injuries. And things got so much worse.
At some point along my journey, I'd been injured BADLY. Really, REALLY badly. And I seemed almost ASHAMED about it.
What my other self hinted he'd done - how he hinted about these other people being held captive, with his own life as the only bargaining chip he had - it chilled me to my core. Had he done what I thought he'd done? Nearly killed himself to help save a handful of demigods?
I didn't quite know how to feel about that. I'd never had that level of resolve. I'd never been put in a situation where I'd had to choose between my own life and someone else's.
If I was, could I make the choice my counterpart had?
Maybe... maybe if it was Artemis or Leto. But for a handful of demigods? They were disposable. I tried to help my own children at least, but even then I didn't always realized that they'd died until years later. I'd been striving to get better on that front, but I still wouldn't put myself in mortal danger for them.
The closest I'd come was with my favorite son, Asclepius. When Zeus struck him down, I'd been FURIOUS. But even then, I didn't go up against Zeus directly for fear of being destroyed. I'd taken it out in the Elder Cyclopes instead. I was still punished, but it would've been MUCH worse if I'd outright attacked Zeus.
What had happened - what had he - what had I - been through, that had caused me to put the lives of a few demigods above my own?
Why did he care so much?
I refocused on my other self. Maybe I could glean some answers from him.
I listened to his description of what Medea was going to do to him. What she HAD done.
I nearly threw up.
I stumbled to the nearest light pole and slid down it until I was sitting on the ground.
I- I'd nearly been destroyed. COMPLETELY.
Death was one thing, but THAT? That was MUCH worse.
And Zeus! He must have seen this. We weren't omniscient - not by a long shot - but he would be watching me already, if only to laugh at my suffering.
He didn't do anything.
Of course he didn't. He didn't even want me to help Artemis when she was captured, why would he intervene on MY behalf?
Because he would be partly responsible for your destruction, I answered myself. Because this goes beyond just sitting back and not helping. He would be the reason I was vulnerable in the first place. He would be responsible for it.
Oh who was I kidding. Zeus would just shove the blame onto someone else. Or maybe he'd just argue that I deserved it and it was my own fault I wasn't tough enough to survive.
"I- I w-was saved. I- I- regained some of my memories. But n-not all. I- I...! "
Wait, WHAT?! I hadn't regained all my memories afterwards? What did I forget...?
No.
PLEASE NO.
PLEASE ZEUS, PLEASE.
"I- I- I forgot you, Artemis. I forgot you existed."
Not seeing my sister was one thing. But forgetting her entirely?
That- that went beyond anything I could've imagined.
I couldn't - not without my sister - how - how had my other self even had the strength to CONTINUE? When something so fundamental to myself was ripped away?
I could survive with being mortal. I'd done it twice before.
I didn't know if I could survive without being able to even REMEMBER the person I was closest to.
Artemis knew me best - perhaps even better than my mother. She was my rock.
To have that swept away...
"I'm- I'm so sorry Artemis. I for-forgot you. I'm a horrible-"
From my outside perspective, I knew it wasn't his fault - MY fault - that he'd forgotten Artemis.
But I also knew that in his shoes, I'd blame myself too.
Maybe we weren't so different after all.
Artemis wasn't having ANY of it. "NO. Apollo, you are NOT a horrible ANYTHING, least of all for something you have no control over. YES, I'm shocked and angry, but not at you. NEVER at you. At our Father, at Caligula, at Medea, yes. BUT NOT AT YOU."
Artemis... what had I done to deserve such a wonderful sister?
I teared up as my other self collapsed into my sister's arms.
Artemis... she'd known just what to say. Of course. She always did.
After awhile, my other self calmed down enough to speak.
I almost wished he wouldn't. That I'd never have to learn what had caused him such pain. But I needed to know. I needed to UNDERSTAND.
My other self finally said how, EXACTLY, he'd gotten that wound.
So this... this was why he'd changed. Why I'd changed. Jason... he'd been willing to die without a complaint, because he couldn't stand someone else dying in his place.
No gods had come to his aid. But a demigod HAD.
Jason had been more willing to help, to put himself on the line, then any of my divine brethren.
Of course that's what heroes do, a voice whispered in my head. Jason is hardly unique in that way. But you never cared about that before. So why are you being affected now?
Because it's me, I answered myself. It was always someone else before. It wasn't me, so I wrote it off. I wrote off all those demigods and I HADN'T CARED.
My other self's tale wasn't done.
It got worse.
