She kept her face blank as she watched Nathan. There was a cup of coffee in front of him, and as she saw him reach for it, Mara spoke without thinking.

"Another ten degrees, leave it."

Head wounds. Concussions made you stupid.

Nathan sat back again.

"I'm sorry for being so rude. You're right, Duke is trustworthy."

She nodded.

He shifted uncomfortably. "You mentioned Sarah."

Mara didn't drop her stare. "I did."

"You referred to her as you."

Thank you, Captain Obvious. "I did."

"Well... I mean- why?"

Was he serious? Mara had been with Audrey a long time, and had known Nathan before, and as much as she disapproved of him, she'd always considered him a smart man. Fussy and cantankerous, maybe, but smart.

"Because we're the same person."

"You don't act like her."

"And she didn't act like Audrey. So?"

"If the personalities were you, why don't you act the same?"

"If? They are me, Nathan. I think I'd know better than you."

"Why are you different?"

She tightened her jaw, spinning the orbs faster and faster- an old, old nervous habit. "You have a computer. Sometimes you run the internet, sometimes NCIC, sometimes you play Freecell. Don't look at me like that, I was with Audrey, too. Regardless of what program you used, what stayed the same? The computer.

'You can use a thousand different programs, but the computer still runs them. They don't alter the computer, just add to the memory banks. Same with the personalities. When I went back to the Barn, the memories and experiences were assimilated into my own consciousness."

"So, just the memories?"

"No. Even when the personalities are dominant, I'm still there. Just powerless. Trapped, no control over my body."

"So you- experience everything."

"Yes."

"But the personalities make the decisions."

"Yes."

He looked honestly confused as he asked, "Then why are you so mad at me?"

Oh dear gods. Her vision flashed her and her eyes changed, though her tight posture never deviated.

"Why am I mad at you? Did you honestly just ask that?"

"I'm serious! Sarah made the same decisions I did!"

"Sarah was a program, Nathan! Yes, she slept with you- whatever, I don't care. But she conceived a child, a child you knew about. And do you know why James was conceived, Nathan? Because I trusted you. Not Sarah! Me. I saw you searching my face and I felt hope. I thought you were looking at me! You'll never, ever understand the horrors I faced being pregnant here, being what I am! If I had just known you were looking for Audrey- someone who didn't exist yet- I would never have opened up to you and the Aether would have kept me from getting pregnant. But, fool that I was, I trusted you, and was left alone to birth a baby I couldn't even raise."

Nathan looked ill. "Stop. Stop saying that. It was Sarah, not you. You're no more Sarah than you are Audrey."

Mara stood slowly, her hair flying as thunder rumbled low outside. She stalked toward Nathan.

"You're wrong. If Duke hadn't saved Audrey and then ripped her out of me, she'd have been assimilated just like the others. Duke gave her a body and I gave her the Aether to sustain her life, that's all that made Audrey separate from me."

Nathan stood too, towering over Mara as they hissed at each other.

"Audrey is nothing like you. She's never hurt anybody, all she does is care for people!"

"Right, Nathan. So tell me, why'd you come fuck Sarah? I promise you one thing- Audrey wasn't in there. She wasn't even created for decades after!"

"Stop saying that! I saw her!"

"You saw me, and you hate that I'm right. You know that wasn't her. Go ahead Nathan, just between us, who's better in bed, huh?"

She was provoking him, she knew that. She was angry and reacting, and this was how she knew to fight. And it was Nathan. Audrey was his only kryptonite.

She wasn't sure if she was surprised or impressed when he backhanded her across the face.

She caught herself on a chair, barely managing to keep herself up. Her head already hurt. Mara glared, spitting blood on Nathan's shirt. "Oh, still looking for your pound of flesh, Wuornos? Or was the 7 pounds 3 ounces I already gave not enough?"

Her hand was clenched in a first, prepared to strike, but wanting ample opportunity to prove she hadn't started this.

She'd sure as hell finish it, though.

His hand flew again, face purple with rage, and she blocked, punching him in the ribs. Mara moved quickly in his moment of stunned stillness. She elbowed him in the gut, brought her knee into his solar plexus and when he bent to catch his breath, she punched downward, putting him on the ground.

Nathan wasn't so good at fighting people he could feel.

