Dipper couldn't focus on anything for the entire day. He couldn't stop thinking about Pacifica, and what she'd said about her parents – how scared she was of them. Might he be underestimating them? They were, after all, rich and powerful people in Gravity Falls, and the town had been a center of paranormal activity for some time. Might the Northwest family be even worse than standard cheats and liars?

Surely there was something around the town – a supernatural being or object that would bring wealth and prosperity. The Northwests had rebounded so quickly, too, after losing their house and a great deal of their fortune – perhaps he should be more suspicious of that? His thoughts strayed to the journals, and of all the knowledge they'd held – he couldn't recall everything that he'd read, but perhaps there had been something in their pages that held the secret to the Northwest's family wealth.

Or maybe he was wrong.

His thoughts strayed again back to Pacifica herself. He'd liked her even before he came back to Gravity Falls, but not like this. It was as though his feelings grew each time he saw her again; he now felt strangely close to her and protective of her in a way that he hadn't felt for anyone except Mabel. It was an honestly terrifying sort of intimacy, as though his heart had chosen her, and the rest of him was along for the ride.

It was different than what he'd felt towards Wendy; he'd refused to acknowledge for some time that it wouldn't work out, but the fact was, he was… happy with Pacifica. Being with her felt right, just as being around Mabel was – but it was a different sort of feeling, it wasn't nearly as comfortable. He didn't know her nearly that well yet, though he was rapidly getting there.

But he was scared as well around her; scared of pitfalls, that he might do something wrong, that he might mess it up, that she might decide, for whatever reason, that she didn't like him that way anymore. He'd never had a girlfriend, only a few crushes and some feeble stabs at trying to make something of them; he had no idea what to expect. Perhaps he should talk to someone… maybe Gruncle Stan again. Ford was bright, yes, but he'd also spent several decades away from human females, so Dipper had his doubts as to how much help he could be.

Stan was, as per usual, slouched in his chair, watching Baby Knife Fights III. "Hey kid, how's it hanging?" he said, when he saw Dipper. "How's that little girlfriend of yours doing, the Northwest kid?"

"She's… doing great," Dipper said, trying to sound optimistic. "We're doing great. I just… I wanted to ask, you've dated a lot of women, haven't you?"

"Ah, so you want some advice? Well you came to the right place, kid," Stan said, teeth flashing in a smile. "You got a question, I got the answer."

"Well… what if her parents don't like you?" Dipper asked.

"Look, to be honest, I'm a two bit fast talking con man who's been to jail in almost every state," said Stan. "I've never NOT had that problem. But truth is, women love that kind of thing. Makes them go for you even more."

"Really?" Dipper asked.

"Oh yeah," Stan said. "I've had girls go out with me and that was pretty much the only reason. They'll date the biggest loser they can find just to get back at their parents. Not that I minded, half the time I was just trying to borrow some money off them."

Dipper frowned. Was Pacifica only interested in him because her parents hated him so much? He pushed that thought from his mind and plunged onward.

"Next question, I'm going to be going back to California soon. Have you ever done long distance?"

Stan got a mournful look on his face. "Ah, Angelique. We talked on the phone every night, sometimes for hours, and I'd write her every week. I was in Texas, she was in Ohio. Heck of a woman, or so I thought. She told me she loved me every time we spoke, and then I pay her a surprise visit on a pug-smuggling run to Canada and it turns out she's married. Ripped my heart to pieces, but what are you going to do? That's women for you. Whenever something goes wrong like that, you never see it coming."

"Great," Dipper muttered, half to himself. "Gruncle Stan, I was wondering if maybe you had anything a bit more encouraging you could share?"

Stan shrugged. "Well, I've managed to be married. It didn't stick, but yours probably will. Definitely the second time though if the first one goes down the tubes, you don't seem like a double divorce kind of guy. Just stay confident and everything will work out."

"Were you confident with Angelique?" Dipper asked.

"Well, I guess..." Stan said. "Ah, I see your point. Confidence doesn't solve everything, but you can't get anywhere without it, especially with women. Always."

"Even if she's already with you?" Dipper asked.

"Especially then. When she smells desperation and insecurity, she's gone. She'll leave you in an instant."

"How am I supposed to not be insecure when you just told me she might leave me in an instant?" Dipper asked, slightly panicky.

"Well, you kinda have to fake it," Stan said. "It's like bluffing in poker. You have to pretend like you have a good hand even when you have a pair of threes. It was just my luck with five grand on the table he had four Kings… maybe someday I'll be legally allowed in Atlantic City again..." Stan appeared lost in reminiscence for a moment, but came back to earth quickly. "But that's another story," he said, smiling in a slightly pained fashion.

"You've had years of experience with women, and you still seem confused about them," Dipper said. "Are they really that hard to figure out?"

"No Dipper," Stan said, putting a hand on his shoulder. "They're even harder than that. Look, maybe I didn't have a lot of encouraging words for you, but fortunately for you, you're not me. You're a good kid, and you know how to treat people. Your little girlfriend is gonna see that, and she's gonna love you for it. Don't over think it too much. It's corny, but be yourself – she likes that, so just keep doing it. If she digs you, then you don't really need to change anything. Just be attentive to her, spend time with her, and spend time on her – show her you're thinking about her even when she's not around. Chicks really dig that garbage. Really, if she likes you, then all she needs to know is that you like her back.

"Show her I'm thinking about her, show her I like her," Dipper said, fingers tented. "Got it. Thanks, Gruncle Stan."