Chapter seven: Connection
The next day, after explaining the entire story during breakfast together with the other Warriors and their families, I finally had the chance to sneak out and slip into uncle's office. The room was empty, and the only thing able to entertain me until uncle would arrive, was a book lying on his desk. After investigating the chamber, every picture, drawer and closet, I got bored and stared at the book, still placed on the desk. I took a seat in the giant, but also comfortable chair, gazing at the black leather notebook. It crossed my mind you know, respecting his privacy, but on the other hand, why not? So I grabbed the book and caressed the cover before turning the first page. 'List of prisons' was written in black ink on the first page. The second one was a page listing weird names, probably the names of all prisons in the whole Fire Nation. After flipping through the pages, it seemed that every new chapter in the book was another prison, and underneath the title names were written. Every name contained further information such as day of birth, sex, other family, a list of crimes and a picture. I stopped at the title 'Fire Palace Dungeon' at slipped my finger down the list and stopped at the name 'Azula'. A thick cross covered the woman's name and picture. I knew well enough who Azula was, and I was wondering why the cross… Zuko would never execute her. Even though she had tried to kill him, it just wasn't his way of working. After all, she was still related to him, in some way. No, he would never execute her.
I turned the book and read the last four pages of the notebook. 'Wanted or missing' was written on top of the paper, again followed by names and other information. At the very end of the list, a new name was added, for the ink was still fresh and moisten. Azula. I gazed at the following information. Relatives: Fire Lord Sozin, Fire Lord Azulon, Fire Lord Ozai and Fire Lady Ursa, Fire Lord Zuko, General Iroh. I gazed at his name. This couldn't be true. If she really got out, he would tell me, right?
Between the last page and the cover, a small, wrinkled paper was hiding. The paper was warm and decrepitated, probably read over and over a hundred times. I unfolded the paper and watched the clumsy handwriting. Clearly the writer was in a hurry.
Dear Zuzu, after stealing my throne and your girlfriend almost drowning me with her barbaric waterbending methods, I can't let your descendant -
When hearing the door opening, I rumpled the paper together in a reflex, and shrieked when I found my uncle narrowing his eyes and gazing at the paper and book I was holding. His eyes widened right after seeing it though, and he almost attacked me.
"What are you do – where did you get that? Do you have no respect?" he yelled at me, grabbing the notebook and letter out of my hands, gesturing a hand as if he wanted to slap me. In an instant, I hid my face with my arms to diminish the pain about to come, but it didn't. When I removed my arms, I saw him sitting in a couch in the corner of his office, pinching his nose.
"What did you read?" he asked, almost sounding like he wasn't mad. I knew he had a lot of troubles with controlling his anger, and that pinching his nose was something he did to control himself.
"I only read the book itself, not the letter. Uncle I'm so sorry, I don't –"
"What did you read." Still pinching his nose. My eyes were moistening and getting red.
"I… Azula –" and he growled when I mentioned the name, grabbing an expensive vase which was standing on a table next to the couch, and throwing it out of the window. The window-glass broke and I covered my eyes when I heard the sound of a vase, breaking on the marble floor of the outside corridor. My eyes opened again and I felt small scars on my hands. He was turned with his back to me, inhaling fast and his hands formed like fists. And suddenly, his grip loosened, and his left hand reached for his face, pinching his nose again. In an attempt to get away, with my feet shifting smoothly and soundless, he grabbed my right shoulder once I arrived at the door, still not turning around nor looking at me.
"I'm sorry," he said, and sighed.
"It's, okay," and I bit my lips, cursing the stupid answer. I should be the one to say sorry. I read the book. And although his behaviour was most inappropriate, it was my fault he did so. But what was to be said, was said, so I turned 180 degrees and moved on leaving uncle behind, still staring frustrated at the floor. Once walking through the corridors, I gazed at my hands. Small red dots and strings had covered my hands, but the bleeding was far from sincere.