She spit another mouthful of blood at him before making her way back to the couch and glaring through red eyes. "Duke, you guys can come in now. I'm officially yelling."

Duke ran in, noticing Mara, bleeding from her mouth in one corner, eyes flaring red before he spotted Nathan on the ground, catching his breath.

"Mara! What happened?"

She was staring like she was bored, picking up her dropped Aether and twirling it in her hand again as the thunder rumbled loudly. There was blood dripping from her mouth and her head was pounding, but the look on Nathan's face was so, so worth it.

"The truth hurts. He didn't like what he heard, he smacked me one. It was a freebie. When he tried to smack me again, I dropped him. Don't worry, no Aether. And it's not his blood. I didn't break him."

Duke was going to be pissed. Audrey was going to be pissed. She shouldn't have let him get to her, but she'd warned Audrey, told her that she couldn't be expected to talk to Nathan, and Blondie had tried to force her hand.

Whatever. She'd had worse.

She spun her orbs, preparing to be yelled at. And the day had started out so nicely.

She didn't show her surprise when Audrey, who had been helping Nathan to his feet, suddenly flared blue light from her eyes, yelling furiously.

"You hit her? My god, Nathan! What were you thinking? Since when do you hit women?"

"It's fine, Audrey. It's nothing. I've had worse." Great, now she was reassuring Audrey.

"It's not fine, Mara!" Duke knelt before her, gently dabbing at the blood on her mouth with a tissue. "It's not fine at all. I thought you'd at least be safe in the same room as him!"

She was surprised Duke was taking her side. It made it very, very hard to keep her mask from slipping when she just wanted to crawl on him and cry in his arms.

"How surprising is it, really? He's been beating on you for years because he feels guilty. It's not surprising he'd do the same to me when I made him feel guilty."

"I don't feel guilty!" Nathan snarled, rubbing his chest. "She was lying, trying to make me think she and Sarah were the same person. Trying to make me think she was James's mother. It's not true."

Audrey was still glaring through bright eyes as she spoke. "Yes, it is. Up until me, all the personalities were versions of Mara. I was created literally days before I showed up in Haven. I love James, I've got a connection with him, but that's through Mara."

"Audrey, you can't possibly be listening-"

"I don't have to listen, Nathan! I have access to the memories, I can see it all myself! That wasn't me, Nathan."

Nathan froze, the color draining from his face as he stared at Audrey, equal parts fear, remorse and horror. "No," he whispered, "no, that can't be. There's never been anyone but you, Parker."

Audrey's voice was full of patience- she must have gotten all of that in the split, because the only person Mara was capable of being patient with was Duke.

"We both know that's not true, Nathan. You've had other lovers, both before and after I showed up. Me coming from Mara doesn't make her me any more than it makes Jordan or Hannah or any of the others me. You've told me Sarah was amazing, that you didn't know if you'd get home. Looking like me doesn't make her me. Nathan, I look like Mara. She was the first. You need to get used to that fact."

Audrey wet a cloth, wrapping a few ice cubes in it as she came to Mara. "Here, let me clean up your face."

Mara stayed still, anxious and suspicious as she continued to twirl her orbs. She stared into Audrey's blazing eyes as she let her clean the blood from her face, pressing the ice gently to the wound. Mara raised her free hand to brush against Audrey's temple, settling her eyes. She took a deep breath before forcing her own to revert to normal. "Thanks." Mara whispered.

"I don't want to break your confidence, but Mara, I really think we need to tell Nathan the truth."

"Right. The more guilty he feels, the more he hits. I've seen him do it to Duke a hundred times. I was careful this time, but at some point I'll accidentally hurt him."

Duke smiled softly, brushing her loose hair from her face with gentle, sweet fingers.

"Sweetheart, if you were going to knock Nathan's dick in the dirt, you could have at least let me watch."

She blinked. Did he just call her 'sweetheart'? Her heart beat erratically. "I can replay it. I can show memories. I promise I didn't hit first, Duke. I may have been rude, but I didn't touch him."

"I believe you, Mara. It's okay." Duke wrapped his arms around her and brushed a soft kiss to her lips. In front of his friends.

Maybe her concussion was worse than she'd thought.

Audrey pushed Nathan to a chair, sitting next to him as Duke sat next to Mara, wrapping his arm around her and pulling her into his side. She was suddenly very, very tired. She wanted to hide, to cry. Instead, the storm closed in around them, rain pattering against the hull of the Rouge.

