A/N Same disclaimer, I own nothing. This is the last of the previously written chapters...Chapter 8 should be up later today or tomorrow at the latest. Thanks to those of you who have reviewed, you don't know how much faster that makes me write!!
I sleep very little, but I still feel energized as I get out of bed in the morning. Today is the day. Enough hiding, cowering in fear of what a bunch of spoiled rich kids will say. I get dressed, and I put on a shirt that has recently become too tight. Everyone I care about knows, and I've realized I just want to get it over with. Bring it on, Neptune.
Dad's eyebrow raises as he sees me, but he doesn't say anything as he hands me a plate of bacon and eggs. I shrug. "Can't put it off forever you know. I told Wallace yesterday. He took it like my best friend."
Dad grins and waves his hands. "Did I say anything?"
I can't help feeling afraid as I go towards the front door. Will Logan have gotten the hint? I notice Dad is watching me, so I take a deep breath and open the door as quickly as possible. I feel silly as I realize Logan is not waiting outside for me. With a sigh I take a step outside. Looking down I see there is an envelope with my name on it sitting by the door. I don't have to open it to know it's from Logan. So much for him taking the hint.
"Are you ok, Veronica?" my neighbor Sarah asks me, worried.
"What? Sorry, I'm fine," I say as I shove Logan's letter into my bag. "I must have spaced out there for a minute."
Sarah smiles and then her gaze travels across my body. Her eyes go wide and her hands rest upon her own swollen body. "Oh my God, Veronica, you too?"
I shrug self-consciously. "Yup, you just made it look so fun."
"Congratulations!" she says as she gives me a huge hug.
I'm surprised my eyes start to water up. Despite how well everyone has taken the news Sarah is the first person to congratulate me like this might not be the biggest disaster in my life.
"I was going to ask if you could give me a lift to my doctor's appointment tomorrow. Do you have a doctor yet?"
"Uh, no. I've been meaning to make the appointment, but..."
"Then you have to come with me! I'm sure you'd be able to see one of the doctors. I'd love to have a girlfriend to share this with."
I wonder briefly where her boyfriend will be tomorrow instead of at the clinic. "Sure, I'd love to."
"Great! Can you pick me up at nine?"
"Yeah, see you then."
I get to school, but I can't seem to make myself get out of the car. Hands shaking I pull out the envelope.
Dear Veronica, Begging for Forgiveness,
I have no idea how to make you understand just how sorry I am. I had no idea you didn't remember what happened that night. I assumed you just wanted to leave it unspoken. Maybe that was wishful thinking on my part. Leaving it a simple wonderful evening instead of complicating both our lives. Complicating my life. I felt like I had betrayed both Duncan and Lilly even though I know that isn't true. If I could go back I would do everything differently except for making love to you. That I wouldn't trade for anything in the world. I wish I could make you remember how tender and perfect it was. If I could do it again I would have asked you out and made sure everyone knew about it. I'm so sorry I was too stupid to do that while I had the chance.
I really want to be in my child's life. I want to support you and my child in any and every way possible. I don't just want to write you a check every month I want to be a part of my child's life. I want to be a good father.
Please tell me what I can do to make this better.
Logan
I wipe the tears off of my face as I hear a knocking on my window. Seeing Wallace I smile.
"You coming, V.?"
"Yup, just reading some junk mail." I can tell he doesn't really believe me, but we head towards school. We both stiffen up as the first whisperings and snickers float by us. I tell myself they don't matter, but a part of me wants to turn around and go back to my car.
The bell rings and the hall clears. Wallace gives me an apologetic look before heading into his classroom. I continue down the hall until I run smack into Logan. His eyes meet mine and we both freeze. His eyes are hopeful as he stares at me. This is Logan. Half of we wants to give him a huge hug, but the other wants to taser his ass until he can't get off the floor. "So much for space huh, Logan?"
"I didn't realize you wanted me to drop out of school. I'll get right on that," he says, sarcasm dripping from every word.
"I meant the letter."
"Veronica, I'm trying to leave you alone, but it's almost impossible. Do you know how many times I've picked up the phone and gotten to your name in my address book since I stopped calling? I had to try something."
"I don't know what we have to talk about, Logan. I have the problem, not you."
