I still don't own it, just like I don't own "It's Not Over" by Secondhand Serenade.

This is another chapter that I seriously used 5 different songs for before I decided on this. Secondhand Serenade is pure love! Shout out to Katie for inadvertently helping me remember that LOL.

And I want to thank everyone who sent out songs or bands. It helped a lot. I really appreciate it. That being said . . . whoever told me about The Woman's Work, would you please PM me, I deleted the email on accident and I want to make sure I credit the right person; I think I know, but I want to be sure (I plan on using it next chapter!). If you have anymore, don't hesitate.

Good news though, my iTunes is working again!

A-shiningstar, I didn't mean to use 421 as the room number. I guess it's one of those unconsciously done things. The title does enhance the fact that love remains the same, but it doesn't mean it's always going to be easy or always be stable.

Enjoy!


My tears run down like razorblades
And no, I'm not the one to blame
It's you, or is it me?
And all the words we never say
Come out and now we're all ashamed
And there's no sense in playing games
When you've done all you can do

She's crying and sweating and drained of all her energy. She wants nothing more then for this to be over, but she knows that the end of this will only devastate her more. She's just so tired and this hurts so much. It's been hours and she doesn't feel like she can push any more.

"Peyton, you need to keep pushing."

The blonde in the bed grits her teeth and resists the urge to curse at her doctor. She's doing the best she can for right now. It's just so hard. And she doesn't see a point. When she has this baby there won't be the satisfaction of a cry of life, that first desperate gasp for air. There won't be any noise at all.

"I can't do it anymore", Peyton breathes out. She starts to cry harder and one of the nurses in the room grabs onto her hand. She whispers encouraging words into Peyton's ear and pulls her up from the bed.

Peyton clamps her eyes shut and feels the warm tears trail down her face. She just wants Lucas. All she wants is for him to be here and to tell her it'll all work out. That they can be happy one day. That this isn't the end of the world.

But he isn't here. And it doesn't feel like they can be happy one day. And this is most definitely the end of the world.

Her world at least.

"Okay Peyton, just a few more times", she hears the promise.

It's been a few more pushes for the last 10 pushes. She doesn't understand why she's even doing this. Worst of all, she doesn't understand what to do after this. Does she hold the baby? Does she name it? This is all too much for a 20 year old to have to make decisions about.

She falls back to the bed with force and shakes her head. She's done. She's utterly and completely over this entire situation. That same nurse returns to her side and without any type of notice grabs her hand and pulls her up so hard her arm almost comes out of its socket. She places her hand on Peyton's lower back and tells her that she needs to push.

This is the last one.

She does as she's told and she feels the blinding pain subside. But it's only for a minute because then her heart catches up to what just happened. She sobs loudly. It's more like wailing and she doesn't stop; she can't stop. Faintly, in the distance of her hazy mind she hears the words;

"It's a girl."

They aren't cheerful and there's no hint of a lift in her voice at the end of that sentence. It's a somber tone and Peyton hates that this moment will forever be burned into her mind. Along with all of this, a name flashes to her like it was always meant to be there.

Emma Grace.

Lucas had been so sure that it would be a girl. So hopeful for a daughter. They have a daughter. They just don't have a daughter. The tears come on strong and her body shakes with tears.

"Peyton . . ."

She hears his voice. That smooth, sweet sound; music to her ears. Her name repeats over and over and she doesn't understand it. He can't be saying her name, he wasn't there. She feels his warm, rough hand cup her cheek and wipe her tears with his thumb.

"Peyton", he whispers once more; voice thick with emotion. He places a kiss to her temple and that's when she knows she isn't dreaming his presence. She awakes with a flinch and it makes Lucas flinch also.

He smiles sheepishly. She hasn't gotten much sleep lately and while that's understandable, he's worried. He wipes away a few more tears and sighs softly. He knows the dream she was having. It's the same dream she's had pretty much every night for the past few days.

