For Love of An Angel

Chapter 7

Human Transmutation Revisited

When Al woke not too long later, the other side of the bed was empty and cold. "Niisan?" He called softly, sitting up slowly. Then he saw that Ed was standing in front of the window, looking out. For the first time in four years he'd braided his long golden hair the way he used to. Something in the way he stood there made Al realize that something was wrong. "Niisan?" He repeated hesitantly.

Ed turned and went to sit on the edge of the bed, his beautiful golden eyes filled with…. Fear? Al tried to kiss him, but Ed turned his face away, Al's lips brushing his cheek.

"Niisan, what's wrong?" The scent of soap and shampoo and toothpaste almost overpowered Al's sensitive nose, and he noticed that Ed's hair was still slightly damp, his skin scrubbed pink.

"I love you, Al," Ed's voice was low and strained, and he wouldn't look at his brother. "You are everything to me. I will never, ever let anyone separate us… anyone but you…"

"What?" Concern kindled in the younger Elric's belly. He grabbed his brother's warm hand. "Talk to me, Niisan."

Ed drew his automail hand down his face, teeth clenched to hold back sobs. As the hand fell, Al saw his eyes were dark and grieving, and in the moonlight, silver tears flowed down his cheeks. "Al… I've… I've done something terrible."

"Surely not so terrible, Niisan. There is nothing we can't face together."

"I… I had sex with Mustang. I didn't mean to, I swear it. It just… happened somehow." Ed's voice was filled with shame and self-loathing. "I'm sorry, Angel. So sorry." Ed miserably hunched in on himself now that his damning confession was out in the open.

This was met with utter silence, as Al stared at his brother's bent head with surprise.

Ed scrambled to his knees on the bed, unable to hold back the desperate sobs. "Forgive me, Angel… God… please. Forgive me. It will never happen again, I swear…. I'll do anything… anything to make this right…. Just… don't hate me, Al… Don't… don't leave me… please."

Al seized Ed's damp golden braid and kissed him, tongue invading firmly. Ed exploded into reaction, returning Al's kiss feverishly, pushing his beloved brother back down onto the bed, cupping his perfect face. Al suddenly found himself overwhelmed with a very passionate, very overwrought brother.

"Niisan… I love… you… I will… never… leave you…. Never…" Al managed to get out between Ed's frantic kisses.

Ed suddenly buried his face in Al's neck, holding him almost too tightly and hot tears trickled over the younger boy's collarbone. "I'm so very sorry, Angel. Please forgive me. It will never happen again, I promise." His voice was muffled against his brother's honey scented flesh.

Al, still holding Ed's braid, tugged gently until his brother lifted his tear we face. "Niisan, I'm not mad. I'm not upset or hurt. You didn't betray me. That's what you think, isn't it?"

Ed nodded and sniffed his tears back endearingly.

Al gave him a soft lingering kiss. "Do you remember when I was interested in Ren? You had to know. I know you knew."

Ed nodded again.

"Well… I never did, as you know. But even if I had, it would not have reflected on what I feel for you. I love you."

"You're right, Al. If you had, it would not interfere with our love. It wouldn't have hurt me. It wouldn't…" Ed's golden eyes widened in comprehension.

"Yes," Al said softly, tenderly stroking Ed's automail hand. "I understand that now. And now you need to understand that too. I'm glad you did it with the general. It's something you've wanted for years."

"Oh, please," Ed scoffed. I still can't believe it happened at all. He's such a pompous, arrogant ass. And nothing's changed in the past four years. He walked into a room and owns it, with that smug grin of his, his glossy black hair, and those dark eyes… " Ed coughed and struggled to regain control of his wayward mouth. "He's drop dead gorgeous and he knows it. It shows in that damn swagger of his, the way he moves his hands, the way he looks at me…" Ed swore softly, flushing.

Al was smiling. "I see."

"No, I mean it." Ed rushed to explain something he never really understood. "For years I haven't been able to stand the man. He always knew what I was doing, always making me feel funny inside every time he looked at me or touched me. And he was ALWAYS looking at and touching me. My stomach would get all fluttery and I would just fall into his fine dark eyes…" His own golden eyes widened. "No… NO!"

"Yes, yes, Niisan. You can lie to other people, you can even lie to yourself, but you can't lie to me. I've known for years the two of you were hot for each other. Why do you think you both are so… explosive together?"

Ed swore viciously for a moment, then sighed. "Maybe." His confession was weak. "I can see now that he fascinated me and that scared me. But Mustang? Hot for me? No way."

"Oh, so I suppose you were the one that jumped him tonight."

"Of course not! I didn't mean for it to happen. One moment we were in his office talking, then all of a sudden he had me in his arms and was kissing me… Things… got out of hand after that."

"Uh huh." Al was grinning, and Ed blushed furiously to see that Al was right again.

