CHAPTER SIX "FIFTH OFFICER. . . .WHIPLASH?"
At the stern of the ship, the Black Pearl was invisible and lashed to the Ocean liner. On board the ship, Imhotep and his wife, Glory were trying to get a man with dark hair and a slight English accent to put on an Officer's Uniform. The man was not cooperating very well. [Steve has spent most of his life in Kansas, and has very little trace of accent]
Steve "Whiplash" Wilson eyed the uniform with obvious distaste. "It's ugly."
Beside him, Teresa "West Wind" Romano snickered. "Glad I'm not impersonating an Officer." She smirked. Teri was a five foot seven redhead, who wouldn't be seen dead in something like a uniform. She and Steve were tornado Chasers normally and had only agreed to come on this adventure because it would be fun to sack a ship like the Titanic, and Rocket Romano was her older brother, and frankly she hadn't seen him in about a year.
"Do you wanna drive the ship or not?" Imhotep asked pointedly. "You look like the Fifth Officer and you can't go like that."
Steve eyed his black jeans and sleeveless black t-shirt. "Why? This looks good."
"Not for 1912." Glory informed him. "You can take the thing off when you get to the bridge, but the only way you're getting in there is with this on."
"What about his hair?" Teri asked.
"Put it under the hat." Glory replied, handing Steve the Officer's hat.
"Ew, I look like a cop." Steve grumbled. Being one who was into drag racing in his spare time, he was not one for the cops. "Is this polyester?"
Teri snickered. "Steve has to wear polyester." She quipped. "Get me a picture for Wild Child and Coyote."
"Can I at least wear my black shirt under this?" He asked, tossing the white shirt aside.
Glory considered it. "I suppose." She answered, with a shrug. "At this point in time, I doubt they'll notice your shirt. They nailed the Chief Officer to a wall and his uniform is all full of nail-holes."
"What happened to the one that looks like me?" Steve persisted, finally putting the uniform coat on.
Glory shrugged. "My best guess is he's probably five years old, or they got him out of the way using another method." She explained. "I didn't see him. All I know is the ship is loaded in five year olds by now."
"So why aren't you guys over there?" Teri wanted to know.
Imhotep gave a slight shudder. "There's something on that ship that is not right." He murmured.
"He took one step on the ship and walked right back off." Glory told them. "And he wasn't the only one that felt it. It was really freaking me out. Whatever they're hauling on that ship, we're not going near it." (I'll explain this later)
Steve shrugged, considering this. "How's this?" He asked, turning around.
"May wanna get rid of the earring." Glory pointed out. "I don't think the Fifth Officer has an ear pierced."
"It's just a stud." Teri complained. "Like they'll notice it?"
"I'm not taking the earring off." Steve insisted. "You can cover my hair and the tattoo, but I'm not getting rid of the earring."
Imhotep and Glory exchanged a glance. "Okay." They said in unison.
"I'll take you as far as the back end of the ship." Imhotep informed them, motioning for them to follow him. "You two should separate heading for the bridge, and I believe Rob is looking for Teri."
"Yeah, I had a feeling." Teri answered with a nod. "Let's rock and roll."
"Oh yes." Steve remarked, with a sinister look.
Meanwhile, on the ship, in one of the hallways on A Deck, Danger Zone, Emmy, Becca, Silver, and Mid were spray-painting the walls. Tommy and Fabri were standing back, not entirely sure they wanted to do this. Already, they had sprayed a whole load of interesting artwork on the walls, almost the entire length of the hallway.
"This is fun." Becca spoke up from where she was painting little smiley faces with weird expressions. "See? First Class can be fun."
"Is this even legal?" Tommy asked, sounding doubtful.
Christy looked up from the painting of a motorcycle that she, Chrissy, and Cassi Martinez were working on. "Everything fun is illegal." She informed him, matter-of-factly. "Didn't you know that?"
"It can be fixed." Jimmy assured them from the painting of the 'Harley Davidson' logo he, Chris and Thackary were working on. "Cassi and Sven said they can put it all back before we leave. Besides, we told you, the ship's going to sink anyway. Like it matters?"
Mid gave a snicker. "Right and decades later, salvage crews will wonder how the 'Harley' logo ended up on the wall in First Class." She retorted.
With this thought, the group broke into laughter.
