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Chapter 7 . . .

The next morning, after saying their goodbyes to John, Edgar, and Ruby, who insisted on giving them a care package that included fruits and vegetables and some fabrics she had received from some of the natives, the pair headed back towards their ship in virtual silence. The Doctor was leading the way and only occasionally taking peeks back at his subdued partner. Her attention was focused squarely on anything but him as she toted the small duffle holding their gifts. He knew attempting to chat right now would probably amount to nothing but more hostility and sarcasm so he was determined to wait until they were back inside the TARDIS before breeching the subject once more.

Their trek remained a silent one until the ship finally came into view the Doctor couldn't help but smile and happily state, "Home sweet home."

He was expecting her to concur but when she didn't, he glanced back to see her muted expression unchanged. He sighed heavily and the pair completed the short remaining journey to the TARDIS in silence. The Doctor unlocked the door and let her inside before closely following behind her. The ship, as always, greeted the pair and usually Martha would caress the console as a return of the welcome but today she made her way up the ramp and past the console without so much as look. She had nearly made it to the corridor that would lead to her room and away from him, he ventured, when he couldn't take it anymore.

"Martha, would you please just stop and talk to me."

She stopped in the doorway but didn't turn around compelling him on, "I get it. I do. You're upset but how can we make it better if we don't talk about it?"

Finally, slowly she turned back to face him and for a long moment they just stood staring at each other until she finally broke her silence with words he was not expecting to hear.

"I'm beginning to think this was a mistake."

His eyes widened with surprise, "What is?"

"This," she began, motioning between them, "I don't know. Maybe it was too much to expect you to really be willing to make this a more equitable arrangement. I accepted that this wouldn't be a conventional type of relationship, that there were certain things that you could not give but you used my feelings against me. You kissed me with an agenda and it's obvious you don't respect me or believe in my abilities."

"Martha, I trust you with my life. I have on more than one occasion, if you recall. I know what you're capable of and I respect you as highly as anyone I've ever traveled with. And as far as the kiss . . . that wasn't about anything but wanting to . . ."

"I know what it was!" she abruptly cut in, "It was a means to distract me long enough to put me out of commission. You lured me in with something I thought I could trust and that hurts the most because I still have a huge blind spot when it comes to you and you found it and used it. How do you think that makes me feel?"

She mockingly chuckled and continued without allowing him to respond, "Here I was thinking we had made it to the point where you appreciated who I was and what I had to offer but now we're right back where we started."

"That's not true. I do appreciate you and everything you do. I never intended to make you feel otherwise. I just couldn't think of another way, in that moment, to make you see my point of view," the Doctor protested.

She shook her head again, "So you decided your best course of action was to knock me out? Should I expect that every time I disagree with you? Will you try to seduce me and then lock me in my room or just threaten to take me home?"

"Do you really think I would do something like this lightly, Martha? You have to know I would never intentionally try to hurt you."

"I don't know what the hell to think anymore. And whether you intended to or not the end result was the same. I don't know if I can trust anything you say or do anymore. How much of it is real and how much is just a charade to keep me here? Do you even want me here or are you hoping that things will eventually go back to the way they were with me following behind you like some naïve girl? Because if that's the hope, we might as well call it a day right now, Doctor, and move on because I will never be that person again . . . never," she pointedly finished.

The Doctor was quiet for a moment trying to collect himself against the obvious emotion his actions had brought out in his companion. It was clear she was now questioning everything since she'd come back. He now wondered if his admitting that he was simply terrified for her well- being would be enough to stem this tide of doubt that was pouring further. Would she think it was just another way for him to manipulate her? Could his adding his own feelings to this mix help or would it only cause further confusion?

He wasn't sure what he would do if he poured out his own hearts to her and she rejected it out of hand as more duplicity. He decided right then that his feelings were not the paramount concern at the moment. He needed to remain detached or things would deteriorate even further. Making sure she understood that he'd done what he would always do to protect her from both outside threats and herself was. And so he again remained silent about his true motives.

"I would never ask you to be anything but who and what you are and I hope that you would give me the same courtesy. I did what I thought was best at the time. Can you at least appreciate that sometimes I know more than you do about a situation and I'm discouraging you because of that?" he returned.

