A/N: I was a little iffy about posting this now, seeing as I really only have edits from one beta when I used to have 3, but I wanted to get this chapter out before I actually go to Italy (I'm supposed to be at the airport in 6 hours, so I guess I'm cutting it close).

Anyway, chapter 8 is finished and just waiting for editing/revising suggestions, so if anyone wants to help me out and get a sneak preview as bonus, I'd love you forever!

~Saya


This time, Gilbert spotted Lovino again only a few days after the latest mishap. It didn't seem like the Italian was doing any better than when they'd parted ways, but then, who was he to judge? Clearly, he had no idea what was going through the other's head.

No, that wasn't fair to Lovino. He'd made it clear that he didn't want more with Gilbert. It wasn't his fault that he smiled so enticingly and looked so beautiful when he was happy.

Gilbert stepped back from the window, his shoulders slumping. He was starting to think that he shouldn't look outside anymore. If it was just going to keep causing this kind of pain...

He dressed quickly and headed to work, hoping that he could at least keep his mind off things. Lately, he'd been taking trips to check out even the most obvious of computer problems. It was a waste of time, sure, but he needed to do something. He was surprised that he hadn't gotten in trouble for it yet, but that could have something to do with Matthew. His coworker had always had his back, and this was no exception. He'd have to find some way to repay him.

The thought was just fading to the back of his mind as he entered the office and flopped into his seat. Matthew arrived just a few minutes later, and Gilbert greeted him with a wan smile. He just didn't have the energy to do much more right now.

Instead of smiling back, Matthew frowned. He didn't speak for a few moments, choosing to gather his thoughts as he took his seat. Finally, he turned to Gilbert again, drawing his attention away from the startup screen of his computer.

"This guy is really wearing you out," he commented finally, "I mean, look at you. You used to be the liveliest guy I know, but now it seems like you're struggling to get out of bed in the morning. Is he really worth that?"

The question made Gilbert pause. Lovino made him react in ways that no one else had ever quite managed, but Matthew had a point. If he'd thought it wasn't fair to blame Lovino for his own attractiveness, why should Lovi blame him for his interest? He sighed softly, rubbing a hand over his face.

"I don't know. I thought he liked me...And last time I saw him, he seemed so...It was so easy, and we both seemed happy. But then I fucked up and kissed him..." he replied finally, the words rushing out before he could think about them much. They brought back the ache in his chest, but by now it had dulled into something he could live with if he had to. "Whatever else he's up for, it's not a relationship with me."

Matthew listened steadily, his expression sympathetic. He didn't have any more difficult questions for Gilbert when he finished. He did, however, have a few words of advice.

"Maybe you should talk to Francis."

That surprised Gilbert. Still, he should have thought of it earlier. Francis was his friend, Matthew's cousin, Arthur's boyfriend, and their "resident expert" on love. Maybe he would be the best person to talk to about the confusing tangle of emotions that had settled heavily in his stomach.

"Yeah, okay," he agreed after a few moments, "I'll call him after work."

With that settled, it was a bit easier for him to focus on his tasks for the day instead of being so distracted by his emotions.

He never got the chance to make that call. When he got home that night, the first thing he did was settle into his old routine-shower, start a microwave dinner, and look out at the city with a beer in hand.

Before he could stop it, his gaze snagged on Lovino's window. His stomach flipped unpleasantly, and his heart shot down to his feet. As if it wasn't bad enough that he'd screwed up with Lovino again, now it looked like he'd lost his chance completely.

There was another man in Lovino's apartment with him.

As he watched, he could see Lovino smile. It made his heart ache and his hands shake, and he could feel tears already trying to gather in his eyes. The man facing Lovino, smiling back at him, was nothing like Gilbert-apart from his height. He had chin-length, wavy brown hair and deeply tanned skin, and his muscles bulged under his shirt. In a way, he reminded Gilbert of a darker version of Ludwig.

A small cry escaped him a moment later as Lovino leaned up to hug the man. It hurt so much...like someone had reached into his chest and tried to yank out his heart and lungs. He wanted to collapse, but that would just make him feel weaker.

Instead, he pulled the curtains shut so quickly he nearly broke the hooks. Still, cutting off his view didn't erase the image from his mind. He stood silent for a moment, staring blankly into his own empty apartment, until the first sob escaped him.

It broke through the silence like an invasion. He immediately bit back the rest, clamping his free hand over his mouth so he could at least hold back the sounds if he couldn't stop himself from crying. The feeling of loss was so intense that each breath was a struggle. He shouldn't really be surprised-Lovino had made it clear after that first night that he didn't have a chance, but he'd still held out hope.

