A/N:
Happy New Year!
The existence of this chapter is thanks to Siriana2526 and Panda Blackwhite for suggesting reading/study material for me. :)
I haven't written a single word of Chapter 8, but I've given up trying to stay on top of things coz who knows when the next chapter's gonna get written at this rate? :P So I'm posting this now. If I need to edit/rewrite part of this chapter in the middle of writing Chapter 8, I'll just worry about it then. T-T Sorry for the rant. I've been a little pessimistic with my progress lately. I didn't even have the patience to edit this chapter in detail... so let me know if there are errors that are bothering you.
Oh yes, and I've taken quite a few lines/dialogues from the manga/anime in this chapter, modified to fit the story of course.
My Life for Yours
Chapter 7
"Did you honestly think your swords can reach me when they are dripping in doubt and regret?"
Doubt... and regret.
"You're so lucky Zoro, being born a boy."
Kuina.
"Let's make a promise! One of us must become the number one swordsman of the world!"
"Stupid, you lost to me already. Fine, I promise you."
Liar. You didn't even mean it.
"Humans are really fragile beings, Zoro."
No, Sensei, it was my fault. I wasn't able to stop her when I had the chance.
"If it wasn't the sword, if she died in a car accident or something simple like that, would you still be this hung up on it?"
Cook?
"If you didn't make that promise, if you didn't have your dream entrusted to you, would you still be fighting to be the best?"
Those are the cook's words, but that voice... still smoke hazed, but lighter and more innocent compared to the cook's sultry resonance. Who is it?
"Do you fight for her promise's sake, or do you fight for yourself?"
I fight for the promise.
"If you didn't see her mood colour at all, would you still doubt whether she meant her promise to you?"
Her promise...
It shouldn't matter what her mood was. Words are sacred. A promise is a promise once the words are spoken. He knows this, and so did she. But she broke her promise. She took her own life instead. It hurts that she took their promise so lightly.
"Zoro, you're so weak, as always."
It hurts almost as much as not being able to hear those mocking words from her ever again. What hurts more, though, is that she believed she couldn't fulfill that promise until the end of her life. She was wrong, but now it's too late for him to prove it to her. The dead don't see. The dead don't hear. The dead don't know.
"Then fight for your half of the promise. Fight for the sake of not going back on your own words."
Cook? No, it's that boy again.
Now he's waking up to the sounds of angry shouting in a small old hotel room. No one seems to be aware that he's awake because their eyes are all on the pair in the middle of the room under the dim swinging lamp. Usopp is shaking Luffy by the front of his red buttoned shirt. Nami, Vivi, and Chopper are frantically trying to calm the pair down, but their voices are drowned out as the fight goes on.
"Yeah, but so what? And so what if she does? Sanji's not her nakama! She doesn't give a damn! She's just bullshitting us! I don't believe her! We'll protect our own nakama! I'll never give up Sanji! Are you all idiots? Do you listen to that woman like dogs? The nakama I know wouldn't give in to a petty threat! They would believe in Sanji's and Zoro's strength! Stop bluffing, damn brat! Don't say 'I've decided' like you're the real leader! I've misjudged you, Luffy!"
Zoro has a feeling he knows what they're talking about. Usopp's shouting at the wrong person.
"I have made my decision. I won't change it no matter what you say. We're making sure Sanji stays in North Blue, and we're keeping him and Zoro from meeting each other from now on."
That's right. He and the cook won't be seeing each other again. It hurts like when he realized he wouldn't see Kuina again, like cutting off a piece of his own flesh, but it has to be done.
"Bull shit! I won't allow that! Sanji is a nakama too! Did you just think it's too troublesome to fight for him this time? You're abandoning Sanji way too easily!"
No, it's my fault, Usopp. Luffy is just shouldering my blame.
"Don't talk like you know everything, bastard! You're not the only one who cares about Sanji!"
"If you care, you wouldn't allow this to happen! I know everyone listens to you as the leader, so fight me! If I win, we take Sanji with us to Alabasta! Monkey D. Luffy, I challenge you to a duel!"
Usopp is now down at the front of the hotel building, shouting the time and place of the duel at Luffy, who's listening from the couch. Nami's trying to talk Luffy into going out and apologizing to Usopp while Vivi and Chopper are on the balcony trying to change Usopp's mind. Zoro tries to decide which side is less futile as the scene fades into the light. Then he remembers. He has cut his ties with the cook. He didn't even ask for the cook's permission. Whatever bonds and memories they have managed to build between them is now completely nonexistent. The next time they meet, they will be strangers. It's his fault. He closes his eyes and pictures the cook's face to try to fill the emptiness in his chest.
I need you, Cook. I'm sorry, Cook.
The funny thing about dreams is that the more Zoro tries to remember them, the faster they slip out of his grasp. He's sure his sexual outburst this morning when he woke up wasn't completely due to his lack of meditation in the last couple weeks. It had at least something to do with the dream he had. It wasn't a wet dream either.
