A/N Hi again! I'm so sorry I've not updated in a while but you were warned. My teachers clearly don't care that I may have a life so unfortunately I've been dead busy! Sorry about that. But here's the next chapter. I made it extra long to make up for the wait. It's not that long but it's my longest. Also it's from Finn's POV because Fangirl in a fandom world requested that.
Also thank you to Fangirl in a fandom world, Rose, CaptainEkO, Castlefan7, Fire Kitty 12, AdventureTimeFangirl1000 & RandomNerdyGirl for reviewing.
Thanks to CaptainEKO, Georgina Clift, Fangirl in a fandom world, Fire Kitty 12, Glatobaby12, Steven Garrett, Castlefan7 & gamemaker dot john for favouriting.
Thank you to my followers CaptainEKO, Fangirl in a fandom world, Georgina Clift, Glatobaby12, HungerGamesgirl911, Castlefan7 & gamemaker dot john.
I also want to thank gamemaker dot john for help with the first two chapters! :D
7. Good Surprise
[Finn's POV]
When my eyes open I get the most pleasant of surprises. Carmen is still lying next to me wrapped up securely in my arms. I relax and shut my eyes again whilst tangling my fingers in her beautifully soft hair; I can't resist. Unconsciously, I also end up pulling her as close as possible to my body just to feel her closeness and warm, light breath on my neck. Just like that she takes all the pain away from me and I feel absolutely content here and now. A pang of disappointment hits me though when I feel her stir beside me. I'm about to peek to see if she's awake when I feel a warm hand caress my face which instantly makes me freeze. She traces my face more roughly than she previously did and then her hand trails down my neck. My breathing noticeably hitches and I mentally cringe at myself in case she noticed. I don't think Carmen realises how I feel towards her but I'm pretty sure everyone else did a while ago. That's kind of why I feel a bit awkward in front of her parents, almost like I have to watch myself. I decide to have a quick peek to see whether this is in her dream, which I assume it will be. Why else would she touch me like that? I stand corrected though. Her deep blue eyes shine up at me and instantly look away in embarrassment. It's then that I realise my fingers are still entwined in her braid but I don't choose to change that. In fact I like them there.
"Carmen."
I whisper her name and realise it's the first time since the accident that, as far as she knows, she's heard my voice. She immediately turns around and smiles sadly at me. I return it but I think I smiled too happily which probably puzzled her a bit. I almost get lost in the deepness of her eyes but manage to make my brain start working enough again to speak.
"Did you sleep well gorgeous?"
My teasing was never her favourite thing but it usually made her giggle, a sound which I longed to hear ever so much. I swear the first time I heard it, I decided it was my favourite noise in the whole world. Okay, maybe not my favourite; I think my favourite is her singing in her sweet little voice. That made my heart flutter like a mockingjay's wings. She rolled her eyes at my comment before finally answering me.
"Yes." She says then smirks, "What about you handsome?"
Handsome? Carmen Mellark calling me handsome? I mean obviously I'd been complimented on my looks before and clearly she was kidding but still. My reaction makes her chuckle lightly and I realise my face must be openly reflecting my shock. Whilst still giggling she curls into me again, her head resting beside my chest. It makes me contemplate how small she now was compared to me. It was quite cute actually. My heart rate increases a lot as I realise how close to me she was but I find it terribly embarrassing as her ear was now pressed against my chest. Surely she hears that? I hope not. Suddenly she looks up, catching me watching her but I still can't bring myself to pull my gaze away. I then realise she's waiting for a reply so I answer honestly.
"Absolutely." I say almost too smugly causing her to eye me curiously.
I did have an excellent sleep though. I think that's the best I've slept in ages. My dream was all about us and the old times except I think some parts were just interpretations or exaggerations. I wonder if Carmen ever dreams about me. The dream was about one of my favourite days we spent together, the day she told me to kiss her…
I wiggled my toes in the sand loving the feeling of it. This was something that always calmed me and at that moment it was exactly what I needed. Carmen and I had had our very first fight about half an hour ago now and I think I needed to cool off. It wasn't that I was mad at her; I was mad at myself. I had snapped at her and after all she had only been telling me the truth, but I guess the truth does sting sometimes especially in this case. I didn't want to think about that though so I just stared at the waves lapping over each other almost as if tackling one and other. Backstabbers. What kind of friends did that? God, I needed to get a grip on myself. Waves were not friends here so I couldn't personify them. Whenever I got this upset I'd usually go talk to Carmen and she would hug me and tell me everything was alright and that I'd done the right thing. In this case I had not though. Her telling me that would just be a lie and lies were how I got into this situation. They only destroyed the most precious things in our lives. Lies, games and death, the top three relationship poisons. What was I talking about? Carmen and I would be friends again. I was just being over-dramatic. I wondered how long it would be until someone came to find me. I assumed a while yet as I'd basically pushed everyone who ever cared about me away. What was my problem? I put my head in my hands and despite the longing to cry, I couldn't even will myself to do that. It hurt too much to even cry about for that would be acknowledging what I'd done. Should I go in the water? Drown in my sorrows? Not literally of course as I was far too good a swimmer, only metaphorically. I wish, sometimes, that I could allow myself to do so. But then who would care for my mother? Although, right then I'd definitely not been thinking of her. Someone else, someone like Carmen, could probably look after her far better than I. Maybe if she'd had someone like Carmen she wouldn't be the way she is. Maybe this is my entire fault after all. God dad, if only you could see us now! If only you could see what a mess you've made of us all! Can you see how pained she is? Can you see how I try to help but fail every time? Can you see how she pushes us all away when we try? Can you see what the stress has done to me? Can you see the person I've become as a result? If you could see me, would you be disappointed? I think you would. I hope you would. You should. I am. Everyone is. You should be. I hope you are. I deserve it.