She blinks her eyes and the sting from constant crying makes her grimace. She shrugs Lucas's hand away and although his face falls, he doesn't say a word. She rests her weight on her elbows and tries to gather her bearings. She's always disoriented after dreams – nightmares really – like that.

Peyton looks at Lucas again and takes in his black suit and slim black tie. She looks down at herself and sighs. Sleeveless black dress with black heels.

"We need to get going", Lucas whispers. She nods and runs her hand through her curls. This is the last thing she wants to do, but she knows she has to. She sits up and rests her feet on the floor. Lucas, thankfully, grabs her hand and helps her stand up. Before she can move past him, he pulls her against his body and holds her tight to his chest.

Lucas breathes in her scent and holds back his tears. They haven't talked, they don't even really look at each other anymore, but the love is still there. It has to be. They've gone through something too painful for them to not be together through it all.

"We're going to be late", Peyton whispers against his body.

Lucas nods and pushes her back to arms length. He tucks a matted curl behind her head and kisses her forehead delicately. Peyton's eyelids flutter closed and she wishes she can let herself embrace this moment, but she can't.

And that's why when Lucas says; "I love you",

She works her way out of his arms and heads to the bedroom door. She pauses in the doorway and looks back at him. His head hangs low and his hands are planted on his hips. She knows he's hurting and it hurts her even more to be adding to that pain, but she just can't be the same Peyton from a few days ago. So, that's why she doesn't reciprocate the affectionate term. She simply whispers;

"We're going to be late."

But now it's over, it's over, why is it over?
We had the chance to make it
Now it's over, it's over, it can't be over
I wish that I could take it back
But it's over

She always thought the first time she truly stood before a priest it would be for her wedding day. She'd be in white and have tears of joy running down her cheeks. She and Lucas would smile and share eye contact. It would be the start of something new.

This is anything but that.

They stand on the green grass that surrounds the burial plot. She and Lucas are in the front and Karen and Larry are on their respective sides. Nathan stands beside Karen because he's the only other blood relative here. Haley and Brooke are behind them and so is a hoard of other people. Brooke holds Lily in her arms and Haley has her son tucked safely in her embrace. When they all arrived Peyton took one glance at Jamie and had to turn away.

It hurt too much to look at him.

Peyton grasps Lucas's hand tightly and completely takes herself away from the moment. She's not here. She's not doing this right now. She closes her eyes from behind her oversized sunglasses and thanks the fact that Brooke brought an extra pair. A warm breeze causes her hair to tickle her cheeks and she almost smiles.

In her daydream she's at the park across the street from their apartment. She sits on the bench and laughs loudly. Lucas wraps his arms around her shoulders and kisses her temple before running to the giant slide. Soon enough, a small girl with a head full of blonde curls comes to the top landing. Lucas stands at the bottom of the slide and crouches down with his arms out; more then ready to catch her.

The small girl looks at Peyton before moving another inch and her breath catches in her throat. Emma Grace, her mind screams. The version of her in the dream smiles brightly and nods to the little girl. She can see her take a deep breath and sit on the shiny metal; with a push she's flying down the twisty slide.

Emma meets Lucas's arms and he picks her up; tossing her into the air. She giggles the only way a little kid can and Lucas pulls her close to his body. He whispers what Peyton is sure are words soaked in pride and they walk over to her.

"Did you see me, mommy?" she questions with her green eyes wide with excitement. Her voice is pitchy and her grin is toothless and it's the best sight Peyton's ever seen.

"I certainly did, baby", she says affectionately and reaches out to take her from her father's arms. "You were so brave!" she says enthusiastically. The girl rolls her eyes and she hears Lucas chuckle. Their eyes meet and Peyton shares the same thought. Their daughter is all sass. Lucas had been right, she's just like Peyton was before the world caught up with her.

"I love you, mommy", Emma whispers while burying herself into Peyton neck. She runs her hand up and down her small back and rests her cheek against the frizzy curls that mirror hers from years ago.

"I love you too, Emma", she whispers.

