Author's Note: This chapter picks right up where the last one ended. T for tissue warning in this chapter, for sure, I think it's gonna make you cry! If I'm a half decent writer, and can make you cry, then I know I brought you right in to my story and their plight, and did a good job, or if I didn't, then you really have no emotions to speak of. Also sorry this might hit on the disgusting side or part, especially the way they had to help Joel or rather he asked for their help. So for those of you who hate bathroom humor or are sickened by even your own boldly functions, or that of others, real or Sim, or think such things have no place in stories or a fanfic, too bad, sorry, but that's just how the story flows and goes! Ha! Sorry had to put that in there! Besides, Sims generally constantly need to pee. Again as is before, I put a Roxette song in the story, see if you can find it as an encouragement to post an R and R for me, and tell me how you like the story so far. If you're not a huge fan or not at all of Roxette, that's fine the next concluding chapter will have a regular spooky question for you. Again as with pervious the big hint and answer is at the bottom of the story, so unless you aren't a fan, try not cheat.
Getting Out and Over, It: Pt. 2
"I don't know how to either, or at least that well, I'm new to all this as well, but yeah I do pray I get over it, I really want to as badly as I want to pee right now. I do feel better knowing you all have something you fear, even more than one thing. Oh but you don't know how badly I not only want to go pee but get over this stupid fear, it's running my life, I hate it, I don't want to be afraid of heights, heck I can't even go upstairs to a second level of this orphanage without getting the shakes. I want to pray to get over this fear, just don't know how to, God only knows how badly I want and wanted it to get over it, for a long time now." However despite 'not knowing how to pray' Joel was, as he poured his heart out in blunt honest truth that he wanted to be freed of this crushing gripping fear.
"Well I'm sure He does," Rebecca nods.
"Yeah but we all have something we're afraid of, we can get over, and we can help each other," George nods and then smiles. "So let's do this, then, if you want to get over it, let's do it. It's time to face your fear, in turn; you can help us all face ours, okay. Do you know why you have it, or how you got it by any chance? It might help to know that."
"Uh I had it since I can remember," then as God wanted His child healed, as well as the other 5 in due turn, so Joel was given the memories to know why and where his acrophobia had stemmed from. "Whoa wait yeah, I, I remember, now, when I was born, I was pulled out and was held upside-down and was spanked on the backside, that's where I got my fear. I was so terrified, all the pain, the bright lights, the loud and scary noises, I was ripped out and suddenly I was cold, and was very dizzy, it was so bright and so loud and so scary I wanted to die. I was so afraid I remember that I lost all bowel and bladder control. That's when it all started when I was just a baby, that's when I got it. I do remember though I felt so much better, after I was washed, as I was held and hugged for a few minutes by my birth mother, then she…died, I think, I think because of me. There was so much crying she died and I was held by someone not sure who, I don't recall who but I knew that I was safe, but then I was taken away. Ripped away again, screaming, it was horrible." Suddenly he spoke what he concluded when he was a newborn about his birth and what happened to his mother after, what he had put together, that he was somehow to blame, and this was his punishment, he had done it. "I think she was a teenager so she wasn't…oh no, it was all my fault, ohh I killed her, I killed my mommy. I blame myself, for her death; it was all my fault, she died, if it wasn't for me…if I wasn't even born…" Joel broke right down and started sobbing.