"But I want to be a part of it."
"That's really not your decision, is it, Logan?" I say softly.
He winces and looks away. "I guess not," he says sadly and I can't help feeling guilty. Only Logan could make me feel guilty for being angry with him for raping me and getting my pregnant. He's walking away before I can pull my thoughts together enough to answer him.
The quad was almost silent as I walked through to Wallace's table at lunch. Great there's a show with lunch. If only the show wasn't me. I smile weakly at Wallace as I sit down.
"Hey, V. How's it going?"
"Oh just peachy, you?" And for the first time I wonder how it is going for him. I hope he has not reentered the spotlight just because he's my friend.
Before I can answer something hits me in the head. As I lean over to see what it is I feel several more drop onto me. Condoms? Why would anyone be throwing condoms at me? I look up to see Dick midthrow.
"What hell, Dick, haven't figured out how to work the condom yet?"
"Right cause I'm the pregnant one. Thought you could use the help for next time. Can't have too many white trash babies running around crowding up the beaches and breathing all the air."
I feel my face growing red. I don't care what Dick thinks, but somehow I also can't think of anything to say. He throws another condom at me and my fists clench. I reach for my taser, but before I can stand Logan comes up and shoves Dick away. "Leave her alone, Dick."
"What the hell, man? Why do you care? She's just Duncan's used, slutty goods."
Logan punches Dick in the face and he falls off the bench to the floor. Logan just stands over him, shaking slightly.
"I didn't say I needed your help, Logan. I can take care of myself." I taser Dick even though he was already on the ground. I shove one of the condoms into his mouth and storm through the school towards my next classroom. The letters GED are starting to sound pretty good right about now. Whoever said high school is the best years of your life had better have been lying.
After school I try to track Duncan down. After a few minutes I find him, but he's surrounded by the usual suspects, no one I really want to see right now. Of course Duncan isn't too high up on my list either. With a sigh I head out to the parking lot. Nothing ever is easy.
It only takes me a few minutes to disarm Duncan's alarm system and break into his car. In a few minutes he opens the door. Upon seeing my grinning face in his passenger seat he cringes. "What the fuck, Veronica? Breaking and entering now? Is there any low you won't sink to?"
"Hmm, let me think about it....I know, telling my friends to drug and rape my exes. Although, I just might make an exception for you, Duncan."
"It wouldn't surprise me," he says cooly.
I'm slightly taken aback. I expected to get some reaction from him. Some admission of guilt. I should have known Celeste would have trained her son too well for that. "Now what will I get you as a surprise for your birthday?"
"You out of Neptune and my life forever?"
"Tell me what you told Troy, and I'll be out of your car forever."
"Troy? He's my bud. I told him lots of stuff. You want to know the best beaches for picking up chicks too?"
"You know what I mean."
"Can't say that I do."
I want to slug him, but instead I sigh dramatically and get out of the car. "I so wish we could have done this the easy way, Duncan." After I get a few feet away I call back, "Hey Duncan? Catch. You know how to put that back in, right?" I say as I throw him his spark plugs. Seeing your smug ass ex turn that red? Priceless.
I'm tempted to ask Weevil to help me interrogate Duncan the way we interrogated Troy, but I doubt it would help much. Duncan requires more subtlety. I tell myself it's not because I'm afraid.
Dad walks in with Italian take out for dinner. "Is that comfort food I smell?"
"Only if you're comforted by three pounds of manicotti," he says with a grin.
"Huh, would you believe that I am." I get out plates and start to set the table. "How was your day? Any big disasters I should know about?" I ask lightly.
"Can't a father buy his daughter a nice meal now and again?"
I give him a huge hug before sitting down at the table. Dad pulls the styrofoam cartons from the bag, and I am surprised to see he's easily bought twice as much food as we would normally consume. "Expecting company?"
"Gotta make sure my grandson will be big and strong. Have to fulfill that dream of mine to see my blood playing in Shea stadium."
He grins and I can't help but return his smile as I dig into my pasta.
After dinner Dad takes off to tail a cheating lawyer. Wandering around the apartment I can't help feeling restless. I need to be doing something. I need answers. With Duncan being difficult there is only one person left who might have some. With a sigh I text Logan. I have some questions. Meet me at the beach in ten minutes.