"What in heaven's name are you doing?" An angry voice cried out, outraged.
The group looked up to see the Third Officer.
"Oops, we're busted." Thackary remarked, snickering.
"The walls were drab and boring." Chrissy explained, tossing her hair over her shoulder. "So we improved them."
"Do you have any idea what you've done?" Pitman went on, with narrowed eyes. "You are coming with me!"
Chris raised an eyebrow. "You didn't say please." He answered, returning to the painting.
Becca stood up, and walked over to the Officer. "Can I have your hat?" She asked, quietly. "Emmy got Mr. Wilde's and I didn't get one."
Pitman stared at her a second as if he could not believe what he was hearing. "Do you even understand me?"
Thackary raised an eyebrow. "I'm sorry, were you talking?" He turned to look at something down the hall. "Ooo, shiny object." He turned again, ignoring the Officer.
"You'll have to get used to this." Jimmy explained. "Most of us suffer from short attention spans. What were you saying again?"
"I said, you are coming with me, now!" Pitman snapped, glaring.
"Why?" Emmy asked, pointedly.
"Because you cannot be doing this to the walls, and get away with it." Pitman grumbled.
"Why?" Crisa repeated.
"Because it's not allowed!" The Officer went on, getting madder.
"Why?" Mid asked.
The Officer gave a loud scream, and the group looked at one another.
"You know, stress is the number one cause of heart-attacks." Chris informed him. "You should sit down. You're developing a nasty twitch."
"All of you now! Put down whatever those are and get out of here!" Pitman ordered.
"Why?" Becca asked.
The Third Officer clenched his jaw, and looked as if he was truly contemplating homicide.
"Bored yet?" Chris asked, quietly.
"Yep." Jimmy answered, yawning. "Nail him."
Becca grinned and pulled out a balloon full of bright green paint. "Smile." She put in, throwing the balloon at the Officer.
The balloon splattered all over Pitman's uniform, but before he could completely lose his temper, Chris had pulled out a water pistol and sprayed him. "Well, that takes care of that." He remarked, putting the pistol away. "Another one bites the dust!"
"Let's go find another hallway." Emmy spoke up. "This one's full."
"Scotland Road is a really big hallway." Chris suggested. "It should be here somewhere."
Tommy and Fabri, by this time were now staring at the five year old Officer, impressed. They'd had no idea what was going to happen when Mr. Pitman had caught them, but the way it had been handled was nothing short of genius.
"Come on." Thackary called out, halfway down the hallway. "It's this way!" He announced. "Back to 3rd Class!"
The two Passengers looked at each other and shrugged, before they followed the group, leaving Herbert Pitman to stare down at himself in complete shock. For the first time, he was starting to believe the farfetched story of the Captain being changed into a child.
Just down the hallway, around the corner, Captain Smith and Joseph Boxhall stood, quietly waiting. They had been following Pitman around, knowing that he would most likely be changed sometime soon.
When they'd heard him yelling at the group in the hallway, Boxhall had given Smith a knowing look. This was their chance. As soon as the group of young people had left the hallway, with its walls a rainbow of color and pictures, the two finally came out of hiding and walked up behind Pitman, who was still in somewhat of a shock.
Boxhall calmly walked up behind his fellow Officer, and tapped him on the shoulder.
Pitman jumped, startled, and whirled to face the two children. After having been warned about the Captain's condition, he knew instantly who it was.
Smith eyed the paint. "Are you alright?" He asked.
Pitman blinked. "What is going on here?" He demanded.
"We haven't the slightest idea." Boxhall informed him. "But I can tell you, Wilde is currently the only adult Officer on the ship, with the exception of Lightoller and Murdoch."
Pitman shook his head. "Mr. Wilde mentioned they had done this, but none of us believed it." He murmured. "How is this even possible?"
"When we figure it out, we'll let you know." Answered Smith, with a shrug. "The man on the bridge who looks like me seems to be taking orders from someone else."
"A few someone else's." Boxhall corrected. "One with striped hair, one with purple hair, and another who runs around with a big guy, with dark glasses."
"How did they even get on the ship?" Pitman asked, looking completely confused.
Boxhall shook his head. "From what I've heard, they came in another ship, but there's been none sighted." He explained. "However, they did say something about it being invisible. We haven't figured that one out yet."