The microwave beeped, breaking into his moment of despair. He stared at it for a moment as if he couldn't figure out what was making that horrible, grating noise. It seemed so incongruous with everything else he was feeling in that moment. After a moment, he straightened up and just put his beer down. He wasn't sure he could stomach the food now, so he headed to bed instead.

He woke in a haze the next morning. There was a heaviness in his chest that he couldn't understand. Hell, he couldn't even remember what had caused it for the first two minutes. It was his first glance at the closed curtains that brought it all rushing back. He couldn't help but let out a cry at that, and he slumped back to the pillows.

His alarm went off a moment later, making him feel even sicker. He'd definitely have to call in today...It was almost embarrassing; he hadn't even been dating this guy, but knowing that it was really over left him in a worse mess than any real breakup ever had.

He fumbled for his phone, calling the familiar number. He didn't have to fake sounding sick-his tears from the night before left him sounding scratchy and stuffed-up. His boss took the words at face value and wished him well. Gilbert had never been one to miss much work, so there was no reason for him to be suspicious. Matthew, on the other hand, would know better. He texted the blond quickly, but didn't give any details.

For a while, he just lay in bed, staring up at the ceiling. His eyes traced the inane patterns, for once not making images. Instead, his head was filled with Lovino and the things he'd never get to see now.

He needed a drink. The thought occurred to him after a few moments, and this time, he didn't resist. He got up and stumbled back to the kitchen, grabbing the beer on the table. He grabbed it and downed a few gulps, then immediately spit out what he hadn't swallowed. He should have known better than to try to drink beer that had been left out all night.

He dumped the rest of the bottle and grabbed a fresh one instead. This one didn't make his stomach turn any more than it already was, so he finished it and started on a second. He had the feeling he'd be spending the entire day like this...At least he didn't have Lovino's number. That way, there wasn't a risk of him sending too many drunk texts or making any embarrassing calls. Not to his impossible crush, anyway.

It continued on like that for a few days. He drank, slept, and occasionally ate a little. He was lucky the first day had been a Friday; it gave him the weekend to mope. On Sunday afternoon, however, his alcohol stock ran out.

He sat there for a while, wondering what he should do. It was a good thing he didn't have to drive, because he was far too intoxicated for that. Finally, he decided to just go get more-there was a store on the corner that was sure to at least have beer. With that finally decided, he got clumsily to his feet, managed to gather up his things, and headed for the door.

Walking down the street in his state was a bit of a challenge. He kept stumbling, making it obvious to everyone around him that he'd been drinking. Well, at least it wasn't a secret he was trying to keep. He was nearly to the end of the street when he saw him-the guy Lovino had been hugging in his apartment.

He saw the brunet long before the other saw him. He couldn't blame him for not noticing, really-he doubted that guy would have seen him, especially seeing as he'd jerked his curtains shut as soon as he'd seen this man with the one he loved.

The thought made him pause in the beginnings of what might have been a drunken rage. He stopped in the middle of the sidewalk, swaying back and forth for a moment. Love? Did he love Lovino? Thinking about it made his head hurt, so he quickly gave up and focused on the person in front of him again. He could handle this much, at least.

A few more steps and he was right in front of the man, who blinked at him in surprise. For some reason, that made Gilbert scowl in irritation. The man was a few inches taller than him, closer to Ludwig's height, and just as broad. As he stood in front of him, shaking with anger and well-disguised hurt, Gilbert couldn't help but take in all those little details. So, this is what Lovino chose over him.

"Can I-"

That was all the man managed to get out in his slow, heavily-accented voice. Before he could even finish his sentence, Gilbert's fist connected with his jaw. Despite his drunken state, the punch was solid, and it knocked the other man back a few steps.

"S'for...That's for Lovino," Gilbert managed, glaring at him. He wasn't sure that made any sense, but it got the point across.

The other man's eyes widened, but then his expression softened with something like sympathy. That only made Gilbert feel worse, but this time, his punch was dodged.

"I'll give him the message," the man replied in that same slow voice. He sidestepped Gilbert and headed back in the directions of Lovino's apartment, ignoring the slurred insults the blond shouted at his back.

"Don't know what he sees in that guy..." Gilbert muttered to himself when he finally pressed on. He still needed his beer, now more than ever.

When he woke on Monday morning, he had no memory of the encounter. He'd fallen asleep at the table, his head pressed against the hard wood, and now had several aches and some stiffness to go with the pounding in his head. God, was he getting too old for this already?

He was already late for work, so he just called in again. Now he'd missed two days for someone he'd never had the chance to actually date. Maybe chick flicks weren't so wrong about how much breakups hurt after all.