Xelha: That was an under-joy-ed A/N...
BCM999: I know... I used up all my randomness at school today... -.-' We were playing Whose Line is it Anyways, again XD
Disclaimer: BlueCrescentMoon999 does not own Baten Kaitos. Namco does, but Nintendo will own Baten Kaitos 2... T.T I'll have to change all my disclaimers...
Reader Reviews!
I just figured out that doesn't accept the squiggly line above the tab button XD 8P I've been using that all the time! XD
Rebbe- XD Your reviews always make me burst out laughing! XP 'watches Rebbe-Sama do the polka'
NekoHaruna- YAY! XD That song entertains me, so! XD I'll use it in the chappie! XD Lyude-Kun says hello back, and Gibari-Sensei says we have to wait for everyone, first. XD
Kusabi Makabe- XD Mizuti-ness always makes things better! XD
MeowAngel- FLAIL! THAT'S IT! I was braindead for a moment, there... :p I'm sorry! I totally forgot about the death match in this chapter... I'll put an eeeeextra long one in the next chappie, just for you, okay? T.T Sorries! But I'll be glad to use your uberly awesome idea!
Wings Of Heart- Thank you so much! .
Cotoprius- XD Cackling is always good. XP And so is hyperacvite craziness! XD
Ebby- HI! 'waves back' Don't worry, I'll make then a clan :p
Dream or Memory- Thanks! 'gives her a tissue to wipe the tears from laughter away' XD And sure you can be a ninja dude! 'high fives'
Coalar Lee Drake- XD LETTER! FROM WILL! XD 'revives her for the next chapter' Yay! You lives!
" " talking
' ' the almighty Authoress because she feels a need to be included...
Random Fairy Tales: Baten Kaitos Style!
Written by BlueCresentMoon999 3/2/06
Chapter Seven: Pinnochio
Once upon a time, in a small hut in Azha, lived an old man named Georg. Man, I mean old. He had an old black and white tv! That, my friends, was old. People in Mintaka had HDVT already! The old man was extremely lonely, so he decided, why didn't he construct a boy to be his companion? "Why don't I construct a boy to be my companion?" Georg announced.
So, he did. He had short, blue hair and wooden limbs that creaked as he walked. His face looked twisted in a way, and everytime he would speak a lie, the boy's nose would grow larger in length. Georg decided to name the boy 'Folon'. "I decided to name the boy 'Folon'." Georg proudly exclaimed, but blinked blankly afterwards. "...But when I made a boy, I named him Kalas, not Folon..."
'Quiet, fool! That's a freakin' spoiler!' The Authoress dropped a... ... ...pencil on his head. A pointy one, so when it plopped down, the man said ouch. Not a loud OUCH, but a quiet ouch. An ouch that left a mark, though. Moohaha.
After hearing his name used, Kalas poked his head into the room. "One... two... THREE!" He leapt forward and thrust his hand into the air. "I AM SUPER-HOT-GUY!" His cape was painted red, but the paint wasn't quite dry yet, so he fell to the ground on his stomach with a thud. "Oh, crap. The magic paint must not be dry yet... Stupid 5 minutes to dry label... Now I have to WAIT until I can fly!" He folded his arms angrily and walked out of the room.
Georg stared at him with wide eyes. "So... I named him Folon. Now what?"
"DUN DUN DUN!" Kalas screamed and bounded into the room again, crashing into Georg. "HELP ME FLY, DADDY! DANCE HAPPY SPILLING MAGICAL BUBBLES OF JELLY BLOB HAPPY EVERYWHERE!"
'Oh my... Here, Kalas... If you want to fly, open it up!' The Authoress dropped a white box on the hyperactive Kalas' head.
"Ooh... what's this awkward object that hath just fallen into my reach?" Kalas asked in big words.
Georg looked at him with fright. "Kalas... you are being... uh... what's the word, again...?"
Folon sprung to life and replied, "Random, father. He's being random."
Kalas hopped around like a bunny on crack. "Random? As in pulling shells off of ladybugs random and painting purple dots on them random?"
"...Not quite..." The creator of Folon answered, uneasily. "Random as in random."