She's broken from her perfect world when she feels Lucas pull at her hand. Her eyes snap open and she notices that he's a little bit ahead of her. She's zoned out for almost the entire ceremony. She lets go of his hand and she watches as he picks up a handful of dirt before tossing it onto the small coffin below their view.

He returns to his spot beside her and she knows it's her turn. She takes a deep breath and an unsteady step causes Lucas to grasp her elbow. She glances back at him and nods softly. He releases her and she walks over to the place Lucas had just occupied. As she collects the dirt the priest begins to speak;

"We therefore commit her body to the ground . . ."

Lucas opens his arms for her and she nestles into him. In a way they're putting on a show, playing a part, fronting is what Skills would call it. They haven't been this intimate since before the terrible day in their lives and she doesn't know if that'll ever change. The scratchy voice of the old priest hits her ears once more;

". . . Earth to earth, ashes to ashes, dust to dust; in the sure and certain hope of the Resurrection to eternal life."

It reminds her of the nursery rhyme she and Brooke would sing when they were younger. She's sure that it was more fun with a lot of kids, but neither of them cared back then. They'd join hands and yell out loudly, giggle and fall to the floor. She can still picture her and Brooke screaming that rhyme out as if their lives depended on it, their smiles filled with missing teeth and their hair hitting their faces as they spun in their circle. Ring around a rosie, a pocket full of posies. Ashes, ashes, we all fall down.

Fall they certainly have.

I lose myself in all these fights
I lose my sense of wrong and right
I cry, I cry
It's shaking from the pain that's in my head
I just wanna crawl into my bed
And throw away the life I led
But I won't let it die, but I won't let it die

Lucas nods his head and smiles politely at the people who enter his and Peyton's apartment. They shake hands or kiss cheeks and he understands that they're helping the only way they know how.

But none of it is helping at all.

He doesn't want to have people over, but Brooke promised to plan everything and Haley swore it would be okay – she felt immense guilt for not being in town when it happened. He lets out a breath and looks around the room. He catches eyes with Larry Sawyer and the older man walks over to him.

"Lucas . . . I uhh – I want you to know how sorry I am", Larry whispers with a thick voice. Lucas nods and clears his throat.

"Thank you, sir", he says sincerely. Larry raises his hand and squeezes his shoulder comfortingly.

"You know, before we met Ellie and got the chance at adoption . . . Anna miscarried twice, it's what led to us looking at different options", he says softly. Lucas's eyes widen slightly.

"I didn't know –"

"I never told Peyton. I always imagined her and Anna sitting down and talking about all those things, but . . . anyway, it's a hard thing. Probably the hardest thing, to lose a child. Anna and I barely survived the first one and when she suffered the second . . . we were close to calling it quits", he admits softly.

Lucas stands there, not really sure how to process any of this. He's being given a look into a life Peyton never knew existed between her parents. "Mr. Sawyer, I don't kno –"

"I know", he cuts the younger man off. "I'm not telling you this for any reason other then that you and my daughter are very connected. I've known it since you were both sixteen and not allowed to be together. I know it doesn't seem like it now, but you can overcome this. You will."

Overcome with emotions, Lucas throws his arms around the almost grandfather. For some reason that is exactly what he needs to hear. He knows that he and Peyton have held hands and hugged and he even kissed her cheek, but it's an act. His mother has offered her own encouraging words and he loves her for it and appreciates her even more, but it must take someone who's been in their position to really know what's going on.

Larry hugs back with just as much force and Lucas feels himself getting chocked up. "Thank you, Mr. Sawyer", he whispers.

"It's nothing", he assures him as they break apart. "And call me Larry", he insists for the millionth time. "Mr. Sawyer makes me sound old", he jokes and Lucas laughs while nodding his head.

Brooke hesitantly approaches the two men and smiles warily at Larry. He looks at her fondly – like a father would a daughter – and squeezes her hand before walking away. The brunette and the blonde stand in silence for a minute before Brooke needs to clear her throat. She doesn't handle silences well.