My thoughts are snapped from me abruptly as I feel a gentle hand on my shoulder. What now? What does someone want to come and tell me how much I look like him? Does someone want to say we're basically the same person? Does someone want to tell me that I am no one? I am not my own person; I am him. I am my dad. Except I'm a horrible person and I hope he wasn't. I hope what they say isn't true. I don't want to be like him because then he's like me and I want a father who's a nice person, a good guy, someone I'd like, someone people can rely on. I am none of those things. Whoever it is lifts their hand from my shoulder and sits beside me. I can't be bothered with them though as I don't feel up to upsetting even more people and if I opened my mouth I knew that would happen. So we just sat there, me with my head in hands and wallowing in pity whilst they sat there doing whatever it was that I couldn't see. After a while I became frustrated and snapped as always.
"What the hell do you want?"
I really had become heartless. The only person who ever brought me out of things like this is one of the people who are no longer talking to me. Or at least that's what I assume although I ran from the house so quickly who could tell? The person still doesn't answer so I look up and meet a pair of eyes I really didn't expect. My face becomes a confused, depressed frown.
"Carmen?"
She still doesn't reply. Ok silent treatment isn't that bad. She shuffled closer to me until we were right beside each other, our shoulders touching. Her eyes were now focused on the sea, no longer looking at me. Maybe she was just as ashamed as I'd been with myself. I hope she was. I deserved that too. She didn't seem to though as she was here with me. Her head slowly lent on my shoulder as I was slouched so we were about even height. It felt nice having her there with me but I didn't want or warrant nice. At the same time I really didn't want to pull away and push everyone further from me. For once the silence between us had a tinge of awkwardness and I really didn't like how uncomfortable it made me. I think it was the fact I knew how furious she was with me or at least how furious with me she should be. In the end I go back to wallowing in self-pity except it's not so much pity as loathing. I don't deserve pity. I never will. She doesn't seem to like this though and after only a few moments of self-loathing, she reaches for my right-hand and snatches it from underneath my face. I thought she'd drop it as if it was on fire but she didn't. Carmen held my hand. She'd only ever held my hand when she was dragging me somewhere. But she wasn't, she just sat with a firm hold on my hand. I didn't deserve such comfort and I had to stop it.
"Carmen, no..." I tried to pull my hand away but she just held on tighter. This time she did speak.
"What? You don't want my comfort? You don't want comfort? Why?"
She seemed a bit edgy which I guess was understandable considering my hostile remarks earlier today. I didn't really have much of a response to her questions though. Yes I wanted her comfort and yes I wanted comfort but I shouldn't. And I shouldn't because someone like me shouldn't get it. She'd probably guessed my answer by the lack of response and she seemed even more edgy at this point. Eventually the frown melted away from her face and she stood up. I was disappointed she was leaving me but glad she understood. That's not what she was doing though. She reached down and pulled me up with her. I tried to protest but I was too numb to really react to anything. What followed was an unexpected action on her part. Her hands went around my waist and she hugged me. I would have been overjoyed by such a thing on a normal day. Normally it was me all over her but today was clearly different. Obviously I didn't slap her like she would have done me but I still didn't agree with what she was doing. She was rewarding my selfish, arrogant, disgusting (I could go on and on but I won't bore you) behaviour. I controlled myself enough not to pull her closer or even hug her back. After realising that I wasn't prepared to, she drew back and looked directly at me with a worried expression.
"I don't deserve kindness Carmen so please just stop."
I spoke sadly barely meeting her gaze. She waited for a moment almost as if considering some unknown decision. When she finally spoke again she ignored everything I'd just said to her and completely took me off guard.
"Kiss me Finn."
That made me look at her. I watched her eyes carefully as I was filled with disbelief. Surely I heard her wrong. Her expression only reflected complete truthfulness. Did she really just say that to me? Of course she hadn't.
"What?"
I barely hid the alarm in my voice. Why would she want to kiss me? Especially today of all days. I was surprised she was still talking to me. Then she leant up towards me and this time I forgot everything and didn't want to stop her at all…
That's not exactly how it'd happened in real life. In real life, I did try and she ran away. But I liked my dream version better even if I did wake up before anything actually happened.
"Good. I…"
We heard someone enter the room and I instantly felt awkward. It surprised me Carmen didn't immediately jump away from me but it also made me kind of smug. Who was it now? I really was sick of people disturbing me and of all the times a doctor could have come, then was definitely the worst. Carmen looked up at the figure and immediately froze. My grip on her automatically tightened and she was so close to me now that we were practically joined. I liked that feeling. I sigh loudly enough for them to hear and get the message that I really can't be bothered and that they're disturbing something I wish they didn't. I prop myself up on the stiff arm previously used for Carmen's pillow without moving the one from her braid. When I turn around it isn't a doctor at all. It's someone I almost, just for a split-second, forgot about.
It's my mum.
A/N Ok so I will try my very hardest to write more next week! I'm again so sorry for the long wait. I didn't intend it to be so long. I hope you liked the chapter and as always I appreciate ALL REVIEWS, FOLLOWS, FAVOURITES (sorry for the spelling if your American) AND PM's!
Also again thank you to all my loyal, wonderful fans!
Question = (Once I finish this story) Would anyone be interested in me doing a spin off about her other siblings? I quite want to do one about Rose...
Thanks for reading, hope you liked it,
ME4427