On cue, the Authoress dropped a dictionary on Kalas head. "OOH! Now I can look it up!" Kalas cheered, and sat on his buns to search for said word. But they weren't his buns; they were Folon's hot dog buns he was about to use to make brats with. Folon angrily kicked Kalas, who dropped the white box the Authoress gave him that was ballancing on his flat, hollow head.
And so, it fell, and out sprang an army of Mary Sues, who were all Kalas fangirls.
"OH MY GOD, IT'S KALAS!"
"I WANT TO SQUEEZE HIM!"
"HE'S SO ADORABLE!"
Kalas screamed girlishly and dropped his dictionary. Folon was glad to get his buns back. The army of Mary Sues chased after Kalas who was rushing away.
To get us all back on track, the Authoress took control of Folon's mind. Folon jerked to a standing position and hollered abnormally loud, "I WANT TO BE A REAL BOY!"
Folon cam back to reality and scratched the back of his head. "What the hell was that!"
'...Nothing. Your mind plays tricks on you.'
His feet suddenly dragged him to a wall, his jet pack making him accelerate right through it. "AUGH! WHAT'S HAPPENING?" Up the stairs he went, again, and flew out the 5th story window. Next came the 4th story after he ascended the staris to move onto the 3rd and 2nd stories. The 1st story? The window was busted by Kalas when he escaped the Mary Sues.
The Authoress let Folon go after he finished leaping out all the windows. "WHAT THE HELL WAS THAT FOR?" He asked, enraged.
Xelha giggled, as she set the keyboard down. "That sure was fun!" She skipped off to go frolic in a meadow somewhere.
The REAL Authoress caught Xelha sneaking out of her house. 'Hey! You! Get out of here! What were you doing in my house, in my room?'
"Uh..." Xelha looked around nervously, "Eating cheesecake?"
'MY CHEESECAKE? I didn't know I had cheesecake...' The Authoress blinked, puzzled, and slinked over to her fridge. Xelha took the chance to dash off, cackling an odd cackle the whole way. '...There's... no cheesecake here... THAT BIG FAT LIAR! She'll pay in the next chapter...'
Back down in Azha, Folon was dancing happily to the polka. Why the polka? Kalas left his boombox there from the previous chapter. "Polka, I like to polka. I'm going to a polka dance tonight at nine o'clock. I'm gonna wear my purple shirt with yellow polka dots. Polka, I like to polka..."
The Authoress dropped a Christmas tree on his head. 'Nyaaaaah!' A star followed and sat atop his head.
Great Mizuti dashed onto the scene and snatched the tree up. "THIS BE BELONGING TO GREAT MIZUTI NOW! ALWAYS! FOREVER!" She left to go put the tree up onto her roof for next Christmas.
A small Ayme chibi sprinted ofer to Folon. "Hey! You have a story to continue, Fool! Craszy Rabbit!' She squeaked.
"OWOWOWOWOW!"
'I hate that move...' The Authoress cringed and pitied Folon. She gave the Ayme chibi the boot; the chibi screamed as she flew across the world to bonk Kalas on the head in Cebalrai. 'Now to get on with the story...'
Jiminy Cricket popped up, drifting down upon Folon with his miniature umbrella. "WHEN you... wish UPON... a STAR... Makes NO... difference WHO... YOU are!"
"He's talking like Captain Kirk... AUGH!" Folon cried out in fear and huddled underneath a small table that appeared.
Little Meemai hopped over to the scared Folon. "Squ-squeak?" Unbeknownst to Jimmy, Greythornes love to eat crickets. And so, the Cricket was no more. The tiny unbrella fwooshed out of Meemai's mouth.
"Meemai!" Folon cheered, "You ate Jiminy Cricket! Joyous day!" He picked the little Greythorne up and gave him a kiss on the nose. "YAY- HEY, OUCH!" It seems Meemai bit Folon's nose. "Get it off!"
Kalas suddenly poofed behind the Authoress, followed by the Ayme chibi, and lastly the army of Mary Sues. The Authoress screamed in fright at the dozens of dozens of dozens of Mary Sues. That makes 1728 of them. OH MY GOD WHAT DID I JUST DO? 'GO AWAY!' She screamed and chucked Xelha at them. What? I'm confused...
Xelha cursed to herself as she flew headfirst at the Mary Sues. "AUUUUUUUUUGH!" She crashed into them like a bowling ball into bowling pins.