Thanks to that, he was unable to explain to the cook what exactly happened there, but to his initial relief, the cook didn't ask about it, nor did he ask about Saga's attack or the family. No, the cook barely even talked to him after relaying Chopper's orders and showing him his swords (and hiding them again, except for Yubashiri, whose pieces Zoro now keeps in his bed side table) aside from "here's your food" and "time to change the bandages". What's more frustrating is that the cook's mood colour's been soaking in doubtful grey and defeated light purple, and yet he wouldn't ask a single question.
Of course, Zoro has tried a few times to catch the cook's attention and to ask about what's bothering him. By about the 7th attempt it was clear that the blond was pulling out all kinds of excuses to avoid being questioned. Right now the cook is concentrating a little too hard on stirring a pot of clear vegetable soup that obviously doesn't need stirring.
"Oi Cook." Zoro tries once more. This time the cook pretends not to hear him, and it's not working very well because his mood colour just snapped to indigo.
"Cook." Persistence is the key to success.
"Go back to bed. What part of 'You're on bed rest' do you not understand?"
"Tell me what's wrong." Zoro continues.
"I swear to god, if this is about her again..." The cook snarls, but it dies as his angry red settles back to a resigned light purple. For a moment Zoro is utterly confused at the mention of a "her" before he realizes that the cook is referring to Kuina.
"It's not. This is about you sulking like a pain in the ass." Zoro has learned in the past couple weeks that the topic of the blond's moodiness is a hot button even though the blond is a moody mess about 80% of the time. If he ever brings it up, the cook will deny it with all his might and double his moodiness. And that was before Zoro told him about his mood-reading abilities. Just for today though, he has to put his finger on that button, or the cook would just dodge him again.
"Fuck you! You have some nerves to demand explanations from me after telling me nothing when I was swearing up and down that I'll find my birth parents and make them pay!" OK, at least that's what Zoro expected. He takes a deep breath. Might as well get this over with.
"I was adopted when I was 14." he starts, but the cook cuts him off with a wave of his hand.
"Yeah, I can guess most of it from yesterday. I don't want to hear it." the blond says without turning to face Zoro.
"Then what are you sulking about?"
"What made you think I am? Oh of course, you're spying on my mood with your shitty superpower again. How wonderful! It reminds me of that favourite line of yours. How does it go again? Right, it's none of your fucking business!" Zoro can't really argue with that, so he proposes a trade. He doesn't have anything to hide now anyway.
"I'll answer all your questions first. Then you answer mine."
"Fine. What is that guard to you?" the cook asks, slowing down his stirring just slightly. Zoro frowns. He expected the blond to ask about Saga, but that question is a little strange. Zoro fights off the urge to throw a "none of your business" back at him, which is clearly what the blond is after.
"He's my personal guard. The family assigns-"
"No, what does he mean to you personally? Who the fuck cares about their stupid family traditions?" That one's really none of his business. Zoro remains silent for a moment but decides to talk. He did say he'll answer all of the cook's questions.
"He's a childhood friend, someone I can trust in the family."
"Do you love him?" The cook turns to look Zoro square in the eye with his visible blue one. Huh?
"What does that have to-"
"It's OK. Don't answer." the cook shrugs. Fuck. Zoro should've said he'll answer one question and ask one in exchange.
"Love's not real, Cook." A swirl of heart-broken dark blue. The cook simply nods and turns back to stirring the soup.
"Love's not real..." the cook repeats to himself. "That's not what he thinks though." Now he's wrapped in tiny growing dots of light blue curiosity from the solid dark blue background. The pattern gradually dissipates back to light purple as the dots get bigger. It's the first time Zoro's ever seen colours appear together in that way. He raises an eyebrow as he admires the guy's creativity with his own mood. He's so absorbed in this new discovery in mood colours that it takes him a long while before the cook's comment gets processed in his head. What was that? How did the cook get that impression?
"That's between me and him. So... you're sulking because you think I'm not returning my childhood friend's feelings for me?"
"Why did you have sex with me that night you brought me home from the Tabbies? You only wanted to talk, right?" the cook continues, his colour boils into regretful maroon. Is he feeling guilty because he thinks Zoro cheated on Saga with him?
"We're not together. We're just friends." Zoro explains. Normally he wouldn't bother because he doesn't give a shit what others think of him as long as he's at peace with his own conscience, but this isn't about what the cook thinks of him. This is about the cook beating himself up over non-existent crimes.
"With benefits." the blond adds. Zoro has no idea how the blond found out about his agreement with Saga. It doesn't change anything though.
"Yeah, like you and Ace before." Zoro says, but then remembers what Ace said about the blond. "At least for Ace." he adds.
"But he loves you."
"He agreed to our arrangement and gave me his word, so it's not my fault if he let his feelings get in the way. I'm not obligated to return his feelings just because he messed up like that. And that's if it's true." although if it does turn out to be true, he'd have to end their agreement immediately. Zoro watches a flash of doubtful grey twisting in with more heart-broken blue around the cook. The stirring stops.
"What goes on between Saga and me is our business." Zoro reminds the cook.
"Of course." the cook nods, still wrapped in maroon and dark blue.
"So stop letting it get to you. Why do you care? It's not like you know him that well."
