I'm sorry the last chapter was a bad shock to read and generally very depressing…er, but this is an emotionally driven story and angst being the main emotion dealt with…so yeah. Thanks to everyone who are putting up with it, still reading and commenting though. (smile). It means a lot to me. Now, some "technical details" about brain surgery as I described it, which Ken Ohki asked about in the review. Please ignore the following paragraph if it doesn't interest you.

To Ken Ohki: I sorry but I don't know much about brain tumor removal surgery and should have researched this a bit more before writing the chapter. Please don't take what I described as surgery in the last chapter seriously; probably none of it is correct. (embarrassed laugh) But I was under the impression that surgery (no matter if it is brain or some other body part) these days are moving towards the "minimally invasive approach", which involves making a small hole and inserting a probe in to view as well as do any surgical manipulations needed. This is supposed to be better than making a big incision as it will reduce recovery time. So that was how I envisioned the surgery went for Iruka, that they only removed a small patch of hair to drill a tiny hole in his skull to look inside for the tumor, then with chakra (which from what I can see from the anime, passes through the human body quite easily) they cut the growth out and remove it. And as for asking the patient to speak/move hands and feet…I think they do perform that during some surgery to make sure they don't hurt some important part. But what I was driving at was that there was a hemorrhage. Bleeding in the brain is very very bad. It means some part of the brain is deprived of blood supply, and hence oxygen which brain tissues are highly dependent on. It's just like in a stroke, ischemic brain tissues die and you have no control over which parts get destroyed. It's a very frightening thing for a surgeon to see I think, which was why Tsunade needed her sake after the operation. Okay, I've babbled on long enough about stuff I really don't know much about so I shall stop here (sheepish grin). Hope that helps answer some of your objections.

And now, back to the story.

Chapter Seven

Tsunade was at the Hokage Tower but she came at once when the hospital staff called her.

She descended in a brisk, almost queenly manner, coolly taking control of the situation as she strode towards the wards, demanding answers and giving out instructions to the doctors who trailed after her. Kakashi could hear her heels clicking authoritatively down the corridor even before the buxomly woman herself arrived.

He sat on his heels miserably outside Iruka's room, unable to stand being in the same room as the distraught chunin yet reluctant to leave him entirely. Guilt nagged at him as conflicting desires pulled him in two different directions. The strong wish to be by the chunin's side was at war with the part of him that just wanted shut his eyes, put his head down and run as far away from his beloved as he possibly could.

Because Iruka's pain was his own.

He knew it was the nature of all things living to avoid pain but it didn't stop him from feeling shamed, feeling that somehow, he had let Iruka down.

Restless with nervous energy, he stood with a small huff of frustration and ran a hand through his hair. With a slight tilt of his head, he glanced back over his shoulder through the glass window of the ward, checking on the schoolteacher for what seemed like the hundredth time.

The anguished wails had stopped some time ago, although he could tell that Iruka was still upset. He worried constantly at his bottom lip with his teeth, clasping his hands tightly before him as if to stop them from shaking, and even from a distance, Kakashi could tell his breathing was a little too quick and shallow to be normal.

But Iruka was sitting up, leaning back against a pillow and listening quietly to whatever the nurse was telling him. He seemed calm, eyes alert and attentive. There was a steely glint in his brown eyes and a small crease between his brows, which he knew meant Iruka was thinking hard about something.

A faint smile touched his lips.

In spite of everything, the familiar sight of Iruka-the brave, strong-hearted Iruka he loved so well-pulling himself together, gathering the tattered remains of his composure to try and make sense of the situation, still made him feel absurdly proud.

Tsunade swept past him and acknowledged him with no more than an imperious nod as she went into the room. Shizune trailed in her wake, harried and breathless from trying to keep up with the older woman's stride. She spared him a smile.

"Kakashi-senpai." The young aide ducked her head quickly but respectfully at him. She dumped the piglet she was carrying into his arms before hurrying after Tsunade, closing the door behind her.

Kakashi stood startled for a minute with an armful of pig, then sighed.

Tonton oinked a greeting at him and he gave it an absent-minded scratch under the pearl collar, then set it down on the ground where it started sniffing at his sandals curiously.

Ignoring the creature, Kakashi crossed his arms and watched the scene in the ward through the window anxiously. The Hokage stood at the foot of the bed, flipping through the medical charts as she went over the documents a critical eye. She was speaking as she read, head inclined towards her patient in inquiry, occasionally looking up with a smile of warm encouragement.

They could not be heard through the closed door, but Iruka did not appear distressed. He nodded at some of the Hokage's questions, shook his head at others and was quiet all through the physical examination as Shizune poked and prodded at him under Tsunade's directions. Slowly, the schoolteacher relaxed little by little, his hands unclasped and he sagged further back against the pillow as though releasing a long breath.

But his eyes were still filled with uncertainty and deeply troubled.