Mustang was depressed. Being a general had its perks, one of which he'd been able to take a few days leave of absence. He'd had two heavenly days of constant companionship and lovemaking with Ed. Anytime he wanted the boy, all he had to do was reach out, and Ed was there. Oh, how Ed was there: his wicked mouth; his cool and warm hands, his small delicious body; and that glorious hair and those sensual eyes. Anything Mustang wanted to do, Ed was more than willing, even eager. And several times, the general would turn around to find Ed reaching for him, heat in his beautiful golden eyes. After two whole days of it, he was more than a little sore, but knew he would never, ever be able to get enough of his golden spitfire. But as Al started to improve, Ed was at his brother's bedside, watching over him, taking care of him. Mustang understood and was not bothered. Besides, there was still passionate nights - Al had insisted on that. But now Al was well, and he was up and about. To be sure, he tired easily, and was pale and thin. And Ed abandoned Mustang, spending every possible moment with his beloved brother. Watching him now, walking slowly across the room with his arm over his slightly taller brother's shoulder, Mustang could see the eager, sometimes hot look in the blond alchemist's eyes, and knew that tonight it would not be him touching the younger man, but Al. The general was shocked and appalled at himself. Surely… surely, he was not jealous of Al… was he?

As for Ed, he was filled with a profound sense of joy and gratitude. As pleasurable as the last few days had been with Mustang, Ed craved his brother like a drug. During the day, Ed had spent each of Al's waking moments with his brother, but during the nights, Al sent him to Mustang's bed. But now it was evening and as Ed tucked his angel into bed, and he was concerned by the listless look on Al's face.

"What's wrong, Angel?" He asked softly, taking off his clothes.

Al gave him a wan smile. "I'm sorry, Niisan, but I'm just so tired. I'd hoped… You'd better go to the general tonight."

"No."

Al blinked. "But, Niisan, I'm too tired to make love tonight. I thought… I wanted… I'm sorry." Al was whispering before he was done, and Ed was dismayed to sense tears in his brother.

"I don't care," Ed said firmly, climbing into the bed with his brother and snuggling close.

"But, Niisan…"

"No, Al. I'm staying right here. With you. All night. I… I need to be close to you. I've missed you, Angel… so much. I don't care that we can't make love. I just want to be near you; hear you breathe, feel your warmth." Ed hesitated. "Don't you want me to stay? Al?" Suddenly he was filled with a sense of terrified desolation. "Don't… don't you want me... anymore?"

Al heard the sick fear in his voice, saw the rising tears of grief in his dimming golden eyes and was torn between remorse and joy. Ed still wanted to be with him! The general hadn't stolen him away. "Oh… N… N… Niisan…" and he swarmed into his brother's arms and burst into noisy tears.

"Hey, hey, hey," Ed cried softly, even more disturbed. He cuddled Al close and tight. "Angel love… what…"

"I… missed you too… Niisan… "Al stammered into Ed's neck. "I… I was afraid… that you… and he…" Al couldn't go on.

Ed stilled, sudden understanding shattering his already demoralized composure. "Al…" his voice became ominously soft. "If you ever send me away again, I'll… I'll…" He choked up, unable to speak.

"I just want you to be happy, Niisan," Al whispered, stricken, "no matter what. I don't want to be any more of a burden on you than I already am."

Ed was rendered completely speechless for several long moments, staring at his brother in shock. Then he moved with lightning speed and pinned the boy to the bed. "Don't you ever… Ever… EVER say such a thing to me again, Alphonse Elric!" He was more furious with his brother than he ever remembered being before. "If any one of us is a burden, it's me. If you think, for one moment, that I don't know I'm flawed, then you had better think again. I'm rash, hot headed, selfish and unscrupulous. And you… you're good and kind and so damn pure that I don't deserve you. But I don't care about all that. You're mine and I am not going to give you up. You? A burden?" Ed laughed wildly. "Don't you understand, my angel? I love you. No! I'm obsessed with you. I worship you. You are the air I breathe, the light in my darkness, the center of my universe. I need you, Al. The reason… The only reason I didn't lie down and die in Munich without you was the doubt. Where you alive? I couldn't die… no, not until I knew you were alive… and well… here in Amestris. If… if I lost you now… Couldn't live… not without you… Need you… my angel… Need you… to live… Oh, Al…" And Ed dissolved into helpless tears.

"Niisan…" Al breathed softly, stunned by Ed's broken tirade. He'd known all along that his brother loved him, but to admit that he needed him… Ed, who hated to admit even to himself, much less anyone else, that he needed anything from anyone… to admit to such a stark and desperate need… Al was completely floored. He'd had no idea that Ed felt so about him. He reached up and began to kiss his brother passionately.

"No!" Gasping, Ed flung himself off Al, retreating as far as he could without falling off the bed. "I'm not some damn horny goat who has to have sex every second of every minute of every hour of every day. If we never make love ever again, Angel, I will be content to just hold you, breathe you in, every night until the end of time."

"Then hold me, Niisan, and let eternity begin now."

