This is officially the longest chapter I've had to write. EVER.

So, Thennie's not here because she's working, and at long last after balancing the long Olympus Got Talent! with the shorter Olympian Sniffles, I am able to post a new chapter! Yay! Here's some stuff to get out of the way!

Credit goes out once again to KendraPJO for her fantastic idea about Leo. Thennie and I took it and ran with it, and credit goes out for the awesome idea that made this chapter even funnier and less of a pain to write because of all the exposition! Second, this chapter contains a small cross over into The Kane Chronicles universe, but it's not for long and you'll probably get it since it's laid out quite smoothly and obviously. Will there be more in the future? Only in places where it is skippable, but not enough to call this a cross over fanfiction.

Thirdly, Thennie and I want to thank everyone who has been reading, following, favoriting and reviewing both Olympus Got Talent! and Olympian Sniffles. I can tell which one has been better received, but I still have enjoyed writing both of them and hope you will continue reading both in the future. This story is long, but to me, that can be part of the charm and effort I need to put in to writing it!

Fourth, Loki. Oh, and the Hercules Busts Heads opening. We didn't try. If we had tried, we would have spent way more time writing this chapter and made a really awesome theme song, but... you'll have to deal with it. Even the gods think it's horrible!

Now, onto the disclaimer that I feel I cannot do because Thennie isn't here and I'm fresh out of ideas!

DISCLAIMER

I've run out of Canadian jokes. You Americans never would, and Rick wouldn't cuz Texas. Therefore, we are not Rick Riordan!


"What's your name, kid?"

"Oh, uh... Leo. Leo Valdez." Leo said, trying to mask the nervousness in his voice with what little confidence one is able to grasp with a tall, muscular man with no shirt, wicked dragon tattoos and a fading Russian accent looming over you in a prison, asking you for your name. "Why do you ask?" he managed.

"It's a good ice-breaker. Especially with you new kids." They were silent. Leo sat in an orange jumpsuit in a cell with six other men, all of whom were slumped forward in their benches, staring at him with buzz cuts and uneven bangs, sleep deprived eyes and not a sign of any hope of freedom. "Are you Mexican?"

"Half... Why?" The big man snorted.

"We don't get many Mexicans in Canada." he said, jabbing his huge hand at the African man in the corner of the bench, leaned against the wall, shuffling a deck of odd looking cards. "The Reaper is, don't get the wrong idea, from Egypt. He was thrown in here for..?"

"Trying to steal the Canadian flag." The Reaper finished. "I have this burning passion of red things. I actually wanted to be called The Rockin' Red Reaper, but it was too long for these thugs to bother with."

"Wait, you guys all have nicknames?" Leo asked. The big man nodded.

"Based on our crimes. Except The Reaper. He just threatened us with curses and killed Bottle Capt. with some strange magic he picked up in Egypt. Earned him an extra five years." The Reaper smiled proudly and returned to shuffling his cards. "This," he began, pointing to the man beside him. "Is Scar. Bottle Capt. named him, since he was here first, and was really unoriginal. We're actually thankful he's gone."

"I got this scar while trying to help a little girl unhook her wrecked tights from the chains on her bike." Scar said, pointing to the scar across his chest. "Her parents had the wrong idea. I was too shy to speak in court." Everyone else clapped for him as Scar retreated his head into his hands. The big man leaned into Leo.

"Scar has some anxiety. You've gotta be soft on him. He's a really sweet guy. Next, we have Butch." Butch, despite what his name suggested, was smaller than the average man in prison and had pudgy little arms. Leo thought he looked like a kid not enjoying himself trapped inside a grown man's body. "Tell him what you did, Butch."

"I ran a little hot dog stand in a park." Butch began, twisting his hands around. "One day, I was cutting wieners for my new hot dog chili and raised my knife too high. The poor bird was decapitated right in front of a police man."

"That's Spoons. He doesn't say much, and we won't tell you what he did. It's not R rated." Spoons sat beside Butch, who was clearly uncomfortable. He was tall, skinny and everything about him was thin. He didn't say anything, but smiled at Leo in a way that made his paper thin lips fade away. Leo made a mental note to avoid Spoons, but give the guy a chance.

"Why won't you tell me?" he asked. "I'm practically seventeen." He regretted asking this question as soon as the big man who was doing all the talking placed his massive hand on Leo's tiny shoulder. It took all his courage and willpower not to poop out some fire, but he would totally go for one of Hera's fireplaces right now.

"For the same reason Bottle Capt. will never be mentioned again. That guy under the bench is Frosty." Leo's eyes drilled little holes in the back of the head of the man seated in the corner under the bench facing the walls, curled up in a tiny little ball. "We call him Frosty for a number of reasons." the man began, taking his hand off Leo's shoulder so he could feel it again. "He's always cold and has really pale skin, but when he gets emotionally charged up, his skin turns this funny shade of blue. His mind is also a bit frosty. He thinks he's from this place called Ass-Guard, which is why he was thrown in here, asking a young woman at a cosplay convention how to get to Ass-Guard. It fell apart quite quickly."

"Hey, how come you guys are all over there and I'm the only one on the bed?" Leo asked. Clearly, he wasn't dangerous, just down right sexy.

"It's a little tradition we have." Butch explained. "We let the new guy take the bed for a week before we rotate between the bunks, benches, toilet and floor."

"Canadian prisons don't actually work like this, right?"

"Does the plot look like it has time for that?" The Reaper asked. Leo shook his head. "Didn't think so."

"Anyways, I'm The Water Boy." The big man said. Leo started to chuckle, holding his hand over his mouth and biting the muscle between his thumb and index finger to avoid laughing. He had heard some predictable, yet threatening prison names, but now he was faced with a name so stupid for such a big man. Had he named himself?

"And why do they call you that?" Leo managed, his lip trembling. All he could picture when he thought of a water boy was The Water Boy dressed in tiny shorts and a muscle t-shirt and a ball cap for his favorite baseball team, running around the field handing out water bottles to players that weren't even half his size and carrying injured players to the bench using one hand.

"Because I single-handedly drowned 10 people in a pool back in Russia." Leo began to cough violently to hide his laughter, now officially terrified. The others had done some pretty innocent things as far as Leo could tell, except for Spoons and The Reaper, but now he was being watched over by a 300 pound Russian murderer who had managed to defect to Canada unnoticed, giving him the ability to be able to murder Leo in his sleep. "It was nearly twenty years ago," The Water Boy began, leaning back into a dream-like flash back state. The other men in the cell groaned. Clearly, this was something they never looked forward to. "I had fallen in love with a beautiful woman, and she told me she was expecting our child right before the incident happened. She was so beautiful… magnificent… In fact, to this day, I still haven't had eyes for anyone besides my lovely Afrodita Venera… But, after the murders… I had to run. We weren't living together or married, so she wouldn't be dragged in if I left Russia at the time. She told me I had to run and she would keep our child safe, but… I never did see either of them again. I was in hiding for five years until I had to get surgery on my jaw after I got in a fist fight. The laughing gas made me confess, and the police were called immediately. But… I guess now that being in prison is a lot better than being on the run for my life, and now no harm will come to my Afrodita and child…"

"I feel bad for you, man." Leo replied, not sure what to say as he received careful looks from the other men. "Wait… you said you haven't fallen for any other women since you met her?" The Water Boy nodded. Leo bit his lip. That sounded very familiar to him, but he couldn't place it. Even her name, Afrodita…