She tried to calm herself, to stop the storm, but every time she blinked she saw another image from her time as Sarah. The cottage she rented from Vince and Dave. The tiny layette she'd knitted before she found out she couldn't stay. The many, many sleepless nights she'd lain awake thinking of ways to save her baby from Haven. The meetings with the Cogan's. James's small, perfect face as she'd nursed him, aching and alone as the rain fell, cutting her off from the world. Rain she hadn't even known she was creating. The utter devotion in Nathan's eyes as he'd kissed her.

Fool me once...

She swallowed against the lump in her throat, fighting a losing battle with the tears. She didn't want Nathan to see her vulnerable again, but she didn't want to leave Duke's embrace. She sensed the Aether in Audrey again, supporting and encouraging.

For a moment, she wondered what it would have been like if Audrey had been her sister. A twin to share stories in the dark, someone who understood her. The chance to not be alone. But she couldn't even have that tiny daydream, because if Audrey had been her twin, she'd have undergone the same torture and degradation that Mara had. She wouldn't wish that on anyone.

That feeling, the sheer inability to even entertain the daydream of not being alone hurt her more than Nathan's hands had, and she barely managed to keep her breath steady as the traitorous black tears tracked down her face. She formed each one into an orb, placing them in a bowl that she assumed was some exotic antique Duke had picked up in his travels. She was sad, and she didn't know how to cope.

Her voice was quiet but didn't waver, even as she continued to form orbs from the leaking tears.

"Your books, they tell you that a woman and a man started the Troubles. On purpose. The same books tell you I come back over and over, help the Troubled and that I'm taken away again. They never mention my name. They don't exactly say that the woman who created the Troubles is the woman who keeps coming back. Because that's not the case. Charlotte and William created the Troubles. I was trying to stop them. I came here to escape them.

"They caught me, lied to secure a conviction, and kept me caged in the Barn. I won't bore you with the details. They don't matter. But Audrey can tell you, because she remembers. I didn't start the Troubles. I never hurt anyone until I broke loose this time. I'm attached to William because my mother forced a betrothal on me when I was 9. She linked me to him to try and gain power." She rested her head on Duke's shoulder.

"For centuries, Nathan, the Aether has protected me from conceiving. A necessity, the way I was being used. I was a fool, and I misread your intentions. I trusted blindly, and it bit me in the ass. It hurt. You asked why I was mad at you. That's why. Because I trusted you and you didn't care any more than William did. You used me because you were lonely, I looked like her and you were too afraid to just tell Audrey you loved her. But it was me who carried that child. Me who gave birth in that little bathroom, alone with the telephones down and candles as my only light.

"He was breech. Footling breech, actually. One of the more dangerous presentations. It's hard enough with someone taking care of you. I was afraid we'd both die. I was in labor for 12 hours from the time my water broke. I'd been having contractions all day, but assumed they were Braxton-Hicks. The rain hit with the first contraction. By the time my water broke, we were already flooded."

Mara breathed slowly. She wasn't sure why she'd let Audrey talk her into this. Duke kissed her ear, whispering, "You can do this. I'm proud of you."

Words were the real problem. She whispered back to Duke. "If I use some Aether, I can show. It will be easier. Do you mind?"

He touched his forehead to hers, smiling. "I don't mind. I trust you."

Pulling the top orb of the pile she was still spinning, she crushed it and blew, the Aether forming moving pictures like a video. Mara's memories, but from the vantage point of the Aether around her, showing her as she'd look to anyone in the room.

She watched with them, trembling enough that Duke noticed, pulling her closer.

It was her, but with red hair. With her perfect style gone, she looked more like she did at the moment- young and hurting. She was sweating, and the candles flickered around her. James's foot was outside of her body, and she watched, trying to stay distant as she saw herself straining to reach around her belly to try and pull his other leg loose. Eventually, she was successful and she moved carefully, letting his body hang from her as the pain tried to override her training.

After a few minutes, with a strangled scream, she managed to push his head out, and she gathered his bloody body to her chest, leaving the cord unclamped until it stopped pulsing, then tying it with dental floss. She watched herself nurse the little boy, remembering the love she'd felt.