"AHHH! THEY WON'T STOP STALKING ME!" Kalas yelled at someone. I don't know! I sure wasn't listening... He attempted to fly, again, but crashed into the Authoress' parent's room. "Make them go away..."
'GET OUT OF THERE!' The Authoress turned into Super-Authoress-Uberness and whacked all the Mary Sues with a frying pan.
Kalas had an idea for once, OMG HEART ATTACK, and bounded out the Authoress' parent's window, leaving her parents in shock. He ran around to house and reentered the room, saw the open keyboard, and seized it.
Freakin' crazy Mary Sues! Interrupting my precious time that I'm trying to fly... I could have the paint dry by now! But they're making me run around with the wind hitting the paint! It's not going to dry that way! The Authoress is busy beating them u- OOH! That must have hur- OH! That looked painfu- OUCH! ...Why am I typing what I'm screaming? BECAUSE I'M CRAZY KALAS! MOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOHAHA!
'Gimme back the freakin' keyboard!' The Authoress snatched the keyboard back and used it to whack Kalas head. It, amazingly, didn't break... 'I must go clean up the mess those Mary Sues made. Lucky I chased them all out. I... must entrust... Kalas with the keyboard then...'
"YES!"
'You screw u,p and I'll kill you like I'm going to kill Xelha in the next chapter.'
"...Ooh... Aye aye, capt'n!" Kalas sprung into a saluting position and watched as the Authoress left the room.
So... uh... I'M AUTHORESS NOW! YAY! I'M A GIRL! Oops... I should just change it to Author to make it easier... XD OOH! I LIKE SMILIES! XD XD XD XD XD XD XD XD XD XD XD XD OUCH!
'STOP IT, FOOL!'
XD XD XD- Okay... Party pooper. What happens in Pinnochio, anyways? Wooden boy... wants... to become real... That's it? Okay, then... LET'S GET TO THIS HERE CHAPTER!
Folon looked up from Meemai who now sat calmly in his palm. "About time, freak! I've been sitting here yanking Meemai off my nose forever! And I did about 10 minutes ago!" He tossed the Greythorne at the Author's computer screen. Kalas dove out of the way, to no avail. He cringed everytime Meemai bit his nose. An ambulance rushed to the scene and dragged him away in a pink stretcher, perfect for a man of his calibur.
Authoress swap!
Welcome to the game show, Author(ess) swap! Where we swap your current Author(ess) for a different one! Here's your host, SAVYNA!
Savyna blinked, uninterested. "Since when was I a host? I am no host. I am a FIGHTER! FIGHTER I SAY!" She punched the camera that was taping her show.
The maintenence crew grumbled as they cleaned the set up. "Second time this week, eh, Bob?"
"Times are rough, Bobette."
"How's about we just get a new host?"
"Times are rough, Bobette."
"You go start a talent show to find one!"
"Times are rough, Bobette."
Great Mizuti chibis flew onto the scene! "Ha-chaaaaa" They took over the place and started the all new, ultra cool, famed show: "THE WE ARE MIZUTI NINJA CLAN!", to air next chapter.
Your new Author(ess) has been chosen! Welcome you new Authoress, XELHA!
So... uh... hi. Kalas is in the hospital for... What? Seriously? MEEMAI WOULD DO NO SUCH THING! He's a sweet little Greythorne that wouldn't hurt a cricket! Just eat them... T.T STOP BLAMING HIM FOR EVERYTHING! Anyways... I'm substituting for Kalas, who was substituting for the Authoress. Gee... they're both gone... That... ... I hope nothing happens to me... Oh... This is just like Final Destination... T.T I'm going to go remove all the knives from the house... Ehehe... I'll be right back.
Folon rolled his eyes. "Slowpokes. I'll continue without them. After all, I always was the responsible one!" His nose grew a tad bit longer all of a sudden. "...Shut up." He pushed on it firmly to try to make it go back in. "Augh! And I'm confused. If there's no Authoress, who's recording all my actions?"
Out of the blue, a small Gibari chibi popped up, beginning to sing the Capital One, no hassle song! Doing the electric slide along with it, of course. "Capital One, no hassle card! No no, no! No, no, no no no no! No no, no, no, no no! No no, no no! No no-"
Folon chucked a nectarine at the chibi and it poofed away to Jamaica.