"I'm in a similar situation." The Reaper began, pocketing the deck of cards he was shuffling possibly just to look cool. "I was, well… I guess you could say I was the right hand man of the president of a huge company. Then, one day, he got hurt pretty bad in the parking facility near the main office building. Luckily, my sister in-law was looking after him in the hospital, and we all knew he was in good hands since she was a brilliant doctor and surgeon. But after he recovered, he retired from his status as president and… passed the position down to my older brother, of all people, instead of me. In his retirement speech, he had told us that it was out of gratitude to my brother's wife that he made him president, but… That's when I began to slip. I was married to a beautiful woman who worked as a life guard at a huge pool here in Ontario, and we were very happy until the president retired. It was a month after this that we discovered she was two months pregnant with our child. I had done some research and thinking that lead me to believe that my sister in-law had done something to the president to force him to give up his position. From that point on, I was obsessed with avenging him and expressing my anger to her for playing her way to get her husband in charge. I began to go crazy, and I was always very caring and overprotective of my wife. But she saw the changes in me that I had tried so desperately to hide and frightened her. On the day our son was born, I stayed with her that night until I went home to pick up everything she and my son needed, but when I returned, they were gone."

"Oh my God, man." Butch said, resting a hand on The Reaper's shoulder. His eyes looked tired and bloodshot, like he had cried over this many times. "What happened after that?"

"Hey, don't force the poor guy to continue." Scar said. "We all have dark parts we don't want to repeat."

"But, he was so cute! How can I not think about him and talk about how cute my son was?" The Reaper continued, staring into his lap. "You want to know what happened to them? My wife went into hiding and moved away, doing whatever she could to get away from us. She left our son with my brother and his wife, out of fear that I would do something to them. But I wouldn't. I'd never. I love them so much. I don't care if she's ashamed of her choice or whatever weakness she feels because of it or if she's afraid of me. I just want her to know that I love her too much to ever let anything like that stand in the way. That willpower to give up our kid for the greater good takes serious guts that no one who knew her would have either thought her to be capable of. And, as for my son, I don't want to let the way he was brought up to hate me, because of what I apparently did to his mother, keep us apart or stop me from feeling I need to be there for him. Just a while ago, his world was about to end. He was in love with a girl and trying to prevent the loss of a friend and knew that his choice would influence her greatly, and I couldn't be there for him. I couldn't give him advice or push him forward or even say I was proud of him. But, I don't know which hurts more. Knowing you can't be there for your child when you haven't a clue where they are, or knowing you can be there when they don't want you to find them."

The sound of many small pieces of metal was heard on the floor outside their cell. The men all turned to see the huge ring of prison keys fallen to the floor at the feet of an African woman with long wavy black hair and a boy who looked to be in his late teens with freakishly pale skin and reminded Leo a lot of Nico di Angelo. The woman held her hand to her mouth, her eyes swelling up with gallons of tears.

"Oh gods…" the boy grumbled, moving his hand to his forehead. "You made her cry…"

"Set!" Nobody in the cell was able to register what followed until about five seconds after it happened; the woman ripped off the door to the jail cell, threw it down the hall, ran into the cell and hugged The Reaper tightly around his chest, burying her head in his shoulder as she began bawling. The other men quietly huddled into a corner to watch. "Do you really mean all that you said? Do you really love me that much?" The Reaper pulled her tightly into a hug.

"Yes. I spoke the truth so harshly that if I held the famed Feather of Truth in both hands, it would melt away and glow with the power of my love for you."

"I'm sorry…"

"Don't be. It's all over now. You're both here and I love you so much that if I harmed either of you even the smallest amount, I would throw myself to Ammit and take pleasure in being devoured, knowing that I would never live to see the day I repeat my actions foolishly." The woman continued to cry and spoke softly in a different language. "I love you even more." He replied. "You're still the same crybaby as ever, huh? I'll be able to comfort you now, so the next time you cry, you won't have to be alone." They exchanged the embrace even longer. Leo heard someone sniffle behind him. He took a wild guess it was The Water Boy.

The boy standing in the entrance cleared his throat.

"Father, we should be leaving soon." He began. "We came here to bail you out, not renew our vows in a jail cell."

"Oh, can't you wait to see your girlfriend until later?" The Reaper asked, rolling his eyes and chuckling as his son's face turned bright red, playing all the right strings to get him aggravated. "Besides, look, your poor mother is crying. We have to take care of her first! Where are your manners, Mister I'm-In-Love-Sadie-Kane?"

"Shut up, Father…" he mumbled. They proceeded to have an argument with hand motions and mouthing angry words at one another until the boy eventually joined his parents in their hug. His mother began to cry all over again, speaking in that strange different language as she hugged her son.

"Shh… Look, everyone's back together now, see?" The Reaper said, stroking his wife's hair as he kissed her head. "You don't have to cry anymore!"

"She's happy, you idiot!" the boy snapped.

"I'm so glad… I'm so relieved that we can finally live like a normal family…" she sniffled, emerging from his shoulder. She smiled at him and pulled their son in closer. "Set, I…"

"Stop talking or you'll start crying all over again! We get it! Or do I have to stop the talking for you?" The other men were enjoying this, all of them tearing up as The Reaper kissed his wife and their son found his way out of the cell awkwardly. The Reaper lifted his wife into his arms and carried her bridal style. "If you won't stop crying, I'll have to carry you the way Ozzy and I did when we were kids!"

"No! Set!" His wife laughed. "I'll do anything! Come on! I love you!"

"I love you, too, Neph. Now let's go see how that Carter Kane is doing, huh? I hear someone in New York destroyed the world!" And with that, he turned and left the cell with his wife in his arms. Suddenly, Frosty leapt up from his corner of the floor and ran to the entrance to the cell.

"Set!" he called. The Reaper spun around.

"Yeah?"

"Why is your son white?" Spoons slapped him.

"Oh my God, Frosty! You can't just ask people why they're white!"

"This is no time for questions! Can't you see I need to tend to my lady and shower her in affection? All your questions shall be answered when I take over the world! Hahaha!" The Reaper looked down at his wife. "Just kidding, honey, I'm not actually serious. That was just a phase. Now laugh with me! Hahahaha!" Frosty picked up the set of prison keys from the ground and jingled them at his mates.

"Who's up for a little mischief?" he asked, a naughty glint in his eyes. The others mimicked his smile.

"Frosty, what's gotten into you?" Spoons asked, sending a chill down Leo's spine. Gods, he was creepy! Frosty just smiled and laughed.

"I am the monster parents tell their children about at night."


The Olympians sat around the table in a meeting room provided by the hotel, Zeus, Poseidon and Hades seated at the head. The brothers had been bailed out that afternoon by Hermes and Athena, instead of that evening because, quote Hestia, Aithera needed Hades or else no one in the province of Ontario would sleep that night. Currently, the day-old goddess was sleeping in her scarf and blanket in Hades' arms, which he was glad for, since being in prison with your two little brothers can be rather nerve destroying and holding a baby helps you feel better, but also so no one would yell and start an avalanche of pipes bursting or thunder storms in February when she woke up.

