Hey! So I know it has been forever since I have updated this story and I apologize for that. School was pretty intense and other than that my excuse is that life happened, as it often does.
Trying to start the new year off right by updating! And fingers crossed I will do it in a timely matter now! And actually found a few chapters I already had written! So that is definitely a plus!
Hope you enjoy reading, and again, I apologize for the long wait! Reviews are more than welcome :)
Chapter 7
Too Easy
Emily did best to ignore the sideways glances and the looks of worry, but every time she turned around another pair of eyes were pouring into her. That morning, she had told them all that she was fine; that it was nothing of concern.
But they all knew it was more than that, but no one dared say anything out loud. And it wasn't as if she were about to broadcast to the entire team what was really going on inside her head.
Rossi had been the only one that didn't seem to be watching her every move, but he also knew more than the others, even if that wasn't much.
She could tell that Hotch too was trying to keep his distance, but she still caught him watching her.
By mid-morning Hotch noticed a slight change in her behavior, that she was becoming tired of it; of hitting dead ends with the case, as well as being scrutinized by the team. And that was something he couldn't blame her for.
"Prentiss, a word please?"
Prentiss just looked at him for a moment; their eyes locked. "Sure."
Hotch nodded and started making his way out of the small precinct, not bothering to turn to see if she was following him.
Stepping outside he only waited a few seconds before she was by his side, pulling her jacket tighter against the slightly crisp morning air.
"I need to know if you're okay with this, with the case."
His forward approach didn't surprise her; in fact she had expected nothing less. Some found his curt demeanor to harsh, but she actually found it somewhat nice. Sure, at times he could come across as insensitive, but she would rather be to the point then beat around the bush.
"I'm fine. Really." Emily kept her voice even and confident.
Hotch was silent for a moment before he spoke in a soft voice, "You know, after Foyet I could barely bring myself to sleep for a while. I uh I was worried that if I closed my eyes long enough that all the pain would come rushing back, the pain of losing Haley."
"Hotch…You don't have too."
"And you don't have to either." Hotch looked her in the eye, the powerful gaze that he so often held, boring into the depths of her soul.
She stood, silent. The reality of his words sinking in. "Don't take me off this case, Hotch. I need to do this." This time her voice was soft; she didn't care if she sounded weak.
Even though they wouldn't even be there if it hadn't been for their work, at that moment they were no longer colleagues, or even friends. They were two broken people finding understanding and comfort in the fact that they were not alone.
"My offer stands just as it did after Doyle. When you have a bad day, when it gets to be too much, you come find me and we'll talk. Deal?"
Emily bit her lip. This was too easy. Suddenly she had hope; hope that things would get better, that just maybe her wounds would heal. That couldn't happen. It was too easy to fall into the comfort and security that he so readily set before her.
He made it sound simple. And from her experience things that sounded that great usually came with a price; she couldn't allow herself to be broken again. The cracks were already showing and she knew that all it would take was one more blow and she would be shattered forever.
"Emily, I won't force you to talk to me. I'm just asking that you come find me, I won't act like a shrink or even your boss, and I'll just be a regular guy trying to help out someone he cares about."
She rubbed the back of her neck, trying to ignore the throbbing in the back of her head that seemed to increase. "You make it sound so easy."
"I never said it was."
Emily sighed. "Alright, just don't expect me to tell you everything."
He let a small smile fall on his lips. "Wouldn't dream of it."
She laughed a little; feeling more relaxed in that single moment than she had in weeks. "We should probably get back inside before they send a search party."
"Before we do, I uh I wanted to apologize." His voice was quiet again. "I know I wasn't really there for you as much as I should have been, and I regret not trying harder. With Doyle, and with Chandler; and I won't let that happen now."
Emily just looked at him. "Hotch…" She let her voice trail off, her brow creasing as emotion filled in her eyes.
Hotch looked right back. For a brief moment they knew everything about each other. They shared the torment of being haunted; of being broken. And they were okay with it.
"Guys, Garcia's got something." Morgan stuck his head out of the door and called out to them.
The moment shattered back to reality as quickly as it had come upon them. Hotch continued to hold Emily's gaze as he told Morgan they would be right there.
Morgan looked at the two of them for a second, wondering what the two had been talking about. But he also knew better then to pry, but suspected that it had something to do with Prentiss and the case. Everyone could tell it was tough on her.
Hotch was the first to turn away but before he even took two steps, Emily's voice calling his name stopped him. He turned around to face her once again. Noticing her slightly flushed cheeks, he knew she was trying hard to keep her emotions in check.
She swallowed and licked her lips. "Thank you."
He only smiled and nodded his head, then turned on his heels and went back inside; back into the mode of being her boss; of being stoic and professional.
Taking a moment, she breathed in deep. Although she had no real logical reason, she felt like breaking down. She had to pull herself together. They were in the middle of a case, she couldn't break now.
To most, the short conversation she'd had was just that, a conversation. But to her it was so much more. He'd offered her a way out when she needed it, but he had done it in a way that didn't make her feel like her head would explode.
She breathed deep once more before pulling on the glass door and forcing herself back to the reality before her. And even though her body ached and she longed for sleep, she knew if she let things go now she would never be able to forgive herself.
After all, life was never easy.
