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Chapter 5. Hey Man, Nice Shot!
by Sootpaws
"Of all the blithering idiots! I should have you fed to the bloody pike!"
Sootpaws dodged the inkwell the Captain had flung in the direction of his head. Honestly, he couldn't see what all the fuss was about. So the Treasury had been robbed? What did they expect him to have done, what with the rodent claiming to have been sent to fix the lock? He'd have only been in trouble if he'd stopped the creature going about his duties. Sadly, it seemed the Captain didn't share his views.
"Have you any idea of the trouble you've caused?" Sootpaws noticed that the Captain's left eye was twitching. He'd never seen that before.
"Well, I don't see..." he began.
"Shut up!" roared the Captain. "It was a bleedin' rhetorical question!"
"Oh." Sootpaws had a brief try at figuring out what 'rhetorical' meant. "It's just..."
He was cut off as the Captain's paperweight flew past his right ear. The heavy stone bounced off the door and crashed to the floor, toppling the bin and sending scraps of paper flying across the room.
The Captain was seething with rage. "Of all the useless, incompetent, good for nothing, lazy excuses for a soldier I've ever had the misfortune to encounter, you are by far the greatest of all!"
Sootpaws, who had missed most of the Captain's rant by concentrating on the scattered paper, grinned. "Thanks very much sir, it's good that you're so understanding."
The stream of curses that drifted through the office door was enough to make even the guards blush.
Sootpaws was finally stunned into silence. He'd never seen the Captain this angry before, and he'd been hauled before him more times than he cared to remember. There was a moment's silence while the Captain regained his composure.
"Well soldier, what shall we do with you this time? I think we've just about exhausted all the usual punishments, none of those seemed to have had any noticeable effect."
Sootpaws shifted uncomfortably from one footpaw to the other, but decided against offering a suggestion of his own. The only things left on the Captain's desk were either heavy or sharp, and he didn't fancy having to dodge another missile.
A cold grin was forming on the Captain's face. "As it happens, there is one assignment I think even you can handle. We recently received an invitation for one of our officers to attend a gathering held by one 'Professor Falliss'. It's a good week's march from here, and the country is notorious for bandits. I want you to accompany him to this Professor's castle. Make sure he gets there safely. He'll meet you at the gatehouse in half an hour. Now get out of my sight."
Thankful for the Captain's sudden change of heart, Sootpaws made a swift exit from the office. Half an hour would give him enough time for a quick nap before meeting this officer he was supposed to escort.
The door had barely closed behind the fox when a side door in the Captain's office opened and another fox in officer's uniform appeared. "You're sending me with that? he asked, incredulously.
The Captain's fist clenched around the piece of paper bearing the Professor's invitation, crushing it into a ball. "Just make sure he doesn't come back," he growled, left eye beginning to twitch again.
~
The bitter wind was howling through the trees, dark clouds were racing overhead. It might even snow soon. Sootpaws muttered to himself as he scrabbled around in the undergrowth, grabbing anything that seemed edible. If only that Quartermaster had spoken a bit more clearly when he'd given them their packs, then he probably wouldn't have eaten three day's worth of supplies during the first night. It didn't help that Captain Javik was totally lacking any sense of humour, liked waking up early and didn't consider Elevenses a reason to stop and eat.
The pair of foxes were barely a day's march from the Professor's castle, according to their map, although Sootpaws's tendency to sleep in meant they had not made as good time as they might have. By the time he arrived back at the makeshift camp, Javik had finally managed to get a fire going and was sat huddled in his thick cloak for warmth.
"Well? Did you find anything?" he asked, without much enthusiasm.
Sootpaws produced the fruits of his foraging. "Yes sir, Captain Javik, sir! Few berries, some nuts. Quite a lot of nuts actually, found something of a horde of those!"
Captain Javik sniffed. "Sootpaws, how do you expect me to eat this pathetic collection of squirrel leftovers? Wasn't there anything else?"
Sootpaws thought about it for a while. "Not really sir," he decided. "Unless you'd rather I dig up some roots? Or maybe I could coax out some worms!"
