Nas breathed in deeply as she felt herself leaving the Fade.

Reached across, she couldn't wait to curl up to that hard, toned body. But her hand felt nothing but cold sheets.

Her eyes snapped open.

Nas looked to her right, but her bed was empty. She sat up quickly, an unfamiliar feeling of panic spreading through her body. A shadow caught her attention, and Nas felt herself smile as she saw his white hair.

But then she saw he was wearing his armour. His aura was a deep, deep blue.

"Fenris?"

She saw his body tense at the sound of her voice, and small flecks of a warm red started to appear in his aura. She wanted to smile, but the way he his shoulders went limp – she kept her face blank. Nas moved herself over to the edge of the bed and studied his back as he watched the fire.

"Was it that bad?" she teased, hoping to lure him out of his silence.

Nas felt her stomach turn as he turned. His face was blank, but she saw it in his eyes.

No.

"Fenris?" she whispered, not trusting herself to speak.

"I..."

But she felt it before he spoke. She felt the guilt and the shame in her body as if the emotions were her own. He was going to leave. He was leaving her. Hating herself for it, but unable to stop it, she pulled the veil over her heart. She withdrew from him, withdrew herself from his soul.

And she knew he felt it.

"Fenris, if you want to leave then leave," she said nonchalantly. "I never asked you to stay."

She felt his pain at her words, but she didn't know what else to do. He was breaking her heart, so she would break his.

"You... wish me to leave?"

She smiled at him sweetly, but it made her stomach turn.

"Sweetness, you have your boots on. Either you were going to buy me some flowers... or you were leaving. Either way, I wish you'd hurry up and decide. It's late and I want to sleep."

His emerald eyed bore into her own and she knew he was searching her face for any sign that she was lying. Nas raised an eyebrow, holding his gaze.

"Very well."

His face darkened and Nas felt her heart drop. She wanted to jump up and throw her arms around him, beg his forgiveness and ask him to stay... but she wouldn't. She couldn't.

Fenris gave her one last icy look before he turned on his heel. She watched him leave with a heavy heart and for the first time in eleven years, she doubted her decision.

It was nearly a month before she saw him again.

She had been in the Hanged Man when she felt him enter the room. He had told Varric where he had gone, but Varric refused to tell her. It had caused such an argument that he had reached for Bianca while she had called her mana. Luckily Aveline had been there to calm them down.

Anders hadn't left her side, and somewhere deep down, she was thankful for the support. Yet, she couldn't deny the reason he was near her. Every time he looked at her she saw his aura flicker and shimmer into a rainbow of colours. She saw his battle against the impossible blue of Justice, but she chose not to interfere. She would never admit it to anyone, but Justice... frightened her.

Nas brought her drink to her lips when she felt him.

It felt as if her very soul embraced his presence, as if she recognised him in a way that she couldn't understand. She felt his gaze on her, but she didn't look up. She carried on listening to Isabella as if she was the only thing in the world.

Fenris walked past them without catching their attention, heading straight up the stairs towards Varric's rooms.

"And then his arse was suddenly barrelling towards me faster than a – Hawke? You OK?"

Nas looked up. Merrill, Anders and Isabella were watching her with wide eyes. She raised an eyebrow.

"What?"

"You... you just lit up like a beacon," said Merrill.

She took a deep breath, hating the fact that his appearance had such an outward effect on her. She glanced around quickly but luckily the Hanged Man was empty.

Isabella gave her an 'I-know-theres-something-wrong-so-tell-me-now-or-I'll-cut-you-to-shreds look.' She sighed.

"Fenris just walked in."

Both girls turned their gaze around the empty tavern, making Nas smile.

"He's with Varric."

"How did you see? You've got your back turned."

Nas didn't answer the young elf, choosing rather to take a sip from her drink. She saw Anders' aura go from a content purple to a deep, angry red. It was flecked with vibrant greens and it pulsed heavily. She didn't look up at him or the girls.

But she felt him walk back into the room.

Varric was by his side as they approached the table. Isabella and Merrill stood and greeted him while Anders simply nodded. Nas felt Fenris' anger as he looked at her, but she also felt his happiness, his longing.

Maker she wanted to touch him.

"Nice of you to finally join us. Next time, a warning would be nice."

Nas gave him a stern look after her comment, rising to her feet. She walked around and sat by Anders on the bench, freeing up a seat for the elf.

As her companions sat back down and Varric ordered a round of drinks, Nas couldn't help but stare at him. She could feel Anders by her side. He was warm and he wanted her.

It was a nice change from Fenris' hatred.

She felt herself moving closer to the mage. His surprise mirrored that of her other companions, but no more so than Fenris'.

Nas looked up at him from under her lashes.

He was seething. His aura was a jet black and it throbbed dangerously.

"So... where've you been, Fenris?" asked Isabella. The pirate queen put her elbows on the table, resting her chin on her knuckles. The way she sat made her arms push against her breasts, pushing them tightly against her corset.