She remained quiet this time and he was hopeful that she would see the wisdom of his reasoning. It was plausible and kept his emotions from becoming a determining factor. He studied her while she held his gaze and remained silent a beat longer.

Finally after a deep sigh, Martha curtly replied, "Right."

The Doctor stood flabbergasted by her brief, terse response. Was that it? Was that all she was going to give him?

"Right? What does that mean? Right you agree with me or right as in . . ."

"As in everything always comes right back to this being your universe and I'm just in it. I'm tired of that feeling," she finished with resignation echoed in her tone.

The Doctor could feel the sadness behind her words and wanted nothing more than to remove it. So he attempted to be somewhat conciliatory, "Martha, I'm sorry if what I did made you feel less valued. I just . . ."

Martha, though, coolly cut him off before he could finish, "Don't bother. No matter what you say, we both know what this is really about. Actions, Doctor, speak louder than words. You showed me exactly what you think about me. Now if we're done, I would really like to take a bath and change clothes."

"Don't leave things like this."

Martha, in frustration, rolled her eyes again, "Or what? You'll tie me to a chair and make me stay?"

The Doctor allowed his own frustration to get the better of him this time as he tartly snapped, "Stop it! Now you're just being childish and it's really unbecoming."

The pair shared a steely gaze before Martha finally spoke one last time, dismissively, "Whatever."

She then turned and continued her trek down the corridor and out of sight.

"Tell her the truth, Doctor. Tell her why you really did it."

The second she was out of sight and ear shot, the Doctor tersely blurted out what he wanted to say since he walked through the door, "I'm not going to do that." He looked at the ceiling of his ship in defiance but her refrain had not changed since he set foot inside.

"Tell her."

"No . . . besides you heard her, nothing I say right now is going to make this better. She's still too upset."

"Doctor . . ."

He resolutely shook his head, "Enough. I will deal with this my own way, OK? I know you're concerned but don't be. I will fix this."

He could feel his old ship sigh, almost in resignation before becoming silent herself. Great, he thought, now I have two females angry with me. He tried to shake it off, believing he could turn this around without this turning into a melodrama. Martha would come around. She always did.

A couple of hours later, Martha emerged from her room refreshed from her hot bath, dressed in a comfortable pair of jeans and a white cotton tee shirt and with a firm resolve in regards to her companion. She made her way back to the console room and quietly stood in the doorway observing the Doctor. He was seated on the captain's chair with his feet on the console and his eyes closed as if in concentration. She figured he was probably communing with his ship.

As upset as she still was with what he had done, she just could not stay angry with him. Even at his most oblivious she could not imagine him never having been a part of her life. Just as she finished her thought, his eyes opened and found hers. There was an extended silence between the pair before the Doctor gently spoke first, "Feeling better?"

"A bit," she replied.

He nodded as he lowered his feet from the console, "Good. I was hoping we could talk about things more civilly."

She didn't reply right away which prompted him to scoot over and pat the seat next to him. Martha hesitated again, briefly. She didn't want him to think she was caving or that he could charm his way out of this situation. Yet she also didn't want this to devolve into another bout of sarcasm and antagonism either. So with a quiet sigh, she moved further into the room and eventually joined him on the chair.

For the Doctor it was awkward not knowing exactly what to say. He was used to talking his way out of almost anything but with Martha, he'd always found it difficult. She hardly ever let him off easy, challenging him about everything. Even when he tried to stonewall, she refused to back down and if he was honest it was one of the things he admired most about her but it also made him uneasy. She was undeterred by all his bluster and pretense. His carefully crafted walls were no match for her stubborn determination and now they sat at a crossroads.

Finally, slowly, Martha stated, "We need a break."

And for a refreshing instant a smile played on the edges of his mouth as inwardly he sighed with relief. A break. She wanted a break. It might be just what the Doctor ordered, some time alone with no impending danger to help them put this behind them. "I think that could be arranged, Dr. Jones. Is there anywhere in particular you want to go? There's the moon of Paris which has nothing but lush vegetation covering gorgeous mountain ranges. It's thought to be quite a spiritual experience. Then there's the pleasure planet of Tuvia in the Andromeda solar system where anything you can think up the resort there will create for you."