Javik shuddered. "Urgh, don't you dare! I'd rather go hungry, and because of your little midnight feast, that's exactly what I shall be doing! Some escort you are."
Muttering curses to himself, Javik crawled into the rickety tent he had slung between two trees. Soon they would be at the castle, and he would finally be able to get rid of this useless soldier once and for all!
Sootpaws shrugged and popped one of the berries into his mouth. It tasted foul. The fox jumped to his feet, berries and nuts scattering into the fire as he tried to get the revolting thing out of his mouth.
"Blech! Disgusting!"
Despondently, Sootpaws crawled into his own tent. No doubt ol' Javik would report back that he'd been a bad escort, and then there would be nothing between him and that pike. Well, they weren't going to make him into fish food! Sootpaws curled up under his cloak and drifted off to sleep, spending his dreams being chased by the Captain, who was armed with a large and angry fish.
Pale, early morning light was glowing through the sides of the tent when Sootpaws awoke. The fox blinked, trying to work out what had woken him so early. After a few minutes, he heard voices.
"So, vermin! Explain yourself! Our winter stores raided, and you camped just minutes away? Hardly a coincidence is it?"
Sootpaws slowly poked his head out of the tent. Javik stood surrounded by three angry looking squirrels, each with a weapon trained on him. One was armed with a bow, the other two with dangerous looking short swords.
Scrabbling around in the mess that littered the floor of his tent, Sootpaws managed to fish out the crossbow he'd been issued with before the pair had left on this trek. Quietly, he slid a bolt into place and slowly began winding the mechanism. He could almost hear Javik's voice, Saved me from a whole band of marauding woodlanders, he did! Give him a raise, promote him! Sootpaws saved the day!
With a click, the crossbow was ready to shoot. Leaning slowly out of the tent again, Sootpaws aimed the weapon in the direction of the squirrel archer. The three woodlanders hadn't seen him yet. Carefully, Sootpaws pressed the trigger...
Nothing happened. Looking puzzled, Sootpaws tried again. Again, nothing. He noticed Javik staring wide eyed in his direction. Glancing down at the weapon, he fiddled with some of the catches.
There was a loud crack as the crossbow released its bolt. One of the squirrels shouted an alarm, and the woodlanders melted away into the trees.
Captain Javik sank to his knees, a thick black bolt sticking out of the side of his head.
"Oh, Hellgates."
Sootpaws hurried across to the body. Javik was definitely dead. Despite Sootpaws poking him hard in the ribs, the officer didn't move.
The fox went into a panic. What was he going to do? He'd just killed the officer he was supposed to be escorting! Javik was expected at this Professor's castle. If he never showed up then word was bound to get back to the Captain!
There was only one thing for it. Searching through the dead officer's pockets, Sootpaws found the invitation. Stuffing it into one of his own pockets, the fox struck out in the direction of the castle.
Late that afternoon, he finally arrived. The castle was certainly impressive, looking like it had sprung up between the two crags. It would be almost impossible to take it by force, maybe that was why the Professor liked it.
Sootpaws wandered towards the drawbridge, where he was met by a mouse and a ferret, both armed with spears. The mouse held out a paw, signaling the fox to stop. "Do you have an invitation?" he asked, his voice dull and almost mechanical.
"Err, yes. I've got one in here somewhere..." Sootpaws rummaged through his pockets before pulling out the crumpled sheet of paper and handing it to the mouse. The rodent glanced at it, then looked back up at Sootpaws.
"What was your name?" he asked in his soft, monotonous voice.
"They call me Sootpaws," grinned the fox.
The mouse looked down at the invitation again. "Says 'Captain Javik' on here."
Sootpaws laughed nervously. "Err... Sootpaws is me nickname," he blurted quickly, before putting on his best impression of the Captain. "And I'll thank you to call me it!"
The mouse and the ferret exchanged glances, before the mouse handed the invitation back to Sootpaws. "Alright, you are free to enter," he droned. "The Professor is waiting for you inside."
Sootpaws practically danced across the drawbridge. He'd show that Captain! How was that for cunning? He was inside! Sootpaws would save the day after all!
