Disclaimer: You guessed it…I still don't own Twilight or anything affiliated with it….
I just wanted to thank everyone for the reviews. Now I know people don't normally update this often, but most of mine is already on paper, and I kinda want to get it out here while I can before everything in my life picks up again!
Hope you like this chapter.
---- Jacob's POV ----
It has been one week, two days and 12 hours since I last seen Edward Cullen at the Swan residence. My heart was aching, I wanted to see him, and I wanted to touch him again. But most of all I wanted to know how he was.
It sucks being away from your imprint, everything in your body is telling you to go to them. But Edward left me a note; he didn't know when he would see me again. He needed to sort through some things and figure out exactly what he wanted.
I leaned over my bed and picked the perfectly written note up off the floor and read it for the millionth time -
Jacob,
Please forgive me for what happened over at Bella's place. I shouldn't have done that; it was unfair to both yourself and Bella.
I wont be around for a while, I need to sort some things out. I don't know when I will be back or where I will be. All I know is that I wont be far, and when I return I hope to have come to a conclusion about my life.
I know this is hurting you, I know it will hurt you when I am gone. But I can't do this to Bella, I must figure out how much she means to me. I know I am drawn to you Jacob, but I just don't know why, and until I can figure it out I will not be in yours or Bella's life.
Please forgive me.
Edward.
I threw the note back on the floor as my anger began to rise. My entire body was shaking; I was angry, upset and hurt. I didn't know which emotion was the more dominant, and it was really starting to over come me.
I balled my hands into fists and brought them up to my eyes, pressing as hard as I could so I didn't phase. I hadn't phased for the past three days, my pain of being away from Edward was becoming too much for the pack to deal with, so I took the easy way out and just stopped phasing so I didn't need to feel their anger and annoyance as well my own pain.
Closing my eyes I decided I should go back to sleep. Sleeping was the easiest way to deal with it, it just blocked it all out for as long as possible – I could sleep all day – yep, that way I wouldn't feel the pain and nobody else would know what was wrong.
'Jacob, come down here, you have been locked in your room for almost a week, I need to speak to you' my dad called, barely above his normal, low baritone voice, knowing full well I could hear him.
Damn, I should ignore him and pretend I am sleep.
As soon as I closed my eyes to pretend I had not heard his calls the tears began to roll down my face – hell, I said I wasn't going to cry over Edward 'freaking' Cullen – but they wouldn't stop, the tears that had been threatening to spill over since I first got the note a week ago finally came.
There was a soft knock on my door – ignore it – I decided, rolling over and facing the other way, closing my eyes and hoping that whoever it was didn't notice the tears rolling freely down my cheeks.
'Jacob, please come down, your father is worried about you' – ah, so he sent Sam – well too bad, I'm still not going to leave my room. As though he could read my mind Sam spoke again 'Jacob, if you don't go out there to see your dad then he is going to come in here'.
I heard Sam's footfalls as he walked the small space around my bed so he could look at me. Slowly I opened my tear stained eyes. I saw Sam's face fall immediately 'he still isn't back?' he asked, his voice solemn, soft and understanding. I shook my head, as the dry sobs in the back of my throat were not allowing me the use of my voice.
'Jacob, I am so sorry, I cant imagine how it must feel, but you still need to talk to your dad, he is so worried about you. He is almost ready to call for a doctor' Sam said, sitting near my head and putting his hand on my shoulder.
A doctor? Crap, he would get Dr Cullen, and I didn't want to see any of them, not now, not when I was missing Edward this badly.
I sat upright and began wiping my eyes – please let me look normal when I go down there – and then I got up and crossed the room and pulled on a clean pair of pants and plain black wife beater top.
'Do I look normal?' I asked, hoping Sam would say yes – but then – I didn't want him to lie either. Sam didn't lie, he shook his head 'Jacob, you look terrible, your eyes are swollen, you look like you haven't eaten in days, and your hair is a mess' he said, throwing my brush over to me.
I quickly ran the brush through my hair and wiped my face again – going into the bathroom to do it this time – and then I came back and Sam gave me a curt nod before gripping my arm and leading me toward the living room where my dad was – undoubtedly – watching a game.
'No, I cant do this Sam' I whispered, trying – but failing – to turn around before we got into the small living room.