In the dark hours of the night, Mustang crept into Al's room. Al lay on his back, lashes dark against his cheeks. And sleeping on his chest, as trusting as a babe, was Ed. The general's shoulders slumped. How could he even think to compete with that? He walked slowly back out and went to his lonely bed. And if his pillow was a little damp when he woke, he would rather have died than admit it.

By the time Al's mouth and hands woke Ed to gut clenching pleasure the next morning, it was almost too late.

"Al…" he gasped, squirming. "Stop… oh god, Angel… You don't have to… Angel love… Stop…"

Al lifted his head from between his brother's legs long enough to give him a sphinx-like look. "Stop talking, Niisan. This is for me."

And so, it went. Al made love to Ed from the tips of his toes to the very ends of his sunshiny hair. There was not so much as a millimeter of his older brother's body that he did not kiss or lick or caress; even his automail. Whenever Ed came too close to release, Al would ease back, just a little, only enough to keep him trembling on the brink. Ed tried to grit his teeth and bear it stoically. After all, Al deserved whatever he wanted from Ed. That resolve lasted less than five minutes and then the blond alchemist was panting and begging almost in tears with need. Then Al did something amazing with his tongue and Ed almost shot off the bed.

With a husky laugh, Al lifted his head, rose to his knees and captured his trembling brother. Kissing him eagerly with a sweet and sticky mouth, he pulled Ed onto his lap, rolling him up like a pill bug. With one fluid motion, he impaled Ed on his aching spike.

It was too much. With a piercing shriek of ecstasy into Al's perfect mouth, Ed came hot hard and fast upon his little brother's silken belly, clamping around Al like a vise; legs wrapped around that slim waist and hands digging almost painfully into that velvety back. Al threw back his head, thrust several times in quick succession into his brother's body, and shuddered violently, his own cry of pleasure spiraling up to wind around that of Ed's.

Two days later, Ed and Al had their second argument. Ed was fuming. The whole two years in Terra they hadn't even said a cross word to each other. Less than two weeks back in Amestris, and already they'd had two fights, and the last one changed the course of their lives, forever. Mustang again approached Ed about reenlisting, this time in Al's hearing. Al thought it was a good idea.

"But, Niisan," he was saying earnestly, "it would be good for you. You know you haven't been truly happy without something meaningful to do."

"What the hell are you saying, Al?" Ed said crossly. "My life with you is very meaningful."

Al blushed, shooting a look at Mustang. "You know what I mean, Niisan."

"Yeah," Ed's voice was scathing. "What a hoot. The danger, the fights, the wars. Yeah. Meaningful."

Al was hurt by his brother's tone but hid it well. "Niisan, I know you. You won't be happy fixing tools and trucks and wheels. You were made to be a State Alchemist."

"What the hell do you know, Al?" Ed was incensed. "All you did was tag along…"

"Fullmetal!" Mustang was shocked.

Al's face turned very pale and his eyes filled with sparkling tears.

"…always in harms way and…" Ed's voice trailed away when he realized what he had said.

Al scrambled to his feet and ran out of the room.

"Al… wait!" Ed cried, taking off after him only to be pulled up short by Mustang's iron grip.

"What is wrong with you?" Mustang couldn't believe what he'd heard. Ed had never, ever spoken to and of Al that way ever before. Such a thing had been anathema to him.

"I didn't mean…"

"I don't know how things were for the two of you in Terra, Edward, but you never really got to see Al in action before he went there with you. After you left, he became one of the most powerful alchemists in the land. The State tried everything to get him to join, but he refused. He wanted to be free to search for you, to do whatever he had to get you back. And as I know you are aware, he was already a fantastic alchemist before. Almost as good as you. How could you even think, much less say to his face, that he knows nothing about being an alchemist? And no one knows better than Al what the life of a dog of the military is like. He was with you every step of the way."

"I know… I KNOW! I didn't mean it like that, I swear. Now let me go. I have to find him. To explain…" And Ed shook off Mustang's hand and ran after his brother.

But Al was nowhere to be found. Hours passed and there was still no sign of him. Not until darkness fell did Al finally return, his face pale and set.

Ed leapt off the bed where he'd been sitting tensely. "Al! I've been so worried about you. Where have you been? I have to…"

"Hello, Ed," the boy's voice was very quiet.

Ed winced. Ed? No… no Niisan? "Al… Angel… I'm sorry. I didn't mean it the way it came out. I didn't mean…"

"I think you did, deep down inside." Al quietly crossed to the wardrobe and pulled out his backpack.

"But Al, I only meant that you were always in danger. I can't bear that anymore and… and… Al… what the hell are you doing?"

Al was stuffing clothes into the pack. "You're right, Ed," his voice was low and shamed. "It's time I grew up. I've thought this out very carefully. I'm going to get a job. I'm going to be more than someone who just tags along behind his big brother."

"Al, no," Ed was white to the lips. "I didn't mean it the way it sounded, I swear!"

Al sighed. "Ed, someone has always taken care of me. First Mom, then you, then Aunt Pinaka, then you again… I have to learn to take care of myself now."

