Change

Disclaimer: I do not own Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles, nor anything affiliated.

Summary: Raphael feels change on the horizon. His feelings, body, and brothers are maturing. When Donatello is kidnapped by Shredder, Raphael battles to save him, and with whether his feelings for Donnie are as brotherly as he'd once thought. (Turtlecest. RaphXDon MikeyXLeo)

Chapter 7

Mikey had almost fallen asleep when Leo lifted up. His heart ached a bit from the separation.

"We have to go." Leo said, looking at Mikey with sad eyes. Mikey knew he was right, but how could they go back? How could they look at their brothers now that this had happened? Things were different now.

Right?

They had to be.

"But... Leo..."

Leonardo turned, but said nothing.

"What are we supposed to do?"

"What do you mean?"

"I mean..." Mikey had to think about it for a second. "Like... how do we... tell them? What do we say?"

Leo's eyes got wide, and he turned quickly, trying hard to think of how to handle this. He knew everything about the art of stealth and evasion, but this? No, Leonardo Hamato had no idea how to make this go away.

Mikey knew that look. The look Leo was trying to hide, but it was too late. He saw it, and he knew exactly what it meant: Leo was embarrassed.

"We are going to tell them... right? I mean... you said..."

"I know what I said, Mikey."

"Then what are we..?"

"Mikey, we can't... I can't."

A surge of emotion flew through Michaelangelo; something he rarely felt. Anger. Could Leonardo honestly be telling him that after that...That! He was going to turn away and act like it never happened? Push him away, again, and treat him like his annoying little brother, again!?

No, he couldn't do it. He wasn't going to do it.

"What do you mean you can't?"

"Michaelangelo..."

"Don't you dare Michaelangelo me!" Mikey didn't notice he was yelling until it had come out, but by that time, he was too upset to care. "You're telling me that we just did that!" He pointed at the bed, "And you're going to skip along in denial land, and drag me along with you?! We're going to waltz back home, and say 'Hey guys, didn't find anything. Oh, by the way, we didn't fuck either!'"

Leo's eyes were wide, he couldn't even make a sound, even if he could've thought of something to say.

"No, I'm not doing it! You told me you loved me, Leo. I don't know about you, but I meant it when I said it. I'm not ashamed of it. I'm not scared of what they have to say, because... I..." He had to take a deep breath. "I care about you enough to walk away. As long as I have you... I'll be ok. I mean that. Did you? How could you do that to me... if you didn't?" The tears were coming now, and he didn't try to stop them.

Leo just stared. His heart was breaking, and deep down, he knew Mikey was right. He had hurt him more than he ever intended to. How could he be so selfish? What was he going to do now? Torn between what he wanted to do, and what he had to do. He stumbled over his thoughts, grasping desperately for something to say that would make him understand.

"Mikey, I meant everything I said to you. It's just..."

"Just what?!"

"We can't do this! We can't have a relationship like this, and destroy the stability we've established."

"Stability? You call this stability? Donnie is missing. Raph hates us. Master Splinter looks right through the fact that we actually have feelings, and you can't drop your self-righteous leader bullshit for two seconds to realize that you're not perfect, and that you don't have to be!"

"Somebody has to step up, Mikey. I'm willing to sacrifice what I want in order to be there for the three of you. It's my responsibility. I wish more than anything that you would understand... it's just... not going to work like you want it to."

Mikey took a deep breath. His wiped the tears off of his face, and turned away in defeat. He knew better than to argue with Leo. Especially when he pulled out "responsibility".

"Mikey..."

He threw his hand up. "Just don't, Leo. I get it. It's fine."

"But..."

He pushed passed him, and walked back towards the kitchen. He scooped up the receipt to the greenhouse. When Leo walked in behind him, he held it out to him, but avoided his gaze. "Take this. We'll show it to the others." Once Leo took it, he started for the door, but stopped and said in a low, broken voice: "And I won't say anything..."

...

Rapheal jut stared at the floor as Avery Miles told them as much as he could about Dr. Rain's obsession with them, the ooze, his slipping sanity, his work, and finally his disapperance.

"So basically", Casey spoke finally, "You don't know shit..."

Raph punched him in the arm firmly. "Ow!" He yelled

"I'm afraid your friend is right." Avery said, "I don't know much. I simply worked for him, and he's a secluded individual. I'm afraid I'm at just as much of a lost to his location, or how he is connected to your missing friend as you are."

"We found his ID in a van that was used by The Foot." Raph explained.

"The Foot? You mean that gang of thugs from a couple of years ago?"

"That's the one."

"That interesting. Odd, though he was, I never would've pegged him for a criminal."

"Maybe a hostage?" Casey suggested.

"Maybe.." Raph said, trying his hardest to make the pieces fit together.

They all jumped at the sound of footsteps out the door, but they continued on. "You need to leave." Avery said, "I'm sorry, but this isn't exactly private."

They agreed, and stood. "Here" Avery handed Raphael a card, "I will help you in any way I can. Dr. Rain is my friend, and I'm concerned."