And when the healer finished with her assessment, clapping him on the shoulder with a broad smile, he bowed his head gratefully, his expression was a strange mixture of relief and apprehension.

Disconcerted, Kakashi moved to meet her as she came through the door. "How is he?" He asked carefully.

"Better than I expect." She bent to pick Tonton up when the piglet nudged imploringly at her ankles. "From what I can tell, he hasn't lost all feeling in his legs. There's a chance he'll be able to walk again with therapy."

"That's good." Kakashi said with feeling, turning to look into the room again, the lead weight on his chest lifted.

Iruka was clearly exhausted from the stress so soon after regaining consciousness. His face was grey with exhaustion as he raised a hand to rub weakly at his forehead. But with newfound hope and purpose, he seemed much calmer. He even managed a smile for Shizune as she handed him some water, blushing a little as she held the glass steady for him as he guided it to his mouth with his still badly shaking hands.

Tsunade pursed her lips as she stood beside him, watching them through the glass as well. "But it won't be easy." Her voice was grim. "It's not just his legs. His fine motor control is shot as well."

She nodded at the way his hands were clumsily trying to pick up the edge of the blanket. After a brief protest, he reluctantly submitted to Shizune to help him lie down and allowed her to tuck the blanket around him. His cheeks were pink with embarrassment despite his pallor, but Kakashi caught the glimmer of silent frustration in the brown eyes before Iruka shifted onto his side and turned away from them.

For such a strong, independent person, recovering from the disabilities would not be easy.

Tsunade voiced his thoughts. "It's going to be a long, painful process for him to learn to walk again…to learn to coordinate movements well enough to write, to perform jutsu, to throw a kunai…" She shook her head and turned to look at him. "He's going to need all the help and support from his friends he can get."

He cast her a sidelong glance, catching the intentions behind her words. He was amused at the roundabout way Tsunade was trying to encourage him, but grateful that the shrewd healer recognized that Iruka wasn't the only one going through a difficult time.

"I would do everything in my power to assist Iruka-sensei to recovery as Hokage-sama commands." He replied with mock formality, his tone light and flippant, but he meant every word of it.

"Brat." She sniffed, pretending to be annoyed but a corner of her lips lifted in a smile. "I'm taking you off active duty next week but only for a week." She sighed then added more quietly. "I'm sorry, Kakashi. The missions…I really can't spare you for longer."

"I understand." He said sincerely, touched by her simple gesture of kindness. "Thank you, Tsunade-sama."

Then he turned and bowed deeply to the woman who was his Hokage, who cared for him like an aunt he never had, who just saved the life of the precious person he held closest to his heart.

"Tsunade-sama?" Shizune called as she joined them in the corridor, softly closing the door behind her. "He's asleep."

Her smile faltered slightly. "He asked me not to tell Naruto." The medic bit her lip, her eyes downcast and sad. "He doesn't remember Naruto-kun had already left the village with Jiraiya-sama, and I couldn't…I couldn't bring myself to tell him…"

Tsunade sighed, hoisting Tonton higher up in her arms. "You did the right thing, Shizune." She narrowed her eyes thoughtfully at the darkened room. "His memory of the past year is pretty much lost permanently. He'll realize that soon enough, but not today. He'd enough shocks for today."

Kakashi made no comment but his gut clenched when he was reminded that he no longer meant anything to Iruka anymore. He started to make his way back into the ward, intending to resume watching over the chunin when Tsunade's commanding voice stopped him.

"Kakashi. Go home."

"Ah, I see. But…"

"No." She looked him up and down appraisingly. "You look like hell." She said bluntly. "Go home. Take a shower, eat something, and for goodness sake, get some sleep! You're no help to Iruka if you make yourself sick from exhaustion."

He must have looked stricken for her tone softened. "You can visit him tomorrow."

He nodded, unable to defy a direct order. With a last glance at the sleeping chunin, he left.


His feet landed on solid ground once more as the smoke from the teleportation jutsu cleared. For a moment, he stood looking around his own small apartment, blinking to adjust his sight at the gloom after the bright lights of the hospital.

The room was dim with the curtains tightly drawn, exactly as he had left it when he went away for his mission. Light from the setting sun slanted through a tiny crack between the curtains and dust sifted in the single ray of dying light. After three weeks of neglect, there was a thin layer of dust over everything.

The air was stale and musty, no one had been in his room since he left.

Iruka had said, with his brown nose wrinkling, that he wanted to come over to air it out for him.

It was as if that thought was the trigger. The suppressed pain, sadness and fear of the past few days surfaced in a rush.

His legs gave out and it was with some surprise he found himself sitting on the dusty floor. He felt cold, weak and vaguely ill. His throat tightened when he realized he was still wearing Iruka's shirt from that morning they left for the hospital together.

Drawing his legs up, he rested his forehead against his knees and closed his eyes wearily.

Iruka…