"I didn't say anything yesterday because of the… eventfulness that came with it." Zeus began, glancing over at Aithera. "But… Hades has once again proved that he is the strongest drinker on Olympus when it comes to foreign alcohol." Persephone clapped from the other end of the table beside Demeter, who was careful to avoid her I.V as she placed her daughter's hands on her lap. "However, he has also won against me in a bet." Zeus continued. "The conditions of that bet were very simple; the winner has the right to do whatever they please to the other, regardless of what the other thinks. Surely, by now, you are aware that Hades has attempted this several times before over the course of our staying here, embarrassed himself by losing repeatedly, but now, he has finally prevailed." The room was quiet, stiff and tense. No one seemed to be breathing; the only sound to hear was Chiron's tail swishing quietly against the wall as he surveyed the demigods he had specifically been asked to bring with him to the emergency meeting; Percy, Annabeth, Piper, the Stolls, Nico, Will Solace for some reason and a very tired Thalia, having just come in with the Hunters of Artemis from their trip across the US and rubbing the bandage covering her beaver bite. Luckily, she hadn't run into any polar bears. "Hades will now ruin our lives. You may now cancel the insurance on each of your thrones and palaces." Zeus sighed, seating himself as Hades rose beside him. It was difficult to look menacing while holding a baby, but Hades somehow managed it.

"For the record, Zeus, I am not that mean." He began. "As satisfying as the position as ruler of a whole pantheon sounds, eons of experience have taught me that the last thing I will ever want to do is live under the same roof as Demeter and babysit a bunch of small children trapped in adult bodies." Hermes, Apollo and Ares snickered. "Not only that, but if I took such actions, I'm certain the lot of you would have a rebellion planned and have me dead within a matter of seconds of leaving Olympus. Then there would be the other pantheons to deal with and all the paper work and, perhaps the worst part, Mother Rhea." All the Olympians shuttered. "Not only that," Hades continued. "But it would cause much pain for Persephone that I would die before causing." Hestia sniffled. "Hestia?"

"Sorry, sorry… That was just so sweet!"

"You'll never win her back from me with complements, jerk face!" Demeter snorted, her arm around Persephone, who was singing softly in Italian as she braided her I.V cords. Hades let his shoulders drop a little, relaxing. The old Olympian spirit was coming back, making his job a little easier.

"So, without disrupting any godly rules and to make us thoroughly enjoy our time here," Hades said, clearing his throat. "You are not to yell, scream, transform into your godly forms or spout haikus. The twelve Olympians will be performing in a talent show."

Crickets.

Greek Crickets.

Greek Crickets eating Greek yogurt.

Greek Crickets eating yogurt, playing the Greek lyre.

Greek Crickets in the Greek country side.

Happy, little, Ancient Greek Crickets.

No one yelled, screamed, transformed into their godly forms or spouted haikus. The tension in a room full of divine beings was enough to make Percy's ears ring, the room humming with power and buzzing off the walls. Hera's coffee mug shattered, Athena's glasses broke, Hermes' winged shoes fluttered, Poseidon's trident shimmered like water, Ares farted. No one dared to breathe or blink. Percy and Annabeth exchanged quick eye contact. They knew that even the demigods would be involved somehow and would live to regret it for the rest of their lives.

"It's better than another Great Prophecy, right?" Hades responded, trying to lighten the mood as he himself tried very hard not to laugh at the stupid looks the Olympians were giving him. Oh, it was his favorite expression. You know, the one that said they wanted to murder him? It didn't help matters at all, the room filling with more angry godly energy, Aithera squirming in her blanket and whining. Apollo cheered. Everyone fixed their murder stares at him at the same time as Aithera began crying.

"She's awake now, so that means I can yell." Z eus began, turning on his brother and pulling his Master Bolt out of thin air. "You could have-"

"Stop! Stop! Time out!" Poseidon cried, stepping between them and taking Aithera from Hades. "Now, you may kill each other."

"You could have taken my seat of power, kept your wife forever or even become supreme Lord of the Universe, but instead, you're making us do a talent show?!" Zeus screamed, banging his fist on the table and cracking it in half. "What kind of idiot are you?! I didn't know they made people this stupid! You're making us do silly little circus acts so you can be entertained while we're in Canada, you tried so hard to beat us in bets that could have ended horribly on your end, and yet this is all you do?!" Hades nodded.

"Now, if you wouldn't mind, stop yelling. You're scaring Aithera." He replied, watching as Poseidon tried to calm her down. "The rules to this game are simple. You will be divided into randomly drawn teams of two, so there will be six teams in total. Each round of performing will include the elimination the team that was least liked by the crowd, and after your first round… Let's just say I will be making it a little more difficult for you. Since history established that gods can't complete their little jobs or quests on their own, the demigods will be helping you piece together a little act, two per team. Also, you may not do an act in the same category as another team; for example, there cannot be two groups doing comedy and two doing magic acts. You will need to decide your act category by tomorrow evening at the latest, though I am not forcing you to work on these now. You will have one week to prepare yourselves starting tomorrow. I believe that's it. Now, take these cards." A dozen floating cards appeared magically in front of the Olympians, hovering in the air. "Find the person with the same number on their card after this meeting has been concluded. Demigods-"

"Oh, hold on a moment. It looks like you're a little short on numbers." Hera began, placing her hands to her temples and closing eyes. Percy had a sneaking suspicion that she was the only other immortal in the room who was actually enjoying herself. "I've been meaning to do this for a while, anyway."

"Hera." Zeus began, glancing at her cautiously. "What are you doing?"

"Shopping." His wife answered. "I'll take that one… No, not that one… Or that one, I'm certain he's psychotic… Oh! Two for one deal! Who could pass that up?" She clapped her hands in front of her. "Sold! Zeus, I must borrow your Master Card."

"Hera." She made a pouty face.

"Come on! You know Iris charges triple for service like this!"

"What did you buy?"

"Not what, dear, who. But fine, be that way. I'll just use Poseidon's."

"What?! How did you get that?" Hera pulled out the ocean themed card from her pocket.

"Hermes!" she chimed. Hermes smiled and waved at Poseidon. Aithera laughed. Hera was rubbing off on her already.

Suddenly, there was a large poof of sparkles in the middle of the room. When they died down, the first revealed Jason, who was wearing nothing but a lightning bolt printed towel around his waist, which was dangerously close to falling off, while he dried his hair with another, singing very out of tune.

"Long ago in Ancient Greece,

There were monsters roaming everywhere,

People need a hero so they don't get eaten,

Look over there! Could it be?

Yes! No! Yes!

It's HERCULES!

HERCULES!

Busts Heads!

With his really strong muscles and cool lion skin!

He will defeat any monster and slay any beast!

And beat the crap out of Hera's traps!

He's... HERCULES!"

"Cool lion skin comes before strong muscles." Zeus said. "If your voice is that bad, you can at least get the lyrics right." Percy was willing to bet Jason jumped at least a good foot in the air. Also, he wasn't sure whether to be highly amused or eternally scarred. Jason screamed.

"Dad? Where are you?" Hera pursed her lips.

"Oh, that's right. Glasses. I forgot he was trying to make it diverse so everyone could fit in." she said, innocently. She snapped her fingers and Jason's glasses appeared on his nose. He screamed even louder now that he could see everyone who was in the room. Piper was looking away, trying desperately to hide how red her face had gotten. Aphrodite whistled appreciatively. Luckily for Jason, the attention was turned away from him fairly quickly when a second explosion of sparkles appeared beside him. When it vanished, the Olympians and co. stared in awe at the two demigods before them.