Jason at least was a demigod hero. I would at least EXPECT heroic actions from him, even if I hadn't fully appreciated such heroics in the past. And from the sound of it, he hadn't just sacrificed himself for me. It had mostly been for Piper.
But Crest?
It took me a moment to even remember what a Pandos WAS. I wouldn't have expected much of anything from one of them. And from the sound of it, Crest was a child.
And yet...!
He'd... this kid... he'd not only gone against the orders of one of the cruelest people I'd ever known in the hope of getting some music lessons, but had continued to help my other self beyond ANYTHING he would have asked for.
He hadn't stopped either. He'd sacrificed himself for me. He'd had SEVERAL chances to leave me to my fate, and yet he'd chosen to save me even if it killed him. Even though it killed his dream.
He didn't even KNOW me.
Abruptly I realized that I'd stopped thinking of this as happening to some other version of me, and had started thinking of it happening to MYSELF.
I couldn't help it. Hearing what had gone down, I connected more closely with this other version of myself. I saw how I'd gone from being me to being him.
We weren't any different at our core. Of course we weren't. We were the same person until very recently. It was only his recent experiences that distinguished him from myself, and hearing what he'd been through, I at least had a shadow of his experiences.
I didn't think I could ever become like this other version of myself entirely, never reach the sheer depth of his understanding and compassion for the mortals that I'd been neglecting for so long.
But I could try.
Maybe that would be enough?
Watching my other self collapse into my sister's embrace for the third time, I decided that it would HAVE to be enough. I had to become someone worthy of the help my other self had been given. Someone worthy of those sacrifices.
I- I wanted to be a better person. A GOOD person. I didn't know whether that was even possible. I'd done some horrible things in the past, and allowed others to occur in my ambivalence. But I would TRY.
My other self calmed down enough to continue speaking again after a few minutes.
He turned to me, seeming to just remember I was here. I couldn't blame him. With all he'd been through, with all he'd lost, I'd get tunnel vision too.
He stared at me for a moment, seeming to search for words.
"Do you understand?" he asked at last, seeming to look into my soul.
"I- I think so," I replied, my mouth suddenly feeling dry.
He seemed to consider what I said for a moment, then nodded. "There are some things you need to know. I told Percy a lot of what happened, what's GOING to happen, so you can ask him for more information later. But there's some things I didn't go into. Some things I wanted to tell you in person."
I nodded, trying to hide my anxiety.
"Our kids - ALL of them... try to be there for them more? When I went to Camp Half-blood, they- they tried to make me feel comfortable. Tried to help me feel like I belonged. Even though I barely knew them. Even though I'd only visited them in person a handful of times, spoken to them in dreams a dozen more. They still tried SO HARD to help me. They cared about me SO MUCH. They deserve better."
Guilt twisted my stomach. I'd always felt that I should spend more time with my children. But I was afraid of what the other gods would say, ESPECIALLY Zeus. He preferred us to be hands-off if possible. I couldn't do what he was asking...
Oh who was I kidding. It was true that Zeus didn't like us spending too much time with our kids. He might notice if I vastly increased the amount of time I spent around them in-person, but he wouldn't be paying as much attention to dreams, especially right now, when he had bigger things to worry about.
And I could probably sneak in a few more visits to Camp Half-blood than I did before. I'd just have to come up with some sort of excuse, like needing to talk to Chiron about something, or needing to drop off some stray demigod Artemis found who didn't want or was unable to join the Hunt.
"I'll try my best," I said.
My other self sighed, "Good. Sometimes that's the best we CAN do."
He fell silent for a moment, his face twisting up a little. "There's also the matter of one of my Legacies. Octavian."
I tensed, glancing at Percy and Grover. He was talking about the Romans HERE? Now? In front of some Greeks? Sure he'd mentioned Jason before, but he hadn't said anything to give away that he wasn't Greek. Just MENTIONING the word 'Legacy' was a tip off that something was different about Octavian.
My other self noticed the look on my face and explained. "I already told Percy and Grover about the Romans. They'd need to know soon anyway, since Gaea is awakening and the Greeks and Romans will need to unite."
I choked. Gaea was WHAT!
I opened my mouth to speak, but my other self cut me off. "I already told Percy most of what he needs to know, you can ask him for details later. I don't know how much time I have and I don't want to repeat myself too much."