Pitman sighed. "So now what are we supposed to do?"
"Come with us." Boxhall told him. "The others should be waiting for us. We've been using Lifeboat 14 as a hiding place."
Outside the restaurant, Moody, Lowe, Rose, Andrews, and Jack were not waiting for the other group as they should have been. Instead, they were standing around the corner from the restaurant, waiting. Just as the group had started to head for the lifeboat, Lowe had happened to remember something vitally important.
"What time were you supposed to meet her?" Andrews asked, quietly.
Lowe sighed. "About 3:00." He informed him. "Right after my shift was supposed to have ended."
"Ouch." Moody remarked, under his breath. "Something tells me she does not want to go in there."
"Personally, I'd rather she didn't go in there." Andrews cut in.
"Well look on the bright side." Jack spoke up. "At least she wasn't in there when they came in."
Lowe grumbled something that did not sound like a nice word. "Personally, I don't see a bright side here." He snapped, annoyed. "Do you even think she'll know who I am like this? She's going to think I forgot."
"Give her some credit, Mr. Lowe." Andrews assured him. "Siobhan is not the type of person to react like that. She'll most likely assume your shift is lasting longer than expected."
Moody patted his best friend on the shoulder. "Andrews is right, Harry." He agreed. "She'll probably hear what's going on around the ship, and assume you're working to control it."
"And if she starts looking for me?" Lowe retorted, pointedly. "As far as anyone knows, I just vanished off the ship."
"Well, you're about to find out." Rose whispered, catching his attention. "There she is."
The group watched as Siobhan Andrews approached the restaurant, obviously looking around for someone.
"Quick, we've got to stop her!" Andrews hissed. "I don't want her to see what they've done to that place!"
"Who's going to stop her?" Moody asked, pointedly. "You think she'll listen to a five year old covered in paint?"
"You're not funny." Lowe remarked, flatly.
"Hold it!" A voice called out, stopping the girl from entering the place.
The group stared as one of the two men who had not left the place came out.
"Is something wrong?" Siobhan asked, trying to look around the man, then she paused, taking in his appearance. "Who are you?"
"Call me Logan." The man informed her. "And trust me when I say you do not wanna go in there."
"I'm supposed to be meeting someone there at 3:00." Siobhan insisted. "I have to be there."
Logan blinked. "Trust me." He repeated. "Whoever you're meeting is not in there right now. The place is a mess, and frankly, you really don't wanna see it."
"A mess?" She asked, looking confused. "What are you talking about?"
"Well, there were a whole load of rats in there, and now. . ." He paused, trying to word it correctly. "Now they're still in there, but not in a way that you wanna be looking at."
"Now that is putting it rather delicately." Moody remarked, under his breath.
Siobhan frowned. "I am supposed to be meeting someone there at 3:00." She repeated, insistently. "I don't care about rats."
Logan rolled his eyes. "Okay, I'll put it bluntly." He replied, in annoyance. "There are rat parts all over the place and nobody really wants to be eating in there."
She stared at him. "Tell me you're not serious."
"He's serious." A shortish blonde haired man with a pair of heavy metallic like gloves spoke up from behind Logan. "We splattered them all over the place. However, if you really think you can still eat in here, come right on in."
Logan pushed the other man back, then turned back to Siobhan. "Ignore Freddy." He told her. "Look, who is it you're looking for?"
With this, Moody gave an evil look and pushed Lowe out into the open, where he stumbled and nearly landed on his rear.
Both Siobhan and Logan turned to look at the child covered in paint, who was now glaring at his best friend.
"What in the world-" Siobhan began, slowly walking over to the child. As she came closer, the other children came out from their hiding place.
Logan sighed. "Yeah, there's kids all over the place." He called to her. "It's a good part of our problem."
Siobhan knelt down to look at the paint covered boy. "And what have you been getting into?" She asked, slowly.
Lowe didn't answer, but gave her a pleading look, hoping maybe she would figure out who he was, but there was no recognition in her face. He was now regretting that he'd removed his Officer's coat and hat.
"And where are you children's parents?" She asked, looking at the others, not really paying attention that one was dressed much like her uncle.
Before Lowe or any of the children could answer, a figure rounded the corner, headed toward the bridge.
Siobhan looked up. "Harold!" She yelled, trying to get his attention.