The image in the memory spoke, and though the accent was present, it was Mara's voice that sounded.

"You look just like your Daddy. Oh, I wish I could tell him about you. Your name is James Nathan Vernon. Your... your new parents will change your name, angel, but that's who you are to me. I don't want to leave you. I'd stay trapped in this silly flood forever if it meant I could stay with you. I wish I could at least give you to your daddy to raise, but he's just not here right now. But he would have loved you. He loved me, he told me so."

Mara looked away, letting the memory fade. Her jaw was clenched in acute restraint, trying not to crumble. She felt raw, like she'd been scrubbed with steel wool.

"You think I started the Troubles. I can show you the first time I came here." She gestured, and the Aether reformed, showing Mara as a little girl, holding her father's hand as she was shown around the damaged town. The image shifted, showing William and Charlotte holding a boy down, Charlotte snapping at William to concentrate as he taunted the boy, using the Aether to damage him.

Another shift and Mara, far too young to be living on her own, although she was, was standing by a sickbed, using Aether to repair a defect that caused widespread neuropathic pain. The group stared as the man stopped thrashing and smiled, relaxing into sleep.

Then her mother's return, her bogus conviction. The first time in the Barn. William grunting into her as her mother made notes. Mara fought to keep her face blank, but she was shaking against Duke and he took her hand in one of his, the other still wrapped around her body.

Images of personalities trapping her, of the abuses she'd endured in the interim, when she was at the mercy of her mother and fiancee. All the important points laid out clearly in active, living color. She ended with the fight, Nathan triggering her, her words, him hitting her. The pause as she geared up, ready to fight back, and that second swing that made her take him down. Then she waved it away, thunder crashing directly overhead.

Audrey was wiping her eyes, sniffling. "Some I knew- I knew you didn't start the Troubles, that you were helping, but Mara... I didn't know that he'd hurt you like that. I'm sorry."

"Don't pity me." She made her tone softer, trying to be polite. "Please. Pity can't help me. but thank you."

Duke pulled Mara into his lap, and she curled up against him, grateful beyond words. "I'm sorry." Mara whispered to him.

"What for, sweetheart? You didn't do anything wrong."

"I shouldn't have hit him. I shouldn't have let him rile me up. Maybe I should have just let him have the second hit. It wouldn't have killed me. I'm making everything harder on you. It's not what I want, Duke. I lo-" Mara caught herself, barely in time. "I care about you being happy. I don't want to be a source of more stress for you. I want to make things easier for you. But it's like I said- I damage everything I touch. I'm the only real curse around here."

He was whispering back, but his gaze was fierce. "You haven't damaged anything here. I'm really glad you didn't let him hit you again. Look at you, you put a grown police officer on the ground without even scratching him, and that was after he hurt you. If he'd hit you in front of me, I'd have beat his ass into the ground. There would have been blood. Hell, I still want to hit him, but I like knowing that a girl- a barefoot, concussed girl- dropped him. It's like a Christmas present, Mara."

She looked into his eyes, whispering, "Is it better than a sled?"

He chuckled almost silently, the vibration relaxing her body. "Way better. And all the things you've given me in the last day and a half? I don't have to share."

"Not with anybody, I promise. I don't want to be with anyone but you." Her mouth was ahead of her brain again, and she flushed, looking away. "I- that came out wrong. I don't mean-"

"Shh. Remember, poetry is third date."

"We've never been on a date."

His eyes sparkled wickedly. "Oh, I disagree. I count at least two dates. Two and a half, if we hadn't been interrupted by these two."

She turned her face into his shoulder, to hide both her laughter and the blush.

Nathan spoke softly from his seat.

"I didn't- I'm sorry, Mara. I'm so, so sorry."

She went still as a statue in Duke's lap, but she was listening.

"You're right, I hit you because I felt guilty and ashamed. I didn't want to think of it as cheating on Audrey. I saw and felt the similarities, but I never considered that she was really different people. It's not an excuse. There is no excuse. What I did was selfish, and I can't- I can't make it up to you. I can't make it right. I don't know what to do."

He looked sad, and for the first time, he actually looked her in the eye, person to person. Mara gazed in apprehensive curiosity.

"Do you want to?"

"To make it right? Yes."

"For who, Nathan? For you, me, Audrey, Duke or James?"