"What gets to me is my business." the cook resumes stirring as he counters, copying Zoro's tone from just a few seconds ago. So this whole thing is about this morning and not the family? Zoro feels a wave of guilt. He should've known better than to take it out on the cook this morning. He should've had better control of himself. Maybe he shouldn't have gotten involved with the blond that Friday night in the first place. It gets messy so easily without an agreement beforehand, and the more he tries to clear things up, the messier it seems to get. If the cook's having trouble with the whole "casual sex" thing, Zoro can make sure it doesn't happen again with him.
"Look, I don't know why I lost control this morning, but if you don't want me to touch you again, I promise I won't." Zoro says, and now the whole thing is dark blue. The cook freezes, his task of stirring the pot forgotten.
"OK. If that's what you want." the cook puts down the ladle and mutters after a long pause. Fuck. What's that supposed to mean? Zoro scratches the back of his neck.
"No, just tell me what you want me to do." This is so fucking troublesome. Did Ace put up with this for 5 years?
"What I want you to do? I want you to give me some fucking privacy and keep your mood-reading nose to yourself." the blond snaps, now bathed in indigo. That's it. Zoro's had enough of this game.
"Suit yourself." Zoro says, and that's the last thing that's said between them all night. Zoro avoids looking at the cook altogether to stop himself from seeing the irritating mood colours. As soon as he's finished his clear vegetable soup, he returns to his "bed rest" like he's supposed to. It's not like his concern for the blond is being appreciated. Why does he care anyway?
By the time Zoro wakes up the next morning, there's no trace of the cook in the room except for the smell of cigarette and an ashtray on the window sill. He finds it absolutely ridiculous that Chopper hasn't mentioned not allowing him second hand smoke when he's not allowed a drop of alcohol. From the amount of cigarette butts in the ashtray and the strength of the smell Zoro can tell that the blond probably didn't sleep last night. His suspicion is confirmed when he finishes changing the bandages and walks into the kitchen to find the blond nodding off while standing over another pot of boiling clear soup. He's actually asleep because Zoro's not seeing any mood colour on him.
"You look like shit." he says as he sits at the counter. His voice visibly startles the cook awake. Light grey confusion followed by indigo annoyance, all normal so far. Not that Zoro's checking. He just happens to see before he can start avoiding the cook.
"Be grateful. I figured you'd be lonely looking like shit by yourself for so long." the cook opens the fridge and passes him a glass of chilled grape juice. Zoro eyes the glass. He's not picky with food, but the cook has always started the morning with milk or orange juice.
"They don't have oranges here?"
"They do, but your injured ass is on liquid diet."
"Orange juice is liquid." Zoro reasons. He's been on this stupid liquid diet thing a couple times before, on Chopper's orders of course. Saga fed him both times. He's never heard of any liquid aside from booze that he's not supposed to have when he's on liquid diet.
"Not liquid enough for you after you got your intestines cut up and sewn back together." the cook serves him a bowl of clear soup. Another flash of maroon regret and dark blue heart-ache makes its way around the slim outline. What now? He's feeling guilty for this too?
"I've been trying to track down Mihawk for years." Zoro tries to explain. The cook turns to him questioningly. "It's my dream to defeat him. I didn't do it to save your ass. There's nothing for you to feel bad about."
"I thought I told you to keep your nose out of my mood, shitty marimo." the cook snaps, but Zoro can see a stream of relaxing dark green slowly replacing the maroon. Zoro snorts and drinks his soup.
When he's done with his food, or drinks, the cook is leaning out the kitchen window and talking to Chopper over the phone, no doubt going over the details of how to annoy Zoro over the next few days until the boy can come and do it himself. Zoro looks down at his empty bowl and glass as he hears the blond yawn in the middle of a sentence. Just a bowl and a glass, no need to trouble the tired looking cook. He walks to the sink and washes them himself. He goes through a few cabinets until he finds spaces to put them, but it doesn't take long.
When he's done putting them away, he catches a glimpse of the blond massaging his own forehead with long pale fingers, unaware of the ashes falling onto his pristine jacket sleeve from the cigarette between his thin lips as he speaks. A veil of light purple defeat glows around him. That idiot probably hasn't slept much since they came back from the castle, or the night before that (thanks to some shitty luck that led them to the wrong beach). The guy should really learn to ask for help with chores. Zoro decides to volunteer himself for cleaning up the kitchen. The cook never skips a meal or allow anyone else to, so he probably ate before Zoro woke up. The swordsman puts the pot of soup back into the fridge and wipes down the counter surfaces and the sink with a towel hanging nearby.
Satisfied with his work, Zoro obediently returns to bed rest. He can think of only one reason a phone call with Chopper might put the idiot cook in such stress. The little doctor's most likely unintentionally guilt-tripping him about not keeping Zoro in bed. It's not like Zoro's going out of his way to make things easy for the blond. There's only one form of training he's allowed to do right now, and it can be done in bed just as well as anywhere else. Zoro takes out the pieces of Yubashiri from his bed side drawer and carefully lays them before his crossed legs as if trying to piece them back into a whole sword. He hasn't thought about what to do with her yet. It's his fault that she's broken to this extent. It's because of his doubt and regret, the weaknesses of his mind and spirit.
He closes his eyes and evens out his breathing, putting his focus on relaxing each muscle. It's been a long time since he successfully meditated. He's in the middle of clearing his thoughts when he hears angry clicking of dress shoes on wooden floors and then the door to his room being slammed open.