"Thank you." Raph said. "Now how do we get out of here?"

"I'll take you out the back."

After a bit, of dipping, and dodging, and a few close calls, they made it to the back parking lot, and Casey's bike. "We'll be in touch." Raph said to the young man right before they sped away, leaving Avery Miles to question everything he knew.

...

By the time that Dr. Rain returned to Donatello, he was utterly out of fight. He was hungry, tried, sore, and really wished he could have a hot shower. Exactly how the dear old doctor wanted him, he guessed.

"If you answer a few of my questions, truthfully, and without the attitude, I'll get you a hot meal, and possibly a shower. Deal?"

He held his hand out to Donnie. After a second of consideration, the idea of it made him give in. He shook his hand loosely.

"Now..." The doctor leaned back in his chair, and looked over his clipboard for a moment. "About your father? That is what you call him? The rat?"

"Master Splinter, but yes, he is our father. Calls us his sons. All that."

"Would you say you have a good relationship with him?"

"I'm not sure." Donnie found himself being more honest than he intended, "He's not very sentimental. He focuses on Leo's leadership training a lot, and the rest of have kind of been distant because of it."

"Leadership training? So Leo... Leonardo?"

Donnie nodded.

"He's Splinter's successor?"

"I guess you could put it that way."

"Why him?"

Donatello had to think about this. Why, indeed? It had just kind of always been that way. Like he'd been chosen from the very beginning. "It's always been that way. Maybe because he's always been the most responsible, and disciplined. When we were younger, he always had a knack for things. We all have our strengths, but Leo knows how to be a leader. It's in his personality. To a fault, really..."

The doctor jotted on his clipboard eagerly.

"Are you jealous of him?"

"Oh, no. Not at all. He can't see past his "duties" for anything. It's like he isn't even real anymore. He's just a robot copy of Splinter."

Dr. Rain nodded at this. "So you're angry with him?"

"Maybe a little, but only because of Mikey. He clings to Leo, and he just kind of ignores it. It's not good for him. Either of them, really."

Just before the doctor could ask another question, the door opened and in walked a nameless Foot member. He said something quietly to Dr. Rain, and ignored Donnie completely. The doctor thanked him and dismissed him.

"I'm sorry, Donatello. We were making such progress, but you know, duty calls." He said regrettably, "I'll send in a meal for you, and I'll work on that shower. Of course your ... accessory will need to be removed, so I can't promise too much. Until next time..."

Removed, huh?

Before he even had the door closed, Donatello was hatching a plan.

...

As Leonardo and Michaelangelo walked, the silence was sickening. Leo had stopped trying to think of something to say. It was no use. He should've known this would happen. He did know. He shouldn't have ignored it. Now, Mikey would never forgive him, but it honestly, couldn't be helped. It was for his own good. The good of his whole family. Leonardo was to be their leader, and how could he ever expect his other two brothers to trust him to be fair, when Mikey was set above them like that... and Splinter... Oh, there's no telling what he would say.

Besides, if it ever came out, how could they even look at them? What if they were disgusted? Didn't they have a right to be? There just wasn't any way the two of them could be "together" without it turning into heartbreak. Why not get it out of the way?

He was doing everything he could to ignore his own breaking heart.

After all, he did love Mikey.

He glanced over at him. He was staring at his feet, but at least the tears had stopped. He had to fight the urge to pull him close. Then he found himself replaying Mikey's words: I care about you enough to walk away. It was unthinkable. Break up the only family they had ever known to selfishly pursue a relationship that may not even be right to begin with, but... oh, how he wanted to. To run away from all the problems, leave it all behind and have nothing to worry about except making Michaelangelo happy.

Oh, but how could he?

He regretted everything that had happened. Regretted? No. He regretted hurting Mikey. He regretted being selfish, but those moments in that empty house, when they were finally wrapped up in each other, the way he said his name, the way he felt... that... he could never regret.

Just as he was thinking about telling Mikey that, they came back on the old, empty factory. Mikey went in immediately but Leo stayed outside. The space was relieving, but hurtful. He sat on the ground, and leaned against the wall, wondering, for the first time in a bit, where Raphael and Casey had gone to, and if they'd found anything out.

He missed Donatello. Out of everyone, if he dared to speak of it, Donnie would be the one to talk to. He understood everything, and if nothing else, he listened and tried. Realizing the balance that each of them brought to one another made Mikey's idea of eloping seem even more far fetched. How could they go from four to two, and expect to feel any kind of right?

He hung his head, and took a deep breath. He'd made a mistake. One that he didn't see any way of smoothing over. Was he really about to let Mikey hate him for the sake of upholding the family? How was that upholding anything? But he just didn't see any other option. Perhaps when Mikey calmed down, they could speak again, and try to make it all some kind of okay.

Leonardo knew better.

Mikey would lie for him, he knew that, but he couldn't lie to him, or to himself. They were in love, and they both knew it, and all poor Mikey understood was that he was being pushed away.

Leo threw his head back, and didn't even react when it hit the wall with a thud.

"Way to go, Leonardo..."