There was only one correct answer to this question, but there were a lot of wrong answers. How she felt, acted and responded all hinged on a single answer that he'd only really understand if he was being honest.

Oddly, as she held her breath, she found herself hoping he got it right.

Nathan's eyes didn't leave hers, but his jaw quivered just slightly as he answered her. "For all of us, Mara."

The breath she'd been holding left her in a rush, and her body melted into Duke's. He was being honest. He'd gotten the right answer.

Mara felt Duke breathing against her. She considered his behavior. How many times, how many transgressions had he forgiven these two without even getting the apology she was getting? That answer was clear and easy; all of them.

Now could Mara try to learn from his example? Could she forgive even if she could never, ever forget? Duke's fingers brushed her back, a silent promise to support her either way. Duke loved them. She wanted Duke to love her.

She heaved a great sigh, shoulders going limp as she released her mask, no longer trying to look bored or spiteful or angry. She just looked young and small, full of too many years of pain. "That's a good start. Nathan."

"Look..." she began, twirling orbs again, "I'm trying. But I'm frustrated and angry. I'm in a precarious position trying to protect Duke and Audrey without just... handing myself over. I'll do it, if I have to, but I'd rather not have to. You saw a little- a very little- bit of what happens to me there. I don't want to go back. But I will if it's the only way to protect them. I'm telling you this as a show of... trust, I guess. You can turn around and take this right back to Momma, and I'll be gone before morning. Or you can try to help me find a way for everyone to stay safe without, as Duke called it, 'selling me into slavery'.

"You didn't know, and while that still hurts, I... understand... that you didn't mean to be cruel. You saw a face that looked like someone you loved, maybe you even realized it wasn't Audrey, but you didn't expect me. When you found out what I am, you panicked and your hatred allowed you to compartmentalize the experiences. I didn't hate you about James until I realized how much you hated me. I tend to react with my gut instead of my head. I have trouble with forgiveness. Maybe because nobody ever wanted it from me."

She shrugged, uncomfortable. Duke was staring at her, his eyes deep and unreadable. She just wanted to know what he was thinking. He valued honesty. Fine.

"It's easier for me to make people fear me, to make you hate me. It's easier than being honest and having people hate me for who I really am. My whole life, I've been hated; a failure and a disappointment to my mother. My father loved me, but not enough to stand up to my mother. Enough to help me run away, but that's it. I've never had anyone on my side, ever. Not to say that you are, I don't expect anything from anyone. I can take care of myself."

She glanced away from them, hands still spinning. She was surprised to feel Duke's arms tighten around her, his words stirring the hair around her ear. "I'm on your side."

"So am I." Audrey said, voice calm and certain.

Mara looked at Audrey, surprised. Audrey knew maybe 5% of the story, and yet she was willing to take Mara's side? What did that even mean?

"Thank you, but- I don't know what that means. There have been people who disapproved of what was happening, said they were on 'my side' and while I appreciated the thought, it doesn't tell me how to fight them. I'm not trying to sound ungrateful, but I honestly don't know what to do. How to save myself, if there even is a way to save myself. Nathan helped destroy the Barn by killing Howard, Duke finished it off when he was there-" Mara cocked her head at Duke's surprised jerk.

"You didn't know? You really don't remember? I thought that was just a story to make everyone leave you alone. You don't remember?"

"No, Mara. I don't. I remember jumping in, calling for Audrey, and then I was in the water. I figured it's because time passes so much faster there. Did something happen?"

Mara reached out to place the orbs she'd been playing with into the bowl with the others she'd leaked since they'd hidden the box. She shifted in his lap so she could hold his face in her hands as she stared into his eyes.

"Time passes differently in the Void, that's true, but you were there longer than just a few minutes. I heard your voice, heard you calling for Audrey. I tried to get to you, I was yelling." She glanced down, blushing, but kept her hands on his face. "Begging, really. Beating on the wall, trying to get to you.

"You heard me, and I heard you. You were tearing things apart. I think the ability we discussed last night had surfaced. The Barn might have healed from Howard's death, but you- you tore it apart from the inside. Killed it. You kept screaming , "Let her go" over and over as you tore it apart. It took a few days to die, but it only died because of you and Nathan together- him attacking the Keeper, the brain; you tearing out the heart of the Barn. You broke a hole in the wall, Duke, and I was able to touch your fingers just before you were expelled from the Barn. That touch, it was enough. Enough to keep Audrey from letting go. You're the reason Lexie didn't take. You made Audrey remember, helped make her able to survive the wipe.