"They used to do that back then to get the babies to start breathing, to take their first breath, but they realized how bad that idea is, so nowadays, they rub the babies, to help them to breath, and do not cut the cord until it stops pulsing so it's a slower easier, more loving transition over from cord breathing to air breathing. I'm so sorry your birth was so violent," Rebecca said then Joel started to look so sad and angry and upset with himself that he might throw a tantrum about it. In a sense his inner newborn was screaming out what it was unable to say why he was so terrified, he was introduced into the world, in such a very angry violent terrifying way, how could he not react the way he does? "Stop it, Joel, just stop it, you are not at all to blame for your mother's death. Let alone how you were born, they were so stupid back then, they didn't know how to do it without violence. If she was a teenager being so young there might have been complications. If she was a teenager, though you were no mistake she may have made a foolish mistake, and had either gotten pregnant, with you, or, she was, God-forbid, raped, and well, still, regardless, how, if it was that, still it sure was not your fault why or how she died. Her body maybe couldn't handle it, or she was just sick, and the birth was all that she could handle. That's why us teens are not meant to have babies; our bodies are simply not ready for it yet. Joel, please, look on the bright side of things, your mother died, after giving life to you, in a way, you should be thankful to her, she could have killed you before you were even born, but she instead, risked and yes even scarified her own life so that you could live. So please stop blaming yourself for something that was out of your hands. If you do feel that it was her fault, or in any way it was yours; forgive her, your father, whoever he was, if do you think the worst, and you need to forgive the doctor, who stupidly, foolishly, violently, uncaringly, held you upside down and spanked you, you also need to forgive, yourself, as well too, just let it go." Joel just sobbed out loudly, as Rebecca held him tightly, to her chest, to quiet him down, and calm him and so tenderly lovingly rubbed his back as she consoled him as well as to muffle out his loud deep sobs, as he just cried it out a bit longer, like a baby, and shook, in deep, trembling, sobs, as he was being healed. For all the other siblings, there was not a dry eye, up in the attic, they too held, caressed, rubbed, and hugged, him lovingly, in a sense, to try recreate it for him, what should have been, a loving embrace into the word, not a harsh hit of fear violence and yes even death. "I know, I know how badly it must hurt you, but you have to let it all go already, you held onto it, this fear, and this hurt, for far too long. Just like you're holding onto your pee, right now, and how it's hurting you, you held onto both, for too long, both of those things, aren't good for you, to hold onto. You have to let it out, and let it go now. You have to try, Joel, oh please, try, just try to face it the fear, it's really that, or wet your pants."
Joel teared over and pondered it a few seconds winced and smiled, as he nodded tearing over all over again as he choked on his sobs as he began the processes of releasing the fear, and of letting it go, and mostly, forgiving himself, his mother, and biological father, for any sort of blame, and especially that doctor, which started the healing process, to remove his fear of heights. "Alright, oh alright I'll try, okay, I'll try; I have to go pee so badly, I have no choice, I guess; I'll try. I do want to get over this, I have held onto it for too long, it's time to let go, just like when I was a baby and a toddler how daddy helped us all to let go, let it go, unh, just not in my pants, ha-ha, oh man, mmn. Maybe, give me a little privacy, I feel so, vulnerable, right now, I want you here, but, uhh…just for…" Joel made it very clear, taking the hint; the girls and the boys sans George kindly turned around, to give him his privacy, while he got ready to go or until he asked for their help, or said it was okay to look/watch/help out.
"That's my bro; you're ready, let's do this. Get it your penis out that way if any does come out then it won't be that kind of accident because I want you to try get as close to this open window as you comfortably can. Hopefully not to the point you start losing control, when you get there, stop, and shut your eyes, I'll help you with all the rest." Joel nodded and pulled it out of his underwear and looked over at his siblings to make sure they weren't looking before he got it out. Walking cautiously over to the window, and already he started to shake a bit as he got a bit closer. It was just 3 small paces to the window from nearly the furthest middle part of the room, which meant his desperate need to pee, went to a dire need. Joel took in a few deep breaths walked 2 more paces, which was as comfortably close as he could get to the window, and stopped there, as Joel felt the pinch of urine about to try to escape as terror overtook him. Eyes shut tightly now he managed 2 more uneasy wobbly shuffling steps which is as far as he could get towards the open window. "Ohh look at you, oh that's wonderful, how close you are to the window. You are, so ready, oh that's great, because it's time to let it all go." The others took a peek, to see, oh yes, indeed, Joel was fairly close to that open window, and were all so proud of him, for being so brave, to do that, and turned back around, to give him his privacy.
"Okay, but how am I going to do this if I can't see what I'm doing or know how to do it right. I have never peed standing up before, what if I don't do it right."
"I'll help you to aim it, then let you'll do it yourself, really it's not hard, you're just afraid, but you will see it's not hard to do. You already are there, normally you just got to unzip, uh right in your case, no zipper, stretchy elastic waistband pants, in your case; just get it out, get it aimed, and pee, not hard to do. So let's get a little closer to the window now, so you can go." So Joel took it upon himself to shuffle there, without any of his brother's help in bity inches, but with bitty inching over movements he got freaked out more and feeling a bit unbalanced and shuddering, he stopped. "For goodness sake, I know you want to do a lot of this yourself, but you can't, you can't do this alone, let me help you, I want to help you. You can't see where you are going. Whatever you do, don't open your eyes, yet, wait until I tell you to, I'll help you; just trust me."