Ed felt sick. Damn his big thoughtless mouth! "Where will we go?"

"We're not going anywhere, Ed. I'm going. And I'll know when I get there."

Spots danced before Ed's eyes and for a moment, he thought he was going to pass out. "You're… you're leaving me?"

"It's not like that…"

"The hell it's not! You're going away without me. Al… Angel… Please… I'm sorry! I'm sorry! Don't do this… don't go. Or, if you must, take me with you! Let me be the one to tag along… Please…"

"Ed…"

"Please…" Ed moaned, stricken to the core. "Please… stop saying my name. I'm… I'm still your brother. Call me Niisan again, please, Angel. Please stay with me. Don't leave me. I'll reenlist, I promise! I'll do anything, anything you want. Please…"

"Don't do this, please…" Al's eyes filled with tears. "I have to go. I have to stop being a burden."

"STOP! You're not a burden! You never were! You never will be!" Ed flung himself at his brother's feet, clutching his legs like a limpet. "Look… I'm begging you, Angel… Stay… with me… Please… I'll do anything… be anything you want… If only you'll keep me… I need you… I love you… Oh, god, this can't be happening…. Al… Angel love… "

"Niisan, please… I know you say that I'm not a burden… but deep down inside, you think it. You do! You said…"

"I don't care what I said, dammit! I'm stupid, remember? You're not a burden! I love you! Don't leave me… Please…"

With a sob, Al broke away; or rather tried to. He was jerked painfully to a halt.

"NO!" Ed shrieked, maddened by fear and remorse and grief, his automail hand clamped around Al's ankle. "I won't let you... I can't let you… NO!"

"Ed… you're… you're hurting… me…"

With a shocked gasp, Ed let go, and Al was gone.

Mustang was scared. Pure and simple.

As soon as Ed got over the shock of laying a violent hand on his beloved brother, once again Al was nowhere to be found. Mustang quietly put out the word to find him, stricken by Ed's haunted eyes, but it was as if the boy had dropped from the face of the planet. And Ed… Ed was inconsolable. He hung around a few days, hoping Al would return. But days passed, and he grew more frightened with every passing hour. His nights were a nightmare. Unable to sleep, he soon became haggard and drawn. Then he ranged the countryside, sometimes for weeks at a time, searching, searching, desperately searching for what he had to have to live… his brother. He went to Liore… He wasn't there, nor had he been. Rose had heard nothing and was shocked to hear Al was missing. He went to Resembool, but there was no word or news either. Pinaka and Winry put out the word… Soon half the country was looking for Al, but there was no Al to be found. Ed kept going out, farther and farther away, but he always returned to Central only to leave immediately when he discovered there was no news of his missing other half. And every time he came back, he did so looking more and more gaunt, hollow eyed and lost. Mustang urged him to stay, at least long enough to eat and rest, but Ed refused. It was taken out of his hand at the great doors, though, for the young alchemist collapsed. Malnourished and dehydrated again, he had fallen prey to some mysterious fever. Privately, Mustang thought Ed was punishing himself for driving his brother away. However, things only got worse. When they tried to feed him, he always turned away. When they tried to force food down his scrawny throat, he fought back, violently at times. Not until he succumbed to delirium were they able to put him on an IV. But that was only a temporary measure. As soon as he roused, each and every time, he would jerk the needles out. Mustang spent hours staring down at the dull eyed, lank haired wraith that had once been his beautiful golden spitfire and knew that he was dying. The general neglected his duties, ignored his work, to sit beside Ed and hold his hand and beg him to live, but in vain. If not for Hawkeye, Central would have been in chaos. Al had been gone for months now. Surely, he would have come back by now… obviously Al meant not to come back. Not soon enough to save Ed, anyway. Mustang found it in his heart, despite the love he'd always had for the shy and sweet boy, to curse Al's name. Ed was dying and there was nothing anyone but his brother could do to save him, and his brother was gone.

The phone rang, and Hawkeye picked it up. "General Mustang's office, Lt. Hawkeye speaking."

"Lt. Hawkeye! It's so good to hear your voice! It's been so long…"

"Alphonse? Where are you?" She leapt to her feet.

"Oh, here and there," Al said evasively. "But oh, Lt., I have so much to tell you. I got a real job! It's not much, but it's a start and…"

"Alphonse Elric!" With those commanding words from Risa Hawkeye, and Al's bubbly voice fell silent. She gentled her voice once she knew she had his complete attention. "You need to come home right away."

Al's sigh was audible. "I can't, Lt., I have to prove myself to Ed and I can't do that with him always taking care of me."

"Alphonse… Edward is…" She hesitated, trying to put it delicately.

"Lt. Hawkeye, Ed and I…"

"Alphonse, he's dying."

There was a very long silence, and then the phone went dead.