"Peyton's not out here", she says softly. Lucas's blue eyes meet hers and he furrows his brows.

"She went to get changed", he mumbles. Brooke nods.

"That was twenty minutes ago", she whispers. His eyes widen. How had that much time passed? Brooke sees his distress and grabs his hand. "It's okay, there's a lot going on here."

He nods and closes his eyes, but it's not okay. He also feels a twinge of anger, but he pushes it back down. He wants to crawl into bed right now and block out the rest of the world too, but he knows he can't and he's aggravated that Peyton's done just that. He shakes his head to let those thoughts dissolve.

He needs to go and get Peyton, but he's dreading it. Does that make him a bad person? Well, if that doesn't . . . his feelings in the hospital from months ago make him feel terrible.

He was so disconnected from the – at the time – fetus that he didn't really blink an eye over it. Peyton or baby. The answer was simple. Peyton. Always Peyton. He can't help but to think that this is some karmic way of telling him he was a bad person then. As if he really needed the reminders.

Brooke starts to walk away, but Lucas grabs her wrist. She turns around and looks at him with confused eyes. He swallows thickly and whispers; "I want to thank you, for everything you've done, Brooke. And I don't just mean the arrangements. That afternoon in the hospital . . . thank you for making me go back in there."

She squeezes his forearm and makes a face that lets him know he didn't really need to say anything. They both start to head in opposite directions when Nathan approaches him.

"Luke, Haley and your mom are freaking out because they can't find the coffee pot", he says softly. Lucas almost hates that tone. People speak softly around him and it's irritating. He sighs and looks to the closed bedroom door before looking at the boxes that litter the rooms. They still haven't unpacked. It was something they planned on doing, but simply never got around to.

"I need to get Peyton", he mumbles. Nathan somewhat perks at the mention of his best friend and lifts his shoulder for a half shrug.

"I can check on her . . . if you want", he adds as an afterthought. "I haven't really gotten to talk to her", he whispers.

Neither have I, Lucas thinks. But he doesn't protest. Hopefully someone can get through to his girlfriend. Plus, with the boxes scattered everywhere, he knows they'll both need some kind of directions.

"Yeah, sure", he murmurs. The Scott brothers walk in opposite directions and Brooke simply frowns.

Their world is completely off balance.

But it's over; it's over, why is it over?
We had the chance to make it
Now it's over, it's over, it can't be over
I wish that I could take it back

Nathan knocks on the door softly; his knuckles barely making contact with the wood. He waits for her to yell out to him and in the meantime his eyes catch sight of his son and Lily. They're playing with the blocks Haley brought over and although the sight warms his heart, it makes him ache for Peyton.

She was so close to getting this.

He doesn't get a response and when he knocks again he presses his ear up against the door. It's silent and that sort of scares him. He looks out into the main room where everyone is gathered and twists the metal knob; it clicks with ease.

"Peyton?" he whispers as he walks into the dark room. He pushes the door, but it doesn't close all the way. His eyes spot her dress on the floor and her heels rest close to it. When he spots her on the bed his heart breaks.

"Sawyer", he says sympathetically. She's laying on the covers in her black slip. She's facing away from him, but he can see her unsteady breaths. Nathan slips off his shoes and climbs into bed beside her.

They lay in silence with him staring at her back. He's starting to regret this idea. Nathan doesn't deal well with heavy moments and awkward silences. Humor is usually the route he takes, but he doesn't think it's the route for this moment. Another minute or two goes by and he can't take anymore.

"You know what happened the last time we were in bed together?"

He says it suggestively and even though she can't see him he wiggles his eyebrows. But they didn't sleep together the last time they were alone in a bed – not in the physical sense.

It was some time after Haley left and Nathan stopped by with some beer. Peyton was shocked to say the least – they weren't exactly friends who visited. They talked and drank and that was the first time Nathan ever really listened to what Peyton had to say about loss and rejection and she even mentioned how he made her feel when they dated. He had never felt so bad about himself in his entire life. She assured him it was fine and that since they had clearly moved on it didn't matter. Much later, after the beer was gone and their voices had faded away Nathan tried to leave, but Peyton told him there was no way he was leaving.