Hazel and Frank were kissing. No, scratch that. They were making out. Very passionately. Frank was also shirtless. Aphrodite was hyperventilating and frantically fanning herself.

"Frazel!" she squeed, so high that no one could hear her. They kept at it for about two minutes. No one stopped them as the atmosphere in the room grew increasingly awkward. Nico and Hades looked like they were ready to blast Frank into the Underworld. Eventually, Ares, very silently, stood behind Frank and cleared his throat loudly.

Frank screamed. Hazel screamed. Frank screamed and turned into an ostrich and attempted to bury his head in the non-existent sand. He hit the ground so hard that he turned back into a very dazed Frank.

Hazel screamed and made a huge diamond explode from the ground behind her, nearly hitting Apollo in the head. She curled up in a little Hazel ball on the ground and tried to calm herself from the scare.

"Dad!" Frank began, stammering, his face very red. "I… I mean… Um… We… Uh… You… I…" Ares placed his hand on Frank's shoulder.

"Listen, Frank, I'm not mad at you." He began. He leaned in so close to Frank that it made them both feel uncomfortable. "I just want you to know that next time you guys kiss, push a little harder." Ares began, making the situation twice as awkward. "Women, I mean, they're like vipers! Us men, we're cobras, but them women, they kiss like, well… Vipers."

"Dad, you say that like you've actually kissed a viper before. Do you know what that feels like?"

"Do you?"

"No!"

"Well, no, I have never kissed a snake. Wait… Well…" he furrowed his brow as if in deep thought. "There was that one time when your mom and I were snuggling and I hit her in the leg and she turned into a boa constrictor."

"Dad, I don't need to hear about that."

"Actually, I think you were born, like, nine months later…"

"Dad!"

"Silence!" Zeus yelled. Everyone but Aithera obeyed. Quickly, Hades explained the rules of the talent show again while Piper ran to get Jason some new clothes fit for the Canadian climate and Poseidon made funny faces with Aithera. Meanwhile, Hera was doing another headcount.

"Oh, darn it." she muttered to herself. "We're still one short. Does anyone have any suggestions?"

"How about that kid from the coffee shop?" Hades asked. "He was fun! I can't remember his name, though… It sounded cold…"

"No, I think we should get Reyna. I like her." Piper said.

"No, she can't." Jason began. "She's got her hands full at Camp since Frank and I are gone."

"It's a shame that Valdez boy burned up." Hera mused. "He really isn't much use to us now, is he?" Over in the corner, Hephaestus burst into tears. "And he did so well not being burnt up when he was a baby, too…" she continued. "You know, I considered dumping gasoline on him once, just to see how it would work. Though, I suppose the explosions did help speed things up a little…"

"Mommy, stop!"

"Hephaestus, grow up! But, it really is a shame he won't just miraculously come back to life… Right, Hephie-poo?"

"Actually…" Percy began, managing to speak before the forge god drowned himself in another wall of tears. "We got a ton of postcards at the border, and all of them are addressed to me and the others… and we think they're from Leo, judging by the amount of pictures with Leo in them, and we checked with Hades and apparently you can't send postcards from, well, hell."

"So that was you!" Hades said, recalling the events from when he and his brothers went drunk bowling. Hera pursed her lips and furrowed her brow.

"I don't believe you. I'm going to need some proof. I watched him die, and I almost laughed, but I didn't. Proof. Now. That's an order, Jackson. Do you want to lose your memory again?" She laughed. "Oh, look, Jason's trembling! How cute!" Percy pulled a wad of crumpled postcards and photos from his pocket and began to flip through them, standing before Hera in her seat.

"Here's one of him and… Oh gods… Is that Calypso?!"

"Calypso?" Annabeth chided.

"Nothing!" Percy replied.

"Eeeeee!" Aphrodite fangirled. "They got together! I honestly, like, forgot about, like, Calypso after, like, Battle of the, like, Labyrinth, but OMU! CALEO!"

"Anyway," Percy continued, quickly. "Here's one of them in… Greece. Flipping the bird at a statue of…" he flipped the postcard over. "Hera, it seems. Umm… Here's one in Rome… Mooning a statue of Juno… Great… This is the Smithsonian, biting their thumbs at a statue of Zeus this time… Wait, you're there, too, My Lady… Uh…" Hera grabbed the postcards.

"I think that's quite enough proof, Jackson."

"Wait…" Frank said, finally picking up on what was going on. "Leo's alive? But, we had a funeral for him and everything!"

"Well…" Annabeth grumbled. "That never stopped Percy." He mouthed a quick I love you to her, who raised her eyebrows back at him.

"But, how?"

"The death potion thingy!" Piper exclaimed. "I'd forgotten about that!"

"Sneaky little…" Hephaestus chuckled, before launching into a full blown evil laugh, which sounded strikingly a lot like Hera's. His hair caught fire.

Poseidon shot a bubble of water at him, which popped over his head and extinguished the flames. Aithera cooed and began to reach up for Poseidon's hand, looking for more bubbles.

"Hey, you don't think that Mexican kid in the cell across from us could have been Leo, could it?" Hades asked Zeus, who regained his place in his chair as Hera used magic to fix the table. "We must have gotten too used to seeing Mexicans in prison and mixed up our thoughts so we believed we were in the States…"

"Yes, Hades, I figured that much." Zeus grumbled, waving his hand to shoo him away. "Hermes, go bail him out." Hermes rose from his chair and strapped on his winged helmet. "Hermes?"

"Yes, Dad?"

"I said bail out, not break out." Hermes laughed and nodded.

"No promises!" With that, he left the room in a streak of golden light as his winged shoes took him as quickly as they could carry him.

"Demigods, I guess I can tell you about your part in all this." Hades said, taking his seat again along with everyone else, eying the crowd at the back of the room. "We cannot confirm to what degree these immortals will be able to work together with one another, much less how well they can pull off the performance of their choosing," he began. "And since our largest priority with money now is keeping Camp Half-Blood alive and helping the other immortals who are making do with what they can, we cannot hire trainers or choreographers. If we did… Zeus would probably have a few new children by the end of the year and the police might become involved in the mist we have done so well to cover us up. Since you have already been exposed to…" He chose his words carefully. "The gods when they are not acting arrogant during a quest while in your presence, you will be helping them put together whatever they can." He snapped his fingers. "As such, you have been paired to a god or goddess accordingly, mostly based on parentage and wherever you should make it out alive." He said as small cards appeared before each of the demigods in the air. "Don't freak out, yet." Hades continued. "This will be a lovely surprise for everyone and we've also finally gotten Aithera content, so the mortal who screams Bloody Murder will-"

"Crap! I didn't get paired with Dad!" Connor yelled, stamping his foot. Poseidon had one of his bubbles blasted at his face within seconds before Aithera could react. She cowered in the side of her blanket and scarf and hugged her arms close to her. Poseidon's nose crinkled.

"Here, Hades, heard you like riches." He managed, gagging as he passed Aithera to Hades, who immediately regretted the sign of affection.

"Oh, look, Hades, she inherited acid-poo from you." Zeus grumbled, his head in his hands.

"Wait, did Zeus and Hera-" Jason began, interrupted by a sharp response from his father and step-mother.

"Then, it's Hades and Persepho-" Hazel began, when she received mixed responses from the king and queen of the Underworld.