In just over three hours, Al few up the steps to the hospital. In the foyer, Mustang was pacing. As the boy ran up to him, he fixed the younger Elric with a steely eye. "It's about damn time, Alphonse Elric." The older man's face and voice were forbidding and remote. "Where the fuck have you been?"

Al took one look at Mustang's pale set face and his heart sank. He'd hoped and prayed that Hawkeye's bombshell had been embellishment, even though he knew in his heart that she would never, ever say something like that when it wasn't completely true. "What happened?" He asked hoarsely.

"You happened." There was no give in the general's bitter voice.

For a moment, Al looked blank. "What do you mean?" Then his eyes narrowed angrily. Obviously, he'd been right after all. "If this is some plot of yours to make me come back…"

Something in Mustang snapped. "As if I would stoop to such a tactic… As if I would tempt fate with your brother's life…" He grabbed the boy in an iron grip and dragged him down the hall. "Here… look at my 'plot'." And he shoved Al into Ed's room.

Al staggered in, crossed over to the bed and was rooted to the spot in horror. That… that couldn't be Ed lying so pale and silent and still in that big hospital bed that made him look so small and frail.

"Please do not agitate him," a nurse said quietly from a nearby chair, startling the boy. "He's already pulled his IV out three times today."

"Well?" Mustang said harshly, despite the woman's admonition. "Are you satisfied with your handiwork, Alphonse?"

Al stared down into his brother's gaunt and skeletal face. "That can't… be Ed… No… It can't be…"

"I assure you it is," Mustang's voice was hard and inflexible. "This is what is left of him. The Fullmetal Alchemist is no more, and soon that will be the fate of Edward Elric as well."

"No!" Al cried. "It can't be… How? Why?"

"He couldn't live without you. You have been his reason for living for more years than one can count. His only reason. You left him… and he… gave up. There is some part of him that still thinks you might need him someday, so he can't actively commit suicide. But that part of him fades a little more every day. It won't be long until he's gone now." Mustang's fine dark eyes were tormented. How he loved the bright and beautiful boy dying in that bed.

"I didn't leave him!" Al was equally haunted. "I have to prove to him that I…"

"Yes, Alphonse, you did leave him. He looked and looked for you. When you never called, never came back, he knew you weren't going to. His reason for living was gone. You were gone. When he became too sick and weak to look for you anymore, he simply gave up. He stopped eating and fought us when he tried to make him eat. When he slipped into the state you see now, we hooked him up an IV. But every time he wakes, he pulls it out. He's trying to die and escape the torment of your loss. He's dying, and there was nothing any of us could do. It may already be too late for you as well. He's so… far away now… God…" Mustang turned away. "Why?" The older man's voice was thick with tears. "Why so long with no word? Why Alphonse?"

But all Al could do was stare down into his dying brother's face and curse his own name.

Al just barely managed to pull Ed back from the brink of death, but it was the end of the boy's world as he knew it. Ed did survive but would never be the same again. Something intrinsic in the young man died at some point between his collapse and the hospital. Those once golden eyes that sparkled with passion now were a dull yellow. His glorious hair lay flat and pallid upon his head and shoulders, even his perky little cowlick atop his bangs straggled as if too weak to stand up. He stayed thin and pale and wan, the faint pink of his lips and cheeks that so charmed Mustang never returned. As soon as he was strong enough, Ed silently walked into Mustang's office and dully enlisted in the State Alchemy program again. However, it became quickly apparent that Ed was no longer an alchemist. Oh, the talent was there, but the will was gone. Within two weeks, Mustang discharged him and took back the precious silver pocket watch. Ed did not so much as utter a protest, nor bat an eye. He ate if Al was nearby, but if Al was not, he would merely stare off into the distance. Once Al put a large glass of milk before him and told him to drink it. He did without even the slightest protest, to the last drop, and his expression never changed. He never smiled or laughed or cried. He showed no emotion at all, save to watch Al furtively like a hunted animal. He dogged his little brother's footsteps constantly, like an insubstantial shadow, but if Al moved suddenly, or spoke too loudly, he would slip away to hide. The only one he listened to was Al, and he would go where his brother told him to go, and do what his brother told him to do, without hesitation, and with all the vitality of a robot. Jibes about his height brought not even a flash of response. He seldom spoke. Sometimes the question would have to be repeated several times before he would reply in the shortest sentence possible. Usually he didn't answer at all. Only to Al would he respond every time, but in a frightened whisper. Mustang got them a little house in the countryside, and the two Elric brothers lived there together in terrible loneliness. There was no laughter, no joy. And no lovemaking either. Ed never initiated sex again. He would submit if Al wanted to, but it was a terrible passionless thing. After the second time, Al was too crushed to touch his brother even remotely sexually. And Ed never called Al Angel again.