"I would have told you sooner, but I assumed you remembered and kept it quiet. And we didn't discuss much of anything before the last few days. You wouldn't have believed me anyway. I'm sorry, I wasn't keeping it secret on purpose."

He wrapped his hands around her waist. "Really? I helped keep Audrey around?"

"Yeah, you did, Duke. You did good." She leaned forward and kissed his head.

"But wait- Mara, aren't you yourself if the Barn?"

Oh no. Red alert. Not a question she wanted to answer, certainly not in front of them. Her eyes were wide and she was scrambling for something to say, but kept coming up blank.

She stood, pulling out of Duke's lap. "I'll be back, I just need to use the restroom."

She walked quickly, shutting herself in the bathroom and wetting a cloth to wash her face. She had to give Nathan credit- he hit pretty hard. Nothing broken, but like Duke's handprint on her arm, it would get dark.

Oddly, his attack made her respect him more. Not that she could have respected him less than she had. Forgiveness really was a difficult thing.

She could feel the presence before the knock, and she dropped her head to her chest as she spoke. "Go ahead, Duke. I'm decent."

He slid in and closed the door behind him, watching her carefully.

"What's wrong, Mara?"

"I need some kind of pain medication. Got anything?"

He reached around her, pulling a prescription bottle out and handing it to her. She took two out, swallowing in silence.

"Let's try again. What's wrong, Mara?"

She was trying. Really trying not to lie. It was harder than she'd have thought. Lies should be harder, they required thought and planning, a good memory and a way of understanding people. Truth should be simple. Just spitting out facts. It didn't work right. Everything in this world was backwards.

"Look, I trust you. But I'm still learning things, and I'm not necessarily comfortable telling them everything I tell you. It's embarrassing."

"Come here." He pulled her into his arms, hugging her tightly. "You can just talk to me. You don't have to tell them. You don't have to tell me, but I hope you do."

"You were right." Mara whispered. "I'm me in the Barn. But I remembered Audrey, she was still so close. When I felt your hand, I felt her too, and I just- reacted. I was scared and I didn't want to be alone. I held onto her, because you loved her and she was there and I didn't want to be alone. I'm a coward. I grabbed on and wouldn't let go. So you were the catalyst for her living, absolutely- but once you brought her memory up, I couldn't let go. I wanted her help. But she couldn't have helped me. I was afraid. I grabbed onto Audrey for help. How weak am I?"

She pressed her face to his chest, trying to breathe evenly. Duke had seen her plenty exposed, there wasn't much point hiding from him. Even just telling Audrey she could have dealt with. But to have Nathan know that in her hour of fear that she'd grabbed onto a fake personality- after she'd just gotten him to understand the difference between her and the programs? No way.

"You're not weak. You're the strongest person I know. Too strong for your own good, sometimes. You push people away and try to do it all yourself, but Mara- I want to be here for you. "

She inhaled deeply, breathing him in. She'd do anything for him. Absolutely anything.

"I don't know how to be with people, Duke. Not as myself. I've got no experience trusting people. Everyone wanted something from me. But you're not asking for anything, so I don't know how to act or what to do. If I tell them- Audrey I don't mind so much, but Nathan is only just starting to understand that I'm an actual person- he'll go right back to thinking I'm just the evil leftover garbage from all the personalities.

"Nobody can understand. Having to refer to yourself as different people. It's like... imagine each 3 year period of your life people use a different name for, and refuse to accept that they're all still the same person. You were the same Duke when you visited Nepal as you are now. But the people you met in Nepal, if you meet them again, say you're dead and refuse to acknowledge that you're the same person. Or imagine if Nathan decided to write your life story, and a few hundred years from now you're still around, but everyone believes that Nathan wrote the only truth. It's frustrating."

Duke kept his arms around her, rocking her as he shifted from foot to foot.

"If it helps at all, I don't see you that way."

She shifted her head against his chest so she could sniff his shirt. It was fascinating- the way smell could remind you of feelings. Duke smelled like home. Yet she'd never had a home, so the feeling made no sense.