"Poseidon's. Too cute to be-"

"We will explain later." Hades growled, hushing Frank while trying to keep Aithera from screaming. "You are all dismissed." Thankfully, the gods had the decency to disappear from the room magically, while Chiron ushered the demigods, some of which were looking a tad too traumatized by their pairings, out of the conference room and shut the door, leaving hades standing alone in a room full of scattered empty chairs around a table and an atomic bomb in his arms. Aithera looked to him for support, not receiving it as she began to cry and sent a shock down his spine. "It's alright, Aithera, you'll be fine… Everyone- scratch that, no one does that… Oh gods, what did Hestia feed you…"


"So, who's going in there to bail him out?"

"Hazel, you do it. You're black."

"What? I can't pass for Mexican! Why don't you do it? You're the one who can change your body at will!"

"Honey, Hazelnut, if I go in there and manage to get Lemon out, the poor boy will have no flowering clue what's going on and ruin the whole wheat scheme."

"Demeter, enough with the garden puns, alright?" Hestia sighed, popping open the door to Demeter's car. "We came here to bail Leo out, and that's what we'll do. If you guys won't do it, I will."

"And how will you do that?" Demeter asked, watching as her sister struggled to unbuckle the car seat she sat in as an eight year old. "Use your cuteness to force the guard into giving him up?" Hestia looked up at her sister with her tongue sticking out of the front of her lips as she fought with the belt.

"Precisely." Hestia's plan was to finish unbuckling and leave the car with perfectly executed timing, like in those action movies she secretly liked to watch when Doctor Who was on reruns. However, she ended up creating a pre-tantrum in the back seat, banging her hands on the sides of her car seat and letting her body tense in defeat to the horrors of child protection buttons and buckles.

"Here, My Lady, I'll help you." Hazel, who was seated in the back because Demeter said that thirteen year-olds weren't allowed in the front seat or dating sixteen year-old children of Mars, replied as she unhocked the buckle with ease. Hestia's cheeks puffed up as she left the vehicle in a flustered state. The girls watched as she walked up to the office doors of a huge prison estate, her cloak bobbing up and down as she walked.

"Isn't she cute?!" Demeter asked.

"I guess…" Meanwhile, Hestia had made her way inside to a nice lobby, and by nice she meant as mediocre as lobbies can get. Except this one smelt like Tylenol. Hestia knew that smell well. The man at the desk, who was reading a newspaper, folded it down in half sharply when he heard her footsteps. Ah, perfect creases. Hestia knew she was going to like this man with the thick black hair and eye brows, green eyes and a perfectly ironed black suit.

"Good evening, little one." He began, leaning over the counter to see her as he adjusted his thick rimmed black glasses. "What brings you to a place like this? You didn't push your friend off the monkey bars, did you?" Hestia shook her head. She loved to laugh internally when adult mortals had no sweet clue what was really going on, especially at the grocery store.

"Actually, I came to bail someone out!" The man's smile stiffened.

"You're the second odd character I've seen in here today…" he muttered, but continued playing along as he turned to a computer. "Who would you like to bail out, little one?"

"His name is Leo Enrique Samuel Valdez." She began, putting her hands on top of the counter and pulling herself up in a childish way. The man's brow furrowed heavily as he typed his name into the computer. This child wasn't joking after all.

"Listen, sweetie, you need to be an adult or relative to be able to bail him out. Are you related?" Hestia nodded. "And what is your name?"

"Uhh…" Hestia drew blanks. Spanish names? What was a Spanish name that didn't sound really horrible and clichéd? "Chica!" she finally answered. "Yeah, I'm his little sister, Chica Valdez! I'm eight and Leo's sixteen and we live in Mexico City in Mexico-"

"Right… I'm certain you do." The guard looked through the file he had on Leo. Houston, Texas certainly wasn't his idea of the capital of Mexico. "Listen, we have a very difficult job to do here at the prison, and it's no place for little girls like you to come running in and wasting our time. Especially those who lie to us. Frankly, little one, you look nothing like him if you're his sister."

"How's this?" Hestia pulled her hood over her head and came out with darker skin. "Messico! Spagnolo! Pasta!" The man at the desk cocked his brow and tapped his hands on the counter, not impressed. "My father was white..?" she offered.


"I'm so sorry!" Hestia managed, hugging Demeter. "I couldn't get him out because I'm white and too little and Hera always said that Spanish and Italian were the same thing-"

"Shh… you're okay. We'll just have to break in there and get him out ourselves!" Demeter exclaimed, letting the large backpack she was wearing slide from her shoulders. "I've had plenty of practise with this kind of stuff! Who says Hermes is the only Olympian able to travel freely from the Underworld, hmm?"

"And you call Hades a stalker…" Hazel managed, watching as Demeter handed out black body suits. After discovering that she and Hephaestus had been paired together for the talent show, Hazel had been deemed a member of their group, as well as Leo, who was still currently in jail. Hermes, being too lazy to do another high speed dash into a Canadian February to bust Leo out of the new prison he had been moved to, had told them they would have to do it themselves. Thus, Demeter brought Hazel and Hestia along for the ride, figuring she could use Hestia if they needed to fit through some tight vent systems.

"Okay, ladies, here's the plan." Demeter began, pulling out her phone. "Hephaestus managed to get the layout of this place for us, so if you look closely, you can see a ventilation system that leads straight to the cells. The only problem is we will have to bust through a heating system to get inside-"

"Or we could just use that window." Hestia suggested, pointing to a section of the map. "What if we climbed in and scaled down the wall? Wouldn't that be easier than getting into a vent and having no way down but killing Hazel in the process?"

"Or I could just dig us in." Hazel suggested. The two goddesses looked up at her as if she had just asked if either of them would mind sleeping with Zeus for the night. "I can pretty much pinpoint all the metals inside the prison and under it, so I would have to use my senses to dig us in, but after that, we should be able to get in without setting off any alarms, like trying to open the cell doors. And it means no one will get killed even if the tunnel collapses." Demeter and Hestia looked nervously at one another.

"There's just a… slight problem, dear." Demeter began. "Hestia and I… we're a bit claustrophobic."

"And that doesn't mean we're afraid of Santa, in case you feel up to being a jerk like Zeus." Hestia snapped. "Lucky little chosen one…"

"You mean because of Kronos' stomach?" Hazel asked. The goddesses nodded.

"I suppose I might be alright," Demeter said. "But Hestia was at the bottom of the five of us, and I was only stuck under Poseidon and Hera. Gods, those boys kick hard…"

"Would it be easier if we split up?" Hazel asked. "I mean, Demeter, you're technically an earth goddess, right? Going underground wouldn't hurt, and Hestia could take her way in through the window."

"How about we just make up our minds before I freeze to death?" Hestia asked, impatiently, her teeth chattering as she pulled her hood around her tightly. "I just want to get back in the car with Leo and go home to a nice warm hearth and make sure Hera hasn't done something traumatizing to Aithera or skinned Mr. Fluff…" Demeter sighed.

"I guess that works. Hazel, you'd better be ready to dig, because I didn't bring a shovel-" Hazel looked at the ground below her and made a nice little Hazel and Demeter sized hole appear, meaning that it was a very large hole for a larger goddess. Demeter blinked and nodded. "Well," she said to Hestia. "We'll meet up with you inside." Hestia nodded and ran off toward the window, trying to be stealthy Hestia.

"If you're technically a goddess of earth," Hazel began, sliding into the hole. "Can you seal up the tunnel behind us? Just the entrance; we don't need anyone finding it."