"What the fuck did you do in my kitchen, you shitty moss?" Zoro digs a pinky into one ear to soothe his abused eardrum. There goes another attempt at meditation.
"I cleaned up after breakfast. You're welcome."
"You cleaned-... Didn't I tell you not to touch anything in my kitchen, shithead?" the cook continues his screaming. Zoro cracks one eye open and finds the blond burning in angry blood red. What's he so worked up for?
"Well, that's not your kitchen. Chill out, shit cook. Go catch up on some sleep. You're probably cranky because you're sleep deprived."
"I was going to, until you moss brain wiped the entire counter with the towel for the floor and put boiling hot soup into the fridge without a lid and heated up everything else that needs to be kept cold and WHERE THE FUCK DID YOU HIDE YOUR BOWL AND GLASS?" the cook's volume goes up a notch toward the end of that question, and his hand runs forcefully over his face and through his silky hair, momentarily revealing both of his swirling eyebrows and a fading bruise.
The blond's clearly overreacting though. The towel was clean and dry, so who cares what it's used for? It's not like he got mud all over the counter. The fridge just has to work harder to bring the temperature back to normal. It won't take that long. Now what's left is for Zoro to show the steaming cook where the bowl and the glass are. He swings his legs off the bed.
"Wait, where are you going?"
"Showing you where I put them?"
"No, you stay in bed and away from my kitchen. Just tell me where to find them."
"The third shelf from the right."
"You put them back on the shelf dirty?"
"Relax, I'm not an idiot. I washed them."
"And did you dry them?" Zoro's momentary silence fans the cook's anger into a raging flame around him.
"It's just water. It'll air dry on the shelf." Zoro raises an arm just in time to block what he now knows is a kick powerful enough to crack more of his healing bones, but the foot stops before it connects with the arm, trembling from what must be efforts of self control.
"I promised Chopper not to kick your ass when you're recovering. Don't make it harder than it has to be." the cook grits his teeth and puts down the raised foot, rolling his ankle back and forth and fisting his hands repeatedly. He's clearly fidgety from the lack of stress release, and Zoro happens to know a thing or two about stress. There are three things that work wonders on stress: training, booze, and sleep. It works best to have all three, in that order.
"Try it. This might be your only chance. It's not like you can ever kick my ass when I'm done recovering." Zoro taunts as he slides off the bed and slips into his boots. He might regret it later, but even in his current condition he can still last at least a few kicks. Chopper will fix him again after that. He's a miracle working doctor. Zoro picks up the empty sheath of Yubashiri leaning against the table and walks toward the hallway.
"What the fuck are you doing, you f-..." the cook reaches to grab Zoro's uninjured arm as he passes, but he dodges and gives the blond a challenging grin.
"You want a fight, right? Hallway's got more space." Zoro keeps walking.
"Did moss fill up your ears too? I said I promised Chopper not to fight you!"
"It's not a fight if I'm not using my swords and you..." Zoro turns at the door to give the blond an assessing look. "take off your shoes." That seems to sway the cook slightly as his blood red mood softens in colour to pale red of concern and light grey hesitance. One more push should do it.
"Come on, it'd be just like stretching, or are you scared you'd lose to me even when I'm like this?" Zoro gestures to the bandages and is pleased to see the colours change again to indigo of annoyance and silvery excitement.
"As if a cook would ever lose to a piece of vegetation!" the cook kicks off his perfectly polished dress shoes and follows Zoro into the hallway.
The two of them stand facing each other as they get into their fighting stances, and Zoro waits. He has a feeling that the cook attacks first. There's no reason for it. Some things are just the way they are. Sure enough, the cook sprints and delivers a simple side kick, which Zoro dodges with ease. He's testing the waters. It's a move he starts with when he doesn't know the level of his opponent well enough. Zoro throws a half-assed slice with his sheath as he tries to remember why he knows this about the cook. This is their very first proper sparring session. Sure, they've "faked" a fight a couple days ago at the Vinsmoke castle, but the cook hasn't intentionally attacked him then.
A bare-footed kick lands on Zoro's side and knocks him out of his thoughts when he's just a little too slow with his block. It probably won't crack more bones like it did with shoes, but it still hurts like shit. Zoro stumbles a step or two before looking up to find the smug blond glowing in bright yellow amusement.
"Don't push yourself too hard there." the cook shoves his hands deeper into his pant pockets and smirks, his mood colour just a shade or two lighter than his golden locks. It's a good colour on him, but that smirk needs to go.
"The bandages are in the way." Zoro proceeds to free himself from the bandages as the cook gives an entirely unconvinced hum.
"Don't give Chopper even more reasons to kill me now."
"That's tempting, but no one will know if you don't tell. Plus, he's killed me before. It doesn't hurt that much." Zoro says as he steps into the cook's space and slashes upward with the sheath. It's his turn to attack first this round. This is also just the way it is. He doesn't have a proper sword, so he can't use any of the more powerful one-sword techniques if he wants to keep the only unbroken piece of Yubashiri intact. The cook counters by flipping onto his hands and extending his legs in a spinning kick. There, his hands are his weakness. It'd be a low move to aim there though, so low that Zoro would only do it during a sparring session with fake swords, where it's quite unlikely that he'd injure those precious hands for real. The reason Zoro knows this is also escaping him at the moment, but he decides to try it anyway. He hops out of the reach of those powerful legs and crouches to sweep the sheath along the wooden floor, timing it so that the cook wouldn't see it coming.