He didn't want to stay over because he knew how he was going to end the night and he didn't want Peyton to see him like that. Regardless of that, they both climbed into bed and lay on their separate sides. That's when Nathan was alone with his thoughts – the alcohol induced buzz had worn off – and that's when the tears fell and wouldn't stop. And so there he was . . .

Stone cold sober and sobbing in his ex-girlfriends bed.

Peyton rolled over and met his sad, wet eyes and simply held him. I miss her, he whispered painfully. Peyton nodded and stroked his head. And I miss him, she whispered with just as much pain. At the time he assumed she was talking about Jake, but deep down he knew she meant Lucas.

He's considered her his best friend ever since.

He's brought out of his memories by the sounds Peyton makes beside him. Its two simple laughs – they're more like puffs of air, but he's grasping at straws. He places his hand on her bare arm and she rolls over to look at him.

"It's not fair", she whispers sadly. He shakes his head.

"No, it's not", he agrees while his throat fills with the burn of oncoming tears. He watches as her bottom lip trembles and he runs his hand up and down her arm in a soothing manner.

The bedroom door opens a little more and Nathan can see Jamie wobble into the room. He pushes the door behind him and it closes all the way. At the same time, Peyton begins to shake with her unshed sobs. Nathan pulls her into his arms and she cries into his chest as she clutches on to the lapels of his jacket. All he can do is rub her back.

Jamie grasps onto the comforter and pulls himself up onto the bed and while Nathan is elated by his sons upper body strength this isn't the time to focus on it. Jamie makes a face and tilts his head to the side as he watches Peyton cry. He doesn't like it. He's never liked to see another person cry and Nathan knows that theory is tenfold for Peyton.

The Scott boys really do have a complex when it comes to her.

He walks up along Peyton's side and sits on her pillow. Nathan has no idea what his son is doing, but when his pudgy, little hands reach out and stroke Peyton's hair he doesn't think he's ever been more proud. Haley does that to him when he's upset or when she wants him to get to sleep and that's the only answer the two year old has for this moment.

"I miss her", Peyton whispers as a harsh sob breaks through. Nathan feels the tears trail down his cheeks and he nods. Jamie leans down to kiss her golden hair and for a second he smiles.

"I know, Peyton", Nathan whispers.

There aren't any other words that can be said and Nathan knows that. He simply holds her while Jamie pats her head softly. And Peyton continues to cry with the Scott boys.

It's just not the Scott boy.

I'm falling apart, I'm falling apart
Don't say this won't last forever
You're breaking my heart, you're breaking my heart
Don't tell me that we will never be together
We could be, over and over
We could be, forever

They're like two ships passing in the night. Lucas and Peyton. They do things out of habit, but other then that they've pretty much lost everything they had worked so hard at getting back.

He walks into the apartment after his classes and shakes out his hair. The rain is much needed after the Indian summer, but it's not appreciated, at least not by him. He tosses his notebook and keys into their respective places and shrugs off his wet jacket. He hangs it up and glances around the apartment, he frowns at the darkness that envelops it.

"Peyton!" he calls out as he walks into the kitchen, they still have a ton of food from the funeral reception a few days ago. He walks to the living room next and his frown deepens. It's like she was never in either room.

"Peyton!?" he yells while walking to the bathroom and then the bedroom. The bed is made and it looks pristine. His heart starts to pound and he can feel the panic bubbling over in his mind.

He pulls his cell phone out of his pocket and calls Peyton, but when the ringing of her phone hits his ears he stares at the dresser. He closes his phone and quickly calls Haley. Peyton can't be with Brooke because she had to go back to New York; Victoria was starting to hound her. Nathan was out of town; another basketball game that he's missing.

"Hello", the familiar voice fills his head.

