"Still hasn't said anything?" I had barely put the phone to my ear when Brooke asks.

"Nope. Nothing." No, Nathan still hasn't said anything about his parents. Its been three days since I broke the news and he has avoided the topic completely. I don't know what to do, it doesn't seem right I bring it up. If he wants to talk about it, he will.

"I'm sorry Hales."

"He's going out with Lucas today. Maybe he will want to talk to him about it. I don't know." I'm more than a little nervous about what else they may talk about today.

"So its just you and Jamie today?"

"Yep, I have the whole day with him. No tutoring appointments, no shift at the restaurant. Just me and the little man." I am so excited to have a day to just relax.

"Well if you want some company let me know, I am going crazy in this hotel room. I have nothing to do today."

"We are going to the park later if you wanna join."

"Definitely."

"Alright, I'll see you then."

"Wait, Haley. It's going to be okay. He will talk about it. When he's ready." I take a deep breath. She always knows what to say. I hang up the phone and glance at the clock. Jamie should be waking up any minute.

I am glad she wants to hang out today. I am definitely going to need a distraction so I don't obsess about what Luke will tell Nathan.

"Hey babe, can I ask you something?" I turn my attention to Nathan. Please don't be another hard question.

"How are you paying the bills?"

"Oh. Um well I have two jobs."

"As a tutor and a waitress. There's nothing wrong with that but you can't be making that much money. You've been paying rent, my bills, the apartment, for you and Jamie. How far in debt are we?"

"We aren't actually." One thing that has gone my way these past few years.

"Your hospital bills were paid by an anonymous source. I don't know who or why but someone paid them all off after the accident and has been sending payments. I tried to figure it out for awhile but gave up. Wherever that money came from it was a blessing and I was not messing with that."

"Wow." He must be running through the people in our lives could do that. Its a very short list.

"The apartment I have been able to cover with my paychecks and for that first year your mom helped out a lot. Quinn chips in too which helps. My insurance covered most of my maternity needs and again your mom chipped in. Anything Jamie related she was happy to help with." I don't know if he wants to even hear me say her name but its important he knows how great she was, at first. "And there was a lot of fundraiser events right after. Some brought in quite a bit of money. Peyton had just done that album with Ellie to raise money for breast cancer, and she had a lot of contacts. She organized a pretty amazing concert for you. I put all that money into an emergency account. I've used some of it, but not all."

"I'm glad you had people to help you. Thats pretty amazing that Peyton would arrange all that. Shes a great friend. I haven't gotten to see her much. We should have everyone over or something."

She was a great friend for doing that. I had kind of forgotten that she had done all that. I feel a small twinge of something. Regret? Sadness? I don't know but I don't like it.

"I'm glad that I have you back. And we can find a time to get everyone together. Just like the old days." I throw on my best supportive wife smile and give him a kiss. Maybe we can get back to how it was.

"You're moving?" I nod at Brooke.

"We have to. There just isn't enough room for us now." She raises an eyebrow at me.

"But there was enough room for you, Quinn, and Jamie?"

"Yes there was. I didn't want to leave our home without him. But I know I have him. And after a week of living in the same bedroom with my son and husband I can say that I am ready to get a bigger place. Maybe even a house."

"Baby in the bedroom cramping your style?" Brooke nudges me as I laugh. I guess that could be part of it.

"It's just time to get a new place. He's back now and that was never supposed to be our forever home."

"Well I would be happy to help you look."

"Thanks Brooke, but really you need to be getting back to New York. Back to your life." She stops at a bench along the path and sits down to look at me. She waits until I sit down beside her before she responds.

"Yeah. About that. I kinda took a leave of absence from school. I'm still planning to go back in the fall but for now, I'm staying here."

"What? No. You need to go back! Its April there's what, like a month or so left in this semester? You can't just bail."

"I'm not bailing. I took a leave of absence so I am not failing out or anything, just taking some incompletes. Some of which I can finish here as long as I submit the work. Its not a big deal really. I want to be here Haley. You have Nathan back and that is amazing. But there are going to be bumps in the road and I want to be here for them."

"Bumps in the road?"

"Yeah. I mean Nathan needs to adjust and you are going to need support. Especially when everything starts coming up again." I don't think I like where this is going.

"I'm not sure what you mean by that. Everything is fine." Even I know that I am lying.

"Please, even you don't believe that." She's right. "Haley, all this time I didn't say anything because you were hurting and there was never a right time. But things are not fine. You are not fine." I don't say anything, I just look out over the water and let her continue. "Its been a rough two years. I know that. I'm saying that I would've handled things any better but its time to let some stuff go."

"Let some stuff go."

"You can't hate them forever Haley. They hurt you, they hurt me. I get that and I love you for having my back but its been a long time. He was a shitty boyfriend, but he wasn't a shitty friend. He was always there for you. I don't hate them anymore, and you shouldn't either."

"I don't hate them. We just aren't friends."

"Doesn't that bother you? Especially Luke. A bond like what you had doesn't just go away." Apparently it does.

"It's not like he has tried either Brooke. He walked away, I let him, and that was it."