"Meisha, what happened?" my mother was making a run for it and took my hands in hers, watching the injures when I quickly pulled them back. Her eyebrows frowned.
"Just let me look at it," and she tried grabbing them again while catching my eyes. But I pulled back again. "Since when do you even care?" and my eyes became wet, a slight tear dropping down on the floor. She watched me running away to my room when frowning her brows again, walking to the room I just had left.
"What did you do to her?" The Fire Lord looked up, seeing Meisha's mother in his office, exchanging all kinds of fierce and mad faces.
"Nothing," he responded, looking away again, gazing at the view on the Palace Gardens. The view was quickly blocked by a woman, though. She crossed her arms while trying to look him in the eyes, but the firebender didn't look up.
"I heard a glass breaking and then something else. What happened Zuko."
Once he heard his name, he stared back in her eyes and narrowed his. "You know I would never harm her."
Her eyes on the other hand, were watching the broken window and vase. "Then tell me," she continued more fiercely, "why are her hands bleeding?" His narrowing eyes were quickly widening by the look of her face.
"Is she? I didn't want to. I lost control, I –"
"Listen Zuko, we both know you have difficults with controlling your temper, so I'm going to say this loud and clear. If you hurt my daughter again, I will make sure your destiny ends, right then and there, permanently," and she turned her back to leave when suddenly she was pushed against the wall, the warm hand of a firebender holding her wrist while the rest of his body holds hers in place. She had almost forgotten how warm and muscled his body was, how it felt being so close to him. She gasped when the memories came back, trying to forget them. The breath he was breathing, was so warm, and so close that she could feel it in her neck. And for some reason, she longed to him, when he placed his nose and lips on her shoulder, remembering himself how she had smelled like, how she still smelled. But when the enchantment, that small time of reconnection faded, he was focused again on what he was doing and gripped her wrist tighter as if he wanted to let her know how strong he was. But Katara knew well enough how strong he was.
"You know Katara, you're so predictable. Or are you planning on making that sentence your dogma," and he stroke her shoulder with his lips.
"Let me go Zuko," and she tried to tear herself out of his grip. But the only result was that he pushed himself closer to her. As if he suddenly realized what he was doing, he turned her around and looked her in the eyes. Those deep blue eyes, the same eyes he remembered.
Katara saw a chance of getting away and tore herself loose by pulling her arms away and leaving the room, closing the door with a loud smack. He only stood there, thinking, realizing that the effect that Katara had on him several years ago, was still there. She still had the same strength, making him desperate, almost violating, crazy. Making him loose it. Just like her daughter.
I was sitting next to the pool and it was almost like the turtle-ducks wanted to ease the pain from my hands, because they swam in circles around them when I placed them slowly in the water. The dirty water stung, but that quickly disappeared when the same glowing water circled around them. Healing water I was able to create, the strongest one in the world. The turtle-ducks didn't like the water though, they were afraid of it and swam away. That's when I noticed they weren't swimming away because they were anxious, but because they were being fed. Nobu was sitting at the other side of the pool, breaking small pieces of the bread and throwing it in the water.
"Nobu!" I almost yelled because he had scared me. The earthbender didn't look up though, his face still staring at the bread getting eaten by the ducks. It was strange seeing Nobu like this, he looked so… sad. So that's how his face looked like when not smiling. I preferred the smiling face.
"Healing yourself again, are we," he asked, and broke another piece of the bread.
"I, uhm, no, why do you think so?" I pulled my hands back, trying to hide them behind my back. Like that would help.
"Ow, no idea. Maybe because you growled a little when you placed your hands in the water as if you were in pain. And maybe because of the blue water."
I stared at him. I thought only the water around my hands had glowed, but apparently it was the entire pool. And had he been sitting there all the time?
"It's okay, though. I've heard about your uncle. How he has troubles controlling his anger."
"Stop it Nobu! He's a good man!"
"I never said that Meisha. I do believe he loves you. After all, it are the ones you love, that you hurt the most." His face was looking even more sadder now. I got up and took a seat next to the Warrior.