"Haley, are you with Peyton?" he gets straight to the point. The former blonde on the other end furrows her brows.

"No, I haven't seen her since I dropped off the groceries yesterday", there's a beat of silence and then; "Why? What's wrong?"

"She's not here", he whispers as the walls close in on him.

"What do you mean she's not there?" Haley asks at a higher pitch.

"I mean she's not here, Hales! I came home and she was gone!"

She ignores the yelling and tried her best to remain calm. "Alright, I'll go out and look for her. You stay there in case she goes back to the apartment."

"Haley, I'm not staying here", he argues.

"Lucas, you have to. If she goes back to your apartment she's going to need you there", he sighs and she knows she's won the argument. "I'll bring her back", she promises softly.

Lucas mutters a response and closes his phone; he throws it onto the bed forcefully. He doesn't like to sit back and watch other people handle situations. Especially when it involves Peyton.

The minutes go by and when he looks at the clock next it's been a full 45 minutes since he's hung up with his best friend. He groans in aggravation before reaching for his cell and heading for the door. He's done with waiting. He grabs his coat and opens the front door.

He's met with Haley and his drenched girlfriend.

Lucas is shocked into silence and Haley basically drags Peyton into the house. They head straight for the bathroom and he hears the shower running. Haley probably wants to get her warm. He tosses his jacket to the floor and walks to the hallway. He rests his back against the wall and eventually his legs give out.

How did he let this all get so bad?

From inside the bathroom Haley waits till the water is a decent temperature before helping Peyton into the tub. She watches as her one of her best friends in the whole world hugs her knees to her chest and cries. Haley gets on her knees and reaches in. Her maternal instincts kick in and she holds Peyton as the hot water falls down on them both.

"You need to snap out of this, Peyton", Haley whispers softly. Peyton whimpers. "I know it's hard and I'm probably not being fair by telling you to do that, but if you don't you're going to lose Lucas and I know that's not something you can handle right now."

Peyton doesn't respond and by this point Haley doesn't expect her to. The dark haired girl stands and grabs the bathrobe the rests on the hook. She leaves it on the sink and tells Peyton to put that on when she's done then she walks into the hallway – right past Lucas – and looks for clothes in the bedroom.

Lucas keeps his knees close to his chest and his head hung low. He's only twenty years old; this shouldn't be things he has to deal with. He hears Haley's water filled shoes as they squish against the carpet and then the bathroom door closes. He wishes he had the strength to go in there or to help in some way, but he's drained.

Haley and Peyton leave the bathroom together and Haley takes her into the bedroom. She lays her down and puts the blankets over her. She kisses her friend's temple and closes the door behind her. When she sees Lucas's broken form she sighs and runs a hand through her wet hair.

"She was at the park across the street", she whispers as she stands above him. The image of her friend just sitting on the bench in the pouring rain will stay with her forever. She didn't say anything, didn't even look at Haley. Her eyes were trained on the slide a few feet away from her.

Lucas closes his eyes and sighs. Of course she was. When she was pregnant she always talked about bringing the baby there. They moved into this apartment because it was so close to the park. When he doesn't respond Haley whispers, "Lucas . . ."

"Hales, I can't do this anymore", he whispers with tear filled eyes. She crouches down to his eye level and shakes her head. She's been waiting for those words to leave his mouth. Lucas Scott is a strong man, but he's not invincible.

"I know this is bad, but you can't give up, Lucas. You both need each other –"

"But she won't let me in!" he cries out.

"Well did she let you in right away in high school?" she counters. Lucas stares at her and shakes his head.

"This is different", he whispers at a dangerous level. She nods and lets out a breath.

"Have you thought about getting her help?" she asks timidly. She's discussed it with Nathan frequently and Brooke brought it up before she left; they all agree that Peyton needs more help the any of then can give.

"Like a shrink?" he asks. His best friend nods and Lucas scoffs. "She's not crazy, Haley", he spits out.