Nas felt her shoulders tense as Fenris' eyes darted towards the pirate and her bulging boobs. She felt her teeth clench.

Fenris' ear twitched slightly, as if he heard or felt something. His eyes darted to Nas' briefly before turning back to Isabella. She saw him lean forward, his eyes leering at her.

"I needed to be alone."

Isabella smiled suggestively. "Oh? But not anymore?"

"No. Not anymore."

Nas felt her mana flare in her chest and it took all her efforts to stop her hands from lighting up. She turned to Anders.

"Drink?"

He gave her a surprised look before smiling unsurely. "Sure."

She nodded quickly before getting sharply to her feet. She didn't look back as she headed towards the bar. Nas could feel Anders behind her, but she still didn't turn to him. as she leaned against the bar, she made sure that her back was directly opposite Fenris.

"Are you alright, Hawke? I felt a major mana surge there."

Nas nodded at the barmaid. "I'm fine."

"Are you sure, you see-"

"I said I'm fine, Anders."

She saw his aura turn a hurtful yellow. She sighed and turned to him, gently putting her hand on his arm.

"I'm sorry, I –"

Anders put his warm hand on top of her own. It was a nice gesture. A simple gesture, but it made her feel slightly better.

She looked up at him and smiled, making him smile back.

She almost enjoyed the moment, if it wasn't for the wave of anger and jealousy that slammed into her.

Nas smiled again, but for a completely different reason. She took the two mugs from the bar and passed one to Anders. She gently clinked her mug against his.

"To a good night."

Nas laughed again and gently slapped his shoulders. Anders giggled and gently tugged a lock of her hair. A wave of lust ran through her, but it wasn't her own.

She snuck a glance at Fenris, and her blood boiled. Isabella was sat on his lap with her arm around his neck. They were facing Merrill and Varric who were deep in conversation.

The drinks had been flowing happily for the past few hours, but it was Nas and Anders that were winning the game. They had stayed by the bar for a while, challenging each other to shots of whiskey and brandy.

It was a struggle for Nas to see straight, but she couldn't help moving herself closer to Anders. She felt sad and alone. Seeing Fenris flirting so easily with Isabella hurt her more than she would admit to herself. She wanted to feel a lustful touch. She wanted to feel like she felt a month ago, lying in his arms.

Mentally slapping herself, Nas smiled at Anders. She moved closer to him so her body rubbed against his. She felt him shiver. It sent a wave of pleasure through her, but it was... wrong, somehow.

Nas felt his hand take the back of her neck, bringing her closer to him.

He smelt like dirt, sweat and mana. It was a mixture that made enticed her primal urges, a scent that made her consider him as a possible mate. But her mana didn't flare. It didn't react to him. it remained dormant in her aching chest.

She turned her head away as if wanting him to explore her neck. Instead she looked at Fenris, but it wasn't what she wanted to see.

Isabella straddled him on the chair. her arms were wrapped around his neck as she explored his mouth with her tongue.

An emptiness so vast opened in her heart that she couldn't breathe. She didn't think...

Didn't think what? He left you, Nas. He didn't want you. He used you for one thing and once he was satisfied, he left. End. Of. Story.

But she didn't really believe that, did she?

As his hand ran up Isabella's thigh, Nas felt her eyes well.

Yes. She did believe it.

She turned her head and faced Anders. Grabbing his cheeks with her hands she pulled him against her, connecting their lips. There was nothing but lust as she completely overwhelmed him. His kiss was desperate as she crushed him against her.

She needed to feel something – anything but the sadness.

His hand grabbed her hips, rubbing his fingers over her rump and thighs. She vaguely felt Fenris' emotions, but her primal instincts mixed with the alcohol had started to place a fog over her mind. She grabbed his hands and started to pull him towards the stairs leading to the bedrooms.

They passed their companions, but she ignored them.

Rushing into the closest room, Nas felt his weight against her back. He wrapped his arms possessively around her waist, pulling her into his aura. She breathed in deeply as he pushed her hair away, revealing the soft skin of her neck. She expected him to kiss her, but the sharp sting of his teeth made her jump. A shiver went through her.

She spun herself around and slammed him against the wall.

As he pulled her up onto his hips, Nas felt something inside her chest starting to expand, as if something were trying to work its way inside her.

The fog over her mind dimmed the sensation until all she could feel was the heat of Fenris' skin.

Fenris.

She opened her eyes, but there was no emeralds starting back. Instead she saw liquid gold, and her heart dropped.

Nas shook her head and attempted to pull herself away.

She was stopped by strong hands as she was lifted again. Her body was turned sharply and she gasped as she was slammed against a wall. She tried to ignore the wave of heat pass through her. Hands roamed her body, but they were wrong.

"Anders..."

He moaned against her neck and it took all her strength not to give in.

"Anders, please stop," she whispered.

But he didn't.

Nas moved her head away from him and she put her hands in front of her, pushing him away. He seemed to realise then, and he pulled away slightly in confusion. Nas shook her head and lowered her legs, feeling unsteady on her feet.