The paint-covered boy turned and stared in shock. The man Siobhan was looking at was almost identical to Lowe.
The man, seemed to not hear her as he continued walking.
Abandoning the group of children, Siobhan ran after the man she thought to be the Fifth Officer. "Lowe!" She cried, touching his shoulder.
Startled, he turned on his heel to look at her. "Huh?"
"Harold, you were supposed to meet me at 3!" She reminded him.
"I was?" He asked, cocking his head, as if trying to figure out what she was talking about.
Siobhan stared at the man for a second. This was Lowe. . .wasn't it?
"Mr. Lowe!" Came a shout across the deck. The man thought to be Lowe turned his head in the direction of the shout. As he did, the look on Siobhan's face turned to shock, as she noticed the small shiny object on his earlobe, then she took a closer look, realizing his clothes were definitely not a complete Officer's Uniform.
She slowly backed away as Chief Officer Wilde ran up to the stranger with Lowe's face.
"Where on earth have you been?" Wilde demanded, glaring at him.
The man blinked. "Changing clothes?"
Wilde stared at him then glanced at his clothes. "What are you wearing?"
"These are funny objects called clothes." The man informed him, as if it was stupid to even ask.
Siobhan backed farther away. This was definitely not Harold Lowe. Not only was it obvious by his actions, but his accent sounded more like that of an American than a Welshman.
"You were supposed to be helping us restrain Mr. Lightoller and Mr. Murdoch!" Wilde told the man, exasperated.
The man rolled his eyes. "Look pal." He remarked, flatly. "I got a page that said to get my hind end to the bridge, and right away. It was a long drive, and I'm supposed to be there or I don't get paid! Are you gonna feed my dog? Are you gonna pay for my gas? You got thirty bucks on you?" He didn't wait for an answer. "I didn't think so. Now how's about you get out of my way?"
Wilde was now staring at the man in shock. "Who in heaven's name are you?"
The man sighed and glared. "Look man, I didn't sign on to be an Officer and work for you, 'kay?" He quickly took off the Officer's coat, revealing a tattoo of a cyclone on his left shoulder. "Here ya go. I quit." He finished, placing the hat on Wilde's head, and shaking his longish hair out. "Later!"
Siobhan Andrews and Henry Wilde stared after the man in complete shock. "Mr. Wilde, what is going on, and where is Mr. Lowe?" Siobhan asked, quietly.
Wilde sighed. "I don't know." He informed her, shaking his head. "Your Uncle, the Captain and all the other junior Officers have disappeared as well."
Siobhan bit her lip. "Is there anyone on the ship that can tell me how to find them?" She asked, sounding close to tears.
Wilde looked down. "Check the Boat Deck." He answered, slowly. "The group that came on board and got the Captain are spread out everywhere." He paused. "And there's a man on the bridge that looks like Captain Smith, who may know something more."
Back behind her, the group of children were currently discussing the new change of events.
"I didn't know you had a twin brother." Moody remarked, as they watched Siobhan walk off with Mr. Wilde.
"Shut up." Lowe grumbled, looking completely defeated. "She didn't even know me."
"Don't feel so bad." Andrews told him, laying a hand on his shoulder. "She didn't know me either, and she lives with me."
"Um, not to be the one to get smacked, but we may wanna follow her." Jack cut in. "What happened to us can happen to her just as easily."
Lowe's eyes widened. "Over my dead body." He snapped, jumping up and heading after her.
Andrews looked at the others for a second. "I'm going with Lowe." He replied, quietly. "Moody, take Rose and Jack to the lifeboat to wait for the Captain."
"Wait a sec!" Moody complained. "I want to go with you!"
Andrews shook his head. "You have to get Rose and Jack to the lifeboat first." He insisted. "Don't worry, we'll be fine."
Moody sighed and nodded. "Fine." He agreed. "But if you're not back in fifteen minutes, I'm coming after you."
"Agreed." Andrews replied, heading after Lowe.
Moody looked at the other two. "This way." He told them, motioning for them to follow.
WARNING: Author owns all the Police Academy movies.
Meanwhile, in rooms B 52,54,56, Amanda, and Riddick were standing in the sitting room, listening. Mr. Ismay was currently in the lavatory, obviously washing off the paint in the bath. (yes this IS Mr. Ismay's room, not Cal's—it was a mistake in the movie—Cal's suite was supposed to have been B 51, 53, 55)
"Oh yes." Amanda snickered. "This is gonna be good. Bring the Krazy Glue?"