Haley nods and stands up straight. "Then I guess you can keep doing things your way", she bites back. She walks into the living room and begins to clean up. She picks up the empty cans and bottles and walks into the kitchen. Lucas flinches at the sound of all the items clanking against each other in the garbage can.

He stands and meets her back in the living room. "You don't need to clean", he says softly. He obviously regrets snapping at her like that.

"Someone does", she counters. She holds the empty liquor bottle in her hand and sighs. She knew she should have let Brooke take away the fake ID. "You went all out, huh?"

"It's not just from last night", he mumbles like a child caught with his hand in the cookie jar. Haley mocks pride.

"So it's been like a whole 12 hours since you've had a drink? You must be itching", she says bitterly. Lucas's eyes turn cold, but she doesn't back down.

"Drop it", he warns. She shakes her head and laughs, but it's empty. "Maybe you should go", he says angrily.

Her brown eyes meet his blue ones and she takes in his appearance. He's got bags under his eyes and stubble from days of not shaving. She wants to help him and she knows Nathan's been here on more then one occasion, but there doesn't seem to be anything they can do to help so she nods.

"Fine", she tosses the empty bottle onto the couch and heads to the door. She stops and stands in the archway of the open door.

"It's not an answer, Lucas. Drinking isn't going to solve anything", she whispers. He doesn't get to respond before she leaves.

He sits on the couch and lets out a noise. He knows that drinking doesn't solve anything, but he doesn't think it's hurting anyone. He still gets up and goes to class and works with the team and discusses deals with Lindsey and he helps at the café. He just needs it to forget for a little while.

He needs to forget Peyton's silent tears or her trembling sobs. He needs to forget about the fact that he wasn't there when she went through the labor and he needs to stop picturing what their daughter would have looked like. Emma Grace Scott. She'd have curly blonde hair and green eyes and a mouth that would get her into trouble. Lucas looks around and spots a bottle that Haley missed; it's still got some in it. Without any hesitation he reaches for the bottle and unscrews the cap. The liquid burns, but he knows that feeling won't last long.

A few days ago Larry Sawyer told him that this was hard, but he never imagined it'd be this hard.

I'm falling apart, I'm falling apart
Don't say this won't last forever
You're breaking my heart, you're breaking my heart
Don't tell me that we will never be together
We could be, over and over
We could be, forever

The weeks go by and the fall weather has finally set it. November in Tree Hill usually means crunchy leaves and cool gusts of wind. The hot chocolate gets sold by the pint at Karen's Café and Thanksgiving is at the forefront at everyone's mind. Everyone except Peyton.

But Lucas doesn't know this yet.

He walks into the apartment and tosses his notebook onto the usual spot and then his keys hit the bowl. He looks around and frowns at the lack of his girlfriend. He runs his hand through his short, blonde hair and walks further into the home. He stubs his toe on a box and curses. They still haven't completely unpacked.

He hits the bedroom and stops in his tracks. Peyton's frantically throwing things into bags and slamming empty drawers. His heart thumps out of his chest and he can feel his mouth run dry. He doesn't really know how to approach this because he doesn't really think he wants an answer.

"Are we going somewhere?" he quips. Maybe joking about a trip would be a good way to go about this. She shakes her head; her curls hitting her face with the movements. She goes to the closet and grabs a few random shirts from their hangers.

"You are", she says softly. His eyes widen and he takes three huge steps forward. This can't be happening. She's kicking him out?

"Peyton, let's talk about this", he says calmly. He takes some clothes out of the bags and throws them on the floor.

"There's nothing to talk about", she says with zero emotion in her voice. She picks those items back off the floor and rolls them into balls. She stuffs them into a box and folds the top inside of each other.

"Peyton, there is a lot to talk about", he counters. "This isn't an answer to anything!" his voice raises and he shakes his head. Yelling isn't going to solve anything now.

"This is the only way", she mumbles.

"No it's not! There are a million other way we can handle this", he argues. "We could talk about it for once. Instead of going to other people, we can work this out!" he says desperately. She doesn't give his words the chance to soak in.