With Kalas...
Someone had stuffed Kalas full of feathers, turning him into RACCOON KALAS! He floated out of the stretcher with his flying powers and red cape. "OMG! I CAN FLY NOW! OMG, OMG, OMG, OMG, OMG, OMG! AUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUGH!"
The Mary Sues pursued him, carrying bats. "Like, I want to hit the Kalas pinata!"
"No, I, like, do way more then you, girfriend!"
Kalas screamed bloody murder and floated higher and higher. He suddenly imploded, causing him to fall through the atmosphere and burn up, resulting in an extra mass of carbon dioxide. I do not know what the hell I just said. Do not ask. I was just being sporadicaly random, which means the same thing... Quiet, Fool! He fell to the ground in a slunk of imploded gas. The Authoress wasn't there at the moment, so Kalas was left there alone. MOOHAHA!
With Xelha...
Currently in the Authoress' kitchen, Xelha was tossing all sharp objects kaput out the window. THAT WAS VALUABLE GLASS SHE WAS DESTROYING. Oh well. Not my problem. Suddenly, she stopped and put her hand to her ear.
"Is that...? My 'Kalas-is-in-trouble-on-noes!' alert is going off!" She hissed angrily and turned into a turtle, proceeding to chase Kalas. "REVENGE!" I watch too many cartoons.
Back to the story...
Folon put a finger to his chin, thoughtfully. "I wonder if I should hold an audition for a new Author(ess)... That game show thing I set up didn't seem to work well at all... I should hold auditions!"
The Ayme chibi begged to differ, and smacked him over the head. They just decided to wait for the Authoress. XD Meemai hopped over the Folon, getting this sporadic story back on track. He grew abnormally larger and his mouth opened wide, nearing Folon. "Hey! H-Hey stop that! You're going to eat me!"
The next moment, Folon was sitting in Meemai's stomach, covered in Meemai-stomach-juices! " I am covered in Meemai-stomach-juices!"
He had no means of escape! "I have no means of escape!"
But luckily, he had a Large Fire Magnus! "But luckily, I have a Large Fire Magnus!"
Though he could have just used Chaotic Flames... "Though I could have just used Chaotic Flames..."
And... he's copying me... "And... I am copying the ghost Authore(ess)..."
I... stop it. "S/he... stop it."
Chaotic Flames? "Chaotic Flames- HEY! THAT'S NOT FAIR!"
The whale, erm, I mean... Meemai... sneezed, (XD Imagine THAT one...) and Folon popped out of Meemai's booty. He screamed girlishly and grabbed some toilet paper to wipe himself off. XP! "...Why aren't I a real boy?"
The Ayme chibi popped back up. "How the hell should I know? I've never watched Pinnochio!" With that, Folon turned into a real boy.
Will Kalas live to see the light of day? Will Xelha save his ass from getting killed by Mary Sues? Will the Authoress come back? Will the ghost Author(ess) stop asking all these dumb questions? Found out on the next chapter of... RANDOM FAIRY TALES: BATEN KAITOS STYLE!
Special little extra: Part of the BK Valentine's Day fic I never finished... XD Happy Belated Vanentine's Day!
Lyude sighed happily as he walked through Mintaka. It was none other then Valentine's Day! This was Lyude's favorite day of the year. Why? He got chocolate, chocolate, and more chocolate from all those fangirls he had from places like England, or Canada, of even the United States! Who ever heard of a place called the "United States"? That was preposterous! With states like 'Texas', or 'Washington', or even 'Wisconsin'! What kind of place was 'Wisconsin'! That always gave the redhead a chuckle. "Haha… Hahaha… Hahahahahaha…!"
"Shut up, Lyude!" Kalas exclaimed and folded his arms. "What the hell are you laughing so stupidly about, anyways?"
The musician sighed as he popped a chocolate heart into his mouth. "You wouldn't understand, you silly bassoon."
The 'bluehead' scoffed angrily. "Yeah, right! Where are we going again?"
"You're such a simpleton, Kalas. We are headed for Wazn, because Xelha's hosting a huge Valentine's Day party."
Kalas blinked, confused. "Oh yeah… Gimme some chocolate, Lyude."
