New chapter at last.
Sorry its been a while. Real life got in the way, plus I'm writing what was originally meant to be like a three - five thousand one shot - is now nearing the thirty thousand mark... Just don't know how to stop. So yeah that's taken a lot of my time.
Anyway I would like to thank everyone that commented. And just how much they made me smile, I'm glad that it makes readers interested and still keep reading, normally I'm not going as far as to say I'm the best when it comes to writing but its nice to hear just how much people enjoy what I do put down. So thank you all once again.
This is for you all and I hope you enjoy, I don't own HP and any mistakes - blame the lack of spell check - I did go over this twice.
:D
In due time they left Hagrids hut, the half-giant had been a gracious host – offering them copious amount of tea which they both accepted, right down to his specialty rock cakes – neither witch wanted to lose any teeth and so made their excuse's that the time was late before thanking him for his hospitality and taking their leave.
The air had grown chiller in the evening twilight and so Minerva kept Hermione huddled close to her as they made the walk back to the school. Mercifully the entrance was empty which allowed them to hurry up the stairs and down to the older woman's chambers were they would have dinner as Hermione didn't want to go into the hall and be the subject of everyone's staring.
There would be enough of that in the morning …when she went back to the tower most likely if people were still up until curfew. But until then she took solace in the quietness. She wasn't really hungry and so wasn't lying when she had told Hagrid that, but the other woman was insistent that she eat and so had the elf bring her a jacket potato and cheese as she moved to sit at the table.
Minerva smiled as she joined her before they started eating. It was silent for a while, both lost in their thoughts before Minerva spoke first breaking the slight tension.
"If anyone does make a remark or even gives you a hard time about today, come to me ok." She looked over as Hermione lifted her head. She was glad that the older woman was looking out for her, as a head of house it was given and because it was her Mother more so, but she was never one for backing away from a fight.
That was if anyone tried, she didn't think they would. Like it had been strenuously pointed out – half the common room was scared of her, the years below terrified and a good few of her own – in her own sadistic circle of glee and hate she knew that and so was confident that this had only furthered their fears of her.
They would look and most very much gossip, but never to her face – no one was that suicidal. Harry and Ron were a given as they as her best friends would want to make sure she was ok but it was the raven haired boy she didn't want to speak to. Hopefully he would be in bed before she got back and so knew she was ok for tonight at least.
She just had to plan to avoid him until the end of term and the years after for the rest of her life.
But if she did get the older woman involved it would only provide more fuel to the rumour that it was favouritism so had no intentions of telling her anything after this, but she was staring and so smiled giving her a small nod.
"Will do,"
She left the room later that night with another promise that she would talk to her if others gave her a hard time. She nodded silently before being let go as Minerva watched he disappear around the corner, her face going from pensive to a grim as she once more got lost in her thoughts as she turned and made her way back inside.
Entering through the door, she thanked strict rules as she saw that no one was around and was about to make her way to the steps when she stopped and paused, thinking to herself before making for the sofa instead. She wasn't tired and as such had no desire to go to bed yet, not when she knew those two would still be up as it took at least an hour of gossiping to lull them to sleep and so wasn't going to give them ammunition though she knew that she would already have been talked about.
Throwing herself down she looked at the dying fire and sighed, pulling out her wand she focused on the flickering embers and muttered a small 'Incendio' the fire, once on its last breath roared back to life reflecting brightly in her eyes as she sat back against the sofa and closed her eyes again.
"Hermione?"
Eyes shooting open, she sat up a little startling both herself and the person who spoke as she blinked sleepily before turning to find Harry staring at her, he held up a hand and smiled sheepishly a little apologetic at having scared her as she coughed lightly.
"What time is it?"
"About three" Her eyes went wide again as she looked to her watch. Seriously, she had only closed her eyes for a few seconds. He smiled again at her expression before looking at her more closely.
"What time did you get back?" She sat up and rubbed her face. "Just before curfew … like a minute so – didn't really want to see people." He nodded understanding the reason, all through dinner he and Ron had to tell people to shut it for talking about her and the DADA lesson he couldn't tell the other houses who had heard through Lavender and Parvati who had told her sister.
She stared at the fire studiously avoiding his gaze. "Do you want to talk about it?" She gave a small self-deprecating laugh before shaking her head.
"Of course I don't want to bloody talk about it Harry." He nodded silently not knowing what to say instead just held a hand out to the fire warming his hands until a sigh had him waiting, pausing for a moment until.
"… I just felt he was mocking me."
