That evening, Brianna told Sam that she was going to sit with Dekka to attempt to make up for what had happened earlier. Sam sat with Edilio but she could sense that he had his eye on her. She sat down opposite Dekka and cracked open her can of diet pepsi (one of the only things to enter her system recently- she only ate food when she absolutely needed to and even then it would only be a tiny amount because she always got these overwhelming feelings of guilt when she ate). 'Hey!' she beamed.
'Hi.' Dekka said, definitely not inviting more conversation, but Brianna – her mind set on making things right – powered on.
'Your food looks nice!' she lied with a smile. The food actually made her want to throw up- the very thought of all the calories made her feel fat. Not that she thought Dekka was fat, it was just Brianna that was.
'Then why didn't you get any?' her voice was quiet and it sounded like she was liable to blow up at any time.
'Oh, um, I felt ill.' she answered.
'Stop lying to me Bri. Please.' Dekka whispered.
'Lying?'
Then the shouting began. 'Yes! Lie! You've been lying to me for months and I'm sick of it! You think I can't tell but I'm your best friend, I know when something's wrong and I know when you're lying! I knew you cut but I didn't want to say anything because I thought you would tell me yourself in your own time- but no! Sam found out and yet you still kept it from me! I'm not as stupid as you think! I noticed you dropping weight and I noticed you skipping meals on purpose and to be a good friend I tried not to spring it on you because I didn't know if you knew and what good friend just informs you that you have an eating disorder? I didn't want to hurt you even though you've been keeping things from me and lying to me! I'm sick of trying to understand what you're doing because you won't bloody tell me! You don't need to self harm any more because I will fucking cut you myself you lying bitch! Just leave me alone. You can't be desperate to make me leave at one minute and my best friend the next- that's not how friendship works.' and with that, she picked up her tray and stormed outside. Everyone was staring at Brianna now, whereas before the focus had been on Dekka. No one spoke but their expressions were shocked and every eye in the room was fixed on her. Sam and Edilio both started to rise from their seats but before they could stand, Brianna had zoomed out of the room.
She burst through the door of her bedroom, her mind filled with humiliation, shock, feelings of worthlessness and most of all despair. She had just lost her best friend. She wished she could just do it here but she knew that Sam and Edilio would be arrive in a couple of minutes. She needed to get somewhere it would take them a while to find. She tipped the drawer full of blades into her satchel and ran into the trees.
Brianna ran for around ten minutes before drawing to a halt. She wasn't sure where she was but she knew that anyone else would take at least an hour to run there and they would have to take the exact same route with no stops at all. It would take them at least two hours to find her, she suspected. Good. From the satchel, she withdrew a small but lethal looking blade. It was the size of a small kitchen knife but the blade was more precise and a hell of a lot sharper.
The first cut was the hardest, opening the skin right across the vein, little droplets of crimson forming along the line. Not enough. Tears blurred her vision as she slashed repeatedly at the same spot until she felt the knife tear something and the blood began to pump much faster from her wrist. The vein had opened. She kept going, really not caring whether it killed her. She made several cuts like this up her arm and only stopped when it went completely numb. The trees spun and crashed around her and she fell to the floor, her eyelids shutting out the damage she'd done.