"What? No! That's preposterous that you would think I would give you this chocolate that I got from…" Lyude squinted his eyes, as he looked at the tag hanging loosely off the side of the heart-shaped box. "…'All your fangirls from Wisconsin'. …Hahahahaha! Wisconsin… Haha!"
"I said gimme some chocolate! Hey! Don't you run away from me! You won't escape!"
He began chasing after Lyude who was sprinting away at top speed, 1,000 MILES PER HOUR! Not really. Not every Lyude can run that fast. Lyude stuffed as much chocolate in his mouth as he could, swallowing it quickly. The musically inclined teen turned, almost causing Kalas to have a seizure and bump into him. "You want this chocolate? Huh, Kalas?"
"Well, duh! Why else would I have asked you for it?"
Lyude took the whole box of uncovered chocolates and ran his tongue over the whole surface. The saliva dripped down onto every piece of chocolate. "Well then, HOW DO YOU LIKE THAT, STINKEY MAN?"
Kalas quietly began to sob.
With the Super Gibari-Man!
The brown-haired fisherman slowly used his oars to row his boat across the sky, singing a song the Authoress randomly came up with, assisted by her friend Kayla.
"BATHMAN! He's the one who's always clean!
BATHMAN! He has an awesome dream!
That everyone in the world,
Will have hair like his that's always cu-u-u-u-u-u-urled!
BATHMAN! OH…BATH…MAN!
With his trusty steed, ManFred!"
He ended his song, set his boat on autopilot, and passed out.
With the Uber-Mizuti
"Okay, Kee… You… now be pink-ifying me…" The Great Mizuti stood inside her house, Kee next to her holding a bucket of pink paint. She braced her self and gritted her teeth. "HIT GREAT MIZUTI!"
Kee splashed the paint all over Mizuti. She cringed as she opened her eyes. Trying to get to a mirror to see what she looked like, she noticed she couldn't move her feet. The paint was stiffer when it dried then she thought… "KEE! YOU BE HELPING GREAT MIZUTI, PLEASE!"
But her voice was muffled. She watched sadly as Kee left.
With the Xelha-IPWNALL-Zors
"Eek, eek, eek!" Xelha eeked as she held a stamp in the shape of a heart. She frantically made her wa through the complicated castle of the Kafalljidduhlimabeanwhateveritis place, stamping everything in sight with the blinding-OHGAWDMYEYES- bright pink. "Gotta hurry, gotta hurry!"
The whole, formerly blue, castle was now covered n pink. A pretty sight to anyone who likes pink, especially pink loving Xelha. She spent the whole last week sending little Meemai out with invitations!
Dear Friends…
You are all invited to my Valentine's day Party! YAY! There will be tea and tiny little cookies in the shape of Kalas' SUPER KAWAII head. Please, please, PLEASE come! It's at the Kafalljidduhlimabeanwhateveritis place on Tuesday! I'M HIGH ON LIFE!
Your pink crazed friend,
Xelha, she who lives to eat pecans
Ding!
"AUGH!" Xelha dashed across the hallway to the oven. I always did wonder why they would have an over in the Kafalljidduhlimabeanwhateveritis place. I mean, they have to cook stuff, but wouldn't the oven burn a hole in the ground? Anyways…
The blonde opened her easy-bake oven's door, causing black smoke to pour out of it. She began to cough as she pulled out the cookie tray. "OUCHIES!" Xelha screamed as she dropped the tray onto a table. Her mittens she wore were destroyed, large holes burnt onto the surface.
Small cookies dotted the tray, all tiny replicas of Kalas' head, expressions similar to ().o. Xelha clapped her hands with glee at the marvelous success. Hahaha… Marvelous success…
The magic user looked around nervously before stuffing her face with the cookies, which could mean two different things… I realize that -.-' QUIET, FOOL!
Ding!
"AUGH!" Xelha frantically pulled on her destroyed oven mitts again, to find nothing in the oven -.-'
Ding!
"AUGH! It's the doorbell!" Xelha freaked out as she made a mad sprint for the door. On her way, she slipped and slided on the slippery floor of the Kafalljidduhlimabeanwhateveritis place. She finally reached the door, covered in bruises and band-aids. Yes, there was conveniently a band-aid-market-person that followed her wherever she went. "Thank you mister band-aid person!" Xelha chirped as she waved at a small chibi at her side. She opened the door. "HELLO, PERSON THAT'S ATTENDING MY PARTY!"