"I can." Demeter jumped down after her, closing the tunnel entrance and feeling her claustrophobia kick in. "How are we going to get oxygen? What if we run out?"

"Don't panic, and we shouldn't be down here for more than five minutes, anyway." Hazel closed her eyes and concentrated. There weren't many jewels in the earth, but she could pick out thousands of different metals, varying from your average pipeline to bullets from old guns. She held her hand out in front of her as they made their way down the tunnel with bent backs, nothing visible to her eyes. When they hit the wall, she examined the area around them, created a black outline in her mind, letting her powers pick up bits of metal, pipes and the construction of the building and making them appear as respective white dots on her radar. Despite the cold air that once blew outside, it became very hot quickly in the tunnel as Hazel pushed against the wall and dug them down in a zig-zagging path around pipes and large rocks. After two or so minutes of remaining quiet, Demeter spoke up.

"Hazel…" she panted, half from claustrophobia and half from the heat. "Where are we..?"

"Under the… We're under the building."

"How long ago did we go in?"

"Just this last push… from where the tunnel let us in, I'd say we're at… something like being under an interrogation room… I can feel tables and chairs-"

"Hazel? Hazel, are you alright?!" Demeter caught her as she fell backwards into her arms.

"I'm fine… don't yell, it'll shorten the oxygen, but we still have plenty… I just fell because I'm lightheaded. I've never had to dig a tunnel this long before with an entrance sealed… and for that matter, I'm breathing as little as I can to conserve the oxygen. I know you're a goddess, but you have to breathe, too."

"Hazel, honey, don't force yourself-"

"I have to! I can feel a very large amount of metal ahead… maybe three, no, four more tunnels and we should make it to Leo." Hazel let her brow relax a little. It was easier to sense where they were now, since the metal practically came to her since there was so much of it. Would Leo have anything metallic on him? They would have surely confiscated his tool belt, and he didn't have any piercings or metal stuck within his body… or did he.

Hazel had sensed the special metals Leo had used to build Festus, his dragon. During the battle against Gaea, both Leo and the dragon had blown up from the impact, hadn't they? If Leo was alive, was it possible he had a fragment of godly metal inside his body? What about drachma? Would he have any of that left?

"Lady Demeter…" she began, reaching back until their hands touched. "I need you to hold on to me. This is going to be dangerous, but I'm going to search for Leo."

"What do you mean? Hazel, I'm not going to let you put yourself in any danger-"

"Think of it like a radar scan." Hazel urged, finding Demeter's shoulder against her back. "I'm going to see if any of the prisoners have some type of godly metal inside their bodies or on their person, but it will be hard. There's so much metal that it'll hurt, but…"

"Hazel, I can't let you do this. What if you get hurt?"

"Then at least we know where Leo is. After all, we only have one shot at coming above ground to avoid a riot." Hazel felt Demeter's arms slide under hers as she rested her back against her chest.

"I won't let you get hurt, you understand?" Demeter began, sounded very motherly. "If I feel you emitting too much power, I'm stopping you." Hazel closed her eyes and focused. Demeter held her arms tightly, and began having a flashback and Hazel began panting and breathing heavier than before, a few moans escaping before she grit her teeth, trying to hide them. In her flashback, she remembered holding Persephone a similar way on her lap, her small arms held fast by those of her mother's as she clenched her legs between her own, trying to keep her still as she cried. Apollo was treating her foot as Persephone screamed in the way children do when they know pain will come to them shortly as he picked little rocks from a large cut in her foot.

"No! No, Mommy, no!" Persephone yelled, thrashing her head across Demeter's upper chest. "Stop it! No! It hurts! Let me go! Make it stop, Mommy! Let go of me! Mommy!"

"Persephone, calm yourself this instant!" Demeter hissed. "You're only making the pain worse by screaming, darling. Take deep breaths; it'll be over very soon, Mommy promises."

"Mommy, how could you do this to me?!"

"Persephone! That is enough! Everything will be alright."

"You said you'd always protect me but now you're not! Make it stop, Mommy!"

"Persephone," Apollo began, rubbing some ointment on a cloth. "Would you rather it hurt a lot now or hurt a lot more later?"

"I want you to cut my foot off so I don't hurt anymore and so you don't need to touch my foot because when a foot comes off it doesn't belong to anybody!" Persephone screamed, thrashing even more violently with her whole body. Apollo withdrew the cloth he was prepared to press to her wound.

"Very well; I shall do as you request." A large pair of sharp scissors appeared in his hand as he held them opened around Persephone's ankle. Persephone screamed and kicked more violently than before, trying to hide her face in Demeter's chest without avail. Demeter released the hold on her daughter's legs and pulled Persephone close to her against her chest as she cried.

"We won't do that." She said. "Mommy won't allow it. Mommy said she would protect you. Apollo's going to put some medicine on your foot, and it will hurt, but Mommy will hold you just like this so it doesn't hurt anymore, alright?" Persephone shook her head. Apollo put the medicine on anyway. As they left, Persephone cried into Demeter's shoulder as she carried her home. "Mommy won't let you down or let anymore bad things happen, alright, darling?" Demeter had said once her crying had slowed to a stop. Persephone only buried her head deeper away from the world.

Demeter jerked on Hazel's arms, pulling her upward and then back down quickly to loosen her focus. The stones at their feet were rumbling, Hazel's body wet with sweat, her breathing too heavy.

"Hazel!" Demeter managed, her breathing becoming heavier from the heat. "Hazel, can you hear me? Say something! Hazel!" Hazel only grunted once in between her pants as Demeter rolled her against her chest and lowered her to the ground, leaning against the goddess' knee. "We don't have any food down here, either… What we need is oxygen." The wall of dirt in front of them rumbled and fell back, making the tunnel wider. Demeter pulled Hazel's hand away, making her stop. "Stop that!" she hissed. "You'll only make it harder to breathe if the oxygen spreads!"

"Mo… mmy…" she heaved, her breathing shaking as her head rolled against Demeter's chest. Even though she could only hear her voice, Demeter felt something rush through her; a desire she recognized and knew too well to be healthy. Protect. She lifted Hazel back into her arms and made her way to the more narrow tunnel Hazel had managed to make. Her head began to spin and her heart began to race. The heat, the lack of air, Hazel's body pushing against hers and she tried to find a cold spot, it all reminded her of her time in Kronos' stomach, though with a lot more slime and wiggling bodies and hopeless crying. Demeter leaned against the wall and pushed it with her shoulder, urging it to move. It did, giving them at least twelve feet of space. Hazel's breathing became more intense as she tried to say something, but it came out in gasps and vowel sounds.

"Hazel, are we near the cells?" Demeter asked, her voice trembling. The tunnels she had made where narrower and tighter than Hazel's, also containing bits of larger rock on the floor and many pipes running along the roof, making the already difficult to manage ducking below them to pass even harder. The darkness around them was beginning to blur in her eyes, mixing with the claustrophobia to create a wonderful chance to puke all her fears that churned in her stomach. She felt Hazel nod and grab Demeter's hand. After a few steps that Demeter could barely manage, Hazel squeezed her hand.

"Now!" she managed. Demeter reached her hand up to the roof and pushed, the ground rippling like water at her fingers above them.

They emerged inside an empty cell, Demeter pushing Hazel above ground as she grabbed the air and let it fill her lungs again, the cool air hitting her so hard that her head spun twice as much as it had with the lack of oxygen. Demeter climbed out after her, crawling to a corner of the room and resting her back against the wall, letting the claustrophobia pass.