Al was completely and utterly shattered. He cried an ocean of tears and even that did not bring any response from his brother. There was nothing Al could say or do to bring Ed back to vibrancy. He may have saved his brother's life, but he lost his soul. Edward Elric was gone. And Al had killed him. Slowly but surely, the boy began to wind down like a tired, broken clock. To Mustang's horror, Al began to follow his brother into emotional death. He grew more and more quiet, those warm and soft brown eyes turning distant and flat. His honey blond hair became as dull as Ed's, and sometimes he would go days without speaking. The day that Mustang came to visit for Ed's birthday and found both of them sitting so terribly silent and still on opposite ends of the couch, he knew both boys would fade away and die as silently and unobtrusively as they were now living. Al was almost as gaunt as Ed now, and on the kitchen table was the remains of a meal only partial eaten many days ago. The rest of the place was clean, for Al had always been a tidy soul, but it was layered in dust, and neither of them ever did anything anymore. Mustang knew he had to take action or they would lose both of them.

Again, Mustang tried anything he could think of, but both of them merely looked off into some distant point he couldn't see. Ok, fine. He would have to get drastic here. He studied the pair of them, knowing if he could somehow bring Ed back, Al would follow. Suddenly, the general leapt upon Al, doing a very convincing job of beating the boy, who did not put up even a finger in defense. Ed stirred with faint wrath and growled softly. But when Mustang stopped, he lapsed back into apathy. Heartened, he resumed his abuse of Al. There was a sudden blue flash of light and Mustang was slammed violently against the wall. Shaking off a painful daze, the general saw an expressionless Ed slowly sit back down, silent and still once more. Mustang realized that this particular tactic was not only fruitless, but unhealthy as well. Ed would surely kill him if he continued to endanger Al. Hmmm. Ok. He studied Al. Al was not so far gone as Ed, so maybe there was hope for him, at least. Ignoring the raw ache in his heart, Mustang threw Ed to the floor and began to sexually assault him.

Suddenly, Al flew off the couch, screaming and sobbing and cursing him, and leapt upon the older man. Mustang took several painful blows before he managed to roll off Ed and gather the weeping boy into his arms and comfort him. He felt only dull relief. He had succeeded, at least with Al. The younger boy was no longer sitting silently on the couch but was a bundle of raw painful grief. It was better than nothing. The general took them away from that terrible cottage that very day and brought them both home with him, knowing that if he left them, Al would again slip away like Ed was. As it was, the boy was very subdued and reluctant to talk. Then Mustang burned that haunted house to the ground.

Two days later, Mustang began to be filled with vague uneasiness. As night drew near, it turned to full blown dread. Frightened, he hurried to the room the Elrics shared, but found the door locked. Eerie blue light seeped out from under it.

"No," he whispered, terrified. Banging and shouting brought no response. He broke the door down and was horrified by what he found. "Alphonse, no!"

Ed lay still and silent in the middle of an activated transmutation circle. Al stood over him, naked but for alchemic designs painted in blood upon his alchemical points. Al was offering everything he was to save his brother, like Ed did for him four years ago. And Mustang knew it would end as tragically as it had before. He couldn't let that happen. He had to do something NOW! Already the power was flowing through Al's body, his lifeless blond hair drifting upon alchemic currents.

He sprinted madly towards the pair of them. "No, dammit, Al, not again… NO!" But he was too late. The moment his feet flew across the boundary and into the circle, everything went white.

"What the hell are you saying, Al?" Ed said crossly. "My life with you is very meaningful."

Mustang staggered, overcome by vertigo. What the…

"What's the matter with you, Mustang?" Irritably, Ed turned to the general.

Mustang took two steps and yanked him into his arms, burying his face in his hair. "Oh… Edward…"

"The Hell?" Ed struggled, startled. "What are you DOING, Mustang?"

"God, you're alive. Fullmetal. You're alright."

"Of course, I'm alright. Lemme go, dammit. What's come over you?"

But Mustang was ecstatic. Al had done it! Then he grew cold as ice. But at what cost? He looked over Ed's shoulder and grew very still.

Al swayed, as pale as death, one hand covering his mouth, and began to fall.

"Oh, god no," Mustang's voice was agonized. "No, Al…" and he pushed Ed aside in time to catch the falling boy before he hit the ground.

"Al!" Ed shouted, suddenly frightened. "What the hell is going on here?" He roughly shoved Mustang away and took his unconscious brother into his arms. "Al, Angel love… What's wrong?" He looked at the general where the older man sat, staring at Al with such a stricken face. "What the fuck is going on?"

Instantly, Mustang knew Ed must never, EVER know the events of the past year and what Al had just done for them all. "I… I don't know. I suddenly felt faint. Dizzy. Confused." Inwardly he winced. How lame was that? He was a damn general for god's sake. He'd planned a revolution and managed to carry it off, but he came up with this crap? He never could think straight around the Elric brothers.

Ed stared at him suspiciously, but when Al moaned softly in his arms, he was instantly diverted. He suddenly stood, picked Al up and carried him to their room. By the time he tucked his little brother into bed, Al was awake, but terribly pale and strangely weak.

Furiously, Ed turned on the general. "Something's happened. To both of you. You know, but as usual won't say. But dammit it all to hell, Mustang, this time you've involved Al."

