A/n: I'm not extremely happy with this chapter, but some of you asked for more Claire, so here you are A/n: I'm not extremely happy with this chapter, but some of you asked for more Claire, so here you are. Lots of Claire and even some Kate. There will be lots more Sawyer and Jack in the next chapter, and things will be a little more light hearted for a bit, before they get darker again. Enjoy!
Chapter 7
Claire rolled over in bed, pulling the covers close around her, forcing her eyes closed again as she nestled into her pillow. She lay perfectly still for what seemed like ages, before yanking the blankets closer around her, burrowing deeper within them. It wasn't that she was particularly cold that night, but more the emptiness of the bed that bothered her. She should have been used to sleeping alone, seeing as Sawyer's boss made it a habit of having him work nights -- but after a fight, it was different.
What am I thinking? It wasn't even a fight.
She tried to reason it out in her mind, but logic wasn't helping. Claire didn't care about logic. She just wanted everything to be okay again. She'd been with Sawyer for two years now, yet she felt so incredibly alone sometimes. It was an emptiness she had never known, until she had given birth to her only son, Aaron. Whenever she had been away from him as a baby, she felt a nagging feeling that something wasn't right. Now that he was gone forever, she felt a hollow void that she thought could never go away.
Sawyer was being an ass, but he didn't mean it.
She knew that he had already been annoyed about Jack, but reminding her of that pain after trying so long to heal the hurt was downright cruel. The sad thing was - he knew it, and he did it for that reason exactly, and she didn't know why. It had been like that lately. As happy as they could be together, if she said something that struck a nerve, he'd either shut down or say something to hurt her. Was this what he was really like? At first he had been so sweet and gentle with her feelings, and always treaded lightly when it came to her lost son. She couldn't understand why he would choose now to bring up something so painful in such a harsh way. Claire was aware she had been a little moody lately. She also knew that he admired Jack, as much as he hated to admit it, and seeing him like this disgusted and frustrated him, but couldn't he understand that this was her brother? That she felt just as overwhelmed and confused as he did?
The truth was, Sawyer lacked tact. She'd always known that, since long before they had gotten together, but he never truly meant to hurt her. Once you cracked through that tough, outer shell, he was a big softie…if you ever cracked through that tough, outer shell. Sometimes, Claire wondered if she truly had. She loved him, but if this is what he was like, could she really bring a new baby into the world and expect him to be a father?
Despite the pain and anger and confusion bubbling inside of her, despite their problems, somehow she still wished he were there with her. She wanted someone to tell her everything would be all right. She wanted someone to hold her. She needed someone to do that. With everything that had happened to her since rescue – losing Aaron, finding out about Jack's habits and then seeing him into them full swing. It was just too much sometimes. Even though he had hurt her, at that moment, he was the only one who could ease her worry and make her feel safe again.
Finally, she threw the covers off of her and got out of bed. Quickly and determinedly, she strode across the bedroom, placing a firm hand on the doorknob. She hesitated, but with a sudden burst of courage, opened the door quietly. Fully intending to tell Sawyer what she was feeling, she padded down the hall, through the kitchen, and finally into the living room. She could hear his gentle breathing, before she could see him. Once he did come into view, her heart sank. He was sleeping peacefully on the couch, the flashing television screen casting shadowy lights on his face. Her nerve failing her, Claire slowly turned and walked back to their bedroom, crawling into bed and eventually drifting to sleep.
--
Claire found herself awake at 6am the next morning, unable to sleep after waking up to a noise in the kitchen. At first, she closed her eyes and tried to rest, but once she realized that it was no use, she decided to get an early start.
--
Minutes after dressing, Claire made her way out to the kitchen, tiptoeing quietly so as not to wake Sawyer. The previous night's courage hadn't returned, and she really wasn't eager to open up a discussion at 6 o'clock in the morning, especially not with Kate and Jack in the house.
"Morning."
Kate's voice snapped Claire out of her thoughts, as she glanced up quickly to see her sitting at the table. "Oh…hi, Kate." She greeted, forcing a small smile. "Wh-what are you doing up so early?"
Kate smiled back. "Couldn't sleep." She shrugged.
"Me either. Sawyer -- he never came in last night and I…" Claire stopped, a light blush heating her cheeks.
"It's okay. He told me."
"Oh, oh…good." She said, still looking uncomfortable with the topic.
"It's okay, Claire." Kate replied, reaching across the table and resting her hand on Claire's, then slowly pulling back. She searched the woman's eyes briefly, before speaking again. "How are you?"
"Fine. Fine." She said, nodding with an appreciative look. "It -- sometimes it's hard, but…I'm okay. I just, I think I need to get out, ya know? On my own…clear my head?"
"Why don't you? Right now."
Claire shook her head. "Kate, it's 6 in the morning. Besides, I couldn't leave you alone with-"
"I'll be fine. Go on."
"I-I think I'm just going to take a walk in the park." She agreed hesitantly.
Kate nodded. "I should probably wake Jack and get us out of your way soon."
"No, wait. You don't have to do that. Let him rest, he-he looks awful."
Kate chuckled softly, glancing down. "Yeah."
"How is he…really?"
The brunette pursed her lips and met her friend's eyes. "Not so good sometimes. He's having a hard time."
"He can stay here. I-I mean, if he isn't with…if he needs a place to stay, he can-"
Kate looks unsure of what to say. "…But Sawyer-"
"He'll be fine, Kate. If Jack – I just want him to be safe."
"Claire, I can take him home, I mean…I don't want to just leave him here for you to-"
"The house is big enough, Kate. If you two need to stay for a few days, it's fine."
"Claire."
"I mean it. Sawyer may act like he's doesn't, but he cares about him too."
Kate smiled and nodded. "I'll talk to Jack about it."
Claire grinned, a short rush of relief filling her momentarily. She stood up from the table, and slipped on some shoes that had been resting underneath it. "I might run a few errands while I'm out, if it's alright. You can take a shower while I'm gone. Use the one down the hall, in my bedroom. The one in the front hall across from your and Jack's room, is broken and Sawyer still insists he can fix it on his own." She complained with a slight roll of her eyes.
Kate cringed inwardly at Claire's reference to the bedroom as her and Jack's, but shrugged it off quickly. "Thanks, Claire. I'll do my best to hold down the fort." She teased.
"Good luck." She said, rolling her eyes again. "You might want to take a shower before Sawyer gets up, he takes all day." She started to walk back to the bedroom to get her purse, when she stopped. "Thanks."
"It's no problem." She said, hoping the doubt in her tone at the thought of being stuck in the house alone with Sawyer and Jack didn't show. "I promise."
A/n: So there you have it. I certainly hope you all enjoyed it, and I promise there will be lots of answers coming up within the next few chapters. :) Sorry for the lack of Jate and Conmama interaction, but I needed to set up a few things. Anyway, please review and let me know what you thought! Your reviews are the only things that keep me going sometimes! Theories and speculation are encouraged! Thanks!