I'm at our spot in five minutes. Memories of happier days are now overshadowed with Logan telling me how he fucked me and snuck out before I woke up. Definitely time for a new spot.
I see Logan walking cautiously up to me. He stops a few feet away and looks at the ground nervously. I take a deep breath and jump right in. "Why did you lie to me?"
His brow furrows. "I lied?"
"You told me you left me alone so Duncan wouldn't find out. You told me you never mentioned it so it could stay a secret."
"Yeah, I did. Would you have wanted your ex to walk in on us? I did try to keep it a secret. Why do you think I lied?"
"Because Duncan knows about it, and who else could have told him?"
Logan's face goes white. "Duncan knows? Are you sure?"
"Troy told me Duncan is the one who told him I was a lot of fun once you got enough GHB in my system. Why else would he say that? How else could he know?"
"I...I don't know, Veronica. I didn't tell Duncan, I swear. He's been so angry and hurt since Lilly died, I didn't want to add to that."
Tears are streaming down my face. "How can I ever trust you if you can't stop lying to me?"
"I'm not lying! Want me to ask him how he knows?"
"What? So you can lie again. Is this why Duncan hates me?"
Logan sighs. "You know he was...upset with you before the party, right? Duncan's just confused, but I swear I didn't tell him. Maybe I should have, maybe I should have told everyone."
My blood runs cold as Logan's sincerity starts to sink in. "But if you didn't say anything, how did Duncan know?" I can't ask the question I really want to ask. What if Logan wasn't my only visitor that night?
"I don't know."
"Would you mind trying to find out?"
Logan looks confused, but nods his agreement I start to walk towards my car.
"Veronica, wait."
I hesitate before speeding up. Tears are still streaming down my face. I believe Logan didn't tell Duncan, but that only makes things worse. I think I'm starting to lose some of my anger towards Logan and that terrifies me. I don't want to be one of those girls who forgives a guy for violating her. I will not be her.
I get home and get ready for bed. I take a long hot shower, and I don't get out until my skin starts to prune and I can't cry anymore. I climb into bed, and I can't help but hear Sarah and her boyfriend arguing upstairs. Just as I am drifting off to sleep I hear a loud thump upstairs. It's probably just a door slamming, but I can't help worrying as I drift off to sleep.
I wake up feeling like I hadn't slept at all. I get ready and head out to meet Sarah. She wasn't in the parking lot by my car, so I head upstairs to her apartment. I knock for a couple minutes before her boyfriend comes to the door in a wifebeater and boxers.
"I'm not buying anything."
"Um, yeah. Hi, I'm Veronica, Sarah's friend. I was supposed to take her to the doctor's this morning. Is she home?"
"Nope," he says as he slams the door in my face. Such a charmer, it's no wonder she snagged him up.
I don't know what clinic Sarah's appointment was supposed to be at, so I head over to the clothing store where she works. I find her boss and he tells me she's not due in until 11.
I head into Dad's office to catch up on some filing and to kill some time. I wait until 11:30 to head back to the clothing store.
I get there to find her manager Nathan to look a little upset. I ask him, "Is Sarah here yet?"
"Nope, I'm going to be short the whole rest of the day. This isn't like Sarah at all. I bet her loser artist of a boyfriend has something to do with it."
"What makes you think that?"
"Sarah is a really great girl, but I don't understand why she stays with a jerk like that. They're always arguing, and he treats her like shit."
"Wow, you two must be really close. Are you sure she didn't mention anything about taking a trip? Visiting her folks maybe?"
He turns away and grabs a stack of shirts to refold. "I wouldn't say we were close, but she did crash at my place a couple times when they were really going at it. No big deal."
"Ok, thanks. If she comes in will you tell her to give Veronica a call?"
"Sure thing," he says sounding relieved. I'm sure he knows something else, but I head back to the office to run a quick background check and see if there's been any activity on her credit cards. I find nothing.
"Hey, Dad, I'm worried about our neighbor Sarah. We were supposed to meet up this morning to go to the doctor, but she wasn't home. She's hasn't been to work either, and last night I heard her and her boyfriend arguing followed by a thud."