"Fuck!" the cook lands on his back with a loud thud and promptly sits up to examine his hands, his silvery excitement snaps to pale red concern. "Shitty moss..." he mutters and glares at Zoro when he confirms that they're relatively unharmed.
"Guard them properly if you don't want them injured." Zoro casually taps his own shoulder with the sheath.
"How the fuck did you know I don't want my hands injured?" the cook frowns at Zoro. For a moment Zoro mirrors the frown as he tries to remember how he knows, but he quickly gives up and shrugs when nothing comes up.
"Just a hunch."
The third round quickly degenerates into a wrestling match. Zoro topples over when the cook tries to choke him by pushing on the sheath with those precious hands, and soon the sheath is abandoned along with all the unspoken rules for a proper sparring session. All that's left is the spirit of competition as they take turns trying to pin each other to the floor. Zoro doesn't mind though. It's been too long since he's had a satisfying sparring match.
He tries to recall when the last one was as he throws the cook to his side and rolls on top. With Kuina it was never sparring. Every fight with her was a challenge to his own limits where he put in 120% of everything he had and still came out short. Sparring with Saga was always one-sided and felt more like he was practicing techniques on his own. When exactly was the last time? Maybe with Luffy?
"Shit!" the cook's breathless curse pulls him from his thoughts. Neither of them is struggling anymore, both panting from exertion. Zoro is still on top and pinning the cook's limbs with his own, which makes him the winner of this round. It doesn't seem to be what the cook is cursing about though. Zoro follows the blond's line of sight and looks down at his healing torso... or supposedly healing torso. Shit indeed. He's torn his stitches and is dripping blood onto the cook's crisp white dress shirt.
"Get off!" the cook gives him an unsympathetic shove, and Zoro, still breathing heavily, rolls onto his back beside the blond, who immediately sits up and obsesses with the stain on his shirt. After several minutes of pinching and poking, the blond throws his head back onto the floor with a defeated sigh.
"I don't want to see Chopper tomorrow."
"Neither do I." Zoro agrees, propping his head up to check out the bleeding wound. "But at least I won't be dying alone." he adds, and the cook bursts into a fit of laughter so contagious Zoro can't help but join in. The two of them stay side by side on the floor for a while, passing broken chuckles back and forth until they eventually die down and are replaced by a calming silence. Zoro looks to the cook to find him wrapped in blissful yellow and grinning at the ceiling like an idiot, his curtain of blond hair falling off the side of his face to reveal the healing bruise Zoro gave him a couple days ago.
Zoro reaches out to touch the bruise without thinking, but his hand stops in its track when the blond, clearly having spotted Zoro's action in his peripheral vision, drops the grin and glows in the heart-broken dark blue that matches the bruise. The blond doesn't turn to face him, nor does he move away. Instead, he closes his eyes softly and pinches his swirly eyebrows in a slight frown, as if trying to stay calm in anticipation of something painful... no, hurtful. Zoro pulls back his hand with a jerk and gets up to return the sheath to its place against the table. He promised not to touch the cook again. He almost broke that promise.
The cook still hasn't moved from his spot in the hallway when Zoro finishes wrapping himself up in bandages again. He's sitting there staring at one of the large hallway windows, wrapped in a cloud of cigarette smoke that blends seamlessly into his confused grey mood indicating he's deep in thought. Time for step two of the stress removal plan. Zoro marches right into the kitchen and comes back with a cup and the first alcoholic looking bottle he sees. It's a bottle of wine. Zoro is relieved to find that it's been open before. He's not sure if the cook can handle much more of him going through kitchen to find the bottle opener. He sits down beside the cook, uncorks the bottle, and fills the cup. It takes a couple nudges before the cook turns to see what Zoro wants.
"Didn't I tell you no alcohol, shitty moss?" he glares at Zoro.
"Why does it matter? Chopper's gonna kill us both anyway." the blond tilts his head and gives a slight nod in agreement before taking the cup. Zoro brings the bottle to his lips to take a swig. It tastes like piss, not that Zoro knows what piss tastes like, but if it has a specific taste it's probably something like this: Sour and flat, not nearly strong enough to give a kick, like fruit juice that's been watered down and gone bad. Come to think of it, that's literally what it is. What the cook likes about this stuff is-
"We're not even on Grand Line, and it's snowing in the middle of July. No wonder it's been freezing these couple days." the cook turns back to staring at the window, twirling the cup gently in his hand as if it's a real wine glass. Zoro follows his gaze and catches sight of fluttering snow flakes obscuring the view of the still dark green branches near by. It came a bit late this year.
"Pretty cool, isn't it? You've probably never been here when it happens, but it snows here every summer for a month or two, only in this town. It's a mystery phenomenon only the weather witch understands." Zoro explains and feels a sharp elbow to his side, which he assumes is for calling the weather witch a witch. The cook needs to lighten up. He's sure the title doesn't bother Nami in the least. Besides, he meant that as a compliment.