Mustang held up his hands. "Now hold on, Edward. I haven't done anything."

"Bullshit! Then what the fuck was that about my being alive and alright? Why the hell did you hug me? We aren't lovers anymore! Don't lie to me! What have you done?" He took a menacing step towards the man. "If you've harmed him, in any way…"

"No, Niisan," Al said faintly, catching Ed's hand. "It's alright. I just felt a little sick again there. Perhaps whatever I had is getting to the general. Right?" He looked appealingly at Mustang.

Mustang grabbed this lifeline with both hands. "You may very well be right, Alphonse. I'll speak to the doctor right away."

"Bring him back with you!" Ed said, still watching the older man with suspicious eyes. "He needs to look again at Al too."

"I will, I promise." He walked to the boy on trembling legs and laid a hand upon his brow. "No fever…" With Ed behind him now, he slightly lowered his head. "Thank you," he whispered, almost silently. Al ducked his head, eyes filled with guilt. "No… we'll talk later." And with that, Mustang walked out of the room, closing the door behind him.

Ed instantly forgot him. He hovered over Al anxiously. "Are you alright? Al, please, please be alright. I couldn't bear it if you got sick again. Is there something I can do? Are you hungry? Thirsty? What can I do, Angel?"

Suddenly, Al's tense face relaxed into a starburst smile. "Angel…" he whispered gratefully. "Oh, Niisan…" And tears filled his eyes.

"Al!" Ed grew more concerned. He sat on the edge of the bed and pulled Al into his arms. "Angel, you're scaring me. Tell me what I can do for you?"

"Hold me, Niisan. Just hold me. Forever."

When the doctor arrived, Mustang sent a resentful Ed out of the room. He did not want the young man to hear the questions that Mustang would ask. As soon as he was allowed back in, Ed listened quietly to the doctor's assurances that Al seemed fine. He could only look at Mustang, and note the pale, tense look in the older man's face. Something wasn't right. And Al knew about it too.

"There's nothing wrong with the boy that I can find, but I will have to run more tests at the hospital to be sure."

Mustang listened quietly to the doctor's report. "Not right now. I will bring him if it proves to be necessary. I just wanted you to look him over for me. He was so terribly sick before, and this collapse concerned me."

The doctor looked curiously at the general. "Sir, why did you ask me about possible missing organs?"

Mustang waved his hands airily. "His mentor died from a loss of organs. He's always been nervous about such things and I just wanted him to hear you confirm that he was fine." He apologized silently to Al for making the boy sound like some neurotic idiot. Smiling faintly, Mustang escorted the doctor out of his house, but the report did not ease his mind at all. He knew full well that such drastic alchemic feats always left the user… changed forever. With Izumi Curtis, she'd lost a great deal of her internal organs. Ed and Al had lost limbs and a whole body. Scar's brother had lost his mind. This was no failed human transmutation, but it was so close it was frightening. Mustang just know that somewhere down the line, they would have to deal with whatever Al lost to bring Ed back.

When he returned to the boy's room, Al was sleeping, but Ed was gone. Uneasily, the general went back to his office. And there Ed sat, one leg crossed over his knee, in Mustang's big chair. The look on the young man's face actually scared him.

When Mustang came back in, Ed rose slowly, his young face frozen. "You will tell me… right now… what the hell happened."

"I… I don't know what you mean, Fullmetal."

"DON'T LIE TO ME!" Even Ed jumped at his own furious shout. "I listened at the door. Missing organs? Al's never once been afraid he was missing organs. But you were. WHY?"

"Ed…"

"Don't you 'Ed' me, Roy Mustang. Something happened in this office earlier today. Something that affected only you and Al. Something that's making my Angel lie in that bed as weak as a kitten. But you seem fine. I'm getting scared, Roy Mustang, and I don't do scared well. I love you both and something happened to both of you before my very eyes and I don't know what! And now you're worried about Al missing organs? I don't understand! I have to understand! Please… Roy. Tell me. I must know! Is… is Al dying?" Ed watching something intangible in the man slump and admit defeat. Instead of elation that he'd pierced the general's armor, he only felt more frightened. Something was terribly, terribly wrong with Al. Suddenly, he blanched. "Izumi… Teacher… NO! I was right there! You can't tell me that Al did human transmutation. I was right there, and he was fine one moment and the next your worried about the results of human transmutation in Al?" He lunged over the desk in a single bound and seized Mustang by the throat. "TELL ME!"

Mustang flung Ed away, and the young man staggered back, falling onto to the couch next to the very spot where he'd torn the cover off the cushion in passion just a few days ago, and that Mustang had repaired almost a year ago. With a trembling finger, Mustang pointed to the ruined cushion. "Tell me, Ed," his voice was shaking. "How long ago did you do that?"

Ed turned beet red. "What the hell does that have to do with anything?"

"Answer me!"

"FINE!" He thought a moment. "Nine days ago."