"I'm sure she's fine, Veronica. She probably took off to visit her parents or a friend until things cooled off."
"Yeah, you're probably right," I tell him without really meaning it. Maybe it is nothing, but I can't shake the feeling something is really wrong.
I head back to the store and corner the manager. "What were you trying to hide from me?"
"Nothing, I told you she just didn't show up for work today."
"Hey, she told me that Andre wasn't really the baby's father. Do you know who is?"
"It's not mine, if that's what you're suggesting."
"No, I'm not, but you work with her every day. I thought you might have picked up something.
"I hate to even think this, but maybe the guy that raped her is the baby's father."
"She was raped?"
"Yeah. It's one of the reasons she left her hometown, followed Andre here."
"She told you that?"
"Yeah. Like you said, we spend a lot of time together."
"Did she say who it was?"
"Never. Ah, I should get back to work. But if I think of anything else, I'll be sure to give you a call." Nervousness is dripping from his voice.
I walk out of the store and something finally clicks. I remember Sarah mentioning she lost her diary a few weeks ago. I give Weevil a call. "Hey, Weevil, you and the boys up for some fun?"
I climb up onto the hood of my car and stare into the store. Nathan comes out and looks like he wants to say something to me.
"Ready to tell me what else you know, Nathan? Perhaps give me Sarah's diary?"
"I don't know what you're talking about."
"Everyone is all about doing things the hard way today." I sigh dramatically. "Remember this moment, you'll regret it."
Weevil and some of his boys pull up on their motorcycles. Showtime. I head back into the store. "Last chance to do this the easy way," I say to Nathan. He turns away and Weevil and the boys come into the store.
"We heard there was sale!" Weevil shouts. "Everything's on clearance." His boys are cheering as they grab stacks of clothes and throw them around.
"What-what do you guys want?" Nathan asks Weevil nervously.
"I don't know. Sometimes the girls get put off by this old motorcycle jacket thing. Do you think something in suede might make me seem more⦠accessible?" Weevil asks as he throws his gloves at Nathan. I have to smile as I watch how much fun the boys are having throwing and trying on the clothes.
"Guys! Remember no white after Labor Day!" They groan sarcastically. I turn to Nathan. "Find the journal yet?"
I walk out with Weevil, journal in hand. "Thanks, Eli."
"No problem. You ask for the weirdest favors. But I gotta admit that was fun. Thought that punk ass was going to shit his pants."
I climb into my car and pull out the journal. I feel a little guilty to be reading it, invading her privacy, but I'm sure it'll help me to find her. It's weird to flip through her drawings and writings after the rape. To see someone else's version of coping. Later in the book I see several pictures all depicting the same scene overlooking the ocean. It looks familiar, so I head to where I think it is.
I park and head towards a gazebo looking out over the ocean. I sit for a minute before Sarah walks up. "Veronica? Is that you? What are you doing here?"
"Looking for you. Sarah, I've been worried."
"Sorry to worry you. Hey, is that my journal?"
"Oh, yeah. Found it while I was looking for you. Sorry."
"Andre called my parents. Told them I was pregnant. They're probably back at the apartment now. I can't face my mom and my stepfather. I just can't."
Sarah looks scared and it suddenly dawns on me. "It was your stepfather, wasn't it?"
Her face goes pale and she nods once, slowly.
"It'll be ok, I'll call my dad and he'll work it out before we get home. You don't have to see him, but I really think you should talk to your mom."
She shakes her head no. "She won't listen. She never listens to me." I can't help but bitterly think at least her mom is willing to come see her.
I call my dad and he promises to call the sheriff. I have my doubts about Lamb actually doing anything useful, but I guess even he will have to listen to a DNA test that shows a stepfather is the father of his stepdaughter's child.
Lamb and a couple of his deputies are escorting Randall out in handcuffs when we pull up. Sarah is trembling as he glares at her. "He really can't hurt me again." She says softly as Andre comes to gather her into his arms.
Another case solved, another happy ending....for someone else. Why are other people's lives so much less complicated than mine? I don't want to watch Logan be led away in handcuffs. It must be true what they say. That Veronica Mars is nothing but a marshmellow.
