Dean wakes to Cas staring at him. "Cas?"

"Hello, Dean. You drool when you sleep. I find it arousing."

Dean stares for a long time, before he realizes that Cas's hand is resting on his thigh, thumb rubbing over the seam of his jeans. The memories of last night come back in a rush. Cas's strange question, the bond, the soul sex. Most of it is a blur, but certain things are crystal clear, especially certain parts of Cas. Like his lips and his eyes and the feel of his skin beneath Dean's fingertips.

Dean's eyes drift down to Cas's lips, which are turned up in a smile as Cas looks up at him with those impossible blue eyes. Dean's heart skips a beat and then he feels a warmth spread through him, coming from the bond. It must be Cas's emotions, because the warmth intensifies as Cas leans up to press a chaste kiss to Dean's lips.

Dean doesn't return the feeling and Cas pulls away with a worried look. Dean senses hurt and confusion tap at the bond and it makes his heart hurt. He gives Cas a pat on the back and his fingers brush Cas's wings. The angel shudders at his touch and a jolt like electricity travels up Dean's arm. Damn is this bond thing weird.

He doesn't know what he's supposed to do with it. By the way Cas is looking at him, and the needy feeling he can sense, he's guessing that the angel wants a show of affection, which Dean is hesitant to give. He knows that he must have been quite the willing participant last night, but his mind is clearer now, and he's not too keen on the idea of having passionately made out with Cas and had freaky ass spiritual sex.

Cas must sense Dean's hesitance because he sends a wave of emotion toward Dean. It hits Dean like a ton of bricks, all love and want, need and devotion, completion. Dean gasps a bit and he almost grabs the angel to pull him close, but it doesn't feel right, he doesn't feel right. He's Dean Winchester, he's into tits and legs, not dick and pure blue eyes that are staring up at him under furrowed brows.

He scrubs at his eyes. There are too many conflicting feelings. He needs a breather, he needs to get away from Cas. Far away, without the bond thing. He extracts himself from Cas's arms and Cas watches him with pleading eyes.

"I just need some time, okay?" Dean explains.

Cas bites his lip and then nods, but Dean can see his wings droop. Wings. Damn. That's another thing he's gonna have to think over while face to face with a cold beer.

He tears his eyes away from Cas's and pulls on his shirt and jacket before ducking out the door and slamming it with a bang. The noise wakes Sam who sits up and looks around the room groggily. Cas is looking at the door with an expression that would make puppies cry.

"Cas?" Sam asks, sitting up.

Cas sighs heavily and his wings droop over the bedspread, the black feathers contrasting sharply with the floral sheets.

Sam gets up and gives the moping angle a pat on his back. "He'll be back. Don't worry."

Cas nods and then pulls his feet up to his chest, letting his chin rest on his knees. His wings curl around him and he shields himself from the world in a feather dome. He feels like shit. He just wants Dean to come back. He's heard of this happening, of feeling like this when mates are separated, especially during the first few days after mating. Dean just needs time to come to grips with the situation, that's all. But deep down Cas knows there's more to Dean's hesitation.

It's because it's Cas, because Dean is supposed to keep up his image of not giving a damn about anything, or caring for that matter. He's supposed to hop from place to place, bed to bed, with no ties to anyone. But now he's tied to Cas, he's got something that will always bring him back, it's a new accountability that Cas hopes Dean will be able to handle.

Cas reaches out a hand and plays with his feathers. They feel so foreign. He's used to his normal wings, the way that the light shifts off them and filters through the layers of feathers. These wings are black and dull, these wings tie him to the earth. His actual wings are ethereal projections of his being, huge and shimmering in glory and grace. These small things are nothing. But they are because of Dean, so Cas is going to accept them, because he is Dean's now. Forever. And he wants Dean to know that and feel the same toward him.

"I'm gonna take a shower," Sam says to Cas before heading into the bathroom.

Cas hears the door click and he uncurls himself from the position he was sitting in so that he can slump back on the bed. His wings span out behind him, listlessly falling over the bed and onto the floor, where the tips of the feathers brush the well-worn carpet.

He lets out a heavy sigh and his thoughts stray to Dean. He tries to reach out to him, but finds a cold wall. Dean's closed off their connection, shut himself off from Cas. Cas tries again, but feels nothing. Dean must learn fast. For him to be able to cut off the bond so early on worries Cas. What if Dean keeps the connection closed, what if the bond means nothing to him? What if Cas is alone, severed from Dean, surrounded by his own emotions that are never returned?

The thought makes him physically sick and he grips the bed sheets tightly. He needs Dean to be here with him. He's never felt this way before. It's a pain that starts in his core and travels through the limbs of his vessel. Both spiritual and physical pain at the same time, something he's never really experienced before.

It travels to his wings and he can feel it penetrate his grace, burning and sharp, like someone has stabbed him. He arches up off the bed with a cry. Something is wrong, something is very wrong. Cas's entire body feels like it's dying, like someone is tearing his skin off and plucking his feathers out one by one.

He reaches out to Dean with his mind, sending pleading thoughts that embody a cry for help. There's nothing in return and it makes his agony worse. It must be because of their separation. Cas put too much into the bond, and he expected Dean to return every feeling, but Dean's not, it's only Cas's emotions, closing around him, bearing down on himself, shutting him off.

It's suddenly hard for him to breathe and he gargles out a slurred cry of, "Sam!" hoping that the other Winchester might be able to help.

The water turns off in the bathroom and Cas cries out again. His vision goes black for a moment and when it comes back he can see Sam standing over him.

"Cas?" Sam asks, worry in his voice.

Cas tries to speak, but his throat is clenched up. Every muscle in his body is tight. There's pain everywhere, stars swim in front of his eyes and he can't breathe. He can feel Sam's firm hand on his shoulder, and can hear him dialing the phone. He hears Sam scream Dean's name into the phone, and then everything goes black.