"How do you see me then, Duke Crocker?" She normally wouldn't ask a question she didn't want an honest answer to, but she wasn't anywhere near normal today.

"I see the woman who handled being pushed around and abused and still stuck around because she wanted to help people. I see the woman who cares so much that even when she thought I was killing her, used her last bit of energy to try and make us safe." He kissed her hair.

"Mara, it's more than just the idea of you taking Nathan down barefoot that feels like a Christmas present. You let me in. You talked to me and told me about the things you're afraid of, you didn't push me away... you let me love you."

She was feeling raw and vulnerable, but that was okay when she was with Duke. He didn't judge her for having feelings. She was pretty sure, at least. How much worse could it get, really? She'd embarrass herself again? But maybe he'd want to hear what she had to say. She remembered that he was as lonely as she'd been.

What the hell. If anyone had earned a leap of faith, it was Duke. She took a deep breath, closing her eyes as she pressed her face harder against his chest. "I'm in love with you. Gods help me- and you- but I can't not be. I've tried. I've tried, Duke." She sighed, sagging, waiting for him to freeze and disengage from her. The day had pretty much fallen apart anyway.

He lowered his face so his mouth was against her ear, his arms tightening around her. "I've been waiting for you to say that all day, Mara."

"I- come again? What?"

"I said, I've been waiting for you to say that all day."

"But why? Aren't you upset?"

"Not at all. In fact, when you said it while you were sleeping, I made a damn fool out of myself, wiggling around and grinning like a damn idiot."

Mara's stared at Duke, open-mouthed. "That's what I said in my sleep? That's what you were teasing me about this morning?"

"Oh yeah. In fact, when you said it, I actually spent almost five minutes trying to get you to repeat yourself. And you must have been listening, because you said it again, except you called me 'blackbird' the second time."

Mara was very still, eyebrow furrowed, staring at Duke. "I did? I- did anything strange happen when I called you that?"

He buried his face in her hair. "Nothing exactly happened. It was strange though. You looked so happy and peaceful. Like you'd found something you were looking for."

What had happened? "I haven't thought about Blackbird since I was a child. Blackbirds were associated with OtherWorld travel on this world. My father used to tell me a story. It was a long time ago. Something about a special Blackbird who turned against his own species to love a Dove. I thought he'd made it up to cheer me. He always said William could never be the Blackbird. That he was a Canary, shiny and yellow, with a lovely song but no soul."

She looked into his eyes. "You're not angry? Not upset or disgusted or- or whatever guys feel? People don't like hearing that monsters love them outside Audrey's crap books, I thought it yesterday and today both."

"Is that what brought up your huffing about Audrey's taste in books?" Mara nodded and Duke laughed loudly. "I knew you were thinking something, but that's hilarious."

He stopped laughing, but continued to smile down at her. "Mara, you're not a monster. I figured that out even before I knew you didn't create the Troubles. I figured it out when you fixed Audrey, and when you fixed me even though I was being a big jerk. If I'm lucky enough to be loved by someone like you... no, not mad at all. I want to be your Blackbird."

She smiled a little, swallowing. "Thank you. For not being upset with me. I can't not love you. I've done it for a long time, and I just can't stop."

He wrapped her tighter, whispering in her ear. "Please don't try to stop, Mara. I love you, too."

Oh my. He said- it was so good when he wasn't mad, she hadn't allowed herself to hope for more. But this- loving her back? She was unprepared. What if he was just saying it because he thought he had to? What if he was just being nice?

He looked into her eyes and smiled, amused as though he could hear her thoughts, then he shook his head and brought his mouth to hers. He kissed her slowly, thoroughly, and in between kisses, he mumbled against her lips, "Shh. Whatever you're saying to yourself, stop. Trust me, Mara. Not just with the water taps or clothes. Trust me to love you. You should know that I can make up my own mind."

Damn him. He had to go and make her cry. She held onto him life a life raft, clinging as she cried.

It was strange- almost certainly some combination of concussion and Aether-shock, but she kind of wanted to tell Audrey. Not to gloat- she knew Audrey was happy with Capt- Nathan. Damn, she really had to work on that- but to share. As though Audrey would be happy for her. That wasn't possible, obviously. So why did she have such an unusual feeling?

Besides, Duke might well want to keep her secret. She wouldn't blame him.