"No! Lucas we were fools to think that this could work!" she yells as tears fill her eyes. "That tragedy could just erase everything between us and make it all okay!"

"Can we please just talk", he begs and follows her to the foyer of their apartment. She drops the few bags to the floor and reels around to look at him.

"Four weeks ago I gave birth to a dead baby", the sentence leaves her mouth and renders Lucas speechless. He hadn't been expecting that. "Is that enough talking for you?"

She walks back to the bedroom and Lucas is hot on her tail. He can't let her kick him out. He can't leave her. He won't leave her. Peyton gathers his sneakers and his coaching whistle and tosses them into an empty box.

"It wasn't just a baby", he says hoarsely. "It was our baby and if we just talk –"

"It doesn't matter, Lucas", she barks out. "The baby is gone and so is our relationship. We're clearly not supposed to be together and everything that happened was karma's way of telling us. We ignored it for too long", she says simply.

He runs his hands over his face and pulls at his longer blonde hair. He looks around the room and notices that the pictures of them have been turned face down and the sonograms are in a pile. The most disturbing sight is the black binder the rests on the floor and the shreds of paper that surround it. They were the drawings Peyton did during the pregnancy and now they're ripped to pieces. It's like she just snapped while he was at class.

"Peyton, don't –"

"Lucas, there's nothing you can say! You can't say we'll work through this and you can't say its okay! Nothing is okay, Lucas. Nothing!" she screams through the small apartment.

"Damnit Peyton, I know that!" he finally agrees. "But I'm not giving up here! I love you and I know that you love me!" she looks away and pauses in her actions.

"Love isn't always enough", she whispers and a tear falls that she quickly wipes at it. Lucas walks over to her and wraps his arms around her small frame. She hadn't said she didn't love him, so that's a good sign. At least in his mind it is.

"I'm not giving up, Peyton. We've fought so hard to be together . . ." his voice trails off and he has to bite his cheek to stop the trembling. She lets his smell and his embrace warm her body before she pushes him away. She can't crumble now.

"And we were fighting a losing battle", she says plainly. "This is most of your stuff", she points out.

Lucas stands his ground and folds his arms over his chest. "We're not done talking about this!"

"I'm done, Lucas!" she counters. She picks the last box up off the bed and walks back into the foyer; she hears Lucas's heavy steps behind her. She tosses it on the floor with the other things and stares at him expectantly.

"I'm not leaving", he says firmly. He's confident in the way he stands and the tone he takes as he speaks. He's really not going anywhere and that's not something Peyton was counting on.

She's frozen. She really had never expected him to not leave. In her mind staying wasn't even an option for him. On some level she knows she's being irrational and she knows this is all ridiculous, but she doesn't care to focus on that now. Then she remembers that her apartment back in Los Angeles is being sub-let; it was a way for them to make some easy money. She nods to herself and walks back into the bedroom

"Fine", she calls out.

Lucas smiles pleased that he's gotten through to her. He starts to pick up some of the bags and boxes and the sound of things being dumped out and slammed hits his ears. He piles the items into his arms and turns around. All those things crash to the floor.

"If you won't leave I will", Peyton says assuredly.

She's got a few boxes in her arms and an overnight bag hangs from her shoulder. This can't be real. Lucas has to be having a nightmare. He squeezes his eyes shut and counts to 10. In that time Peyton makes it to the front door and leaves her keys behind. He opens his eyes and turns to look at her.

She opens the front door and that's the first time she sees her hesitate in what she's doing. He knows he should run to her. He should pull on her arm and slam the door so that she can't get anywhere. He should lock it behind her and pull her into his arms and they'd both cry. He just fought so hard with her . . . he knows he should do something.

But he doesn't move an inch.

Not even when the door slams shut behind her.

It's not over, it's not over, it's never over
Unless you let it take you
It's not over, it's not over, it's not over
Unless you let it break you
It's not over


Time jump next chapter – around 2 and a half years.

Let me know what you think!