"No, Ed. You tore that cushion almost a year ago. Almost a year." Mustang was whispering, lost in the frightening events of the past that Ed no longer could remember. He was terrified of what would happen if Ed ever did remember.

"That's impossible! What the hell are you saying?" Ed's face was white. He wanted to scream at the general to stop jerking him around, but the older man's eyes were sick, haunted.

"You were… dead inside, Edward. Everything that made you who and what you are was gone. You were an empty shell. And Al… Alphonse was dying for want of you. Then… then… he did human transmutation on you. And it worked! You're back and fine, thank god. But now… I'm worried. What price did Alphonse pay? What price to bring you back?"

Ed fell back against the back of the couch, his face as white as bleached bone. "What… what happened?" Mustang was too freaked out for any of this to be a sham.

"NO! I won't say! God, I will never, ever forget the sight of you both, silent and still as broken dolls. NO!" And to Ed's horror and fright, the general was crying. And not quietly either, but full-blown sobs and rivers of tears in a blanched and frightened face. "I don't want to remember. I won't remember." Suddenly, Mustang choked the violent emotion back. "And if you love your brother, you won't ask him to remember either."

Ed leapt to his feet. "How can you say that? You tell me I was dead inside, and that Al was dying because of it. Now you tell me he's done human transmutation and we BOTH know there is always some dreadful price to pay with that. Now you're crying like a baby and won't tell me? What happened?"

"I killed you."

Startled, both men turned and saw Al standing in the door of the office, gripping the neck of his robe. "I love you and I killed you, Niisan. I'm sorry, so sorry. I didn't mean to kill you inside, Niisan. I... went away. I thought I was doing a good thing. I thought I was growing up. But I killed you. I killed you inside…" He looked reproachfully at Mustang. "You told him. Now he's going to go away inside from me again. I… can't… I can't… go through that… again… To know… he'll never call me Angel again… To know… I did it. I… did… it…"

To Ed's abject horror and fear, all animation fled from his brother's face. In the space of a heartbeat, Al went from being a vivid doe eyed, pink cheeked youth to a haggard and drawn old man. His hand dropped limply from the neck of his robe, the lapels falling open to reveal he had nothing under it. But the boy didn't move to close it again. Didn't care. Mustang's term of broken doll raced through his mind. Al had become a broken doll.

"No…" Mustang was moaning, crying again. "Not again… Please god, not again."

Instantly Ed knew he didn't want to know if it cost him his brother. He would live with the uncertainty of not knowing if only Al would stop looking so… broken… Suddenly, he smiled brightly, shoved Mustang onto the couch and hurried over to Al. "Angel love! What are you doing up? Did you have a bad dream?"

He led his brother to the couch, being sure to position the boy so he couldn't see Mustang trying to recover. "Al, my angel. You shouldn't be up. You've been so sick. I love you. You have to rest and get better, ok?"

The vague look began to fade from his face. "Niisan…?"

"Yes, Angel. I'm here. Let's go to bed, ok? If you have another bad dream, I'll be right there to hold you and love you and call you Angel a hundred times a day. Ok?"

Al's hands crept up to rest lightly on his brother's throat. "A bad dream?" He stared deep into Ed's eyes and the knowledge of the past hung between them.

Ed moaned softly and began to kiss him hotly. No, he couldn't let Al slip away from him. Whatever happened in the past, let it stay there, and let him keep his brother's soft dewy brown eyes, pink lips and cheek, smooth and creamy ivory flesh. "Yes." Between slow, deep kisses, not caring that Mustang was there to see him practically making love to Al on the very same couch he and Mustang had trysted upon a few days ago… no, a year ago.
"A bad dream… just a bad dream… Oh, Angel, I love you so…"

"Just… a bad dream…" Al echoed between kisses. "Yes… Niisan…" With one last lingering kiss, Al fell asleep in Ed's arms, a slight smile on his face.

Ed stood back up, and carefully lifted Al into his arms again and carried him back to the room. He nestled his brother back into the bed, tossing the unneeded robe over the foot of the bed.

Mustang followed him silently, wondering fearfully what would happen next. "Edward… about what happened… You…"

Ed held up his hand. "I don't want to know. It's not worth it. I have everything, everything I ever wanted, right here in this room. I have my brother, AND his body back. We're home, where we belong. And you're here. Everything and everyone I love is here. I'm home. And I will destroy anything that might endanger what Al and I have worked and suffered so to find. I'm… content. It's enough. More than enough." He smiled at Mustang, so… so… Ed-like that the older man felt something loosen in his chest. Then, without a word, Ed stripped down to his bare hide, Mustang's presence notwithstanding. He turned and grabbed Mustang's hand. "Thank you," he whispered, kissing the general's lips softly. "For everything." Then he turned and snuggled into the bed, pulling his little brother's body closer in the way that Mustang found so enchanting. He yawned massively. "Turn out the light when you go, would you, Mustang? See you in the morning…" And he buried his face into his brother's neck.

With a bemused smile, Mustang did as he was bid.