"You'd like to talk about it?"
"No thanks. I know you're not that type of girl who enjoys talking about her feelings. Not to mention listen to someone else's feelings."
"Maybe," and he looked at me. "But I'd like to make an exception for a friend," and he smiled at me.
"Okay, everyone's here?" The Avatar was watching the Warriors excitedly, when he suddenly saw two of them were missing. In the distance, he noticed me and Nobu, running. We were hurrying to get on time, well, at least we had tried to. Nobu had explained me what was wrong. He was worried about his brother who used to write them a letter every month, but not this month. I made an effort to comfort him, and although I had no experience, the earthbender somehow managed to regain his strengths by my words.
My dad was watching us running, a little bit irritated that we were too late, but that expression quickly faded away when he saw my smile. It was an amusing, happy smile. A smile he hadn't seen on my face for a few years.
"Okay, I have bad news." The Warriors were gazing at each other. "This week is studying week," and we all sighed and moaned before my father could actually explain the whole thing. Hey, after all, we were just kids. "Hey hey, relax. It will be most interesting. You are going to learn about each other's nations! Traditions, politics, isn't it exciting!" The Avatar was wearing another bright smile, only to diminish the pain. "But first, pick a study-partner!"
I punched Nobu in the side, gesturing in Amaya's direction, but he shook his head. "No, I'd like working with you. I know you and Kenshin can't get along very well and Amaya's the only one who can get along properly with him."
"I don't care. Take your chance loverboy." He smiled at me as in 'thank you', and walked towards Amaya to ask her if she wanted to be his partner. I saw how the airbender blushed and smiled, nodding that she agreed and how happy Nobu was. Kenshin was standing next to me, also gazing at the happy couple.
"You do know right. That it's not allowed."
"I know."
"Then why don't you stop them."
"It's not my responsibility. Besides, if no one is going to tell me why it's not allowed, I don't see the problem. Or are you going to tell me?"
He looked away avoiding my eyes. "You don't know either, do you?" I asked. He didn't look at me, only walked away. 'Welcome, study-partner,' I was thinking. This was just going to be another long week.
"No, that's not – aargh, for once, will you just listen to me!"
After spending almost an entire week with the Fire Warrior, he was driving me crazy. He wouldn't listen, he wouldn't believe me, he wouldn't consider my answers. Like he was that smart. When I saw him writing down something truly unnecessary, I got so irritated I just left the library.
"Hey, where do you think you're going! Get back here!"
"NO! If you are just going to ignore everything I say and pretend to know everything better, well that's fine for me! Do as you wish, but all by yourself, because I'm not going to do anything!" I wanted to leave the giant library, overwhelmed by books and knowledge, but his voice was stopping me again. And I was almost shocked by the tranquil tone he spoke.
"I, I'm sorry. It's just, I have no idea how to do this, and I really need you."
"Then why are you rejecting me?"
"I guess I don't want to lose my proud," he admitted, the left corner of his mouth lowering as if he was ashamed. Although he wasn't looking happy, I smiled and walked back to the desk. After I took a seat on the chair again, he took a seat next to me and our shoulders were almost touching. Almost. He sighed once gazing at the books and papers in front of us.
"Common, it's not that bad," and I pretended a smile like my father's. It hadn't the same effect, though, for the firebender stared at the papers again, still looking desperate. But I was beginning to wonder if it were only the papers bothering him.
"Kenshin," and he shook up as if he was daydreaming once I mentioned his name. "Is there, something you'd like to tell me?" His frown turned back in only a second, and he took the papers in his hands, "No."