"I have to pee so badly, what if, ohh, I don't know if I can…do this."
"Keep your eyes shut whatever you do, don't open them; keep them shut. I'll guide you to the window, while you keep your eyes shut, so you don't get that height fear thing, going on. Let me help you walk, and don't think about it, how much closer you are getting to it, focus on holding it all in right now, and then releasing it, how good it will feel too to literally let it all go." With his hands onto Joel's hips he corrected his off the pathway wandering then back on the right path George guided Joel straight to the open window. "Slowly walk forward now, that's it, keep your eyes shut, focus on holding it in." George felt his brother's rhythm as went with his flow, never ever pushing him, even if it was now but 5 more steps it seemed probably to Joel a creaky old wobbly bridge, a bridge from death to life to try to cross, and as such, it was nothing to take lightly or to be rushed. Beaming with pride he felt so proud for his older brother, "Now give me your hands, so I can help you aim it." Joel held his hands up and out a bit, not having a clue what George was doing, but fully trusting his brother. "Now hold it in your hands, not too tight, about this tightly," gently squeezing on his finger, "you hold your penis about that tightly, now get in your hands, and hold it. I'll help with that aiming part a bit, yup that's right, yes," helping him with it the aiming part holding Joel's hands in his, so it was directly directed straight out the window, "that's the right way of holding it, and now you're aimed. So hold it in your hands now, just like that, no moving your body around, just use your hands, if your aim is a bit off, to do a little correction, otherwise if you do use your body you'll go pee everywhere, but where you want it to go. That's for now, and for later on, when you do it in a toilet, or a urinal, or a bush, by yourself. Just hold it in a bit longer and you can go when I tell you to, just let me hold you securely, first okay," switching his hands from guiding his brother's to aim it, to back around his tummy waist area, to hold him stable, in a hugging type of hold, and one more double-check, "okay yeah, nice loving hug, you're safe, Joel." He was shaking a bit, but it eased right off as soon as he was held and hugged, "That's better, relax a bit some first, and take it easy, you feel secure and loved; now, you're ready to let it go. Now I want you to try to go pee very slowly, as slow as you can, and enjoy it. Don't worry about the mess, if you make one, just go, and enjoy it, the pee, and feel how good it feels."
"You sure," quickly peek opening his eyes to see it how he was aimed and then to his terror, he saw he was leaning almost right out the window, "aaah," with that he lost bladder control! The fear hit him hard he was leaning nearly right over the window ledge, as he nearly wiggle scrambled out of there as George held him there both safely and securely and firmly and tightly so that Joel wasn't allowed to 'escape' no chance! The flow which came full force for 3 seconds shut up as he switched over to full-blown panic mode arching his back up and kicking and trying to scramble and almost kicked George to try get away, get out of there! George was not the only witness to the full fear panic attack, as soon as he screamed, all the others turned around witnessing the full-fledged fear manifesting itself, poor Joel, how badly his fear was deeply rooted! "Aaah ohh, no, no, no, aahaa, oh no, no, oh," snapping his eyes shut again, as Joel just cried nearly forgetting to keep holding it, as some came out in his fear and it all stopped again as panic took over, "ohh no oh, if I wasn't doing this, I would be peeing into my pants right now! What are you crazy or something?! I told you I'm terrified of heights! Let me go!" Joel was starting to now hyperventilate and hardly breathing now until he was hugged held a bit.
"Shhh, shhh, shhh, it's okay it's all right, you're fine, I have you, keep it flowing, go pee, but pee as slowly as you can, that's it. Don't worry, I got you, so don't worry, you're safe. Pee as slowly as you can, and enjoy the relief, focus on that, for a few seconds, as you let it go, not on the fear, okay, I want you to relax some, first, just, enjoy the flow, how good it feels, to let it go, just like how you're letting go of your fear of heights. Come on pee, you only went full blast for a few seconds and let a bit more out after that, you can't tell me that's all you have in there, let it out. If I have to I'll c…that's it."
Well that was good advice; his bladder was literally throbbing seconds ago, and it was stinging like mad, but boy, did it ever feel so good to let it out, even despite the still ongoing throbbing pinching pain he was still getting. "Ohh, I never had to go so badly in my life, yeah that does feel a bit better, oh so much better, why do you want me to go so slowly?" Joel asks shuddering physically and ever so slightly in his voice as he kept his eyes tightly shut and his body very tensed up.