"Lady… Demeter…" Hazel panted, rolling over to face her. "Are… you alright? Hurt? You look… really pale…"

"I'm fine…" she replied. "Worry… about yourself… Mortal girls like you… shouldn't be digging tunnels…" They fell silent quickly as a door creaked open and loud footsteps entered, echoing outside in the halls off the concrete walls.

"That wasn't as bad as I thought it would be." a male voice said. Hazel mouthed and nodded at Demeter. Leo was in this room.

"What?" another asked, much deeper than Leo's and carrying a fading accent. "The prison food? It took a little getting used to when I showed up, but I can say they've improved."

"Or maybe it's because The Reaper isn't in here chanting those strange spells of his to make it taste… so old…"

"You oughta try it sometime, Butch. I'm sure you'd do great if you don't cut up the lunch lady."

"Hey, the kid never finished. What's not as bad as you thought? Sleepin' in a cell with us?"

"No. Bathing with a bunch of grown men." Hazel held back her laughter as she watched several grown men and Leo enter the cell across from the one in which they hid, luckily not being seen in the darkness as she scooted over to Demeter, who put her arm around her and held her close to her. She reminded Hazel of her mother when she was still herself, but now wasn't the time to think about that. The guard exchanged some words of caution as he locked the cell door and left, leaving the room in darkness. A small light flickered on across the hall in Leo's cell as he sat on the bed with two other men, one huge muscular guy covered in tattoos that would have made Ares run for Hera and another who looked quite handsome with pale skin and his black hair off his face. Hazel thought they looked like a bunch of girls at a slumber party the way they all fit in snuggly in one cell.

"Someday, you'll be like us, son." One of them said. "Big and hairy and strong."

"Sorry, who said that?" Leo asked.

"That was me." There was a pause. "Scar."

"Oh, sorry, I can't see because that light only covers a foot." They were silent. "Do you guys… promise you won't freak out, alright?"

"What, kid? You gonna try something?"

"No, no way, just… I'm cold and I can't see anything, and doing this relaxes me, but you can't freak out, alright?" Hazel watched as Leo's hand reached out to turn off the light. They sat in darkness until the men began to gasp as a small spark lit where Leo's hand had been. It moved slowly to the center as it got bigger, brighter, hotter, louder.

"No way…" Hazel could see it was the handsome man who had spoken. "You can… summon fire?"

"I can control it, too." He replied, placing his other hand over the flames and splitting it between his palms. "Are you sure you won't melt if I put this close to you, Frosty?" The other man chuckled and shook his head.

"You're fine. I like it; it's warm."

"Did they put you in jail for that, kid?" another asked. "If I were them, you would have gone straight into a laboratory or some school for gifted youngsters… Tell you what. When we get out of here using that magic fire power of yours, let's open a fire powered restaurant and make a fortune." Leo laughed.

"Nah, this isn't how I got arrested, and I've got a girl to go back for, so the restaurant's out. A lot has happened, so I have to stay alert until it blows over. You aren't going to believe how I got arrested-"

"Well, I don't think any of us are believing you can summon fire." The big man said. "Now that I think about it… Afrodita mentioned fire once. She was complaining about something, or someone, and… whatever. Whatever crazy way you got arrested can't be half as crazy to us now that we've seen you summon fire." Leo shrugged.

"Okay. I got caught flying the metal dragon I built across the border illegally without a license and carrying strange substances." The other men stared at him. "I didn't make that stuff up. It's true, I swear-"

"We're calling this kid, this Leo Valdez, Vulcan." The Water Boy said proudly, placing his hand on Leo's shoulder, who did not look too pleased to have his muscles crushed. "From today forth, he is a part of our brotherhood."

"Hey, just a question, but why Vulcan?" Leo asked. Hazel could tell that they were both holding in laughter. The Water Boy leaned in to him and eyed the other men.

"Afrodita used to tell me countless legends about the gods of Rome and the heroes of Greece, and over and over, she brought up this fella named Vulcan while talking about another named Mars. The Greeks called him something else, but it was too long and confusing to remember. He was the Roman god of fire and blacksmith to the gods of Olympus. He was also married to Venus, the most beautiful goddess of all. I used to make my Afrodita laugh by saying her beauty exceeded that of Venus, and it always made her smile…" he sighed. "If those gods were real, I would have them bring her back to me. All these years… it must be at least a little over twenty… I haven't heard a word from her."

"My Lady," Hazel whispered, wiggling her arm from Demeter's grasp. She was hugging her awfully close. "I'm going to catch Leo's attention… then we can get out of here through the tunnel."

"What do you mean?"

"Watch; I'm sure he picked apart that cell door hours ago." Hazel focused and felt the tug in her body harder than usual. She winced. They would be in trouble if she needed to use anymore of her powers on the way out. Across from their cell, a small topaz popped from the ground at Leo's feet, hitting against his shoe to catch his attention as the other men talked. The stone was very dark, almost brown. Leo's eyes lit up and he caught on immediately, standing slowly and looking out the cell doors, moving his fire around as he searched. He felt a tap on his shoulder. Frosty stood behind him, holding the stone in his hand.

"Over there." He whispered, pointing to Hazel and Demeter in the cell. Leo winked at her. Hazel made another topaz pop up as a signal. Frosty took it in his hands and examined them in the soft light of the flames. "I know." He said, before Leo could warn him about Hazel's cursed magic. "Can I keep these? There's someone I'm dying to prank." Hazel rolled her eyes and began to summon another stone, but Demeter pulled her back and held out her own hand. This time, small vines began to grow along the floor from where they sat, traveling out the bars of their cell door and across the floor. Leo watched as they spelt words; Step Back. He did as he was told and a hole opened in the earth, turning the hard concrete into soft soil as it led down. The rocks that surrounded the entrance to Hazel's tunnel shifted and a few fell in. Leo smiled. Now, they could get out without setting off an alarm.

"Guys, I-" he began, turning back to the other men, but Frosty thrust out his hand and knocked them unconscious with a rush of cold air.

"Just go; they don't need to know." He said, pushing Leo to the hole. "I'm your friend, son of Hephaestus, and Hermes' too. When you go back, would you mind telling him his friend is in jail? Not for much longer, mind you, but unable to check his phone." Leo nodded nervously as he slid into the hole, extinguishing his fire. Across the hall, Demeter scowled.

"Hazel, don't get muddled up with that guy." She hissed. "Those Norse are no good. Now, come. We're getting out of here. Make sure you hold my hand the whole time and do not let that Valdez boy light a fire inside the tunnel or we'll all burn up. I'm pleased we managed to get Leo out without setting off any alarms-"

Hestia came crashing down from the ceiling, her hood failing to provide proper support for a parachute.


"Swords, spears, shields, which will he choose?

Nothing but his brute strength will win,

Winning the hearts of ladies all over,

Is he truly the strongest under Olympus?

Yes! No! Yes!

It's HERCULES!

HERCULES!

Busts Heads!

Wielding the powers of the gods in his fists!

He is the greatest warrior in all of Greece!

Even if Hera stands in his way, he will still win!

He's... HERCULES!"

Zeus flicked off the TV.

"It worked." He said, pointing to Aithera, who was asleep in Hades' arms. "Pay up, Hera." His wife cocked her brow.