That irritating feeling returned, and suddenly I wasn't really caring anymore if there was something wrong. I stood up to leave, when a warm hand was stopping me by grabbing my wrist. I shrieked, seeing the firebender holding me. He was staring into my eyes, his expression lost. The way he was touching me, was so, strange, so intense. I remembered how a friend of mine, Yuyen, at the South Pole, how he touched me. How innocent that must've looked. It was innocent, he was just a boy holding my hand, and it had mend nothing to me. But this, this touch, this feeling, was unknown to me. It was frightening, and at the same time I wondered how it would feel if he would hold me. Those golden eyes were watching me, and I felt for the first time completely naked. Was he able to read my mind? Slowly, his grip loosened when he reached for my hand and held it. His thumb stroke it softly and I couldn't get my eyes of him. Was he experiencing this experience the same way, was he also feeling this, connection between us?
"Woops, sorry, I'll come back later!" Kenshin and I were both watching Amaya now, standing at the door, clearly embarrassed by her interruption and willing to leave. But nothing had happened, and I wanted to confirm that.
"No, Amaya, it's nothing. We weren't busy anyway." I noticed how the firebender narrowed his eyes and looked away.
"Ow, uhm, okay. We were just thinking," and Nobu appeared behind Amaya, as if he was trying to hide himself. "Could we use that book about local wars in the Earth Kingdom?" she finally managed to say. I shook Kenshin's hand of when I realized he was still holding it. The two Warriors were watching us. "But hey, if you'd like to have a minute –"
"No! Seriously we weren't doing anything! Here, take your book," and I threw the book in Amaya's direction, so she caught it. "We weren't planning on continuing anyways," and I looked at Kenshin who was gazing at my eyes again. I don't know if I hurt him by leaving the room or shaking his hand off, but it was obvious, he felt the same connection when holding my hand.
How could it be, that I felt this odd, unknown sort of band when I touched Kenshin. Why was that, and why did I only feel that once touching him. After all, he was just holding my hand. And yet, that innocent movements made me feel so… Lost.
"Don't you have some studying to do?" I turned around, finding the Fire Lord standing behind me with his hands on his back, watching the sunset.
"Uncle! I, I was just –" His tiny laugh made me stop, telling me he wasn't waiting for an explanation. And I was questioning myself, since he was so busy with keeping Amaya and Nobu separated, how he would think about that feeling that I had been sharing with Kenshin when I held him for the first time. Would he be mad? Would he break another vase and window.
"How are your hands?"
"Huh, how do you... Mom."
"She paid me a visit after the incident. If I hurt you Meisha, I'm sorry. You know I would never do it on purpose. You do are aware of that, right?"
"Of course uncle," and I watched another leave float to the ground. I knew he would never hurt me, I knew how much he loved me. For my entire life, he had taken care of me as if I was his own, and he was almost like a father to me. No, he would never harm me on purpose.
"What's bothering you Meisha?"
"Erm, nothing, I was just… Thinking," about Kenshin. "Uncle, why is it that Warriors can't love one another?" He sighed. "I was afraid you might ask," and he turned around to leave me at the pool, "but I'm also afraid you might not want to know the answer. Ow and Meisha," and he turned around to take a look at me. "Take a day off will you? You seem to be a little, touchy."
I crossed my arms. Typical, I didn't need to know. How could he know if I didn't want to know the answer. This was just another adult-talk response. A response I would only understand when I'd grow up, and I pretended a talking face with my right hand. Blablabla, that was the only thing that my hand could imitate, because that was the only thing adults were saying.
I knew I had to return to that library, it was a voice in my head, my conscience, but I didn't want to. How was I able to act normal facing Kenshin after what had happened. Wait a minute, nothing had happened. After giving myself a pep-talk, I stood up and headed back to the library, where I had left the other Warriors, but when I arrived no one was there. 'Great', I was thinking. Of course, it was all my fault, blame the waterbender.
"Not that I want to interfere you Meisha, but I think it would be better for you now to go back to the library. You've been here for hours."
"Why? Seriously, this whole 'studying-week' crap isn't going to learn me how to bend, nor how to control my Warrior Skills. How does my father want me to learn bending when I have to study about other nations?" and I took a bite of my apple, Momo dancing around to receive a piece. After teasing him for a while, I threw him a small piece of apple, so the little lemur was pleased.
