Anyway The Wind Blows
Kensi sucked in a shaky breath as she sat on the cold tile floor, the sweat slowly trickling down her face and her chest heaving. She did her best to bite back the wave of nausea that had suddenly washed over her, the reason she was hugging her toilet and groaning in desperation. She went through a list of things in her mind that could have made her sick, but the results her unhelpful and she groaned once more.
Standing up she looked at her reflection in the mirror, her ashy skin covered in a slick layer of sweat and her hair frizzy and tied in a knot at the base of her neck. She sighed and pulled the drawer open, digging around for her brush. Her fingers momentarily touched something smooth and she pulled out a box of unopened tampons.
At first she thought nothing of it, but as she continued to stare at the box the gears in her head began to turn. She dropped the box on the sink and a hand flew to her mouth as she stifled a gasp. She ran to the bedroom and wobbly legs, finding the small calendar she kept beside her bed and flipped it back to the last month, her worst fear suddenly confirmed.
She was late.
How had she not noticed? She remembered blaming it on the stress of her job, pushing the thought to the back of her mind. As the thought hit her full force she dropped the calendar and sat on the bed, dropping her head in her hands and trying to catch her breath. This wasn't happening, it couldn't be. She wasn't mother material; she had decided a long time ago that kids were not for her. It wasn't fair to bring a child into the world when you could barely manage to keep yourself together. She had too many problems that she refused to subject a child too.
Deciding she needed to be absolutely sure Kensi went back to the bathroom and pulled a box from the back of the cabinet, staring at it as if it were poisonous. She kept them just in case, so she could be sure before deciding her life was over. She pulled the white stick out and did as the directions said her stomach churning as she placed the cap back on and waited.
It was arguably the longest three minutes of her life, and as if it weren't obvious already, Kensi was not a patient person. She paced desperately until she heard the chime of her alarm, practically running to the sink. The test was face down; she didn't want to know right away, mostly because she wasn't sure if she could handle the answer, but she knew she had to find out.
With shaky hands she picked up the stick, holding it tightly and sucking in a desperate breath. Closing her eyes she flipped it over before glancing down and feeling as if all the oxygen had left the room. The purple plus sign was staring up at her, taunting her it seemed and she couldn't control the tears that suddenly burned her eyes and snaked past her lashes. She kept a firm grip on the test and sank to the floor, leaning against the sink as the sobs tore from her throat.
When she felt like she had no more tears she looked at the test again, hoping that just maybe she had read it wrong, but the little plus was still there and Kensi knew there was no going back. She may not want this baby but she knew she had no choice, even if she was willing to give it up there was no way Deeks would agree. Oh God, Deeks. A fresh wave of nausea hit her and she scrambled to the toilet, retching violently.
Wiping a hand over her mouth she stood up, freezing when she heard the sound of the front door opening. She had completely lost track of time, not realizing that Deeks was supposed to be home twenty minutes ago. Kensi snatched the stick up and shove it in her back pocket before grabbing the mouthwash and gargled a mouthful. She checked herself in the mirror once more and then moved out to the hallway to greet her husband. He smiled at her widely and she reached out to hug him, his blonde curls tickling her cheek.
"Feeling any better?" he asked, tossing his keys aside and moving to the fridge. Kensi swallowed thickly, her throat dry all of a sudden.
"A little.." she said quietly. She hoped he wouldn't see right through her, he always had a way of doing it and it drove her insane.
Through sips of water he asked her, "You sure? You still look pretty pale." He reached out to touch her forehead with his hand and she caught a whiff of his aftershave. Normally she loved the smell, but this time it made her practically gag and when she pulled away from him Deeks gave her a confused look. She pressed a hand over her mouth and swallowed back the feeling. Looking at him seriously she grabbed his hand and led him to the couch.
"We need to talk," she said. He didn't speak but she could see the questioning look in his eyes and the tension in his muscles. He sat down and waited for Kensi to speak, watching as she pulled something from her pocket and handed it to him. He took it and at first he didn't understand, but when he saw the little plus looking at him he understood.
"This.. You're?" biting her bottom lip Kensi nodded, waiting for the initial shock to wear off.
"I'm pregnant," she whispered, looking at the floor, "I'm sorry.." Deeks' head immediately snapped up at her words, the stick now on the coffee table. He grabbed Kensi's shoulders and brought her towards him, gentle enough that he wouldn't hurt her.
"Sorry? Kens what on earth could you be sorry for?" shaking her head Kensi opened her mouth but all that emerged was a sob. Pulling her into his arms Deeks rubbed her back and whispered in her ear, his heart breaking as she continued crying.
He knew how she felt about kids, but he also knew that she could be a great mother if given the opportunity. He pulled her back so he could see her face, wiping away a tear with his thumb.
"Hey, look at me. There's nothing to be sorry about, alright?" Kensi managed a nod as she wiped at her eyes.
"I know we never really discussed this but I know you will be an amazing mother and we can do anything together. Not to mention our child will be one of the most well protected kids on the block." This earned him a giggle, and he breathed a sigh of relief.
For a moment the two sat side by side as they organized their thoughts and Deeks couldn't help it as his eyes drifted to his wife's flat stomach. Carefully he reached out a hand and lifted the fabric of her tank top. Her eyes widened but she didn't stop him as he placed a hand on her warm skin, his thumb stroking it gently.
"So there's really a baby in there?" he asked in sudden awe, looking up and catching her smile. Kensi nodded, laying her hand on top of his and squeezing gently. He smiled and leaned down, pressing his cheek to her stomach and whispering.
"Hi baby, I'm your daddy. I'm gonna do everything I can to keep you safe and I'll love you no matter what you decide to do, I promise. Your mommy loves you too, it just might take her a while to warm up to you being in there." Kensi smiled and ran her fingers through his golden curls, maybe a baby wasn't such a bad thing after all.
WOAH, it has been waaaaaaay too long since an update and I apologize a million times! I promise the next update won't take anywhere near as long to get here. And as for this chapter, everyone could use a little bit of fluff in their life!