He took a breath and let it out. "So, Octavian. I think... he's kind of like Commodus. I was enamored with Octavian's promises, his vision of a future where I was head god of Rome. I fell for his flattery, ignoring any warning signs, just like I did all those years ago. Octavian, he... something's wrong with him. I'm not sure what. Not exactly. But he REALLY hates the Greeks. I'm not sure why. You'll have trouble forging peace between the camps if he's in a position of power, at least as Octavian is now. Octavian... I think he's ill somehow. After an unfortunate incident that led New Rome to believe the Greeks had attacked them - again, ask Percy - he went kind of crazy. Manic. He refused to listen to reason, and believed that anyone who questioned him would stab him in the back."
"I don't know whether he can be saved. I wasn't able to save Commodus. But maybe... maybe if you catch him early, you can stop him from deteriorating too far. It's worth a try. There's no chance of success without TRYING."
"Just make sure he's not in a position of power or influence right now. He needs therapy, or medication, or SOMETHING. But if he's able to retaliate... well, I don't think he'd even believe ME telling him that he needs help. I can see him believing that I'm compromised or tricking him or something. And if he believes that there's a threat, he'll try to neutralize it. Probably fatally."
"I don't know whether you could get him the help he needs. Maybe there's no saving him. Maybe there was no saving Commodus. But you HAVE to try."
I flinched, thinking of Commodus. I HAD to kill him. The alternative was too horrible to withstand.
That didn't make the guilt lessen.
If I could avoid having that situation again, I would.
"I'll try. I'll look in on Octavian, try to find some sort of help for him. I think I'll take a closer at the Romans in general, I haven't spent much time with them lately. I think I'll try to get to know Jason better as well. After what you've told me... well, I want a chance to know my little brother for more than a few hours. I'll visit my children as often as I can get away with, considering Zeus and the War. And I'll try to find Crest. Teach him to play the ukulele. Even if he's never met me in this timeline, I still feel like I owe him for what he was willing to do in yours."
My other self smiled at me, a bit of hope entering his eyes. "Thank you."
I felt something snap into place, threads of destiny coming undone and reweaving themselves into a new tapestry. I could tell my other self felt it too.
He blurted out, "Find Meg! She was captured by Nero, She's in-"
The air started twisting around them. My other self cut himself off, looking back at Meg in a panic. I had a distinct feeling he didn't know WHERE Meg was, and he didn't have time to ask.
Meg read his look. "Albany!" she blurted out.
CRAAAACK
The air untwisted, turning shimmering shades of green, then returned to normal.
There was silence for a moment.
"What just... happened?" my sister asked.
Oh yeah. She was the only who hadn't seen this happen before.
"That's what happened when they arrived. Except, you know, they appeared instead of vanished. Presumably they're back in their own timeline now."
I turned to Percy and Grover. "We need to talk. But it can wait until tomorrow. I need to hold this concert - can't cancel without a lot of people wondering WHY, and I don't want to divulge what happened to everyone just yet. Not before making plans. And I'm sure you two are tired after everything that's happened."
Percy smiled at me slightly. "Thanks. I'll need to tell Annabeth, she can help."
Grover suddenly looked nervous. "Um... Lord Apollo..." He gingerly returned my lyre.
I looked it over, noticing the reason for his anxiety. A large scratch on the shell. Nothing that would impact the quality of its music, but I HAD said "not a scratch".
That seemed like a lifetime ago.
I gave him a small smile, hoping I looked comforting. "It's fine Grover. I should have expected it to get a little banged up, with you bringing it into combat."
His face collapsed in relief. Percy gave me a weird look... awe? Understanding? I wasn't sure. But he seemed happy with what I'd done.
As they walked away, I called out, 'Oh, and Grover?"
The satyr looked back at me questioningly.
"Happy birthday."
His face broke out in a smile. "It has been."
I stood there for a moment, savoring this brief period of peace. Tomorrow I'd have to meet with Percy and Grover, find out what else my other self had to say about the future, what else should be changed. Tomorrow I could go looking for Meg and Crest.
But tonight, I had a concert to get to.
"You coming Artemis?" I asked my sister.
"You have room for all my Hunters?"
"I think something could be arranged."
"I'll see you there then."
I vanished as the sun set on one of the most important afternoons in Greco-Roman history.
(A/N) So that's it for this fanfic! I'll probably write a sequel showing what happens in this new timeline, but I don't know when I'll start it. I might work on something else first. Oh, and in case anyone's wondering, Meg and Apollo reappeared back in their own timeline back in the room with the cloth. This uses a divergent timeline model of time travel, so nothing that happens in the past will impact them.