"Meisha, you know well enough why it is important to understand the other nations. You might not have shared our time at war, but I think you are well aware of the consequences."
I sighed. Again, the old wise man was right.
"Meisha, what are you doing here? We've been searching for you everywhere! Now Kenshin has to do your work, all by himself. You get your ass at the library, immediately!"
"What? Hey, I wasn't the one who –"
"If I still see you here when I come back, you will regret the big mouth." It was strange how my father acted so angry, it was not like him. That's how I knew he had had another quarrel with mom. Iroh was frowning at me, saying it would be wise to comply, so I left the room. Of course, it was my fault. Of course, Kenshin was doing all the work. Right.
"You're not going to talk, only if necessary. If you point one wrong finger to me, I will make sure you won't be able to use that finger again, am I clear?" The firebender narrowed his eyes as a response on the threat. Whether the threat had success or not, I took a seat next to him and pulled the papers out of his hands. After taking a good look at it, I took a pencil and erased several sentences, making the firebender panic and pushing my hand away.
"For Agni's sake, what are you think you're doing?"
"Isn't that obvious? Your essay's the worst I've ever seen!"
"Why you little –"
Ready to attack any moment, my father interrupted immediately, standing in between us and backing each other off. "Enough! I didn't want to do this but you leave me no choice!"
"And that is how the Fire Nation eliminated the Air Nomad Army during the Hundred Years' War. Meisha, can you please repeat?"
I shook up and gazed at the old man's eyes, finding myself uncomfortable by the frown on his forehead. The Fire Nation teacher's eyes were brown, very common, and his way of teaching was also common Fire Nation, which mend order, discipline and being strict and precise. All features and reasons for not paying attention, and trying to catch some sleep during class. Yes, my father had done the most painful thing to two teenagers in the world, sending them to school. And to make it even better, Kenshin and I were a class apart, so I was forced to spend the entire day with him. But now, I was being watched by Lord Shunshi, and he got irritated by the silence I was causing. Repeating what?
"Lady Meisha, have you not paid attention during my explanation about the elimination of the Air Nomad Army during the Hundred Years' War?" he asked fiercely. I shrank by the look of his face when he came closer.
"Wasn't it hundred and one years, Sir?" Both of our attentions were quickly focused on the firebender sitting next to me.
"Erm, correct, Lord Kenshin," and he hesitated, obviously overwhelmed by his interruption. " Though the war is more known as the Hundred Years' War, my Lord. So now, where was I, aah, right, some Air Nomads are still…"
As the beefing continued, I found myself staring into the smirking firebender's eyes. Should I thank him? After all, if he hadn't had interrupted, the man would still be notifying me. But once his smirk faded, he looked away and pretended an interesting face, pointing to our teacher. Maybe it would've been better if I'd done the same, but the only thing at that moment achievable to draw my attention was him. Although I didn't like him, although we weren't friends, I was catching myself every minute, looking at him. Yes, he sure was handsome.
"MEISHA!" Again, I shrieked, suddenly aware what I was doing, and the old man was keeping and angry eye on me, clearly desperate and furious that I wasn't paying any attention. Once he made a remark about boys being more interested, I quickly changed red and sank into my seat. After a few minutes and a lot of staring-contests, Lord Shunshi dismissed us, and I ran out of the classroom up to the main lounge. It felt good not being near Kenshin, and I certainly wasn't able at that moment for another hour full of lecture and uninteresting history.
"You're welcome."
My eyes widened by that voice. No, no, it couldn't. How was it possible, or was I just that slow? Why couldn't he just leave me alone for one minute without challenging me.
"I've never liked Lord Shunshi. I was always his favourite so the other pupils bullied me. That and he's just boring." When I turned around, I found Kenshin leaning in the doorstep, focusing his eyes on what he was holding in his hands and toying with it. His attention though, quickly returned to me when he noticed my confused face and frowned his eyes. I guess I was supposed to say something, answer him, but I was speechless when I saw it was the blue mask he was holding.
