Hi, guys! Sorry for the wait. This chapter is a bit random at times and not taken seriously, but oh well. Hope you enjoy and as always, beware the language.


Hello, Miss. Lotus!" My ears hurt at Lucien's high pitched voice. Damn it. Couldn't this kid hit fuckin' puberty already and have his balls drop? On second thought...I don't think he has any testicles, so never mind.

"Oh, hello, Lucien! And you brought your father, I see. Wonderful!" The green iguana replied, beaming at me with an overly cheery smile. I twitched slightly as she looked upon me, trying to fake the worst fuckin' smile you could ever imagine, "It's so nice to meet you again. Mr. Helix, was it? Please, make yourself at home and feel free to mingle with the other parents and their children. I'm positive this day shall be quite fun!"

I looked at the parents and their snot nosed bastards of all shapes and sizes, "Yeah….real….fun." I forced out, Lucien nudging me to go towards the group.

"Remember, be nice, Jocy! And beware of Miss. Lotus and her ruler!" Lucien whispered shrilly, trying be quiet, though I was pretty sure the others could hear his voice. Right now, I wished I had my pistol more than anything so I could blow my fuckin' brains out…

Trying to avoid any trouble, the lil' niglet led me towards an isolated table, and we just sat there. And stared. And were stared at by the other nosey fucks in the room. I had to bite my tongue from saying something.

"Shit, these fuckers act like they ain't never seen lizards before." I muttered.

"Shhhh! Miss. Lotus might hear! You'll get the ruler!" Lucien whispered, I rolling my eyes.

"Miss. Lotus can suck my dick for all I care. Speaking of which…..who's the lucky lil' fucker who has Saint Mary's tits for a mama?" I questioned, staring at a cat with a huge fuckin' rack on her chest….what could I say? I haven't seen a proper woman in a long time. Not since my Alura.

"What?" Lucien questioned, craning his neck to see, "Who's Mary?"

"Who has the mama cat with the huge rank? The cheetah lookin' pussy?"

"...Oh! That's Selana's mom." Lucien nodded, as if to confirm.

"You friends with what's her face?"

"I talk to her….I mean, she's nice and all, but we don't hang out or anything….." He frowned, and I looked at the kid dead on, staring.

"Then call the lil' shit over here. I wanna stare at her mama's titties." How fuckin' hard was it for a man to be satisfied here? Damn, I was never hard to please.

Lucien stared at me, mouth agape, "What's wrong with you?! You can see perfectly fine from here!"

"Hey! I can't see her fuckin' cleavage from here! I'm missin' out on some good jiggle action, kid! Just get her to walk over here and then make her leave or something….." I paused, thinking.

"What would that accomplish?" He questioned, I staring at the monster rack, but found my view blocked as someone moved in front of her.

"Damn!...what did you ask? Oh…..well, I would see how much her jugs bounce and watch her ass wiggle. You'll understand once your balls drop. If your balls drop." I added, not sure if Lucien could even reach puberty.

"Will it make you stop talking?" Lucien questioned, I grunting in response as the kid sighed, "Fine….just don't say anything stupid. Hey, Selana! Hi!"

Lucien waved with his tail, motioning for the tiny cat to come over-to which she did, skipping towards us as she led her mother by her hand. The lil' snot nosed bitch laughed shrilly, a bit…..oddly dressed I thought, and with piercings in her ears. Her mama….well….

"...Sweet baby Jesus!" I muttered, realizing the pussy was more of a looker than I originally thought. She walked like those stuck up bitches did when they had somewhere important to go, somehow walking in high fuckin' heels that clacked against the floor every time she walked, a dress outfit on, almost like a skirt or somethin'. But her body…...ohhhh, I was as happy as a fuckin' pig in shit. She was shapely. And I like fuckin' shapely women. Some a bit bitchy, others not, but so long as they had a shapely body and perky titties I could care less what they looked like. Okay, that was a lie. They had to look good in the face. Otherwise I would just put a bag over their head.

"Hi, Luci! I see you brought your dad, right?" I barely registered that they were talking about me, cause I was too busy staring at the cat like she was a bitch in heat. And she smelled good, too. So that was a plus.

"Yeah. This is my dad…..say 'hi', Dad." I didn't bother saying hi, and only when Lucien nudged me did I snap at him.

"The fuck you want?" I hissed, both cats seeming shocked that I cursed at the lil' shit. I then cleared my throat, Lucien looking at me.

"...Dad...say hi. This is Selana and her mother."

"Oh….sorry 'bout that. Hey. Nice to meet your titt-family." I stopped myself just in time. Woahhh…..that was not fuckin' good.

"Hello…..I am Lori. A….pleasure to meet you...Helix, was it?" The mama questioned, looking at me, probably judging me.

"Yeah, but uh...Helix is a nickname, yeah. There's a reason behind that." I half lied through my teeth, the cat sitting down as she leaned towards me, probably curious or somethin'. But it didn't help me that I could see down that slut's cleavage. Fuckin' slut. Not that I minded….but I had to try so fuckin' hard not to stare.