It was hard to think when she was lost in his kisses, though. Somehow, when he kissed her, it didn't even hurt the cut on her mouth. This feeling was new and very, very strong. wild, like an animal. Primal. She wanted him now. Mara didn't have enough personal experience.

"Duke..." She mumbled into his mouth and then gave up, reaching down to brush against him through his jeans. She heard his breath catch, and his lips quirked up as his eyes darkened.

"Mara, are you propositioning me?"

She nodded seriously, reaching down his waistband to wrap a hand around him.

"I am so, so in- bite me if you need to yell. I'll teach you the secrets of making love while you have company." His grin was wicked, and Mara felt flushed, quickly undoing his fly.

"I think I'm going to implode if I can't have you right now." She kissed his neck, running her tongue along his pulse.

He pushed her leggings down, pulling them off as he reached her bare feet, and he pulled his sweater off her, leaving just the tank top. "Wrap your arms around my shoulders, and hold on to me, Mara."

She shivered, muscles clenching as she grabbed him, and he lifted her, urging her to wrap her legs around his hips. He pressed her to the wall, holding her up with hands gripping her ass as he shifted, pushing into her.

Dear gods, she'd never seen something so beautiful. The look on his face and he moved inside her make her chest feel warm and overfull, and he fit her so ideally, she could feel every bit of him as he pressed against the sensitive spots inside her. She was panting, gasping; her body was set only to respond to his, she didn't remember how to breathe correctly.

She'd never had a chance to really see him making love to her. Her eyes had been so clouded by Aether. But the sight, this picture of his face relaxed yet focused, eyes half closed as he touched her, loving her and the pleasure she gave him in return would be burned into her mind for the rest of her life, even if she never, ever died.

She was whimpering, trying to be quiet as tiny muffled moans poured out of her. She couldn't be quiet. So she did what she'd promised and followed directions. Mara bit Duke's shoulder.

She wasn't trying to hurt him, of course not, but everything was so overwhelming, she bit just hard enough to keep her from shouting.

She didn't realize he liked pain.

He growled deep in his chest as his body reacted, pushing harder against her, thrusting with his entire body, holding her so tightly she could hardly breathe, but it wasn't enough. She was so close and the sound of their skin slapping and rubbing together made her back arch, and she couldn't stop the words, though at least they were whispered; "Duke, Gods please, I'll learn to be a better person, show me and I'll follow you. Duke, I love you!"

She pressed her mouth to his shoulder again, sucking instead of biting, and as he heard her words, her declaration of love, his head fell back in pure rapture. He shifted his angle to touch her just right, and when he thrust this time, she blew apart, stronger than the reaction from the Aether-blast. She heard his hoarse, hushed cry before she felt him come inside her, sharing himself with her.

It was an odd thought, but she felt like he was healing her. Replacing a bad moment with one so glorious that nothing could stand against it. Then Duke spoke, still rocking inside her, and it got better.

"I love you, Mara. I love you and I'm so fucking glad you let me in. Don't leave me. Stay with me and we can learn together."

She kissed him, certain that if she practiced enough, one day she would manage to make them one being.

This was how life was supposed to feel. Beautiful and powerful and perfect; complete.

He held her securely as he pulled out, and when her feet touched the ground, she felt like a whole new person. Truly happy, maybe for the first time ever. If anyone could help her save herself, give her a reason to fight, it was Duke. Nobody could beat her with him at her side.

She was giggling very quietly as he helped her get redressed, and she carefully closed his fly for him, bending to press a kiss just under his belly button. He grinned, stroking her hair back as she straightened up. She couldn't stop smiling.

"You mean it, don't you?" Mara asked quietly, still smiling.

"Every word. And so did you."

"Of course. I'm going to learn how to be around people, and I'm going to learn how to fight. If you want me, I will find a way to stay with you. I'll never let anyone force me from you, not ever. Not as long as you want me."

He grabbed her tightly around her waist. "You're talking about forever."

"I really hope so. Am- am I allowed to kiss you in front of people? If you want me to be discreet, I can."

"Mara, I don't care where I am or who's around- if I turn down a kiss, check my temperature. Anywhere, anytime. I don't need secrets, I'd rather have you."

She laughed and jumped on him, hugging him tightly and kissing him. "Come on gorgeous. We have company." She took his hand and led him back out laughing.