"Keep pressure on the wound!" Hange ordered. Sasha gasped in pain, shaking, as Connie pressed his hands to her stomach, white shirt already soaked through with blood.
"Do we take the bullet out?" he all but screeched. They were all crouched in an alley, not far from the Blooms' headquarters. Levi would have preferred getting further away, but it had taken almost everything he had just to get the two of them out of the building alive (he had decided that tossing a bullet-ridden Sasha out of the window was probably a bad call, and had opted for the longer route).
"It's the only thing keeping the blood in right now," Levi replied, hands red with Sasha's blood. "Bad enough she was jostled all the way here, it's a miracle no vital organs have been punctured yet." Connie made a wheezing noise, looking pale.
"I can't do anything here, and I don't know if she'll make it back to the house," Hange said. "Quick, take your shirt off!"
"What?"
"We need something to soak up the blood and keep the bullet in. Now, so help me, take off your shirt!"
"Fine!" Levi removed his hands. "Springer, keep the pressure." He tugged irritably at the buttons, then, with an annoyed grunt, yanked at the fabric. It ripped, buttons popping off as he stripped the shirt into two long, wide shreds. Hange grabbed them, wrapping them around Sasha's midriff.
"It's only a temporary solution, and by temporary, I mean temporary," Hange said. "Like, half an hour, at the most, and that's if every miracle in the universe is on our side."
"Well, given our track record, I highly doubt that's going to happen." Levi placed his hands over the makeshift bandage, which was beginning to bleed into red.
"Are there any hospitals down here?" Hange asked.
"Are you fucking insane?" Levi asked.
"Okay, never mind," Hange muttered. "Can the MPs let us use their base? They have medics, right?"
"The nearest one's almost an hour away, we'll never get there in time!" Levi hissed. Sasha made a noise of pain, and Levi's brow furrowed. "Shit, hold on, Braus." He glanced at Connie. "Springer, cloak!" He nodded, ashen-faced, and quickly stripped off the rough, wool cloak and wrapped it around Sasha's middle. "Tighter!" At least the shitty material will soak up the blood.
"Is there anyone?" Hange was beginning to look panicked. "I can't do anything without tools, Levi! Or alcohol, at least! Clean alcohol, Jesus freckled Christ, Levi!" they added as the short man opened his mouth.
"Shit, I don't know!" Levi hissed, pressing down harder as Sasha coughed, a new flood of red soaking through his fingers. "People down here aren't exactly concerned with healthcare! So, unless you can find some grandma who just happens to know how to safely remove a bullet –" he stopped.
"Grandma with medic skills?!" Connie prompted, visibly on the edge of a nervous breakdown.
"Well, shit," Levi said. "Connie, pick up Sasha – and be gentle, Baldy. Hange, go back to the house."
"What?" they demanded. "Thought of a convenient savior?"
"A deus ex fucking machina."
Levi barged into the brothel, Connie charging after him, Sasha in his arms. "Lady Blanc!" he bellowed. "I need Lady Blanc, now!"
"Who're you?!" the young man behind the counter, who had been chatting amiably with a large-bosomed woman, was pale and shaking. He reached under the counter, whipping out a rifle and aiming it at them, thin arms quivering. "I – I'll shoot! Swear!"
"Let us see Lady Blanc!" Levi shouted. A few of the women lounging around squealed, and one skittered to the back of the room in terror. Oh, right. We're covered with blood and carrying a wounded teenager. And I'm shirtless. Probably should have thought of that earlier. "She's still alive, right?"
"You didn't think to check that before we ran here?!" Connie screeched.
"Yeah, Madam's still kickin'," an older woman, accent almost as heavy as her makeup, stood cautiously, reaching between the voluminous folds of her skirt. Levi heard the sound of a dull knife being unsheathed. "What d'you want with her?"
"Don't act like this doesn't happen all the time!" Levi snarled, and a few more women flinched. "I'm an old pal, alright? Now, just tell Lady Blanc we've got a girl who needs serious medical attention, and –"
"Like we'd trust you!" a younger woman yelped, backing away.
"Listen, lady, we're military, got it?!" Connie shouted. Levi froze, eyes widening, as the clicks of a dozen guns rang through the room. "And my girlfriend's gonna bleed out, so if you wanna save your own hides –!"
"Connie, shut up," Levi hissed as the young man from behind the counter began edging forwards, teeth grit, hands on his gun shaking.
"We ain't doin' nothing illegal here!" he yelled. "An – an' this here's trespassin'! So out ya go!"
"Didn't you hear us?" Connie yelled. "Girlfriend! Bullet! Losing blood –"
The young man bearing the rifle suddenly yelped, dropping the gun and grabbing his head. More than a few people winced, some rubbing their own skulls empathetically, as the gnarled head of the wooden knocking stick retreated, a dull thud ringing through the room from when it'd knocked the man's head sharply.
"Let me see," there was a shuffling noise as an old woman, hair as white as her name, ambled forwards, tail of her dress dragging on the floor.
"Madam –!" a younger woman protested.