Savyna stood there, blown away by Xelha's incessant shrieking. "…Oh. That's what I'm here for? …Ayme and Folon said there was a parade…"
On cue, the two former imperial officers popped out from behind Savyna. They waved while heading inside. Savyna began to stare Xelha down, who cowered behind the band-aid chibi. "...Where's my parade?"
"Ehehe… There is no parade… but I have Super Smash Bros. Melee!"
"MOVE ASIDE, GIRL!"
Xelha watched Savyna storm in and head for the game room in the Kafalljidduhlimabeanwhateveritis place. She smiled and sat down on the cold, hard ice to wait for the others. Wait… Cold? Hard? Ice? Xelha screamed as her tushie turned into an icicle. XD" AYMEEEEE! FOLOOOOOON!"
The two of them turned around. "You two… answer the door for me while I go… thaw… my poor tushie…"
"You got it, pink-freak!" Folon gave her a thumbs up. Ayme yawned and slowly began to sit down.
"I wouldn't do that if I were you…" Xelha commented before dashing off.
Ayme shrugged, confused, and stood back up. "So what do we do now?"
"We wait. Patiently." Folon manages to twist his legs into a 'pretzel' formation and held his fingers up into a letter O. "…Ohm… …Ohm…"
Ayme slapped Folon silly. "Stop that."
"Then what do we do to pass the time?" Folon asked, un-pretzeling his legs.
"…We play go fish."
10 minutes later…
Ayme stared into Folon's eyes strategically. "Do you have… any… … … FOURS?" She braced herself for the reply.
"… … …"
"…Well? Do you?"
"… … …"
"…ANSWER ME!"
"… … …Yes. I do." Folon angrily tossed his four of clubs at Ayme. "You're a poopy head, Ayme."
Ayme was about to counter with a smart remark of her own, when the door slammed open, whacking Ayme's back. …Nice time for that, too. I couldn't think of a smart remark for her :p "HELLO-O-O PEOPLES! ARE YOU READY TO ROCK?"
"…Shut up, Kalas."
"Aww, you shut up, Lyude. I'm sick of you."
Folon poked his head around Ayme's unconscious body. "…Heyo Kalas, Lyude. We're playing go fish. Actually… we were until Ayme got knocked out."
Kalas eagerly jumped up and down. "OOH! I want to play!" He snatched up Ayme's cards and glanced at Folon's.
"Hey! No peeking, cheater!"
Lyude looked a bit uneasy. "Kalas… That's rude to join in the middle of a game…" He flinched as a hand of cards was flung at him by Kalas.
"Shut up. You come join, too." Kalas looked at his cards. "Folon… do you have any… TWOS?"
"...NOPE! Go fish, sucka!"
Again, the door slammed open, knocking Kalas out this time. Gibari's gargantuan boat flew in, dropping the fisherman into the room. He landed on his feet, just like a cat. "MEOW!" He exclaimed. Not really. I just wanted to get your attention -.-' And mine. I'm boring myself with all this non action… Which is why I need something unexpected to happen. Like Gibari saying meow XD "MEOW!"
Kalas woke up, a little band-aid fairy to blame. "Shut up, Gibari. Quit your stupid meowing."
Guess what? Yup. The door slammed open. XD Last time though! Wait… never mind. Second to last time! XD I could make it the last time, but what fun would that be? Mizuti hobbled in, stiff as a statue. Lyude gasped and smacked his forehead. "Oh no! It's a costume party, isn't it? POO! I forgot to dress up-"
"YOU BE HELPING GREAT MIZUTI NOW!" Mizuti hollered.
BCM999: And that's all I got to. T.T
Kalas: You're alive! Crap...
BCM999: THEY DON'T KNOW THAT, FOOL! 'hides behind a rock'
New Flash!
1) I got off my lazy bum!
2) The WAI Ninja Clan forum is up!
3) I made a BK C2 for humor fics!
Lyude: We have a forum now!
Gibari: YAY!
Mizuti Chibis: WE PWN YOU! 'Ninja Poof'
Lyude: What was that?
Gibari: We have competition now! WAI NINJA CLAN! READY YOURSELVES!
Savyna: R&R Please...