Oh great – they are all here – Paul, Embry, Quil, Jared, Leah and Seth – I turned and glared at Sam, hoping he could feel the waves of anger coming from me now. Sam mouthed 'sorry' his face genuinely full of remorse.
Ok, Jake, this isn't Sam's fault, so don't get mad at him.
As soon as Sam and I took the seats on the lounge that Paul and Jared had freed up for us I let my eyes travel to the floor. Not daring to look into my dad's eyes. He always had a way of knowing what was wrong by looking into my brown orbs.
'Jacob' he began, rolling over to me and lifting my head up with his large, leather like hands. 'Gosh, Jacob, what is wrong?' he asked, his face falling and the crows feet on the corners of his eyes becoming more prominent in his worry. 'Nothing' I breathed, moving my head away from him as more tears were working their way to the back of my eyes.
'Can you guys give us a moment?' my dad asked, looking over at Sam, who nodded and motioned for the others to follow him 'we wont be far if you need anything' he said as he left the house, closing the front door with a soft thud.
My dad got out of his wheelchair, pulling himself up onto the couch next to me, his long arms placed around my shoulders 'Jacob, please, tell me what is wrong, you are scaring me kid, I am usually hip in knowing what is going on, but you have been acting so weird lately, and now this' he said, pulling me closer to him as those tears finally fell down my face. 'Wh-whe-where is Rachel?' I choked out, looking around the house – she said she would be here with me. 'She will be back in a moment, she just had to pick some stuff up from the grocery store' he answered, pulling my face back to look at him 'why?' he asked, his face full of concern and worry. I laughed a little before I answered, which actually caused my dad to smile 'she said she would be here when I finally told you' I answered, looking down – why do I feel so ashamed – great, like I needed another emotion to add to everything else I was already feeling.
My dad sighed and pulled me closer to him 'well, we can wait for your sister if it means I will actually find out what is going on' he said, rubbing my shoulder in an attempt to take the pain away.
I could see that this was hurting him – he didn't like it when any of his kids were upset- and here I was, acting like someone just died. It did feel like that, worse then that – when I was told that it hurt to be away from your imprint, I didn't think it would be this bad. God I could only imagine what would happen if your imprint actually died.
Rachel returned home ten minutes later, her face fell when she seen me, the tears still rolling down my face, my head leaning on my dad's shoulder, his arms tightly wrapped around me. She dropped the grocery bags on the floor near the door and rushed over, kneeling down in front of me, placing her small hands on my knees.
'Oh, Jacob, I am so sorry' she said, her mouse like voice breaking as she was fighting back tears. 'It's okay, I just wanted to wait until you got home so I could tell dad why I have been acting so weird lately' I answered, trying, but failing to wipe away the tears that were still spilling from my eyes.
Rachel pulled herself up and sat in dad's wheelchair, directly across from me, keeping her small hands on my knees. 'It is going to be ok Jacob, I am sure dad will understand' she said, glaring at my father, almost daring him with her eyes not to take this lightly.
I was silent for a moment, listening to the sounds of the people playing and frolicking on the beach, the sound of Paul and Leah arguing somewhere not to far from the house and the sound of my dad's accelerated heartbeat as he waited for me to speak.
'Dad' I choked out, moving away from him – wow, I was more scared about his reaction then I thought I was – 'I don't want you to hate me ok?' He looked at me as though I was insane 'Jacob, you could murder someone and I wouldn't hate you' he said, putting his arm back around me.
It was nice having the comfort of my dad arms around me – it seems childish – but it was like the pain was going a way a little bit. Kind of like when I was a little kid and I would hurt myself, and dad would kiss the mark and it would magically feel better.
I sighed deeply before continuing – now I was imagining things, I could have sworn that my shirt smelt like Edward – I shook that thought from my head as my heart began hurting again and I finally spoke.
'Dad, you know how before, I was acting weird, kind of, Bipolar?' I asked, looking into his eyes – at least this way I can read his reactions. He chuckled and nodded 'yes, I remember, it wasn't that long ago, and as annoying as your moods were then, it is a lot better then this constant depression' he said. I smiled weakly through my tear stained face at his answer before continuing.
'Well, I was acting like that because – dad – I imprinted' I said, not moving my eyes from his face and forgetting how to breath. To say my father looked shocked was an understatement. He actually looked more hurt that I didn't tell him this right away. But he didn't speak, he let me continue, knowing there was more to the story.