"Yep." Riddick answered, holding it up. "Let's party."
WARNING: Beware psycho Storm Chasers behind the wheel of the ship. They are worse than Squiggle Worms and Flying Purple Monkeys that make the sky fall.
Out on the Boat Deck, Whiplash had already strolled past, headed for the bridge. He turned briefly as he saw the Officer covered in blue paint skate past with several people chasing after him. Not giving it a second thought, he continued on past.
Lightoller was in trouble. There seemed to be seamen and sailors coming from all over. He'd been cut off twice, and was currently looking for some means of escape. Fortunately, he himself was the only one who knew where the firearms were located, so the men chasing him were unarmed, but they were gaining too closely.
As he neared a corner, he suddenly ran into another group of men, mostly stewards, and realized with a sinking feeling that he could not stop in time, nor could he dodge these ones.
Before he'd even figured this out, the men had grabbed him, knocking him off his feet, and surrounding him.
"Sorry, Mr. Lightoller." A Steward told him apologetically. "We're under orders to restrain you and Mr. Murdoch until the Captain is found."
Lights grumbled as he struggled to get free of the group. He looked up past the group, spotting Mr. Wilde and Miss Andrews. Wilde gave a small smile when he noticed it was Lightoller the men were holding down.
"Lights!" Murdoch called from farther away. "Use the gun!"
Lightoller's head shot up. The water pistol! He'd forgotten he'd even had the thing. He could change at least a few of them. Struggling, he pulled the pistol out of his pocket.
The Stewards, spotting the gun, immediately tried to take it away, mistaking it for a real one. Lights, realizing he was not going to get a clean shot at all the men around him, decided there was only one thing he could do to escape. He caught Murdoch's look, turned the pistol on himself, and pulled the trigger.
Naturally, the Stewards and sailors, thinking the Officer was killing himself, let go of him. As they did, a five year old boy with blue eyes, covered in blue paint, rolled out of the group, dropping the pistol. He stood, quickly dusted himself off, and skated at break-neck speed down the Boat Deck. As he reached the gate of a stairway leading down to A-Deck, he grinned, jumped it, slid down the banister, landing with a triumphant cry, on his skates, and continued on out of sight.
Murdoch grinned and shook his head. Then he looked up to see that the men who had been holding down his partner in crime, were now heading his way. He gave them a wide smile, before he turned his own pistol on himself, changed, and leaped the rail, much like his fellow Officer had done.
After witnessing this scene, Siobhan's mouth dropped open as she remembered the boy covered in purple paint that had approached her earlier. Then a sick feeling came over her as she realized that her Uncle was also one of the children from earlier. "Oh no." She whispered, still in shock.
Wilde was also staring after the two senior Officers with a sudden realization. He was finally beginning to believe the rumors. "It's true." He remarked, quietly.
"What did I just see?" Quartermaster Rowe asked, as he came over to join Siobhan and Wilde.
"Does that mean that the Captain really has been turned into a child?" One of the Stewards inquired, shaking his head.
"I have to find Harold." Siobhan spoke up quietly.
"You don't know he's like that as well." Wilde insisted, trying to reassure her. "He may just be somewhere else on the ship."
Siobhan shook her head. "No, I know he is." She informed him, with a regretful look. "I saw him earlier. He was standing right in front of me when that other man came by. He was dressed like Lightoller was, only he was full of purple paint instead of blue."
"Ladies and Gentlemen! This is your Fifth Officer/Quartermaster/Captain speaking!" A loud voice suddenly interrupted the conversation. The voice was being amplified by something and it was most definitely that of the man they had mistaken for Mr. Lowe earlier. "Just to reassure you that there is in fact someone up here behind the wheel!" It continued.
Siobhan and Wilde exchanged a panicked look. What was this imposter doing?
"Now that I have your full attention, let's KICK THIS PUPPY INTO HYPER-DRIVE!" The man yelled, gleefully. "LIGHT ME, PYRO!"
This was followed by a tremendous burst of steam from the funnels, as the ship took on an instant speed change.
"What the-" Wilde managed to get out before the entire ship lurched to the port side, nearly knocking anyone out on the deck over.