"But its not it. We are all still here. Its not too late to change things." Isn't it though? "You know that if you called Luke right now he would be there for you. He's wanted to reach out to you. They both have but didn't know how."

How would she know that? Is she a mind reader now? Wait, oh my God,

"You've talked to them?" She meets my eyes.

"Yes."

"Yes?" How could she have kept this from me. "When?"

"I went to see Peyton in LA about a year ago. And no I didn't tell you. You were in such a dark place Haley. I don't think you even realized how hard and cold you became. You never wanted to talk about any of your feelings, you just buried them. I love you, and I am not judging you, but I knew that if I told you I was talking to Peyton again, you would end our friendship too."

I want to yell at her. To tell her that she is wrong and that she never should have kept something so big from me. I want to but I can't. She isn't wrong. I would've been so mad at her. I was so mad at everything.

"Okay." I take her hand. "Tell me about it."

"We never fully talked about what happened between me, Lucas, and Peyton during senior year. It wasn't really like what happened the first time. Peyton was in love with him. She told me. I did not take it well. I felt so betrayed, so hurt, that she was going after him again."

She stands up and starts pacing in front of me.

"But that's the thing that was different this time. She wasn't going after him. She told me she loved him. But she didn't tell him." She looks sad. "I wanted to be mad at her, to blame her, as me and Luke started to fall apart. After the accident we tried so hard to make it work. I clung to him and willed him to want me too. But it didn't work. We didn't work. And as much as I didn't want to admit it back then, it wasn't because of Peyton." I stand up too. There is too much running through my mind to stand still.

"They didn't cheat. They didn't sneak around. Me and Lucas broke up. Then him and Peyton got together. Because mine and Lucas relationship was over long before it ended."

"You were so hurt Brooke. I sat with you while you cried. You told me when you broke up that it was because of Peyton."

"Of course I was hurt. It hurts to lose someone. It hurts to be in love with the same boy as your best friend. But whether or not Peyton loved him, I was never going to keep him. I didn't have any perspective after the relationship ended. I exaggerated, I blamed everyone else except myself. Its what you do when you break up. I never asked you to stop being friends with either of them. I didn't stop you either. I never meant to make you angry with them, I was just so sad Haley. I needed it to be someone's fault. But sometimes relationships end, sometimes they just aren't right for whatever reason."

"They just got together so soon after you ended. It felt like a betrayal."

"I got together with Chase right after. That never seemed to bother you."

"That was different." Wasn't it?

She sits down and pulls me down next to her. Holding my hands she gives me a small, sad smile.

"I'm not saying that I like the way things happened, or that it wasn't a messy situation. But you cast Peyton as Lucas as the villians in our story. You put so much of your anger onto them. I think you were more upset than I was." Of course I was upset. I hate seeing anyone hurt Brooke.

"I love you Haley. But if this had all gone down and Nathan was with you instead of lying in a hospital I don't think that you would have had the same reaction."

"You don't know that."

"Yes, I do. Because I know you. You would've still had my back, but you wouldn't have been so angry. So much of your life was spinning out of control. You were pregnant and alone and terrified that Nathan wasn't going to wake up. I understand where all of your rage comes from, but its time to let it go."

"I don't know how." She isn't saying anything that I don't know. I know that I have been angry and unreasonable and unforgiving. I could feel myself getting out of control. I don't want to be this way.

She pulls me into a hug.

"I know. I think the first step is deciding you want to. Nathan is back Haley. You have a beautiful son and friends and family who want to be here for you. You don't have to keep putting up walls."

"I'm still scared Brooke. I still feel like anyone I love can be ripped away at any moment." I have been trying to push the fear out for so long. It seems the only things stronger than fear is anger. Its safer to push people away instead of letting them disappear on their own.

"It's going to be okay Haley. I promise." As always, I believe her.

I get home from the park and put Jamie down for a nap, running around at the playground really wore him out today. Nathan is still out with Lucas and I have a few minutes of peace.

All of what Brooke said to me keeps echoing in my head. How had everything gotten so out of control? So many people had said it now. Chase told me I was angry at everyone, he said it was justified given all I went through. Luke told me I was mad at Nathan. Brooke said I was mad at everyone. Quinn told me I was carefully removing everyone from my life that reminded me of Nathan. Would I have eventually cut Brooke out too if she hadn't gone to New York?

Brooke said she was scared if she told me she had reconciled with Peyton I wouldn't be her friend anymore. What does that say about me that my own best friend was scared to tell me about a major thing in her life? She has spent the last few years doing anything I needed, trying to keep me going and I can't be there for her when she needs it. I wonder how her Peyton reunited? I didn't ask and she didn't offer, it's a conversation for another time. She thought I would be so angry, but I don't feel angry. I feel a little jealous. I miss the way we were before.

I have been hiding behind my anger for so long, I am exhausted. I don't want to be mad at everyone anymore. But it isn't up to me at this point, I can' t just go up to the people I cut off and expect them to still be there. That life, the before, it seems so far away, I don' t know if I can get back to the girl that I was. I think it's time to try.

A/N: Thanks for reading! Hope you liked the chapter. Let me know what you think.