"Because as soon as you relax a bit more, I want you to open your eyes, again, and to look right down and see, that it's not that scary, don't worry, I got you, just focus on the relief, and how good that feels, you're letting it go, then open up your eyes, you need to get over this. If this is what terrifies you the most, you need to stare death in its ugly face, and spit in, or pee, in its ugly face, in your case."
Joel smiling at that remark, nodded, and slowly opened his eyes, he knew George was helping him conquer his fear, and yes he knew no matter how much, or how little, he got over it, by doing this, he inevitably would have to wind up climbing down that rope to get to the ground to escape out of here. "Ah-ah-ah-aah, ohh-ohh-ohh, oh gosh, ohh it's so far up, it's too far up, no I can't do this, let me go, oh let me go, don't let me die," shake shuddering, and going a bit faster. All he wanted to do, was just get away from this open window, he wanted to run, try to escape. Joel was so afraid of getting hurt again. Just like he how he felt when he was held upside-down as a newborn, he felt like he was about to die, or for that matter wanted to die, just like every other time he felt death or rather deathly afraid when his acrophobia kicked in, and didn't want to be touched, or try to trust. But as with first time, he was held still, firmly, tightly, lovingly, caringly, unable to 'get away' from it, no way, no chance, nor running away from it or from his brother's caring loving embrace. Joel had to go through it all, to replace this bad fear, he had, with something positive, full bladder relief, and love, besides like Quincy had said, he had to go through it, to face it head on, to get over it. Almost screech screaming it, "Let, m-me g-go!"
"Never, I love you too much, Joel, let you stay this way, with this fear," George didn't know it at this time but he was speaking the words of Jesus with what He was saying, He loves us all too much to let us stay the way we are. Especially when it comes to fears. "Just relax, go slowly, focus on the relief, and then look down. I love you I won't drop you or let you fall; I got you tightly, in a big hug."
He nearly wanted to march in place he had had it, and it hurt, it was still hurting to go pee right now, mainly because he was still holding onto the hurt and not letting it go still focused on it and not on the relief as George wisely instructed him. He was still so full, and afraid, so it stung to go and to hold onto it, so he kept on off peeing and stopping still unsure and terrified all at the same time. "Don't they say not to look down?"
"Yeah but look down, look at how much fun you're having; peeing out the window isn't it fun? Not only that, it just feels good to go, to let it all go, to let it go, come on keep peeing, don't stop, until you're done, let that all go, let your fear go out the window with your urine let it go, feel it leaving you, that fear of heights, let it literally, go. You know what, I think after you're done here I might have to do this, it would be fun, just to go pee out the window, just for fun, even if it is just a little piddle I can manage to get out."
"Me too, hey what about you, want to water the grass from up high," Kenneth asked Quincy to which he nodded, oh yes he wanted some of that!
"Ha, ha, yeah heck I'll even pop my butt out the widow and tinkle out the widow," Kathy said.
"You're doing great, Joel, keep looking down," Rebecca encouraged. "Yeah, I went not long ago but that would be too fun not to pass up."
"See, it's so much fun even the girls want to do it."
He didn't even mind that they were now sort of on off watching him, he actually didn't mind, he needed their support at the moment so this was a good thing for him that they were all sort of watching him pee now. As oddball and partly sick or disgusting this might sound to some he had no intentions of it being so, he was afraid, and he needed love and support from his brothers and sisters all of them not just George. "Uh yeah I guess so, I guess it is kind of, fun, I guess it is kind of nice to be able to go for a pee standing up, hey yeah this isn't uhh, so bad ohh, boy, uhh-uhh-unh," shudder shaking all over again, as he whimper whined locking up again and stopping the flow, and shut his eyes.
"You have to be able to do this, you're going to have to be able to climb down that rope to get out of here, we can't let you risk going out the front door; you'll surely be caught."
"Don't call me Shirley, it's Joel," he tried to make a bad joke.
"Hey there you go; make a joke, whatever helps keep your mind off of it. Come on girls give him a bit of privacy, you guys too."