"I've been here when it snowed before, but I guess maybe it was winter then. We were stranded here from the snow, and poor Nami was sick at the time with something that almost ended up killing her. Luffy was so desperate to get a doctor to see her that he carried her all the way up here from the mountain base in his slippers. I followed along to help him fend off the attacks from the overgrown snow-rabbits around here, but those bastards brought an avalanche on us when they couldn't land any hits." the cook chuckles with a bittersweet expression, glowing in alternating shades of pale red and bright yellow at the piece of memory he apparently holds dear. "That's how we met Chopper too. He was the one who saved Nami, and Luffy asked him to join the group right away." he adds, taking a large gulp to empty his cup of wine.
Zoro frowns as he listens. He remembers being stranded here in the snow with a sick Nami and a desperate Luffy once a few years ago, maybe not in quite as much detail. He remembers Usopp and Vivi there, but he definitely doesn't remember seeing a curly-browed blond cook back then. Maybe Nami's been sick twice? That's possible, but he remembers Luffy asking Chopper to join the group too. Surely that happened only once. Zoro studies the cook for a minute and decides that he's telling the truth. He shrugs inwardly and drops the thought in favour of filling the cook's cup again.
"And come to think of it, I'd be your older brother." the cook gives his newly filled cup a sip and smirks. Zoro raises an eyebrow at him. "I mean my name's Sanji, as in the third, and you're Yonji, the fourth." he explains.
"As if you really consider yourself part of that family."
"No, but it's still a win for me." the cook leans back on his hands with a grin.
"I didn't know being older and closer to death counts as a win."
"Being older doesn't mean I'm closer to death, you idiot. It just means I'm higher rank than you. I mean look at you! You're obviously way closer to death than I am." the blond gestures to the bandages.
"You don't even know if you're older than me. I'm fourth because they just took me in to replace the dead kid." Zoro counters. The mention of the dead kid seems to silence the cook for a little while. Maybe he remembers the original Yonji?
"Is that why you never call me by my name? It reminds you of the family?" the cook asks in a thoughtful voice.
"No," Zoro lies with a grin, "I just enjoy annoying you." The comment earns him an eye roll from the cook.
"I have to say that old fart's got some wicked naming sense. That code name suits you so well... Winch Green Marimo!"
"Tch, they must've given you a code name too, something equally embarrassing?"
"Ha, like I'm gonna tell you just so you can laugh at me."
"Oh it wouldn't be hard to figure out. Blue's taken, so Yellow? Swirling Yellow."
"What did you say?"
"Pervert Yellow."
"Fuck you!"
"Nose-bleed Yellow." That's a good one, although Zoro can't remember when he's ever seen the cook with a nose-bleed.
"I'm so gonna kick your ass properly when you're done recovering." the blond snaps, now bathed in indigo, and Zoro takes a swig to celebrate pissing off the cook. "Wait, where did you get this?" the cook snatches the bottle from Zoro after another big gulp.
"Kitchen. Where else? I didn't touch anything else this time. You said drinks and cups are exceptions." Zoro adds before the cook explodes again, but it doesn't seem to help. Zoro watches in complete confusion as another storm of angry red engulfs the blond.
"You fucking idiot! They don't sell alcohol here in Drums you know! That's the last bottle I have, and I was saving it for marinating the beef for the feast tomorrow!" the blood red snaps to light purple as the blond eyes the bottle again. "And you just drank from the bottle didn't you?"
"What feast?"
"To celebrate you getting your ass kicked by Mihawk, obviously." Zoro shouldn't be surprised. It's probably Luffy who's throwing a feast over any excuse he can find.
"Just get Robin to bring you a new bottle. She knows about this shit." Zoro takes the bottle and taps the cook's cup lightly in an attempt to speed up the process of getting him drunk enough to fall asleep. It seems to be working because the cook drains it before returning to his bitching.
"This one was from Water 7! You can't get it in East Blue, you shithead! Besides, I can't trouble a lady with petty errands like this..."
"Tch, how much difference can there be? They all taste like piss." Zoro fills the cup once more. That should do it. It might take a while before it works into the blond's system, but three cups is more than enough to help him sleep. No need to waste alcohol, even if it's wine. Zoro takes another swig and swallows as quickly as possible so that he doesn't have to dwell on the taste.
As expected, the bitching dies down almost completely by the time Zoro finishes the bottle himself. He looks over to the red-faced blond sprawling on the floor next to him, still muttering insults and struggling to keep his eyes open. The cook's a total wuss to begin with when it comes to alcohol, but he must've been tired for wine to work this well. Zoro nudges him with the empty bottle.
"Oi Cook, don't sleep here. You'll hurt your back." the cook snores loudly in response. Zoro lets out a sigh as he stands up and heaves the blond over his shoulder. The cook mutters incoherently to Zoro's bandaged back as the swordsman tries to steady the balance while keeping his hands clear of the cook's ass. He grins to himself when he stops by the side of the cook's bed, thinking of how best to piss off the blond later with the fact that he just got passed-out drunk from three cups of wine with barely 10% alcohol content. He leans forward to let the cook's ass fall heavily onto the bed, and the cook's completely limp head slides along his shoulder as he tries to stand straight again. So drunk, Zoro smirks.