Turning he saw her head resting on the back of the sofa and pinched his face slightly. "Mocking you?" Nodding slowly she loathed to repeat the conversation she had mere hours ago, it was draining and she was tired. But not wanting any bad air to fester she would rather get it out before it grew stale.
"Ever since the first year, do you know what I have heard from a number of teachers in this place?" She asked turning to look at him. He shook his head slowly as she smiled lightly before replying.
"Aren't you good at this, that or another. Do you know who else was good at this? You're Mother." She looked to the fire. "It was good at first, you know – to be just as good as the person I admire the most. But by the third or fourth month it got tiring, yes I know she was good but I can be better."
She plucked a bit of the threading on the pillow. "It's like they're all comparing me to her and it bugs me. To know that my achievements and grades are always going to be put side by side with hers," He was silent, patient as he listened but idly he had to wonder where this was going and what it had to do with the defence class before she carried on.
"I know she is god at defence to. But not overly as great as Transfiguration obviously, so I knew that was my one chance to beat her, to actually be better at something that she did only ok at. She got an E on that you know." She had to smile a little wider at something only in her head.
"She got an E, so this is my one chance to excel and get an O. If I do than I would have done it, I know it will still be compared but it won't matter as I will have something she doesn't." Her jubilant expression faded a little.
"But in order for that to happen then I need to know all about the subject. I need to make sure I don't miss a single – text, thesis, spell, counter-spell, curse and everything that goes along with the topic."
She exhaled heavily wondering just how much of this Harry was taking in. "When they came up I was excited to learn about them. I mean never even thought… the notion was unimaginable. Then I saw what it did to Neville."
That had him turning to look at her; from the firelight she could see his confusion. "What"
"Didn't you see his face? Thought for sure he was going to throw up, or pass out." He looked pensive for a moment before speaking. "So that was why you said it was effecting him, it was Neville."
She nodded. "Don't know why but I guess only he can say… you know – when he wants to." He nodded solemnly.
"Anyway back to the matter at hand. I just thought that this was the one subject that I could be free from any scrupulous remarks, no… comparisons. With him only being a temp teacher and a retired Auror, there was no way he would have known Mother's academia background… but then he just had to go and make that comment."
She stretched her arms out along the top of the sofa and let her head fall back once more the day had just been a drag and she was more than ready to go to sleep, rustling of fabric had him turning to face her fully.
"What did he say? He was bent pretty low so we couldn't really hear," He watched her closely as a dark look seem to pass her face before it went and she inhaled.
"He accused me of being just as incontrovertible." Baffled, Harry could only blink as she glanced to him. "It mean's just as authority loving, stick so close to the bloody rules that I could probably tell you how many letters make up each sentence."
He nodded. Smiling that he didn't have to figure out what the word meant. It was halfway through the night his mind was wrecked for anything scholarly until at least eight.
"Well that's crap. I mean if he knew just how many rules you have broken over the years, I'm sure his opinion would have changed." She laughed a little tiredly before pursing her lips.
"Perhaps, but he's only been here a few days hasn't he? It's not like anyone warned him about what happens at the end of every year. And no doubt the dangerous situations we find ourselves in."
That was true, hardly anyone did and so it wasn't like anyone in high power would want an Auror to know about the trouble that went on – even if he was now retired.
"He was gloating… as if I would be as shocked and disgusted about the fact he was showing us curses… those ones in particular, I just had all these lessons coming back to me and how once again I was being compared to, it annoyed the hell out of me and I wanted to shove it in his face that his assumptions was misplaced.
"By doing the killing curse."
She went to speak but ended up only nodding. His voice was tense, like it was paining him to say it as she sat forwards. "I wasn't thinking."
"That's for dam sure." She sighed and ran a hand over her face. "I know, I know and I'm sorry. Nothing else was on my mind I'll admit… I didn't comprehend what it might do to others around me. I didn't even think of you until you stopped me then I saw his arrogant face and needed to get out of there."
Harry didn't speak merely listened as he stared at the fire. Finally when she stopped she waited for his response as he gathered his thoughts.
"My whole life. I've gone wondering who my parents were. What they were like, what interests did they have, what was their favourite colours, food… you know."
He turned to her, "Little things that people take for granted, but they know. Me, I don't even know what they sound like." She remained silent.
"All my life I had merely thought they had died in a crash since that was what my Aunt told me, then when I found out about… all of this." He waved around with his hand.
"Only then did I learn the truth. And I might have only been eleven, might have never knew magic only from tricks I saw people do in the street and so was totally oblivious… all the emotion people expect from kids… but I knew hate.