"Oh, can it, you," she snapped, standing in front of Connie. She tutted as she looked at Sasha. "Marleen, bring the boy and his girl up to my rooms. Carly, heat a knife." (Connie, at this point, was looking seconds away from a nervous breakdown). "And you," her gaze swiveled to Levi. "Are going to bring the rest of your crew here."
"I don't have –" Levi began.
"Don't even bother lying to me, young man," the old woman snapped as a small girl with blond ringlets led Connie upstairs. "Now, go." And, with one more look promising eternal torment, she swept upstairs.
Lady Blanc wiped her hands clean with a wet towel as two girls laid Sasha gently on a chaise lounge, a crisp white bandage wrapped over her fresh stitches. Levi leaned against a wall, arms crossed, while the rest of the Scouts sat awkwardly on a long couch (Mikasa was patting Connie on the bag as he wheezed into a paper bag).
"Thank you," Levi said grudgingly as the woman sat primly down in an armchair, resting her hands on her walking stick. Despite her age, Lady Blanc was a true sight to behold – silver hair pinned up in a neat bun tighter than Erwin's asshole, long dress that, if it weren't for the loosened weave and faded colors, could have passed for that of a noble lady's, high, sharp cheekbones that Levi had once attempted to cut bread on (he was still convinced that it could have worked if she hadn't whacked him on the head with the infamous walking stick), and a pinched, narrow face, dark, sunken eyes staring coldly out at them.
"Well, this is awkward," Hange cleared their throat. "Thank you very much, ma'am. I'm –"
"I know who you are," Lady Blanc's voice was cool, and the recruits all shivered, as if it were a physical, tangible thing. "Squad Leader Hange Zoë of the Survey Corps, correct?"
Levi's grip on his biceps tightened, and Mikasa stilled in her seat, hand hovering over Connie's back.
"Oh, don't act so scared," one of the girls walked over, a tray in her hand, and she took a china cup full of what Levi was ninety-nine point nine percent sure was not tea, sipping it primly, pinkie hovering off the handle. "I'm fully aware of what this little bandit's been doing during his time on the surface." Connie's bag burst as Mikasa's hand swung forwards, slamming into the bald boy and sending him tumbling off the seat. Jean broke into a fit of coughing, stifling a laugh, and Levi's eyebrow twitched.
"'Little bandit'?" Even Armin looked like he was ready to giggle.
"And I suppose you haven't told them a word about me," Lady Blanc looked almost offended as she set the empty cup down. A girl began pouring amber liquid into it from the teapot. "Scotch?" she offered.
"They're underage," Levi said.
"Who drinks alcohol from a teacup?" Eren muttered to Jean.
"Teacup?" the two teens jumped. Levi stifled a snicker. The woman's hearing was certainly sharp as ever. "My word, you've corrupted them, Riley."
"Levi," Levi corrected with a long-suffering sigh. "And it is for tea, ma'am."
"Cheeky," she sniffed. "Well, I know about that one," she nodded at Hange, who seemed rather pleased to be acknowledged by someone other than the fandom. "But who are the rugrats?"
Levi opened his mouth, but was interrupted as Mikasa stood up, bending over in a slight bow. "Warrior Goddess Athena, please bow down," she said before sitting down again.
Levi's eyebrows disappeared into his hair as Jean stood up, nodding respectfully at the old woman. "Resident Horseface, pleased to meet you."
"Avatar the Last Airbender," Connie introduced, face still covered with dust from the floor.
"Blonde Coconut, will strategize you to death," Armin smiled.
"Angry German," Eren stated. "And you've already met Potato," he added, gesturing at Sasha.
Lady Blanc looked unimpressed, and Levi turned slowly to glare at Hange. "You gave them codenames," he accused.
"They're perfect," they defended.
Levi wrestled for a moment between stabbing them and curling up in a corner to cry, but simply decided to turn and gesture to the prim old lady. "This," he said. "Is Lady Blanc. Resident Underground grandma."
"Oh, please," Lady Blanc sniffed, downing another cup of Scotch. "Do not liken me to those lifeless grannies shuffling around on their walkers, with their brownies and cheek-pinching –"
"You once walked into the middle of a turf war to deliver snacks," Levi monotoned.
"Those boys were so uncouth," she dipped a biscuit in the Scotch. "And it was just some cookies."
"You rang a little bell and made them line up and play nice."
Hange cleared their throat. Levi rolled his eyes.
"Whatever," he sat down next to them, and everybody shuffled over to accommodate him (it was a really long couch) – not that they needed to make much room.
"Well, thank you," Hange said. "We're really grateful. I don't know what we could have done without –"
"What are you doing down here?" Lady Blanc steamrolled over her, speaking to Levi. "Last I saw, you were being dragged up by the Military Police and flipping everybody you passed the bird. And, next thing I know, everybody's blabbing about some Captain Eli who's apparently humanity's best weapon." Eren looked slightly affronted at that.
"Levi," Levi corrected again. "And, well. . . we may have a slight problem on the surface that could be related to the Underground."
Lady Blanc raised a delicate eyebrow, leaning forwards, hands resting on her hand. "I'm listening."
Yes, I named the gangster grandma after the drug from Black Butler. Fight me.