"You're quiet today." he whispered, feeling the warmth of the cook's ear shell against his lips and thoroughly enjoying the resulting shiver through his hand as it passed by the back of the blond's neck.
"I'm not drunk." the cook replied into his shoulder, stubbornly trying to sound unaffected but failing miserably, nails digging into the bandages on his chest.
Zoro inhales sharply as he feels the tight coil of want in his stomach brought on by the flashback. He jumps back and catches the now unconscious cook by the shoulders just before he falls off the bed. He quickly lays the cook down on the bed and escapes the room, slamming the door shut behind him. He sits down with his back against the door and closes his eyes, hoping meditation would finally work for him this time.
Luffy is, surprisingly, missing from the feast he asked for, and Ace is here in his stead. It's almost their agreed dinner time, and Chopper's finally finished fussing over Zoro and (only figuratively) killing both him and the blond. The boys followed Franky outside not long ago to admire his newly built snow-ball machine, and the cook is busy preparing dinner in the company of his precious ladies. Zoro is hiding out in his temporary bedroom and working his way through a bottle of booze he came across among the groceries Ace brought. They have enough for the feast. It doesn't hurt for him to take one as long as Chopper doesn't find out.
"I heard you almost died?" Ace pokes his head into his view. "Have you been keeping my blond happy? Or do I need to break your leg?" he teases.
"Tch, like you can. And I thought 'your blond' is that Marco guy you met from Whitebeard's place." Zoro says without bothering to turn to the man.
"Ah... yes well... I've kinda been dumped yesterday." Ace confesses, and Zoro tenses as unease overtakes his body for no apparent reason. He takes a swig and remains silent.
"I have a favour to ask of you." Ace speaks again, this time in a much more serious tone. He pauses for a long moment, as if trying to find the right words. "Sanji's in love with you. Love at first sight. I'm sure of it." Zoro listens as he considers what Ace can possibly want him to do about that.
"I don't feel that way about him." he offers. Ace has got to be insane to ask him anything along the lines of "please return his feelings". It doesn't work that way.
"I know you don't. That's not what I'm asking." Ace says, and it set off a strange urge in Zoro to feel offended. "Look, I didn't know I'd put Sanji in danger when I asked you to let him stay at your place. Now that I know he's not safe around you, I've been trying to convince him to move back to my place, but he won't listen. He said he'll stay here with you until you're done recovering. You know how he is, that stubborn ass." Ace trails off with a frown, glowing in pale red of worry. Zoro feels a wave of anger, as if Ace has overstepped some kind of boundary.
"I want you to just tell him how you feel about him. If he hears it directly from you, maybe he'll be more willing to distance himself. That way it's safer for both of you, right?" the freckled man finishes. Zoro goes over the proposition in his head. It sounds entirely logical, very reasonable, so why does it feel as invasive as being told what he's doing wrong in the care of his swords? There are way too many things out of place about the blond that he just can't pinpoint lately. He needs a clear picture of what Ace is really trying to do to lighten the fog in his mind.
"Didn't you say he can't stay at your place because your boyfriend is jealous? That's why you wanted him at my place to begin with. Is that why you got dumped?"
"Ouch... haha, blunt as always." Ace scratches his head. "Yeah, that's kinda why he's mad. He'll get over it though... I think."
"I don't get it. Isn't the cook just an ex to you, same status as that Marco guy as of yesterday? Why would you go out of your way to risk your current relationship to 'help' him, especially after he turned down your help?" Zoro turns to look closely at the freckled man's mood colour. He stays quiet for a while, slowly engulfed in a cloud of maroon regret.
"Luffy and I used to have another brother, one that I failed to protect. Sanji reminds me of him sometimes. I don't want to fail again." Ace finally says as a trail of light green affection mixes into the maroon. It's a colour Zoro hasn't seen anywhere except on Ace, a colour he reserves for Luffy and maybe now the cook. For reasons beyond Zoro's comprehension, seeing this colour puts him at ease and makes him to stop feeling like a defensive brat under threat.
"Have I met him before? The cook, I mean." Zoro asks before he catches himself. It's a question that's been appearing at the back of his mind for some time now, but he has no idea why he'd ask that. The question sounds silly even to his own ears. Surely he'd remember if he's met the blond before, especially with his resemblance to the family members.
"You've met him two weeks ago, and you've been seeing him everyday. What are you talking about?" Right, but...
"I mean before that, like years ago. You've known him for years, right? Do you know if we've met before?" Zoro presses. Ace swallows visibly and looks away.
"Not that I know of. Wouldn't you remember if you did?" He answers lightly. That's what Zoro thought, but Ace sounds strange. Zoro studies the man. There's no yellow amusement, nor grey confusion in his mood colour. Instead, it's twisting in regretful maroon, scheming light brown, and a couple drops of black fear. Zoro grabs a fistful of beads from his necklace and pulls him to the swordsman's face.
"You're lying. Tell me what you know." Zoro growls, but the resolve in Ace's eyes only hardens as he remains silent. Finally Zoro lets go.