"It's okay now; I rather you all get closer to me right now and help me out. I was just insecure a minute or two ago, I'm not any more. Besides I don't really care we all seen each other's privates, as well as gone pee in font of each other before, so I don't care anyhow, I'm outgoing so it really doesn't bother me at all. Actually umm yeah," stopping the flow, "so this is gonna sound really screwy, but uh oh man and I know, this might be sick, and embarrassing to ask, while I'm urinating, so it's okay if you don't want to, help me. But, uhh, but can you all kind of, hug hold me, like George is doing? I'll feel a lot safer, and I think it's actually helping me; I need to feel safe and held a bit, and kinda hugged, and just loved on, to help with this fear. Besides I get so lonely sometimes and I feel so alone, at times, so I just need that love, the love of a family, you know. Besides, I really think that it might help me to get over it and overcome this fear. You don't know how much that helped me out when you all hugged me tightly when I was bawling like a baby I wouldn't have even done this if you hadn't done that for me."
"Of course that's not screwy, oh little sweetie Joel the huggybuggy needs a big hug, of course," Kathy the eldest said repeated what their dad called him he was always wanted hugs and loved giving them to all the others when he was little. There was a time when Joel was not at all grumpy, like he is now; okay, maybe he was very clingy in the sense of always wanting to be picked up, or better yet, to talked to, or hugged, yes, but not at all grumpy, and very loving. So going right over and kissing his cheek she put her arms around his neck and over his chest, lower neck area.
"That's a good idea, love is all, right, and I bet God is shining His Love and Light on you too, it's just what you need, more hugs," Rebecca added, the second eldest kissing the other cheek and she joined with hug holding Joel around his neck and waist.
"It's not sick, for sure, let's love on you, all you had to do is ask if you need a hug, anytime bro any time you need a hug, just ask," Quincy nodded, and joined up giving him a squeeze, and held him there by the window as he rubbed his back.
"Of course not, especially since you said it was okay with you, not a problem at all, hugs sure do help, you're just lonely for the family you never really had but you always have us, no matter what," Kenneth the shyest of all but he was all for it to help his brother out in anything he needed especially to help Joel to get over his fear. He joyfully went right over even despite his own problems that he was dealing with, and cuddled and nuzzled Joel, like a parent would with a child, and hugged his waist, as he held him around his tummy. "We all love you, you'll get through this and over it, we love you too much not to help you out and through this fear, you can do it. Look how far you come already, you can do this, you'll be over this fear in no time, you are bring healed I know you are, feel it, the Love."
He could feel His Love and the love of his family, he knew it was true the saying love conquers all; it helped to put an end to this fear as he bravely opened his eyes again and looked right down and out the window, only this time it was different. As he was held onto and hugged and securely safely held by all of his brothers a sisters and most of all God to make him feel safe and secure standing over top of the window ledge as he was looking down, ridded his fears and panic attacks. In wasn't scary this time, not really at all, just like how he would never dare go up here alone but when he had all of his brothers and sisters with him he would dare go up here, the fear changed to love and drove his fear out. "I do feel it, the Love your love, yes it's helping it really is, I don't feel afraid of this anymore, oh yes, it's really helping me out. Only, I got another problem, I can't pee, it's not coming out now, I need to pee, but it's not coming out." The flow was stopped, and Joel knew this was not out of embarrassment or fear or anything else, it was the enemy not wanting the healing but there was something to be said for the faith of a family, they all wanted to see Joel get over this fear, and well, pee, and were able to easily weaken the enemy and send him packing.
The other siblings all chuckled and looked at each other and smiled and knowing exactly what to say, and do, to help him out, as they all said it. "Hey, Joel, go pee," and all did the cuing noise they all were more or less susceptible to, do the way they were unconventionally potty or toilet trained by their adopted father, "pssss, pssss, pssss, pssss!"
Like always the cue noise worked to tell him it was okay to go now and this was an appropriate place to relieve yourself and reminded him to or urged him to pee, and he went! "Oh ahhhh oh thanks, that worked," trickling away and remembering to go slowly not only enjoying all the relief, but to look down as he let go! Moan sighing he looked down as he saw his urine escaping and falling to the grass below and as it spattered, Joel imagined it, as evil, leaving, the evil of the fear that he had, the evil fear of heights, leaving his body, spattering to its death! A right and just end to it to the fear of heights as it fell from this high up and to its death onto the grass below, and just like that, as he watched it leave his body, the fear did indeed slowly leave him. Joel was, literally, letting it all go, in both those senses, the shaking soon stopped and the contented sigh came as he relaxed and the normal flow came and he soon was all emptied. "Ohh that's much better, that's so much better now, done," having two good big pee shivers, after it was all over, "a happy bladder is an empty one."
Last hint off the Crash! Boom! Bang! Album, last song, and your big hint, for those of you who have to know you can I'm sure look it up.