She lifted her head a little at his words. "When Hagrid told me what happened – what really happened. Not even the beatings from Dudley could have made me as angry as I was back then. Like molten lava searing my veins, I instantly hated the curse… and by extension those who cast it."
He turned to see her looking sorrowful as he shuffled a little closer. "All my life I have gone without friends as well. That one person who could be by my side through everything, one who I could tell all my worries to and not have them fleeing thinking I was a freak like the rest –someone who likes me for me and not what I did or didn't do,"
He lifted a hand and placed it on her cheek which he was surprised to find was wet. "Hermione – you might be terrifying, might be bossy and insanely brilliant that it makes me both tired and intimidated that I won't live up to your standards and that someday you will find others who are more to your suitability, but…"
He swallowed thickly as his own emotions were getting the better of him… "To me – you are that person, you are the one who I have wished for so hard and prayed it wasn't just the silly fantasies of a small boy who was so lonely. I may have met Ron first but we share so much – you helped me save Ginny, you saved me from Riddle and his intentions – I would never have been able to save Sirius without you."
By now the tears were silently falling down her face as he wiped them gently and smiled sadly. "Hell we can even talk to snakes together, if that isn't true friendship I don't know what is,"
She couldn't help but laugh in spite of her tears. "You're my best friend, Hermione, the one that I can go to and let all my fears out – the one who I know will look out for me even when I only think of my shallow tendencies. I might have been grateful to know what magic is and a world I can escape to most months out of the year,"
"But I'm most grateful for the friendships that I have made. If I didn't have you then I would be sorely missing what have been the best three years of my life and never realize what a fool I was. I need you Hermione, and I just hate that curse so much it literally hurt when I saw you about to do it,"
He moved until he was thigh to thigh with her as her tears were now streaming down her face. "I might have been angry and annoyed with you at times, but I could never hate you."
He took a shuddering breath before adding. "Please don't make me hate you,"
She threw herself into his arms at that. Her whole body shaking with the tears that were pouring from her eyes, he wrapped both arms around her and tried to soothe her as best he could. He was still a fifteen year old and his stance on emotions wasn't all that good but they needed it,
"I'm sorry… I'm so, so sorry." She repeated as he wiped the hair from her face. She cried for him – for all he had to put up with, the fact that he spent a childhood so miserable, she cried for that fact she had no idea just what she meant to him, she cried for the hurt she put him through, and she cried again for herself.
All the while he simply held her up and let his shirt get soaked. After nearly seven minutes she felt exhausted – both mentally and emotionally but she felt good. Lifting her head she winced at the large wet patch on his night clothes.
"Sorry."
He waved it off but brought them back so they were settled against the back of the sofa. "I'm not bothered about that… are you ok"?
That was a good question. She looked into the still crackling fire and pondered on his remark. Was she ok? Could she say that, even after crying the most she had that wasn't around the older woman she could still say she felt better about it. She wasn't a fan of Divination as anyone could attest, so had no idea what the future held.
But she knew with only a sure percent that something like this would happen again. Not in that lesson she would make certain of that, but something that would put her at odds with everything around her, things that she would do that most likely consume her being – both mid and morel's so much that no doubt, she would end up hurting someone precious to her.
As much as these plagued her she could never tell. Harry might use her as his outlet and find comfort in the fact she wouldn't go running, but she couldn't say the same for him… No, as hard as it was keeping all of this inside, it was best it stayed that way. Then she would end up disappointing those she loved.
So doing what she did best. She smiled and nodded, placating him with a picture of slight calm and not the inner turmoil that was ripping at her insides.
"Yes Harry, I feel better now thank you." She found his chest actually to be a good pillow and so though it was nearing the early morning, she stayed like that – he didn't complain as she carried on lifting her head to meet his gaze.
"And if I have to get a lower grade then Mother, I would happily get a T if it meant never hurting you again."
Those words. Coming from someone as studious as Hermione. Was like giving Snape teacher of the year and so he had to laugh. She cocked a brow at his response.
"What?"
Shaking his head he simply drew her closer, feeling the unexpected need to have comfort before lowering his head to hers. "Just… never change."
Bemused but silent she did nothing else except snuggling down closer in rare act of intimacy from two people who didn't really like to be touched, eventually falling asleep in front of the warming fire. Joined shortly by Crookshanks who returned from his wandering, as he curled up in the middle of the two bodies and settled himself down before he to fell asleep.