"Fine. I'll just ask Nami or Usopp." Zoro says as he stalks toward the kitchen. This seems to frighten the freckled man a bit as he grabs onto Zoro's arm and stops him.
"Wait, don't cause a ruckus in there! I'll tell you what I know already, so keep it down!"
"Ok, spill." Zoro turns to face the freckled man and crosses his arms.
"I've only found out about this at the party at your apartment the day Sanji moved in. Nami told us when you were in the washroom and blondie was in the kitchen. You met him the same time he joined the group when you were both 15, when Luffy helped save his restaurant from a bunch of ungrateful thugs that tried to rob the place after Sanji saved them from being starved to death. Nami said it was hate at first sight. The first thing he said to you was that you're the type that tends to die young, and you've hated each other ever since. At some point you were so obsessed with picking petty fights with each other all day long that the rest of the group agreed that you probably had mutual crushes on each other." Zoro snorts in disbelief.
"But one day you just told Luffy you were cutting ties with Sanji because of some problems with your adoptive family. You never explained why or how in detail, and the next thing they knew, your memories of each other had been wiped clean. Luffy stood by your decision and told the rest of the group to never let you and Sanji meet again. It was hard on the others though, especially Usopp. He had a huge fight with Luffy because of it and almost left the group."
This crazy story is making more sense to Zoro than it should. So many things click into place in his mind. Why he kept dreaming of a fight between Luffy and Usopp, why Nami tried to keep him away from her restaurant at random times over the years, why the whole group vaguely knew about the problem with his family and the cook, why he can't remember when or why he started the habit of clearing his phone histories, why his guard knew exactly who the cook was at first glance, why he knew all kinds of stupid little details about the cook that he was never told, why he remembers the same event as the cook but doesn't remember meeting him. Among all the things that are just starting to make sense, though, is one thing that clearly doesn't.
"What do you mean our memories were wiped clean?"
"I don't know. That's all Nami told us." Ace shrugs then sighs. "So you see why we have to keep this a secret from blondie. He's the crazy type that believes in fate and soul mates and all that crap, so regardless of what you don't feel for him now, he'd draw a direct line between the fact that you two met as strangers twice and... well... fate. There's no way he'd leave you alone after that."
"And you think telling me won't change my mind?" It's not a rhetorical question. Zoro honestly doesn't know why Ace would trust him to hold his head straight through a story this crazy, and he's not sure if Ace should at the moment. He doesn't believe in fate, of course, but knowing that he has such a history with the blond cook is doing weird things to his stomach.
"You kinda gave me no choice there... but I'm not worried about it. You're the type that won't let impulses and emotions override reason, so it should be clear to you that you're both different people now from when you were 15. Whether you were attracted to him back then should have no bearing on what you feel for him now. It's not like you'd suddenly become madly in love with him just because you found out you liked him 6 years ago when you were both hormonal teenagers."
Fair enough. It's decided then. The task is easy, and there's no point delaying it. He gives Ace a final nod of agreement and marches into the kitchen.
"Cook, we need to talk." he declares as soon as he passes through the door.
"Later. Can't you see I'm cooking, shitty moss?" the cook replies, glowing in the familiar indigo as he stirs a pot of noodles. There's a moment of silence before the girls quickly find excuses and leave. Zoro's not even sure what excuses they used as he tries to keep his focus on the task at hand despite the distractions his body is trying to throw at him to lead him off course. His palms sweat. His throat tightens. His stomach twists uncomfortably. His chest clenches. Focus, he repeats in his mind and tries to tune out everything else.
"What is it?" the cook asks after a while, not bothering to look up from the pot.
"I can take care of myself. You don't have to stick around." Zoro starts and feels a bout of searing pain through his core. Focus, he repeats once more. When the cook doesn't respond, Zoro continues.
"Ace told me you're in love with me."
"That shitty freckles... I told him to mind his own-"
"I don't feel that way about you." Zoro cuts him off, and immediately the searing pain returns with more intensity than before. Zoro bites the inside of his cheek and bears it. Focus. Distractions are to be avoided. Pain is to be faced directly. Not the other way around. And both are to be endured and overcome, not to succumb to. The task is simple, and it's almost done.
"So you're saying you don't need me here, and you want me to leave." the cook concludes, enveloped in painful dark blue that seems to echo the pain that's trying to pull Zoro away from his task.
"Yeah. That's right." Zoro spits out the words against a crashing wave of "no"s resounding in his head. Being around the cook has made him weak, to the point that he's now struggling with the control of his own mind. He stays his ground as he watches swirls of blood red work their way into the cook's mood. It's fine this way. The cook will get angry, blow off some steam on him, and be over it.
Silence stretches between them, and the explosion Zoro's expecting from the blond never comes. The blond sighs gently over the boiling pot, never once turning to look at Zoro.
"I see. I'll go with Ace tonight after the feast, so just let me cook in peace for now." he says with a small awkward smile. Zoro realizes as he turns and walks out the door that what he saw around the cook was not blood red anger, but the slightly brighter shade of flame red determination. He doesn't know what reckless shit the blond is planning to pull off now, but at least he'll be away from Zoro and the family.
The blond will be safe, relatively speaking, and that's what matters.
A/N:
Sorry Sanji, I tried, but Zoro insisted on being dumb.