Rachel gave my knee a tight squeeze, urging me without words to continue. 'Dad, I imprinted on a guy' I said, still trying to read his reaction. 'Oh' he breathed, unable to form a sentence – great, if he is that shocked and scared, hell, even disappointed that it is a guy just wait until I finish.
I looked at Rachel, she smiled at me, 'come on Jacob, he needs to know the rest' she said, putting her hand on my shoulder now.
I know Rachel is right – but she didn't have to tell him. She doesn't know how hard this is.
'Dad, I imprinted on a guy vampire' I said, so low that I hoped he couldn't hear me. 'Jake, please talk louder, I can't hear you kid, I am getting old here remember' my father said, causing me to sincerely laugh for the first time in a week. I saw both my fathers and Rachel's face light up at my laughter – it felt good to see they were happy, even though they were both still worried about me.
'I imprinted on a guy, a guy vampire' I said, loud enough that I knew he would hear me. I felt his grip on my shoulder tighten at my words – geez, if I was still normal Jacob that would have hurt – I moved my eyes from his now, knowing he was disgusted.
Rachel was glaring at our father, she was not impressed that he still hadn't said anything – if she was a shapeshifter she would have phased right about now.
'Well' he choked out – the shock slowly wearing off – his eyes back on me, his hand moving so he could turn my head to look at him. 'Jacob, this is, well, this is different' he said, 'but, you should have told me sooner, imprinting is a natural order selection, you have no control over it, I am not angry or disappointed, or disgusted in you, but this still doesn't explain the depression, does it?' he enquired, pulling my head down onto his lap when the tears and sobs escaped me again.
He was playing with my dark hair soothingly, waiting patiently for me to be able to continue. When I finally caught my breath – the Edward scent that I was now positive I was imagining on my shirt – filling my lungs I continued.
'Dad, he left, he is gone, I don't know when he will back, if he will want me, or if he will just ignore me after what happened' I rushed, barely taking a breath. My father didn't stop playing with my hair when I moved to look up at him, my head still on his legs. 'Jake, I am sorry' he said, 'if you had told me this earlier then I wouldn't have been so persistent about you coming down and talking to me, I cant only go off what I have read, but in saying that, you are more then likely in a lot of pain' he said, his eyes now full of sadness for me.
I wanted to tell him that I was Ok. But he has read all the books, he knows more about imprinting then I do, so he would know the pain I am feeling.
'Come on kid, lets get you something to eat' he said, desperately trying to take my mind off of Edward – although dad never did ask me who this male vampire was – I wonder why?
Rachel helped my dad back into his chair and as he wheeled off toward the kitchen she threw her arms around me 'you did so good Jake' she whispered into my ear. 'Thanks, for being here' I said, pulling her closer and hugging her to my chest.
I saw my dad smile from in the kitchen – he had never seen me and either of my sisters get along like this – usually it was the twins against me – and usually I deserved it. But Rachel and Rebecca had both always said they were the only one's who were allowed to hurt me and cause me pain – I can tell, looking at Rachel that if Edward ever comes back she is willing to hunt him down and grill him about the pain he has caused me.
The pack all made their way back 'so you were listening?' I asked, looking over at Embry, who was smiling like a loon 'yes, we heard, and dude, you are so cute', he said, pulling me over to the kitchen table and forcing a pile of food onto the plate in front of me. I slapped him in the back of the head – I, Jacob Black, am not cute – I am, well I don't know, but I am sure as hell not cute.
The rest of the evening was – I hate to admit it – fun. We went down to the beach and had a bonfire, we played video games and we just hung out – the way the pack did before I burdened them with a vampiric imprint. Although the entire time – in the back of my mind – all I could see and think about was Edward.
'Alright dude, Quil and I are staying here, and we call the bed' Embry shouted over the sounds of the rest of the pack saying goodbye to Paul, Rachel and my dad. I raced them into my bedroom – there is no way they were having my bed – but they stopped in the doorway 'yes, I know, my room stinks, Paul already told me' I said, a little frustrated with them. But neither of them said anything, instead they just stared, looking into the corner of the room.
I slowly followed their gaze – my eyes meeting with the beautiful, liquid gold eyes of Edward Cullen.
Hope you all like it, more about what Edward did when he was gone will be revealed in the next chapter. Does he want Jacob? Or did he decide to stay with Bella? Stay tuned to find out…
And remember, reading and reviewing is good = happy author.
PrettyTwisted x0x