"Excuse me? I am not paying you for putting a baby to sleep using such a... a…"

"Horrible second season opening." Hades sighed, adjusting Aithera's scarf under her blanket. "Really, Zeus, it is a terrible idea for a lullaby, and I am not letting her near that show until she is six or at least understands the formula of an 80's TV show."

"I'm still amazed it put her to sleep." Hera said, looking down at Aithera as Hades stood from the couch in the lobby. "For the record, though, I did just feed her a bottle of hot nectar and she's up past her bedtime-"

"Then we will try again tomorrow evening with season three's opening, which is somewhat better than the first two, but… It's still awful." Zeus said.

"Maybe we could show her the Italian version?" Hades suggested. "Italy dubbed the whole series in 1987 and rewrote all the openings, lyrics and music. It's amazing even if you guys won't know what they're saying." Hera shrugged him off.

"I'm still not paying either of you. It was a stupid idea in the first place." She turned to Zeus. "I'm going to bed. You had better not take too long with Apollo. Here's the water you asked for." Hera huffed, placing a glass of water on the coffee table. "Good night, Zeus."

"Good night, Hera."

"Let me know how it went."

"I will."

"Good night, Aithera! See you tomorrow morning!" Hera cooed, patting Aithera's head before she disappeared.

"Have fun on your first night of being a father, Hades." Zeus called to his brother as he headed for the elevator.

"I should be fine." Hades replied, watching Aithera drool on part of his favorite black dress shirt from the corner of her mouth. Disgusting, but cute. "Demeter says she only cried twice during the night. And if she's anything like Poseidon, we've both gotten the earful about how well behaved they were." Zeus rolled his eyes. After Amphitrite had given birth, Poseidon became the dad that every other parent hated; the one who always talked about how cute and how well behaved their children were and how they liked it when Poseidon made little bubbles of water and were scared of sharks. The elevator opened and Hades stepped inside, Apollo stepping out. They engaged in a brief conversation before Apollo waved good bye and smiled.

"Good night, sunshine!" he cooed, hopefully waving at Aithera or else Zeus would have to get him checked and tested again. He pulled out his phone and began texting someone he hadn't messaged in a while; the one person who was always at the top of Apollo's recent contacts who he foolishly wasted his minutes on every day. "Hey, Daddy!" Apollo said, plopping himself beside his father on the couch. "Why'd you want to talk? If it's about Dionysus, don't worry! I know he can be a real arrow in the butt, but I'll manage! As long as I've got Billy-"

"No, Apollo. This is about your punishment." Apollo's smile faded, his face paling as he stared into his lap. "For revealing to the demigods the location of your son… what was his name again? Ass-Piss or something?"

"Asclepius." Apollo corrected, fidgeting with his hands. They were silent. "You know…" Apollo began. "I… I wasn't expecting you to have taken this long to think of a punishment. I mean, no offense, Daddy, but for the god of justice and law, you're a little slow."

"My mind isn't what it used to be; I haven't sent someone to the guillotine or dungeon for centuries. All the little ideas I have now are either completely inhumane, would possibly destroy the world or involve the creation of some horrid kind of new music while you're as high as Olympus." They laughed quietly. "Just stay calm, Apollo." Zeus continued, seeing how Apollo had begun to break out in a nervous sweat. "It's nothing painful or anything really that bad."

"Okay… yeah… I get it…" Zeus picked up the cup of water Hera had given him and handed it to Apollo.

"Calm down and drink some water. Knowing you, you'll over react if you aren't calm enough." He said as Apollo drank at least half of it, setting the cup on the table and wiping his mouth with the sleeve of his pyjamas.

"Okay, Dad. Get it over with. I'm ready." Apollo began, sternly, facing his father with one of the most serious looks Zeus had ever seen him give.

"Alright." He exhaled. "Your punishment is-" The elevator doors chimed open as Artemis stepped out, wearing an old fashioned night gown similar to Persephone's.

"I received your text, Father." She said as she joined them. She scowled when she saw her twin brother. "What's going on? Why do you need both of us?"

"I'm about to deliver Apollo's punishment." Zeus said. Artemis nodded, then processed it, looking back at her father. "Don't worry, you're alright."

"How come I get punished, then?" Apollo asked. "She told them about some of the formations Gaea had! Isn't it technically the same-"

"Apollo, for once, would you just shut up?" Artemis snapped.

They could feel something shift in the air, literally; Zeus' shoulders sagged as he sighed in relief, releasing the electricity that he had created in the air around them. He tried to keep a straight face, but began laughing to himself anyway.

Apollo opened his mouth to speak. Nothing came out. He clawed at his throat with his fingers and moved his lips, panicking. His voice had vanished. He couldn't speak. He couldn't recite, compose, sing; anything. He couldn't win the talent show he was destined to win.

Artemis took a moment to understand what had happened, taking multiple glances back and forth from her father and brother. When it clicked, she squealed like a little girl who had just gotten her first puppy and ran to her father, climbing onto his lap.

"I love you, Daddy!" she exclaimed, practically bouncing up and down on his knee the way she had once done when she was little. "I love you so much! Thank you! Thank you, thank you, thank you, Daddy!" Zeus laughed and hugged her back, Artemis' body seeming to shrink from that of a twelve year-old to an excited five year-old. Apollo burst into tears and thrust a pillow to his face.

"Apollo, you may not speak until Artemis says you may." Zeus said. "It was Hera's idea; we spoke about how you would turn any sort of punishment we threw your way into something you could still be happy about, and even if we did find something torturous enough, you would never stop screaming or crying you woe. So, we decided to take that away from you." Artemis beamed and sat herself contently on Zeus' lap, now fully achieving a kindergartener's level of cuteness.

"Daddy, can you tuck me in like you used to?" she asked, kicking her legs excitedly. Zeus' heart melted. If Aithera grew up to be as cute as Artemis and as good at manipulation, he would be in a lot of trouble.

"Of course, my little huntress." Artemis cheered and leaned against his arms, closing her eyes. Apollo, meanwhile, had also changed form during his meltdown. The five year-old version of the god of music tugged on Zeus' housecoat sleeve, who sighed and pulled the tearful version of his son onto his lap beside his sister. "Come on, Apollo, enough with the crying." He said, watching as Apollo rubbed his eyes with the sleeves on his own pyjamas and leaned against his sister, taking her hand in his shaking one. Artemis glared at him.

"Boy cooties." She scowled.

"Now, now…" Zeus groaned, lifting the twins he was sure he would never be done raising into his arms as they stood. "Behave, children, and I'll tell you the story of how your mother and I met." Apollo hid his face in Zeus' shoulder and sobbed.


And now, Apollo has been punished! Oh no!

After all the incredibly slow build up, the talent portion of this story begins in the next- no scratch that in the chapter after that! You guys get to have some demigod time after putting up with those childish gods! Prepare for the horros of sharing beds and awkward girl talk!

"So, Aphrodite... Do goddesses have their... you know..."

"Babies, like, a few, like, months early because we're, like, goddesses? Like, mine just, like, pop up at random times in, like, random places after I have, like, sex."

"She meant if goddesses have their time of the month, Mother."

"OMM, like, Piper Freakin' McLean, do not roll your, like, eyes at, like, me. You're doing it wrong. Come here. Mommy will, like, show you how to do it and, like, mean business."

"Why couldn't my mother have come..?"

"Shut up, Annabeth. Like anyone wants to hear Athena talk about drugs again."