"Wait a sec!" An outraged voice yelled. "Who the heck let Whiplash drive the ship?"
Siobhan and Wilde turned to see two people, who looked to be brother and sister, grabbing onto the railing to keep balance.
"Well, I was trying to tell you!" The woman remarked, pointedly. "Cassi said Steve could drive for a while. He was looking forward to it!"
"Great, he totals two chase vehicles, flipping one over and now they let him add an Ocean liner to the mix." The man muttered.
"Actually, he's totaled three chase vehicles." The woman corrected. "He got another one last week." She rolled her eyes, as they made their way to the bridge. "Besides, it's not like anyone would notice, one of them is going to total the ship tomorrow anyway!"
"Look out!" A loud voice yelled across the Deck. One of the short fuzzy-footed men had lost control of his skates, and was sliding directly toward Siobhan and Wilde.
Wilde, seeing that a collision was inevitable, jumped in front of the girl as the man slammed into them in a splash of water that resulted from the smashed water pistol he was carrying.
"No!" Came a smaller shout as two children ran out to stop it, but arrived too late to prevent the three children that now lay on the deck where the collision had happened.
"Oops." The now much smaller one with the fuzzy feet managed to get out.
This was followed by a loud burst of laughter that came from the other one with the fuzzy feet that had gotten rid of his skates when the ship had first lurched. "Nice goin', Pip!" He crowed.
"Ow." Siobhan murmured, as she sat up, then looked down at herself.
Beside her, Wilde was also in the same fix, and trying to clear his head.
Standing next to them, frantically holding onto the railing to keep from falling over, were the two children that had run out after them. Siobhan sighed with relief, as she noticed the purple paint that still covered Lowe. "I'm sorry." She told him, accepting his hand as he and her Uncle pulled her to her feet.
"Are you alright?" Andrews asked, lending a hand to Officer Wilde.
"I really hate this ship now." Wilde muttered, bluntly. "No offense to you of course, but this has been the worst day in history at sea."
"Sorry I didn't meet you earlier." Lowe remarked to Siobhan. "But as you can see, it got a bit complicated around here today."
She looked at him, then down at herself. "Yes, I can see that." She told him, honestly. "So now what do we do?"
WARNING:People getting violently ill ahead. You have been warned.
End Chapter Six. (grins)
In reference to Imhotep's not wanting to go on the ship: If you've studied some of the stranger stories involving the Titanic, you may have heard this one. I found it in a ghost stories book under the chapter on "Curses". In one of the Titanic's cargo-holds, or possibly the mail-hold is a box containing the mummified remains of the Princess from Amun Ra. She was head of Ancient Egypt's "Cult of the Dead," that performed human sacrifices on the banks of the Nile. (also called "The Princess of Death") She had a huge curse on her that whomever disturbed her grave or came near her after would meet great misfortune or death. One photographer had even dropped dead taking a picture. Finally, after all the owners of the sarcophagus either lost everything or died including the guy in charge of the exhibit of her at the museum in London, it was agreed to ship the Princess to a museum in New York under secrecy. So she was loaded on board the Titanic. Kind of makes you wonder, huh? Not even the crew knew of the sarcophagus being in the hold, nor did the museum in New York know anything of the curse on her. Mainly it was some freaked out Englishmen desperate to get rid of her so they decided 'what the heck, we'll sell her to the Americans.' It never said how the people who put her on that ship reacted when they discovered the news of the Titanic's sinking, but I think it's safe to say they never mentioned it at the time.
This is why Imhotep will not board the ship, and it will not be mentioned until the spoof itself, so not even Glory and Imhotep know what is aboard the ship.
Um, by the way, Imhotep married Glory in my spoof "James of the Jungle." for those confused. She's the hell-god from Buffy's Season 5. Let's just say they hit it off well, and the "Egyptian skank" who broke his heart has been completely forgotten.
(Steve's tattoo is on his upper left arm. It's a tornado with the words Hesston, KS above it an 'F' and a '5' on either side of it, and the date; March 13, 1990 below it. For those who don't know Hesston, KS was leveled by an F5 tornado about a mile wide on that date and Steve and his friend, Jason Caulder, both lived through it, though they lost their homes. They were both in 9th grade at the time and this is why Steve would later become a tornado chaser—and they both have the same tattoo)