He began to rise intending to search for coordinates when she stopped him with her next words. "I meant a break from each other."

He instantly sat back down and looked at her intently, "You're not serious."

"I think we could both use some time to figure out if this what we really want," she returned matter of factly.

"Martha . . ."

She had been looking forward since the conversation began and still refused to return his gaze, "I just think this is best considering the circumstances."

The Doctor was once again in panic mode. Was she really proposing what he thought she was? After everything they had been through and everything she said back in New York could she be preparing to bail out?

"Martha, please look at me," he softly beseeched. He needed to see her eyes, to know if this was for real.

She finally honored his request and was a bit surprised to see such a total look of genuine anxiety on his face as he now continued his thought, "Do you want to leave?"

"Just for a few days. I need to wrap my mind around everything and I think if you're honest so do you. The incident in Africa is just a symptom of bigger things in our relationship."

She paused and rose from her perch on the captain's chair before continuing, "There has always been a power imbalance between us and what happened in Freetown just highlighted it. You're a Time Lord with all the knowledge of time and space at your disposal and I'm a human with limited knowledge in comparison. I accept that but when you use your superior gifts to limit mine further I can't consent to that. Also the fact that I have always had so much more of myself invested in this relationship than you ever have means that anything you do has the power to affect me in both good and bad ways. I promised myself when I came back I would not lose myself that way again and in order to keep that promise, I have to take a step back before things go too far."

The Doctor looked up at her with pleading in his eyes, "There has to be some other way to do this. Walking away always makes it easier to stay away. I know from experience. What if I just give you some space here in the TARDIS while you figure things out?"

Martha closed her eyes and shook her head, "It won't work . . . I'd still be on your turf. I'm asking for time. I have no intention or desire to leave permanently but I do need to figure out how I can move past this while giving you the opportunity to decide if having me here is what you really want and need."

"I already know the answer."

"But I don't. I don't know if I can get past what you did when I know behind it is a clear lack of faith in my ability to handle this life. I need to think things through and decide how I move forward with that knowledge."

The Doctor remained quiet this time letting the weight of her words sink in. She really thought he didn't think she could handle herself. He sighed inwardly as his ship again tried to get him to make clear the real reason for his actions and this time, he waivered. The last thing he wanted was for her to leave him again, especially thinking he didn't believe her capable, but with no guarantee that his true reasoning would change her mind, he again decided to remain silent. A part of him was still guarding his hearts so that if she ended up walking away for good, he would still, outwardly anyway, have that intact.

Martha could see his mind whirring with thoughts, possibly of how to deter her but before he could formulate a rebuttal, she softly pulled him from his contemplations.

"Doctor, I need to do this. Please tell me you understand why?"

He sighed deeply as he now rose to join her, "Yeah . . . I get it."

He then turned to the console and began to work the buttons. "Back to Earth, then. Your mum's place, I assume?"

"Actually Tish offered me her guest room so you can just drop me near Hyde Park," she replied.

He nodded again and began putting in the coordinates. Martha studied him for a long moment. She really didn't want to go but knew if she allowed his actions to stand it would make it easier for them both to fall back into old habits and she could not accept that. If things were going to work for them this time, both needed to be on the same page. She finally turned and headed back down the corridor to her room to collect the bag she had already packed.

The Doctor was waiting near the top of the ramp when she returned. She walked over to join him and once more silence briefly enrobed them. Martha played with the strap of her duffle while the Doctor steadily gazed at her as if trying to find words to say something. Finally, he gently spoke, "I do get it but I don't like it."

She gave him a faint smile but didn't reply which prompted him to add, "Just for a couple of days, right?"

"That's the plan," she eventually offered. With that he gave her a soft smile and raised a hand to caress her face but instinctively Martha flinched away from the contact. The reaction startled both of them. Martha, in her head, didn't believe he would try to keep her there against her will but so soon after what happened in Africa her instincts just kicked in. Martha quickly broke away from his gaze and quietly concluded, "I better go."

The Doctor only nodded as she moved past him and continued on to the door. As he slowly turned and watched her go, he was still a bit dazed by her reaction. It showed him just how much damage he had caused. She was wary of him now and that was something he never wanted to happen. How did he always manage to screw up the few good things he had in his life?