"I'm... I'm sorry, Anders, I... I have to..."

"Go? Why? Don't you want me?" He stepped closer to her, grabbing her hips and pulling her closer. She felt her eyes flutter closed.

"See... I can feel you," he whispered. He gently rubbed his hand down her thigh.

Nas sucked in a breath as she felt the fog starting to settle back over her mind. Maker, she wanted to feel his body against hers, she needed the physical attention, but...

But she could feel Fenris' sadness, and it disturbed her in more ways that she dared to understand.

"Anders, stop it."

Nas pushed him away, harder than she intended. She knew she had no right to be angry at him, but she wouldn't rather be angry than have the helplessness overwhelm her.

Anders rounded on her, searching her face. He seemed to find his answer.

"Him. That lyrium imbued self-riotous mage hater? What can you possibly want with him? Can he touch your mana, can he knowingly walk into your aura, Nas? Well, can he?"

Anders stared into her eyes, boring his jealously into her soul. Nas held her head high, jutting her chin out defiantly.

"I don't need him to walk into my aura. I'll let him in myself."

She felt a tingle of fear in her stomach as a flash of blue went through Anders' eyes. She saw him clench his jaw; the veins in his neck were ticking.

"I know you want me, Nas. I can feel it."

He stepped closer. Nas stayed perfectly still as Anders ran his face slowly down the right side of her neck, breathing her in. He must have expected her to react, because when she didn't, she felt his aura shimmer dangerously.

"Anders. Enough."

Nas pushed herself forward to leave, but she was stopped. Anders held her arms tightly, trying not to wince. She saw his eyes fading from blue to gold, and she knew he was on the brink of control.

Before she could summon her mana, he leant forward and crushed her lips with his. Nas ripped her arms from his, and pushing hard, she managed to get a big enough distance between them to raise her hand. Bringing it forward as hard as she could, she felt it connect with his cheek. The slap echoed in the silence.

Nas felt her hand throbbing as Anders slowly turned his head back round. His eyes were luminous blue and his skin started to crack, revealing the power of Justice.

Her fear stopped her dead, but she would never have dodged the blow. Pain exploded across her mouth and jaw, making her head whip back. She felt her neck crack slightly as she landed heavily on the floor. Her head span as she lay awkwardly on the ground.

"Nas!"

She heard Anders fall onto his knees beside her and she felt his hand touch her face. The warm sensation of his healing magic started on her cheek, but she flailed her arms out wildly, slapping him away. She blinked her eyes repeatedly as her mouth and jaw throbbed. A hand touched her again, but this time she called her mana.

Holding a fireball in her palm, she raised it to her face.

"Touch me again and you become a human torch."

His hand backed off.

Nas kept the fireball in front of her as she unsteadily got to her feet. Bringing her free hand up to her face, she touched her swelling lip. She looked at her fingers and saw they were sparkling with crimson liquid. She shot a murderous look at Anders.

He stood still, an uncertain look on his face.

Before she could turn him into tiny little pieces of burning flesh, Nas turned on her heel and left the room. She felt her lip and chin swelling more and more each second, and she felt herself seething with every throb.

Walking back into the main tavern, Nas kept her eyes ahead as she walked past her companions. They looked up and no doubt they saw the blood, but she didn't give them a chance to respond.

Heading directly through the door, Nas found herself walking through the cool night towards Hightown.

Pushing the door to the mansion open, Nas pulled her cloak from around her neck. She threw it over the coat hander before heading forward towards her bedroom. As she passed the library, she saw the hearth dancing peacefully. Carrying on forward, Nas was about to start up the stairs when she saw something flicker against the library wall.

"Who's there? Bodahn?"

A figure stepped forward and for a moment, Nas felt her heart jump into her throat.

She sighed. "Gamlen? What are you doing here so late?"

"Nasara, have you seen your mother?"

Nas frowned tiredly.

"No, she's probably in her room-"

"She's not; I've been here for hours. She was supposed to come and meet me for our weekly chat but she never showed up. Your dwarf told me she hadn't been seen all day."

Nas stepped closer to him, seeing genuine worry on his face made her stomach dance.

"Did she say anything? Where she was going, maybe?"

Gamlen shook his head. "All the dwarf said was that she received some white lilies this morning and then she left early afternoon."

As if her world suddenly turned vertigo, Nas found her entire body stand still. Her heart bounced around wildly as she tried to understand what she had heard.

"White lilies?" Her voice was barely a whisper.

Gamlen's face went from pale to pure white as he saw her expression.

"What? What is it?"

Nas felt her body sway as she grabbed the railing. She snapped her head up and marched towards the front door to the mansion. She took her staff from against the wall before grabbing the handle.

"Nasara, what's wrong? What's happened to Leandra?"

Nas felt her bottom lip quiver as she turned. A deep, painful foreboding settled at the bottom of her stomach. As much as she liked to think her feelings were wrong, she knew they weren't.

"Something bad, uncle."

She pulled the handle down and yanked the door open, stepping into the now pouring darkness of the night.