"Oh, really? What's the reason?" Lori asked, surprised I actually remembered her name. Probably because it was the most normal fuckin' name I heard in the longest time.

"Well, a helix splits, right? So I have two halves instead of one." I smirked, Lori staring at me for a long, long time, the lil' bastards in their own conversation and ignoring us.

"I….have a mate." She spoke slowly, as if she couldn't make up her own fuckin' mind. But that's okay, because Joel is adaptable.

"Yeah? And I have a drug test scheduled for tomorrow."

I could tell she was confused as she looked at me, ears twitched. For some reason I wanted to cut them off….don't know why.

"What does that have to do with anything?"

"I thought we could both cheat on them." I stated, and Lori shook her head and sneered at me.

"Scumbag." She hissed, turning to her lil' fuck before taking her by the hand, "Come on, Selana. Let's go sit somewhere else."

"Fuckin' furry cunt." I muttered, the pair walking away, "That bitch was just like Alice. All hoity toity and thought her shit didn't stink. Walks like a hooker too."

"What's a hooker?" Lucien asked, confused as he looked at me, looking sad that his friend walked away.

I snorted, "Nothing, kid. I'll take you to one when you hit puberty. Hey-speaking of which, that lil' shit called you Luci. You fuckin' pussy!" I laughed, nudging Lucien a bit too roughly as he almost fell, though the fuckin' blush on his face was so bad he could be used as Rudolph.

"I am not!"

"Are to. I bet you like that lil' pussy, huh?" I prodded, if only just to annoy the kid. Payback was always a bitch with me. I was the fuckin' pimp of paybacks.

"I do not! Jocy!"

"Hey, hey, hey! What I tell you 'bout calling me Jocy, you fuck?" I seethed, completely forgetting about his crush with a cat pussy as I lowered my head towards his, snarling.

"Hey, Jocy!" I flinched as I heard a high pitched voice cut through the air, and looked towards the voice annoyed. It was then I saw fuckin' pink. Why?

I tried to look away, but lil' Miss Piggy already saw us, and made her way towards the table.

"Hello, Lucien! I see that you brought Jocy with to Parent's Day. I'm here for my little cousin, Tigre." Ember beamed, Lucien smiling so wide it would crack his fuckin' skull in half.

"Hello, Ember. And yes, I did. Though Jocy is being mean to me." He frowned, causing Pinky to frown as well.

"Awe, that's not nice, Jocy! You should take lessons from Flame and be nice to people!" Ember blurted, though smiled as she looked at me. I looked at her, confused.

"Who the fuck's Flame?" I questioned, another iguana with wings coming over, red in color with a yellow chest.

"I'm Flame. And I'm her boyfriend." I watched as this red dragon came from and nuzzled Ember, as if rubbing it in my face. Ember rolled her eyes.

"Don't listen to him, Jocy. He's trying to be my boyfriend. Though he's almost there." She giggled slightly. Why the fuck did she giggle like a horny school girl so much?

"Jocy? What kind of name is that?" I heard Flame question.

"It's his nickname I made up for him. Isn't it cute, Flame?" Ember questioned, the red iguana rolling his eyes.

"Yeah, real cute. For a girl." I twitched at that. I just really wanted to punch this guy in his fuckin' face. If I was able to form a fuckin' fist…..

"...Why the fuck do you look like a bloody tampon some cunt shoved up her pussy?" I questioned after a pause, knocking that asshole's smug look right off his fuckin' face as he stared in shock and awe.

"...What's a tampon?" Lucien asked, I shaking my head.

"You'll find out when you reach puberty, kid."


This is part one of the Parent's Day chapter. Next chapter will be...eventful. As for Miss. Lotus not hearing Joel, I can only conclude that she is deaf. This is the only parody I have of Joel(other than The Misadventures of OCs) and any other stories pertaining to Joel are serious. Other stories he is featured in is Guardian Angel(a Gears of War fanfic-the original was written in three full notebooks, where Joel was an extremely important character ever since his introduction in the beginning of the second book. But I am in the process of majorly rewriting GA.), and Shattered Innocence(a Walking Dead fanfic). Within SI, Joel is one of the main anti-heroes, and his largely shown in his true nature. If you're curious on the true character, feel free to check out those works. Thank you for reading!

P.S.

Joel may seem like a terrible character based upon his actions and speech, but underneath is mentally and emotionally damaged. This does not make him "soft", but rather allows him to have trouble connecting to people due to his very short fuse and violent nature, which forces others away. Joel, for some reason has always been a fan favorite, which had boggled my mind for years, and I simply assumed it was that people thought he was a "badass with a cursing habit". But I realized that wasn't the case. When I would explain more upon his development, there would always be a psychiatric reason behind his action and speech. Each flaw or characteristic was a defense mechanism.

I have been wanting to write his backstory in great detail for years, but never really got the time to. Though I always thought that would allow others to see how he depersonalized himself in order to survive. Either way, sorry for ranting.

Not sure when the next chapter will be out, but thank you for supporting!